Carrying Hadley wasn’t hard; in the time she’d been home, I didn’t think she had gained any weight. She certainly didn’t feel like she did. The hard part was getting the truck door closed then walking through the snow without slipping.
She murmured and rubbed her face against my neck when snow fell onto her face. I had to take a few slow and steadying breaths. She didn’t do it to be coy. She wasn’t trying to entice me. Even knowing that I couldn’t prevent my very natural, very male reaction. Control was getting harder, and harder.
It took another moment of snow flurry before her eyes fluttered and she looked up at me. “North?” Her eyes were out of focus but clearing.
I smiled easily not allowing any discomfort to show in my face, “You fell asleep in the truck. The snow’s a little deep down here. I’ll put you down at the door.”
“Okay.” She blinked a few times, and I could almost see the cogs in her mind grind for a moment before smoothly clicking into gear. She didn’t sway when I set her on her feet, but to be on the safe side, I placed a hand at the small of her back and kept it there until we were safely inside.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to spend the night here.” I began as I followed her in.
“Of course. I wouldn’t let you leave if you tried. It looks nasty out there.” Hadley commented over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs.
“You barely saw it.”
She sniffed, “I saw enough.”
“Do you want to talk about my performance?” I asked as I followed her up to the apartment.
“Do you?” she countered as she stretched out on her fainting couch. She stared up at me with a raised brow.
I stepped passed her to flick on the fireplace then just stared down at it a moment. “I made a lot of mistakes I shouldn’t have.” I said with my back to her.
“Really?” she asked and it sounded like she was amused.
I turned my head to look at her and her face was suspiciously neutral. “You’re not angry?”
Hadley shrugged. “You passed.”
I sat heavily in the armchair and studied her. She held my eyes unflinching. There was something else going on here. Another lesson I wasn’t quite catching. “I can do better than I did.” I said slowly watching her face.
She smiled and it wasn’t altogether friendly. “I’m not sure you can.”
I frowned at her. “I can. I know I can. I was a little ahead of the beat and I was slow on the take-off for the Axel, but I know I can do better.”
The laughter in her eyes threw me off.
“What game are you playing, Hadley?” I asked slowly leashing my flaring temper.
She sighed with a smile and pulled the throw from the back of the couch down around her. “It’s important to know you can do better, and to know how you can do better without it being dictated to you.”
“You…wanted me to pull it apart?” I asked slowly.
She nodded. “Some skaters lose their…edge, I guess would be the term, because they can’t see the flaws in their own performances. If you can always tell when and why you’ve done poorly, you’ll always grow and become better. There will be no plateau for you.”
“Well,” I leaned back in my seat. “I wasn’t as bad as that other kid. I wonder if he passed.”
Hadley smiled and closed her eyes. “Nothing to worry about there.”
I left Hadley asleep on the fainting couch. Watching her sleep was too stalker like for my comfort. And did nothing to calm my raging hormones. She looked so frail and soft when she slept. It was best if I didn’t stay and stare. Fantasies had their place and in her apartment wasn’t one of them.
When I reached the outside door, I stopped in surprise. In the short time I’d been upstairs with Hadley, enough snow had fallen that I’d be trudging through it up to my knees. Rolling my shoulders, I decided it was a good thing. The physical labor might tire out the raging hormones.
Since it was still falling, and heavily, I couldn’t do more than clear the paths to and from the house. I couldn’t help but think of Hadley as I did it and how she had said she’d slipped on ice in Morris a few weeks ago. I definitely didn’t want that to happen here.
“North, you’re wasting energy.” Morgaine stood on the porch as I reached it for the third time with the snow blower. I shut the snow blower off and looked up at her.
“I don’t want this to get deep in case Hadley has to walk over or something.” I said to her.
She stared at me carefully. “Glory called. Her and Rhett are on the way home from school. They closed early but since the roads are somewhat impassable they’ll be a while getting home.”
I nodded. “Rhett will be careful.”
“I know he will.” She stared long enough for me to shift my feet uncomfortably.
“Is there something else?”
“Come in here.” She turned and walked into the solarium doors.
Uneasy, I climbed up the stairs to the porch and followed her into the solarium. Even with my uneasy, I’d always liked their solarium. The flowers were always in bloom, how Morgaine did it I had no idea, and it was always a comfortable space.
Avala sat in a lounger with a book and a cup of tea. She looked up from her book and smiled at Morgaine. Her smile faded a little when she turned her eyes to me and I felt a little pit in my stomach squirm. I recognized dread easy enough.
Morgaine sat at the little iron table I remember helping paint and poured her own cup of tea. Since I hadn’t been asked to sit, I didn’t. Something told me not to. I waited, patiently, as Morgaine dropped some honey into her tea and a slice of lemon. She sipped once and set the tea down.
“You’re spending a lot of time with Hadley.” Avala said.
The statement baffled me. They knew Hadley was coaching me. I didn’t quite understand. “She’s coaching.”
“And you spend nights in her guest room.” Morgaine added. Watching me over the rim of her cup. What the hell were they getting at?
