Still, Luca talked more than normal and kept a watchful eye on Toru. The beta didn’t once comment on the marks on his neck, however. Toru had to wonder if it was about what happened yesterday. In light of Kessler’s teasing, he had temporarily forgotten his woes but it all came back to the fore when he had left the other man’s presence and could think clearly again.
He bit his lip in thought. He remembered what happened at Niska now. The haunting images lurked just below his conscious thoughts. He didn’t know what to do. It tore at him. He had killed all of those soldiers to protect that town, to give them a chance to escape further back behind the front lines. And in penance for his actions, he had used his very life force, intending to die alongside those he had killed. Yet here he was. Alive. How, he didn’t know.
All he knew was that he couldn’t just offer up his life again. That offering had clearly been rejected because here he stood, alive and well.
Did Yharis decide that his life was not enough in recompense? Was that why he was now a slave? To serve his penance for taking the lives of the Rokerean soldiers at the mercy of their commander?
Because that’s who Kessler was: The commanding general of the Rokerean army, should he choose to step onto the front lines. The staff of the manor were very proud of their accomplished master and had eagerly filled Toru in on his accomplishments when he asked.
Not only was he a renowned general and tactician, the alpha was also a Grandmaster of Blades. Apparently the normal title was Blademaster, like Jamil had earned. You had to fight and either evenly match or beat two other Blademasters to earn the title. Kessler had sought out and defeated all current Blademasters in Rokere, earning himself the title of Grandmaster. He was only the sixth person in Rokerean history to do so.
Toru could believe it. He remembered the way Kessler seemed to move as though dancing once he had taken up his sword. He fought with a feline grace that was as breathtaking as it was deadly. Yet Toru stood there shaking in the corner, useless and a hindrance. He was completely defenceless without his powers and it frustrated him.
If Yharis had other plans for him, then he best learn how to defend himself. He would ask Kessler tonight he decided then stumbled as a picture of ice covered in blood flashed across his vision. He pushed it away along with the guilt. No doubt it wouldn’t stay back for long but he was nothing if not determined. He would learn how to fight without help. He knew his power was coming back, but he was resolute. He never wanted to be that powerless ever again. Any combat skills would only enhance his use of his ice anyway.
The omega caught a glimpse out of the corridor window overlooking the training grounds and stopped in his tracks. Jamil sparred with another man, which in itself was not unusual, but the alpha’s weapon of choice was. The other man held what was no doubt a dulled practise blade but Jamil was completely overwhelming him with what appeared to be a long, slender pole of wood.
Toru watched, open mouthed as Jamil soundly beat the other man, disarming him with ease and knocking him off balance to fall heavily to the beaten dirt of the practise ring. The pole looked light enough that even Toru with his small frame could handle it.
“I want to learn how to use that!”
Chapter 8: All the Layers of Me
"I want to learn how to fight!"
Both Morse and Kessler turned to look at him in surprise. Toru hadn't meant to interrupt but now he had made up his mind, he was determined to see it through. Which apparently involved grand entrances and blurted statements. He flushed in embarrassment, still standing in the study doorway uncomfortably, when both of their surprised expressions turned sceptical.
The omega took a deep breath and squared his shoulders: He wasn't going to back down on this. Kessler gestured at the puffy cushion that sat on the floor beside his chair and Toru walked forward to sit on it with a pout. It wasn't until he sat at his master’s feet like a good little slave did Kessler speak.
"And just why would a pleasure slave need to know how to fight?"
Oh, he hadn't thought about it from that perspective. He looked up at Kessler, mouth open and about to speak, when he noticed the hint of amusement in the man’s eyes. Curse it all, the alpha was teasing him. Toru huffed and looked away with a scowl before answering.
"Because I don't know how and if someone else comes to attack, I'll just get in the way again. You only got hurt because you wouldn't let them get past and try to use me against you." He hunched slightly, tense, and his voice sulky at being forced to tell the alpha what he most likely already knew. "I don't want to be some weak little omega that can only sit around looking pretty. That's not who I am."
The alpha took a moment to reply, "What you are is a pleasure slave, you are expected to be pretty." Toru finally turned to face him with a glare but was stopped by the small smile on Kessler's face. "But that does not have to be all you are. Assassination attempts are unfortunately a fairly routine occurrence here, so knowing how to defend yourself has merits. However, will you panic again when put back into a combat situation?"
Toru stared at Kessler with wide eyes. He wasn't sure, in all honesty. He wanted to deny it, defiantly wave away all doubts over his capability, but those memories were still fresh in his mind. The omega flinched as he remembered the blood and the screams and desperately tried to push the memories away. He looked down at his knees trying to think of how to respond as Kessler waited for an answer.
"I don't... I can't..." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out as it threatened to overwhelm him. "I can't let it control me. I can't let that happen again." He shrunk in further on himself before quietly whispering, "I don't want to be weak like that ever again."
A large warm hand hooked under his chin and forced him to look up into golden eyes. As the alpha searched his face, Toru felt himself relax at the touch and start to lean into it. He forced himself to stop reacting and stay still even while his omegan instincts screamed at him to lean closer and take any offered comfort.
