by Len Webster
“So you really were a virgin before him?” Stevie asked again as she took a sip from her takeout cup. All Clara did was nod.
Stevie was quite for a moment. “Thank fuck for that!” she yelled, placing her takeout cup on the coffee table, then throwing her hands in the air. Clara looked at Stevie, bewildered.
“I thought your first time was with Darren. I didn’t want to ask you straight out if you were or not. Some girls rebound hard, and I knew that wasn’t you, but you were off the grid after that night so I couldn’t be sure.”
“I dodged a bullet with Darren, and looking back, I’m glad we never had sex or anything close.”
Stevie nodded and seemed to understand what she was saying. Clara was happy she didn’t call her a slut for sleeping with Noel on the first date. If she didn’t realise she loved Noel, she wouldn’t have made love with him. It wasn’t sex for Clara. It was more. She felt like she reached the emotional level she wanted with him.
“Clara, don’t find me intrusive, but I have to ask… did you use protection?” The concern was clear on Stevie’s face, and Clara gave her a reassuring smile.
“I’m on the pill.” Noel revealed to her that he was clean—his last check being before he left for Melbourne—and never had sex without a condom.
Stevie relaxed at Clara’s reply. She started taking the pill four months ago, when she had planned to be with Darren.
“I can’t believe you had sex… with Noel. It wasn’t a one-night stand, was it? Please tell me he didn’t hump and dump you?”
Stevie hastily got off the couch and stood in front of Clara. She looked overcome with a rage that Clara didn’t understand. There were only a few words that would calm Stevie.
“I’m in love him, Stevie.” Those words seemed to silence her. Clara watched Stevie walk into the kitchen and start to open up cupboards. “What are you doing?” Clara asked as she stood up from her seat and walked to the kitchen.
“I knew the moment you looked at him at the diving boards that you would,” Stevie explained as she searched through the bottom cupboards near the fridge.
“Found you!” Stevie stood up with a bottle of tequila in her hand. Clara had completely forgotten she had it in her kitchen cupboards.
“How did you know I had that? Isn’t it a little early?” Clara asked as she watched Stevie bring out a shot glass.
“You told me once. It’s happy hour somewhere in this world!” Stevie said with a nod. With the bottle of tequila and shot glass in hand, Stevie walked back into the lounge room. Clara swore she saw sadness in Stevie’s eyes as she walked past.
“Do you want some lemon and salt?”
“No, I need this straight. Now sit. I want to talk to you about something that you might relate to,” Stevie said as she sat down on the floor, crossed her legs, and poured herself a shot. Sighing, Stevie placed the bottle on the coffee table.
“Clara, I’m happy that your first time was with someone you love,” Stevie said. Giving her a tight smile, Clara sat next to her. Stevie threw her head back as she downed the shot, her face scrunching and her eyes closed as she recovered from the burning of the tequila. Clara had never seen Stevie in this state before.
“Stevie, you shouldn’t drink. You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“No! I need to drink in order to tell you this story. If I don’t, I won’t be strong enough, and I’ve spent two years trying to forget, but it never leaves me,” Stevie said as she stared at her second shot for a moment before downing it, too. Clara started to worry; Stevie had never been like this, and Clara started to feel guilty.
“Stevie, please stop. You don’t need to tell me anything. I’ve never seen you so upset. You’re scaring me. Two is enough,” Clara pleaded as she reached for the bottle, but Stevie swiped it away from her reach. Clara sighed, knowing she couldn’t change Stevie’s mind.
“When I finish telling you, please call Jarred to take me home. Don’t worry about taking care of me. Can I trust you to follow these instructions?” Stevie asked as she downed another shot. Clara could see Stevie start to struggle. She stood up, walked to the kitchen, and fetched a glass of water, placing it on the coffee table, and sat back next to her.
“You know you can trust me,” Clara replied.
Stevie took a deep breath in before releasing it. “Before I took my gap year after my high school graduation, I went to Thailand for Schoolies. I couldn’t wait to get away from Jarred, my stepmother, and my father. The girl I was bunking with was getting it on with some Scottish guy, and I couldn’t get my things. So I took a stroll along the beach next to the resort and he was there.
