by Brey Willows
You don’t know the half of it. She squeezed his hand and returned his serious gaze. “I know, old friend. I do. I don’t think you can get through what we do without carrying some of it with you. But that’s okay. I’d rather carry them than forget them. Because then the world would forget them too, and to have lived and died, with no one to mourn you, is a tragedy.” She let go of his hand and grinned, needing to lighten the moment. “Besides. We’re taking a vacation. You and I, and a few of the others from this mission. We all need a break to, as you say, scrape the stuff away.”
He nearly jumped from his seat he was so excited. “You mean it? Real time off?”
“Real time off. Go see your family, go see the Great Wall of China, whatever. But take the entire month off. The world will still need saving when we get back. And I could do to spend some time on the money side of things instead of the saving people side of things.”
The hotel steward came over to tell them it was time to go, and that their bags were already in the car. Ajan was on the phone as they walked out, making reservations for a flight to Haiti. He held the phone away from his mouth and put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Come with me? You know your aunties would love to see you.”
A fresh wave of pain hit her as she thought of her mother’s sisters. “Thanks, but I’m not ready. You go ahead.”
He nodded sympathetically and went back to his call.
As they headed to the jet, Kera considered what she might want to do with her time off. Suddenly, the idea of taking a vacation seemed ludicrous. There was so much to do—more research to focus on, heads of state to visit. I can do some of it from the house in France. At least I’ll feel like I’m away. They were on the tarmac, heading for the plane steps, when she noticed a commotion at a nearby plane. Reporters jostled for a place near the front and cameras were all pointed at an impossibly tall man with a thick, black beard and almost shiny swarthy skin, wearing a turban. Instinctively, Kera knew it was Mohammed, the prophet of the Muslims. He nodded solemnly at those waiting for him but ignored the cacophony of questions thrown at him by the reporters.
Since the gods had shown up, life had become more complicated. Praying to someone who may or may not be listening was one thing. Asking that person over a cup of coffee about things like cancer and genocide was something totally different. She knew for a fact the women who’d been in her facility had prayed just as hard as those who prayed in temples. But many of them were still buried beneath the rubble, their prayers silent on their bloodless lips. What had belief gotten them?
Kera tried to stay out of it all. No matter what, people needed help, and that’s what she was going to give. Even if the gods don’t.
Chapter Four
“Why me?” Tis crossed her arms and glared at Zed.
“You know why. You’re among the oldest here, you have experience with legal matters, you’ve spent the most time with the varied religious personnel, and you’re the most rational of your sisters.” He grinned at Alec. “No offense.”
Alec shrugged. “None taken. It’s all true.”
Tis felt like she’d been ambushed, and there was nothing she hated more than being backed into a corner. She needed time to consider every angle, but they were pushing for an answer now. The room was filled with the heads of every major religion, as well as a few of the larger minor ones. They all waited expectantly, to see if she’d be the one to draft the new constitution and business plan for Afterlife, Inc. Now that the gods had moved into the public sphere, entirely new issues had been raised, and the department heads felt boundaries had better be drafted sooner rather than later. It made sense, of course. But drafting a new rulebook with gods whose egos had gotten serious boosts from the corporate changes was going to be a nightmare of vanity and narcissism.
She sighed. “Okay. But I’m not squabbling. You decide on the big things, hell, decide on as many of the little things as you can as well, before I start. I’m not sitting in on the preliminary discussions. I don’t have the patience, and I’d end up feeding all of you to my snakes.”
Alec coughed behind her hand, and Tis knew she was trying not to laugh. Maybe threatening a room full of deities wasn’t a great idea, but she didn’t care.
“Once you’ve decided on whatever you can agree on, I’ll come in and start drafting the new constitution, and I’ll ask questions to clarify the rules. I’ll also try to think of any situations which might need addressing, so when I do come back, they can be dealt with accordingly.”
“That sounds wise and as though we’ve chosen the right person.”
Buddha’s smile was gentle, and as always, looked slightly mischievous. Tis smiled back at him, glad he was there. He’d been a friend and mentor for longer than she could remember. Although not technically a god, so many people prayed to him as an enlightened being they wanted to emulate, just as the other’s followers did, he had developed god status.