The hand fell from his chin and the alpha dismissed Morse until after dinner. He left with a small bow and a lingering look at Toru. The beta had an odd expression on his face, almost a mix of consideration and curiosity.
"I thought you had ways to defend yourself." Kessler waited until the door clicked shut before speaking quietly. He ran careful fingers over the glittering silver tattoo on Toru's chest and sent little shivers down the omega's spine at the contact.
"I can't use it right now." Toru refused to look at the alpha again. "It's still healing. It's there, I can feel my power but I cannot access it at all. I want to learn how to defend myself outside of that, I don't ever want to be in that situation again."
The hand tilted his chin again, forcing his head back up and around to face the alpha. Toru was able to muster up a glare this time although it came out more like a grimace.
"I'll personally train you how to defend yourself but you have to tell me what those memories are. I need to know what you are reacting to and why."
Toru froze. Just thinking about the memories set his limbs trembling. Saying it out loud would just make it all the more real, more tangible. Like he couldn't run away from the truth any more.
Worse still, he would be showing what a monster he really was to someone who he didn't know. The alpha was not any less of an enigma now than he was the first night Toru arrived. He knew pieces of information: alpha, warrior, harsh but fair, kept his word. Kessler seemed to be able to see right through him, read even the slightest reaction in his body language. But Toru didn't know how he would react in return.
What could he even say?
"Oh yeah, I just, you know, massacred half of your goddamn army. This is just my punishment for crimes committed."
With a derisive snort the omega looked away, unsettled. He was feeling a bit sick at just thinking that sentence, let alone trying to voice it out loud.
"You tell me or there's no deal."
There was no room for arguments in the man’s tone.
&n
bsp; Toru took a deep breath and slowly let it out, squaring his shoulders in preparation. He needed to do this. He had to become stronger.
"I was in the Tysealean army; illegally," he added hastily at the raised eyebrow. "And one of the towns was not given warning or evacuated as the front lines moved back. I offered to be the distraction so that they could save the town. I was to buy time with my life." He was shaking again, limbs trembling with the force of holding his memories at bay.
"Niska."
One word was all it took and Toru knew that Kessler already knew exactly what had happened. His wide-eyed stare was taken as confirmation.
"So, it was you. An entire battalion suddenly dead with no proof as to what happened to them. Litton said that you were supposedly found in that area but those who captured you were purposefully vague. I doubt they wanted to imply that they scavenged from a battlefield and stolen kingdom resources."
Toru blanched at the word battalion and the sickly feeling grew.
"H-how..." He swallowed, throat suddenly dry before whispering, "How many in a battalion?"
Kessler observed him for a moment before replying. "Around a thousand."
Toru shut his eyes while the words sunk in. The room seemed to spin and his body swayed as the memories finally overwhelmed him. Terrified screams and cries for help filled his head. He barely registered being picked up and carried back into the bedroom, choosing to focus on the comforting rumble at his ear again.
The omega felt even more wretched as he came back to himself again. It was quicker this time, he didn't get quite so forcefully stuck in his memories as he did the day prior. Still, it left him feeling weak and pathetic. A soft little omega that required his damn alpha to calm him down.
Useless.
Toru tried to move away from Kessler, break free from the circle of his arms and go back to helping Luca, but he was trapped in a steely embrace.
"Look, I'm fine," he said sullenly. "You can let go now. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
"I will train you." The crooning stopped to be replaced instead by the alpha’s deep voice.
“You will?!" The omega looked up at Kessler, stunned. He had been sure that the man would refuse after he broke down once again.
“But you have to do exactly as I say."
Toru nodded enthusiastically, not willing to sabotage this with his own stubbornness as he would normally. This was far too important for that.
"Including things like this."
"Like this?" Arms tightened around his waist and Toru found himself being yanked back down to lie with his head resting against a muscled chest. Deep, rumbly crooning noises started up again. "What you’re saying is that if you decide you want to cuddle afterwards I have to comply?"
There was a huff of laughter into his hair and the crooning mercifully stopped. Sure, it was nice and comforting but it really just irked Toru once he was back into his own mind.
"Correct. Considering your reactions so far, it might be a necessary break."
"Sometimes I think you just enjoy carrying me around."
"I must confess, it is quite nice to have such an attractive omega curled up on my lap." Kessler shifted and spoke directly into his ear, voice deep and low. “Just wait until I can do even more."
In an effort to hide the shivers that sent down his spine, Toru pulled away and exclaimed excitedly, "And I want to learn how to use that stick thingy that Jamil was using!"
"Stick? Ah, did he have out the quarterstaff?" Kessler actually laughed aloud at that. "He must really be in a foul mood if he got that out."
"How so? He was kicking butt with it! It looked awesome and light enough for me to use!"
"It’s a weapon he only gets out when he wants to knock a few city boys’ egos down to size. They see the quarterstaff as a farmer’s weapon, only fit for the poor. Many consider themselves above such things, seeing as they own a steel blade. Kazumi is, at heart, still just a farm boy himself. He uses it expertly and easily proves that any trained farmer could knock a dismissive swordsman to the ground. It is a bit heavier than he makes it look, however."