“Tall, dark brown hair, and these blue, almost silver eyes. I swear he was beautiful. I knew he was Australian; I could tell by his accent. We only ever knew each other by our first names, and we didn’t talk about the lives we lived back home. That week in Thailand, we spent every minute together. And then it ended the moment I woke up and lost my virginity to a stranger that I didn’t even really know. I didn’t know his last name, or where he was from; I didn’t even know a single thing about him. I lost my virginity to a stranger during Schoolies.” Clara’s heart ached for her. Stevie’s eyes filled with tears and she downed another shot, her fourth one to be exact.
“I think I loved him, too, but I’m not sure. I had no idea that at the end of that week, I’d be waking up in the sheets of a stranger’s villa bed, dressing myself quietly and quickly, and feeling like a cheap whore. So you’re lucky, Clara. Your first time wasn’t a one-night stand with a stranger you’ll never see again. I went home that day. I didn’t even tell him goodbye. I just vanished and hoped he’d forget me, but I never forgot. I don’t think I stopped crying, even after I landed back in Melbourne. Jarred was the one to pick me up and let me stay in his apartment. I couldn’t face my father, because he told me not to go. So I did the only thing I could think of to erase the whole experience; I went and lived with my mother in London for a year before I came home.” Stevie set the shot glass down and rested her head against the coffee table.
Clara moved closer and wrapped her arms around Stevie and held her. She had never seen Stevie so destroyed before, and it made her heart break. Clara knew Noel. She loved him and even if they only had for now, they’d always have longer than what Stevie ever had.
“Clara.” Stevie looked up to Clara and wiped her teary eyes.
“Promise me you won’t be like me?” she asked, and Clara gave her a tight smile.
“Like you, Stevie?”
“Just don’t fear love, because if you do it’ll show you a side that you could never imagine. Trust me, I’ve been on that side of it, and it leaves you empty and lonely. I’ve spent the last two years wondering what I missed out on; I chose to leave him, but it was for the best. I was scared of a proper goodbye. As much as I may seem to hate Jarred, he brought me back, and I’ll never be able to thank him enough. He called me every day, and even visited me in London. He’s my brother, blood or no blood. Tell Noel how you feel and just love him. Promise me this, please?”
Clara could see the emptiness and regret in Stevie’s eyes and she nodded. Clara had always thought Stevie was invincible, but it turns out she held her own secrets and demons.
“Can you please call Jarred for me, Clara?” Stevie began to slur, her eyes starting to droop. Clara helped Stevie to her feet and placed her on the couch, Stevie resting her head on the cushion. Walking to the linen closet, Clara grabbed a blanket and headed over to the couch, covering her best friend with it.
She walked to the kitchen counter and grabbed her phone. Clara scrolled through her contacts until she reached Jarred’s name. Taking a deep breath, she dialled his number. It didn’t take long before he answered.
“Clara, hey! How’s it going?” Her heart warmed at the sound of his voice. He was truly an amazing person to be there for Stevie.
“Jarred, it’s Stevie. She’s at my place. I tried to stop her, but she said she needed the alcohol to—”
“She
told you about Thailand?”
“Yes.”
“Keep her there, Clara. I’ll be over in five,” Jarred said, and then the line went dead. Clara looked over at Stevie and she knew she didn’t want to live the rest of her life in regret. She’d tell Noel just how much she loved him; rejection or not, she couldn’t live her life wondering what she left behind.
Opening the door, a worried version of the happy Jarred she was so used to stood before her. Jarred offered Clara a small smile before he walked into her apartment and immediately went to Stevie. She could tell he drove straight over; his faded track pants and hoodie told her so. Clara stood a few feet away from the couch and watched as Jarred crouched over Stevie. When he seemed happy that she was okay, he turned and walked towards Clara.
“I’m sorry, Jarred. I told her to stop, but she didn’t listen to me. I didn’t know what she wanted to tell me would be so… sad.” Clara’s eyes started to sting. She never wanted to see Stevie that emotionally broken again.