“Only during bad weather.”
Avala tapped her fingers on the cover of her book. She was thinking, but I had no idea what, and I had no idea what they were getting at. Did they want Hadley to stop coaching me?
“I’m not an idiot.” Morgaine said abruptly into the silence a little angrily.
“Morgaine.” Avala held up a hand. “We’re giving you a chance here, North. What are your intentions with our sister?”
Intentions. Dear Lord. What were my intentions with Hadley?
“I,” I couldn’t even think of the words. And with both of the older sisters staring at me I should probably choose my words wisely. I cleared my throat and tried again. “At the moment she’s my coach and I hope she considers me a friend as well.” It seemed the safest answer. I certainly wasn’t going to confess my growing desire for her. That certainly would not go over well.
Morgaine’s eyes narrowed and Avala only stared harder. What did they want from me? Was there a right answer to the question I didn’t know about?
“I don’t think he understands the question.” Morgaine stated flatly. “Let me put it another way. Are you having sex with Hadley?”
“What?” My voice croaked and I was forced to clear my throat.
“New question.” Morgaine continued obviously uncaring of my discomfort, “Do you want to have sex with Hadley?”
“Jesus, Morgaine,” I choked out, “This would be between Hadley and me if we did.”
“Yes and no,” Avala interjected even as Morgaine opened her mouth to speak. “Hadley’s been hurt very badly. You know that. Just as you know that she’s only recently discovered her mother dead. She’s also estranged at the moment from her father. With as difficult as her life has been you’d understand why we’d be concerned with someone fucking with her emotions.”
Holy God. Avala just said fucking. She was angry and controlling it well. Morgaine not so well.
“I have no intention of hurting Hadley.” I said truthfully. “I’d cut off my legs first
.”
“Are you using her to get what you want?” Morgaine asked.
“No. I mean, she coaches, but I’m not using her.”
Morgaine reached down next to her chair and put the shotgun I hadn’t seen on the floor onto the table. “Let me make this very clear,” she began. “Hurt her, and I will blow your kneecaps off.”
I swallowed nervously. “I haven’t done anything.” I turned to Avala and her face was impassive. “You really believe I’d hurt Hadley?” Anger was rising quickly and uncontrollably. “I can’t fucking believe you. You really think I’d hurt her. Let me tell you something. The ones really hurting her are you.”
Morgaine jumped up with the gun in her hand but I plowed on.
“You never come out to the rink to watch, to spend time with her. She has to come here. You don’t talk to her except when you have to or during meals. You treat her as if she’s broken when she a vital, vibrant, intelligent woman. When was the last time you asked her about her college classes? When was the last time you sat in her living room while she cooked a meal? When was the last time you ate something she cooked?”
Morgaine lowered the gun, her shoulders slumped slightly. I knew the answer to all those questions. I was in the rink often enough to know. I was with Hadley often enough to know. She set the gun against the back of the table, out of sight.
“You want to blow my kneecaps off if I hurt her, fine. But you better blow yours off first. Pot meet kettle.” I turned and walked back out into the cold of the snow.
I stopped on the porch when I saw Hadley crossing the path I had created. I hated avoiding her, but I couldn’t face her with my anger on the surface. She didn’t deserve it. I shook my head at her and walked around the porch to the front. I needed a few minutes.
Hadley
There was something wrong. I knew even from the distance North’s stance was defensive and angry. He shook his head at me and walked around to the front porch. I was too far away to follow him if he was still walking and not waiting on the porch.
I walked into the solarium to see Morgaine and Avala drinking tea. “What did you say to North?” I glanced around the room seeing nothing out of place. Nothing that would visibly be offensive in any way.
Both of them looked up from their cups and said nothing.
I stepped further into the room. “I asked a question.”
“Nothing outside of what any concerned older sibling might.” Morgaine answered and she sounded tired.
I crossed my arms over my chest not buying it. I turned my eyes to Avala. “Are you going to elaborate?”
She sipped her tea and didn’t respond.
I threw my hands up in disgust. “Now I have to go find him and apologize for whatever you said.” I marched passed them to the doors that led into the kitchen to cut through the house to the front.
“Are you cooking tonight?” Avala asked and I stopped before I reached the doors.
I turned and tilted my head. I frowned at her sad expression. “I have some things at the apartment for lasagna.”
Morgaine tapped her fingers against the iron table. “May we come to dinner?” she asked without looking at me.
Baffled, I just stared. They’d never asked to come over before. Nor had they ever just showed up either. “I’d like that.”
“Walk towards the small pond near the soy field.” Avala said. “If North is truly upset, he’ll go over to the tree grotto on the other side of the property line. You may find him there.”
“Thanks.” I turned from the doors to the kitchen and back out the way I came in. North, if heading in that direction, would have backtracked through the greenhouses and quite possibly across the soy field.
The snow was wickedly deep and I stumbled a few times until I came over tracks already made. They had to be North’s as he was the only one I knew of that would be out this way. Using his tracks, I followed, literally, in his footsteps.
