Thirty-Eight Days

by Len Webster

  “I love you, too, kiddo. Be good!” he warned. Clara rolled her eyes and stepped out of the apartment, Alex closing the door behind her.

  When they reached the elevator, he pressed the down button. Clara peeked over at Liam, who only did the same until they both let out a laugh.

  It is so easy with Liam.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Clara asked, and a smirk appeared on Liam’s face.

  “Now that would just spoil the surprise.” Liam winked. Clara let out an exaggerated sigh and stared at the closed elevator doors.

  I hate surprises.

  After changing into her black wetsuit, Clara stood outside of the door. Liam entwined his hands in Clara’s, and she looked up and smiled. This was the first day she had smiled so honestly in weeks. He completely surprised her when he parked his Audi outside of Melbourne Aquarium. Walking to the front desk, she discovered that Liam had connections with the aquarium, and they would be spending their date feeding penguins.

  “Ready?” Liam asked as the penguin feeder handed him a bucket.

  “You bet!” The cold air hit her face and then the sight of the King penguins made her heart melt as the excitement in her grew. Little black and white penguins with grey flippers waddled around the iced room. Their yellow and white chests and orange beaks made Clara laugh. One of the smaller penguins waddled up to Ben—the aquarium’s penguin handler—and flapped its flippers while making a squeaky sound.

  “This is Thomas. He’s the only King penguin that knows when feeding time is every day. He comes to me first before taking his fish to his partner. He makes sure Betty eats first before himself.”

  “Clara, do you want to feed Thomas?” Ben asked. Clara just looked at the little penguin, amazed that she was looking at them, let alone feeding them.

  Liam placed a small fish in Clara’s gloved hand and gave her an endearing smile. She bent her knees and watched Thomas waddle closer to her.

  She held out the fish to the penguin and said, “Here you go, Thomas.” The penguin’s flippers moved towards its back and leant forward, taking the fish in its mouth, and waddled away. Clara stood there speechless and amazed.

  “Oh my God, I just fed a penguin!” she said in disbelief. Clara turned and glanced at Liam as he fed a larger penguin. The way he looked at her made her insides feel light, and warmth spread throughout her. She watched as more penguins waddled towards him, and Liam started to get cornered for fish, the sight sending Clara in a laughing fit.

  “Uhh… Clara. I need help!” He looked up before a penguin nipped his hand. “No need to get frisky. Listen you… I’m already on a date… You don’t have to get my attention for fish.”

  Clara walked over to Liam and took the bucket from his hand. She didn’t say another word as she placed a kiss on Liam’s cheek and whispered, “Thank you.”

  She walked a few metres away from Liam as the penguins started to follow her. Clara stopped next to the pool and started to hold out fish to the little penguins. She looked up to see Liam staring at her, and she smiled at him. As quickly as she dished out the fish, the quicker the penguins made their return for some more.

  “I’ll get you guys another bucket before we move on to feeding the Gentoo penguins,” Ben said and he disappeared behind the grey door. Clara handed out the last of the fish and looked up to see Liam walking towards her, taking slow and long steps to avoid the waddling penguins.

  “Enjoying yourself?” he asked once he approached her.

  “Yes, this has been amazing. Thank you, Liam. I’ve never done something like this before.”

  “Clara,” Liam said as he closed the distance, removed his gloves and dropped them on the ground. He placed his hands on either side of Clara’s cheeks, surprising her, but she didn’t step away. She found herself needing Liam and that feeling was one she wanted to keep.

  “Yes, Liam?” His hazel eyes went darker as his pupils dilated.

  “Can I kiss you?” Clara’s hand tightened around the handle of the steel bucket and she looked up at him. The hope in his eyes disarmed her.

  “I smell like fish.” She frowned, and Liam let out a laugh.

  “I do, too. We can smell like horrible fish together.” That one word caused a burning sensation in her eyes.

  And before she could really think, she found herself saying, “Yes.”