“It’s okay, Clara. Don’t get upset. Stevie’s kept it bottled up for so long that it’s just been eating her alive. What has she told you?” Jarred asked as they walked into the kitchen, Jarred sitting on a barstool. Clara turned on the kettle and looked up at him.
“She just told me that she met a guy in Thailand while on Schoolies, spent the week with him, lost her virginity to him, and then she left. Does Annie know?”
“No, she doesn’t know. I love Annie, but I think it’s best if she didn’t know about this for now. Stevie hasn’t told you everything, though. Since you know most of it, I’ll tell you the rest." Jarred closed his eyes, clenched his fists, and breathed in a few times before continuing.
"When I picked up Stevie from the airport, I had never seen her so wrecked in my life. She fell in love and hard, but it was all a one-night stand. I found her crying in her room about five weeks after she came home. She was hysterical, and that’s when she showed me her pregnancy test… it was positive.” Jarred looked down at his clenched fists as Clara gave him his coffee, shock overtaking her body.
That’s why she asked if we used protection last night.
“Positive?” Clara breathed out and looked over to the couch.
“Yeah, she took about three different ones and they all came back positive. Stevie cried for ages at the thought of being pregnant. She didn’t even know the father’s last name, where he lived, or anything. She cried herself to sleep every night until I ended up taking her to the doctors to get a blood test. The test came back a few days later and it was negative. I’ve never been more relieved in my life for her. I told Stevie I’d keep her secret and that she should take a gap year. She ended up living in England for a year and went to uni a year later than I did; that’s how she started the same time as you. But she’s getting better. I guess she told you because she doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you, too,” Jarred said, nursing his mug.
“She thinks I’m a strong person. My problems are nothing compared to what she’s gone through. Darren cheated on me, but Stevie went through all that and the thought of being pregnant. She’s the strong one,” Clara replied softly as she closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears. Learning about Stevie’s past was hard for her.
“You both are. I think that’s why Stevie likes you; she saw herself in you and wanted to protect you.” Jarred looked up and smiled at her. The way his lips always curved upwards warmed her. Genuine and honest.
“I better get her back home and let her sleep off the hangover she’ll probably have. This is good for her, Clara. Don’t beat yourself up about it. She needs to talk about it to someone other than me. I’ve held her secret for so long that I’m glad I can talk to someone about it, and I’m glad it’s you. I’ll keep you posted,” Jarred said as he got off the bar stool and walked over to Stevie. Jarred helped Stevie up and kept her standing upright. Stevie’s blonde hair was for once off perfection.
“Do you want me to help you take her to your car?” Clara walked over to the both of them. Stevie’s eyes still closed as Jarred held her.
“I took a taxi. I knew Stevie would have driven here, so I didn’t bring my car. Stop your worrying, Clara. I’ve seriously had worse situations when it comes to Stevie. This is a walk in the park compared to where I’ve had to help her. She had some really dark days, and this was just her relapsing. She’ll be fine,” Jarred said as he pulled out Stevie’s car keys from her pocket. He walked them both to the front door as Clara held it open. They didn’t speak as they took the elevator to the lobby and then walked to Stevie’s BMW. Clara crossed her arms and watched as Jarred helped Stevie into the passenger’s seat of the car.
“For the past two years, I worried about Stevie. She trusts you with her biggest secret. I know she did this because she cares about you, Clara. She doesn’t want what she went through to be what happens to you. Promise me you’ll take on what she has probably asked of you. I care about you, too, and I don’t want to see you hurt. Just know I’m always here for you as well. I’m only a phone call away.” He smiled as he squeezed Clara’s shoulder and went round to the driver’s seat of the car.
Stevie’s BMW pulled away from her and drove out of the car park and onto the road. Sorrow entered Clara’s chest. The strongest person she knew had one of the saddest stories she had ever heard. It broke her heart to see Stevie so sad. As Clara wiped her tears away, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out to see a new message.
Noel: Bring the essentials. I’m taking you to Chelsea after the race.