He was standing silently in a tree grove when I caught up to him. He didn’t turn when I approached.
“When my mother died it drove my father into alcoholism. He died three months later.” North reached out to the quiet tree in front of him and placed his palm against the tree. “My mother had been his balance. And while I believe he loved us, we weren’t our mother.”
“Pretty selfish of him,” I murmured hoping it was the right thing to say. I had no idea why he was suddenly so sad.
“Yeah.” North’s hand fell from the tree. “This is my mother.” He touched the tree next to it, “And this one my father.”
I blinked in surprise and looked around. Now that he had pointed it out, I saw the pattern the trees were planted in. It was a cemetery. A rather unique one.
“We have a tradition.” North touched his mother’s tree again. “I know I don’t look it but we have Native blood just as rich as Morgaine’s and Avala’s. I’m told our coloring–the golden blond hair–comes from grandparents three generations back.”
“It can be seen in your eyes,” I said quietly, worried about his stillness and somberness. “And your cheekbones. Little things give it away.”
“When we die, our bodies are cremated and the ash used as the ground for a tree. I chose a Japanese lilac tree. They’re not big, but I didn’t want a big tree. I wanted a tree that could be remembered. They’re beautiful and strong.”
“So are you.” I stepped forward and going on instinct wrapped my arms around him from behind. “You are beautiful and strong. And kind and patient. I’m sorry. For whatever they said to make you sad. I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t apologize for them,” North linked the fingers of his left hand through mine at his waist. “They just made me think, is all.”
“They’re acting strange. They asked to come to dinner.”
North nodded. “That’s really good.” He finally turned and faced me. His smile was off and I hated that my sisters had hurt him somehow. “I’ll walk you home. Then I think I’ll walk home.”
“You’re not staying?” I asked surprised. I liked his company. I was used to his company. The thought of being alone with my sisters scared me in a way I hadn’t thought possible.
“No. I feel like doing some pottery tonight. I’ll still make practice on time.” He sighed and studied the snow around us. “You’re not walking in this.”
Before I could protest, he scooped me up. “I’m not invalid.”
“No, you’re not,” there was a twinkle in his eye when he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose playfully. “But the snow is deep and still falling and I’d rather not dig you out of a drift.”
Dinner with my sisters had been stressful. I didn’t know how to interact with them anymore. It made me sad, and I imagine all parties were equally relieved and exhausted when the meal had been over.
I skated in lazy figure eights over the ice as I thought about it. I had the new age radio station playing on low through the speaker system. They were my sisters, and I loved them, but I didn’t know them. And that’s what had made dinner awkward until Glory, bless her, had started asking questions.
By the end of the meal, it had felt like a first date, not a family get together. But thanks to Glory, we all knew a little more about each other. And Avala suggested we do it again.
“It’s not good to skate with your mind in the clouds.” North’s hands rested on my hips and his feet copied mine.
I would have fallen if he hadn’t been holding on. I hadn’t heard him enter the rink, or even skate out onto the ice. The music wasn’t that loud but then, I rationalized my mind had been far away.
“Will you let me skate with you?” he asked and skated around to face me. His footwork was still mimicking mine even as he linked our fingers together and lazily spun us.
I didn’t answer him, but allowed him to take the lead. He pulled me close and spun us into a lazy waltz that followed the music.
“How was dinner?” he asked softly.
I smiled tiredly at him. “Tiring. It was
like having a first date with three other people.”
“Makes sense. You’ll have to learn each other again.” He spun me and twisted our arms so I was pressed back against his chest and his feet moved outside of mine.
I smiled as he spun me out and we dipped around each other.
“I’d like to ask you, since I’ve passed my juniors, if I could compete now.” He twisted around me without letting go of my hands and ended up in front staring down. “I’d like to compete.”
“I think it’d be best if you waited until you had your senior tests done. It’s only three months away if we keep pushing through practices successfully.”
“Come on, Hadley.” North rolled his eyes. “I need something to break the monotony of practices. A couple of competitions won’t hurt.”
“They will if you don’t have all the skills needed to be the best.” I looked up at him. “I want you to be the best, North. Not another one of these run of the mill wannabes. Please be patient.”
“I’m getting bored, Hadley.” He sighed. “I need something to stimulate. Something to show all this is worth it.”
“You’re not ready.”
“I think I am.”
I studied the lines in his face and sighed. He wasn’t going to let this go. Well, two could play that game. “Let me see what I can come up with.”
“Thank you.” He dipped forward and his mouth pressed against mine.
Surprised, I gasped and his tongue greedily entered and wiped my mind clear. My head was spinning, but I wasn’t sure if that was because we were or if that was my reaction to him. I felt his body press firmly to mine, and felt all the hard line and contours that I had felt when he had trapped me in bed, and pinned against the wall.
I had tried not to think about it. I had tried to forget how it felt. I had seriously failed.
We had stopped skating and North had me pressed against the barrier. His fingers were still locked with mine and his feet still planted outside of either one of mine. When he pulled away, I slid down the wall to the ice.
Leaving Tracks Page 14