"I'm too small to use a sword but that looked perfect."
Kessler nodded, looking thoughtful. "They are usually made in relation to the height of their wielder, so that's not a problem. You will train in basic self-defence with me first and if you do well, then you are free to bother Kazumi into teaching you. He's a busy man and I will not force him to do something he doesn't want to, so you will have to convince him."
Toru grinned: This was going to be great! Soon he wouldn't be some weak little pushover without his power.
Never again.
***
He should have known it wouldn't be easy.
Logically, Toru knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park but Kessler had far too much fun dancing circles around Toru before knocking him on his ass.
One of the entertaining rooms had been temporarily repurposed into a training room with all the furniture pushed against the walls. In the morning, he would have to help Luca re-assemble the room but for now it was a good spot away from prying eyes. Toru had been sceptical at first but now he was glad for the plush rug helping to cushion his fall. He had been even more confused over being made to keep the same attire as normal, Kessler had only replied that it’s what he would be wearing during an attack so he may as well get used to it and that it was also an incentive.
He didn't understand what the alpha meant until he was knocked to the ground, skirt flying up and caught Kessler's leering grin. He wasn't sure if it was an incentive for Kessler to get him or for Toru to learn to counter so that it didn't happen.
Perhaps both.
Still, the alpha had moves and was stupidly fast for his size. Toru reeled at the speed of him, even though the alpha told Toru that he would be faster, speed being his biggest strength other than the whole elemental thing. That and the fact that people would underestimate him, dismiss him just for being an omega and even worse, a pleasure slave.
Kessler had said something interesting that had him wondering though.
“Pleasure slaves aren't always what they seem, yet they are always dismissed out of hand. It will give you an edge over any opponent who doesn't know you."
Unfortunately, he didn't get to ask the man what he meant by that.
They ran through all the basics the first few evenings. Stances, holds, blocks, footwork. They also covered the theory behind how certain moves worked and went through the motions of how they worked. First Kessler would perform it on Toru before walking the omega through performing it on him.
Once those were out of the way, the alpha declared he would learn best by putting it into practise.
Thus, his predicament.
He could tell that Kessler was going easy on him but still clearly not easy enough considering that he hadn't countered a single move yet. He was reacting better, faster than before but it was still just not enough. Toru refused to ask the man to go slower, though, since he wasn't about to admit defeat.
The man suddenly lunged in, appearing beside Toru while he was still gathering his thoughts and he moved instinctively, rolling to the side and throwing up his hand. A small trail of ice shards sprung up along the floor before fading out as his power depleted. It didn't quite reach the alpha who stared down at the ice in surprise.
Toru couldn’t remove his eyes from the glittering shards. It was the first time in over a month that he had been able to use his power. He visualised his pool of power and noticed that it was dry again, although the rocks at the bottom seemed slick with water. Happiness burst through him. Finally, proper proof that he would be whole again.
Suddenly he was thrown from his visualisation and the image of his ice was overlaid with blood. It shone sickeningly, red droplets glinting in the light as they dripped down the shards. He stood rooted to the spot in horror.
He was vaguely aware of being moved and something pressing up against him. The blood in his vision began to fade to
black and Toru slowly came back to present only to find strong arms wrapped around his frame, a hand holding his chin and warm lips moving against his own. He honestly didn’t remember closing his eyes or opening his mouth to allow the alpha inside but now all he could do was melt against the other man.
It felt amazing and he couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed about how his body reacted to the sensations because he could feel Kessler reacting as well. It wasn’t like he had never been kissed before but it never felt this damn good before. The alpha just invaded his senses, overwhelming all thought.
Toru gasped for breath when Kessler finally pulled away and his lips felt puffy and slick. Opening his eyes, the omega just stared dazedly at the alpha. They were still standing pressed together; it was pleasantly warm and he felt almost boneless in the man’s arms. The alpha leaned back and smirked at him before running the pad of his thumb across Toru’s lips.
“Well, that was effective.”
“Huh?”
“Welcome back to the present, Toru.”
The omega blinked a few times in confusion as he continued to stare up at the alpha, it wasn’t until Kessler moved away that his brain decided to kick back into gear. Toru flushed bright red and shifted uncomfortably while he examined the carpet. Kessler didn’t say anything and after a while Toru looked up to see what he was doing. The man was bent over examining the shards of ice that were starting to melt into the rugs.
“Ice, hmm? Explains your tattoo. I thought you said you couldn’t use it right now?”
“I can’t. That was everything I had stored. I mean, you wouldn’t be standing there right now if I had more.”
Kessler hummed and pulled on some of the ice, separating it from the rug. “I don’t particularly feel like starting any gossip over how this room got so wet by leaving a puddle behind,” he explained at Toru’s confused look. “It’s been a big day, we’ll call it a night. We will head to the bath, then you can go to bed.”
Choose Me Page 10