Clara: You mean my bikini? I haven’t been to Chelsea Beach in forever.
Noel: Is it a lot to ask if you wear the red one?
Clara: Yes.
Noel: Thought I’d give it a try. I’ll see you at the finish line.
Clara stood at the banks of the Yarra River, only a few hundred metres from the row club that also acted as the finishing line for the race. Clara looked out to see the red boat that Noel and Rob were in, only a metre in front of a blue rowing boat. Both boats took on each other for the last five hundred metres. Noel and Rob’s boat inch further and further away from the blue boat. Noel rowed in time with Rob, their faces pained as they eventually crossed the orange buoy finish line.
She cheered as they stopped their rowboat over the finish and close to the orange official boat. Noel and Rob shook hands with the official dressed in orange and white before Rob threw his arms in the air and shouted in victory.
As the red boat rowed closer to the riverbank, the crowd behind her started to move forward. Clara felt herself being pushed farther and farther away from the bank. The cheers from people in front of her grew louder and she felt completely invisible, she knew she didn’t belong in the “rowing” world, but it didn’t matter, she was supporting Noel.
Letting Noel and Rob celebrate their win with the crowd, Clara held her beach bag tighter to her body and walked over to the picnic tables a distance away from the row club. Dropping her bag on a table, she sat down. Clara pulled out her phone to find a new message from Jarred.
Jarred: Stevie’s okay. She woke up not too long ago. She apologises for what happened.
Clara: Tell her an apology is not necessary. I just want her to be okay. You take good care of her!
Jarred: Have been. Always will be!
“There you are! What are you doing here?”
Clara looked up from her phone to see Noel standing in front of her, a frown on his face. His hair wet with sweat, his rowing tank tight around his body, and a towel wrapped around his neck. She uncontrollably smiled at the sight of him.
“I thought I’d see you at the finish line?”
“I was pushed out of the congratulatory committee,” Clara said as she locked her phone and placed it in her bag.
“They’re just happy that Rob finally won instead of Petenski. Is something the matter?” Noel asked, his frown deepening as he crouched in front of her. Clara took the towel from around his neck and gently ran it through his h
air. She could feel his concerned eyes on her, but she continued to dry his hair and forehead of sweat.
“Clara, if something’s wrong, please tell me.” She looked down, their eyes meeting and Clara smiled at his concern.
“Nothing’s wrong, Noel. Congratulations on your win.” Clara beamed before she placed her lips on his. Sweet and gentle, but enough passion to drive her insides to melt. The warm air hit Clara’s skin and the Noel’s hands tangled in her hair. She would only ever need him to make her feel better. The moment his tongue met hers, all air instantly left her as their tongues danced. She pulled him closer, needing more as her heart pounded hard against her chest.
“Clara,” he mumbled before he pulled her face away from his. Looking into his emerald-green eyes, she knew that he’d be the one she’d fight for. “Baby, we’re never going to make it to the beach if we keep this up.”
Clara bit her bottom lip to stifle her laugh. She didn’t mind missing the beach if she got to kiss him endlessly. “Okay, fine.” She faked the defeated tone in her voice.
"Clara,” he said, softly calling for her attention.
Noel breathed out as he slowly dragged his thumb across her skin, sending shivers down her spine. “Every minute of every day that I’ve spent with you, you completely changed me. I see, feel, and even breathe differently now that I'm with you. I don’t deserve you, but I promise, I’ll do what it takes to make you happy. I don’t ever want to hurt you again. The first time I hurt you was to protect you that night, and the second time was completely selfish. I will put your happiness and needs first, always. Clara I…” She watched Noel’s green eye colour deepen, and he moved his palms towards the back of Clara’s neck. She held her breath; her heart stopped its erratic beating as Noel breathed in and continued. “I don’t want you to regret us.”
“Never.” Clara smiled and relief flashed through Noel’s eyes. It was he who changed her. He made her forget Darren, made her heart leap from its guarded shell, and made her love. Even if he didn’t love her like she loved him, the feeling that he cared for her as more than just Alex’s little sister was there.