  “Yes?” he breathed out in surprise and Clara nodded her head in his hands. Liam’s face inched closer, his lips almost touching hers. Clara’s eyelids fluttered shut at the first contact of Liam’s lips touching hers. It was different, it was new, and it made the stinging in her eyes start to burn. Liam’s lips were soft and smooth as he kissed her. The fireworks she had once felt were non-existent, but Liam’s kiss still had the power to make her knees weak. She wanted to hold onto Liam and deepen the kiss, but she still held the fish bucket in her hand.

  Liam broke their kiss, and disappointment sunk to the pit of her stomach. He was doing things to her, things she couldn’t understand. He was fixing her broken heart, and he made her better. Liam saved her.

  “Wow, if I knew kissing you would be like that, I wouldn’t have waited a year. I think some of the penguins are jealous.” Clara let out a laugh as Liam skimmed the pad of his thumb along her lips, sending a shiver down her spine.

  “Thank you for today. You have no idea how much I’ve enjoyed myself.” Clara smiled honestly. For a moment she forgot the pain that called her heart home.

  “Don’t think our date is ending with these King penguins; we still have Gentoo penguins to feed. I’m hoping I can wow you this time. I won’t let them corner me. These Gentoo penguins don’t stand a chance!”

  She’d always love Noel, but it was for the best. Clara had to move on; they didn’t have a future, but with Liam there was a possibility. There was no second-guessing with Liam. Clara was his first choice, and it made her smile. He stroked her cheek lightly before removing his hands off her face and taking the bucket from her hand.

  “Lets go feed these cute bastards!”

  The elevator door dinged opened and they walked onto Clara’s floor. Liam hadn't let go of Clara’s hand since he let her out of the car. Not that she minded. They didn’t kiss again after their first in the King penguin enclosure. The Gentoo penguins were quicker than the King penguins, and they surrounded Liam as soon as he walked into their enclosure with the bucket of fish. Clara found herself laughing when he tried to tell a penguin off and as another one stole the fish that he held behind his back.

  When they finished feeding the penguins, they roamed around the aquarium, watching the sharks and the stingrays, before walking towards the aquarium café for lunch. Everything was easy with Liam, and Clara found herself comparing him to Noel. When she did think of Noel, the aching returned, and she needed to stop for a second to compose herself. Clara stopped outside her door and smiled at Liam.

  “I had fun,” Liam said with a grin.

  “Me too. Thank you again, I’ve never been up so close with penguins before.” Liam took Clara’s left hand in his and his hazel eyes looked deep into hers.

  “Can I see you again?” he softly asked.

  “We live in the same building,” Clara pointed out, and he pouted slightly.

  “I meant, can I see you for another date?” Liam clarified.

  “You still want to date me?”

  He nodded eagerly.

  I need Liam more than he needs me.

  “Okay.”

  “I intend on this being exclusive, Clara. I won’t be dating anyone else while I date you. It’s only you I’m interested in.” There was a sad smile on Liam’s face. Clara stood on her tippy toes and kissed Liam’s cheek.

  “There’s no one else,” she stated. The slight pain in her heart tried to convince her otherwise.

  “You have no idea how good it sounds to hear that. I’ll call you tonight,” he promised before she opened her front door. Clara stepped in her apartment and turned back to him. Liam could
mend her heart.

  “Thank you for today,” she said graciously. He winked before he turned for the elevator. Clara shut the door and made her way towards the kitchen.

  She stood there looking at the French hutch that was against her wall. Glancing around the room, she saw tools and boxes all over the floor. She knew Alex put up a struggle to build it. Clara slipped out of her jacket and flung it over a barstool. She saw letters on the bench and realised that Alex retrieved her mail. Sifting through the envelopes, she came across an ivory embossed envelope, her name and address written beautifully across it.

  She turned it around to see an unfamiliar address on the back. She placed her finger under the flap of the envelope and ripped it open. Clara took out the contents of the envelope and her heart stopped.

  You are cordially invited to witness and share the marriage between,

  George Anthony Parker

  And

  Penelope Rose Jacobs

  On Tuesday the 17th of December 2013

  At the Waterview in Bicentennial Park, Rhodes Waterside, New South Wales.

  6:00 p.m.

  RSVP: 29th of November 2013.

  We hope you can attend and celebrate this important event in our lives.

  Three weeks later, Clara watched as George—Noel’s brother—and Penelope danced as Mr. and Mrs. Parker for the first time. The smiles on their faces could bring her to tears. They had said their vows at dusk just near the lake. The lanterns lit the aisle as Penelope walked down in her mermaid-style wedding dress. It was hard to watch them say their vows. If she turned her head slightly to the right, she would see George’s best man.

  Noel’s eyes burned into her, but every time she wanted to look, she would squeeze Alex’s hand tighter. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to see him. As much as she didn't want to admit it, he was the first person she looked for when she took her seat. Now she was regretting her decision not to bring Liam. Since their first date, they had been seeing each other for three weeks. They alternated between dinner at her place and dinner at his place.

  The rest of the wedding guests started to join in on the dancing, but Clara’s chest started to pain slightly. She tried hard to focus on George and Penelope, but thoughts of Noel kept popping into her head. Clara sipped her champagne and tapped her fingers on the white-clothed table.

  Scanning the room, she spotted Alex, Rob, and Max talking. She felt a little disappointed not to see him with them. She knew she should have checked “No” on the invitation. Every time she heard his name being called it was like a Band-Aid being ripped off her heart. She tried as hard as she could to run in the opposite direction each time she heard his name. The wedding reception would be over in a few hours, and then she could go back into the city and see Liam.

  Clara needed Liam to take away the hurt that started to consume her chest. Liam had flown with both Clara and Alex to Sydney. He was waiting at his parents’ apartment for her; his suggestion of Clara meeting his parents was killing two birds with one stone. She stared at her small gold clutch. She was hurting inside, and the only person that knew about her turmoil was Alex.

  “Clara.”

  She held her breath, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to. Her heart ached in pain and beat in excitement. It seemed her heart would always belong to him. Clara took her eyes off her clutch, and she turned to see those green eyes. The same green eyes that made her dreams feel like nightmares and the same green eyes she wished and always longed for.

  “Hello, Noel.” It was all she could reply with. Clara’s eyes met his. Grief seemed to replace those beautiful emerald eyes he once had.

  “Can I have this dance?” Noel asked. His gaze never left hers as he held his hand out to her and Clara stared at his hand for a second. Those hands had once been wrapped around her as she slept. “Just one dance. Please, Clara.”

  She tore her gaze off his hand and looked back at him. “I don't think that's a great idea, Noel.”

  “I promise, just one. Nothing more,” he replied.

  She looked down at his hand and then up at him. A smile filled with sincerity was all she saw. Clara knew it was something she would never recover from. But she would have to. She would have to walk away. Liam was waiting for her, and Clara couldn't just walk away from him, not after he saved her from the darkness she found herself in.

  Clara hesitated for a second, but her heart told her that it could sustain itself just for a moment with Noel. Her eyes met Alex's from across the dance floor, and he simply nodded. She took a deep breath in and reached for his hand. The moment they touched, she knew what she had always known.

  This is home.

  Her heart could feel itself beat again. The electricity that ran through her left her light headed. As they made their way to the middle of the dance floor, she watched the band nod at Noel and the song changed. The music called to her and reached places of her heart that she wished it didn’t. The melody brought back flashes of their first date.

  Our song.

  He stood there in front of her, assessing whether she would dance with him or not. "We don't have to if you don't want to, Clara," he said.

  "No, I want to," she whispered; her heart yearned for this. She needed it like she needed air in her lungs. Because tonight, she would set fire to her home, let the ashes take flight with the wind. As Clara stared into Noel's eyes, she saw hope and she could feel it too. But there couldn’t be any hope for them.

  Clara rested her hand on Noel’s shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. She looked up to see Noel’s jaw clenched tightly and his lips pressed together in a fine line. The urge to touch and smooth out the tension in his face grew deep. It took all her effort to keep her left hand cemented on Noel’s shoulder. As much as she wanted to deny herself this dance, it was perfect. This is where she felt like she belonged. This was where her heart would always call home.

  As she got more comfortable with the dance and Noel's presence, she let herself get lost in Noel’s touch. She took the bold move and rested her cheek on his chest; the sound of his heart and the smell of him were too heartbreaking. Clara wanted them to be forever, but they wouldn't have made it. The realisation always made her eyes burn.

  She tightened her grip on Noel’s shoulder. Tears started to burn. She didn’t want to cry, but she couldn’t help it. He’d always be her regret. Memories of their good times flashed before her. Just when she thought she could hope for more, Sarah and Valerie replaced their happy times. It only convinced her to keep quiet. She cared for Liam; she may not love him like she loved Noel, but the feelings were there. Clara’s heart started to break all over again. She knew she’d always feel this way.

  "Clara," Noel's voice whispered, breaking through her cloud of what could have been.

  She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to do anything but savour this moment. Come tomorrow, she’d be on a flight home to Melbourne. The crazy fictitious dream of a future with Noel should have been put to bed months ago. But she couldn’t control what her heart would always yearn for, even if he was the reason for her withering pain.

  "Clara?" he asked again as they swayed with the music. Noel’s grip tightened. The way he touched her, it was always something she would crave for.

  "Yeah?" she asked as she snuggled into his chest.

  If only I could tell myself no then this would be so much easier.

  Noel didn’t say anything. He just held her in time with the music. This dance was for them. The song would always be the saddest song she would ever know.

  "Clara, I need an explanation," Noel whispered close to her ear. His lips were close to touching her and fire exploded within her, his breath sending an uncontrollable shiver down her spine.

  No.

  Clara froze. She couldn’t talk, not with him. She didn’t want to give him a reason. She came here to watch her friend get married. Clara knew she'd see Noel, but she thought it would be easy. They had nothing left between them
. That love she suppressed was meant to have dissipated by now.

  A sense of fear overtook her body. Clara’s heart was starting to clench that all too familiar pain. That ache always reminded her of what she walked away from. The memories of that night started to run through her head. They both stood still on the dance floor. Clara opened her eyes slowly. She removed her head from his chest and rose to meet Noel's eyes.

  "Clara, I need to know.”

  Clara took a step back from him and those brown eyes pierced into him. She was breaking his heart all over again. But he needed to know. The last five weeks had been pure hell for him. He had become a regular at a dodgy bar in the financial district. The run-down pub was a place where he could drink his sorrows away, where he didn’t have to put on a persona. Try and forget the woman that would always haunt him and leave him empty where his heart once was.

  Noel took in Clara’s appearance. Her red dress looked bold against her creamy skin. Her hair was now cut short, just hitting her shoulder blades. Her short curls framed her face beautifully, but he missed her long locks. Clara looked petrified to be in his presence. He watched as her chest rose heavily and her lip quivered.

  “I can’t,” Clara breathed out and quickly ran back towards her table, collected her clutch, and ran for the exit.

  “Fuck!” he growled in frustration, and ran after her. Noel burst through the double door entrance and scanned the gardens. He spotted her sitting on a stone bench towards the back, a sniffle and sob escaped her. He shouldn’t have scared her off, but all the questions that he continuously asked himself for five weeks just came out. Noel took a few short steps and approached her. The sound of his footsteps crunched against the gravel. Clara stood up and turned to face him.

  “We shouldn’t be alone with each other.” She wiped her face with her right hand before balling it.

  “Why?” he asked as he took long strides until he came face to face with the woman that broke his heart.

  “Because we just can’t.” Clara shook her head. Every word she delivered was like a painful stab to his chest. He had spent the last five weeks in agony over her, and he needed to know why. Noel couldn’t move on with his life. Not without her.