“Thanks, Bud. I’ll do what I can.”
Zed stood and surveyed the table. “In that case, why don’t we let Tis go, and we’ll begin bullet-pointing our guidelines.”
Tis gratefully headed for the door. As it closed behind her, she heard Zed say, “Now, let’s begin with territory and how we publicly discuss our own religions in comparison with others.”
Alec and Meg followed Tis, and they both burst out laughing the moment the door was closed.
“What? What have I missed?” Tis stared at them, bewildered.
“You just told a room full of egomaniacal gods how to act, what to do, and that you’d feed them to your hair if they didn’t behave. I love you so much.” Meg wrapped her arm around Tis’s waist.
Tis leaned into her embrace. “I’m thinking ahead. Can you imagine what’s going to happen in there? It will be a miracle if the building is still standing by tomorrow.”
Alec shook out her wings as though shivering. “I don’t envy you, Tis. I mean, every religion has its own take on war, the afterlife, death, submission…how do they say theirs is the right version without stepping on someone else’s toes?”
The elevator let them out into the reception area, and they each stopped to pet one of Cerberus’s enormous heads. She rarely stayed in human guise these days, preferring her normal three-headed canine form now that the building had become visible to the world at large. A cluster of humans constantly waited outside to catch a glimpse of their god. A strange phenomenon of “spiritual autograph hunter” had sprung up, along with bizarre trading cards. As press cameras flashed whenever a god left through the front door, humans pressed forward for inhuman signatures. Tis couldn’t help but find something about it distasteful, though she wasn’t sure why.
“I have an idea.” Meg took both their hands in hers and headed for the back door, which led into the safety of the compound. “Let’s fly.”
* * *
Tis closed her eyes as she soared over the black-jade Pacific Ocean, the sun warming her entire being. She reopened her eyes when she heard laughter. Ahead of her, Meg’s red wings looked like they were on fire as she twisted, spun, and dove through the air like a bird freed from a cage. She glanced behind her at Alec, who looked as relaxed and free as Tis felt. Her onyx wings looked like a living shadow, and her black eyes were alight with the freedom that only came with flying unhindered.
Tis couldn’t remember the last time they’d flown together just for fun, without having to head to a job site or business meeting. She concentrated on the way the wind lifted her hair and caressed her feathers, the way the warm ocean air felt against her skin. The tension she’d been carrying, the worry and frustration, dropped away into the ocean’s white caps. Meg’s shout made her focus, and she looked down to where Meg was pointing. Below them, a pod of humpback whales surfaced, and Tis laughed as they blew water high enough to hit all three of them.
Alec called from behind, “Let’s head to the Rim of the World.”
Meg banked hard and dove toward the water. She dipped one wing in the water and created a
wave of spray. Tis dipped her other wing, sent up a line of spray to the other side, and giggled like a girl when Alec followed suit behind her. They hadn’t played in the water together since…no, Tis couldn’t think of when.
She followed Meg inland, and they flew high above the smog layer and heat rising from the dry desert landscape into the cool air of the mid-level atmosphere. The constant human noise abated, and Tis drank in the silence like a tonic to her frayed soul. Desert turned to mountains, and she felt another part of herself return. She missed the forests and caves of their old life.
Meg finally slowed and landed on a heavily treed cliff, closely followed by Tis and Alec. She walked straight over to a massive oak and hugged it like an old friend.
Tis smiled, glad to know she wasn’t the only one missing the peace nature used to bring them. She sat on the edge of the cliff, and Alec sat beside her. Soon, Meg let go of her tree friend and sat on Tis’s other side. For a long while, they sat in silence, staring out over the thick blanket of clouds below them. They’d always loved this part of Southern California and had come here often when they’d first moved to Afterlife. This part of the San Gabriel Mountains was always above the cloud layer, and often empty. There were even a few caves in the cliff face below where they sat, and every once in a while Tis would sleep in one, just so she could feel like her old self again.
Eventually, Alec said, “I forget how noisy the world is now, until I hear the trees speaking again.”
“Mmm,” Tis murmured, not ready to break the silence.
“You know I like a lot of the changes, but I’ll always love this.” Meg wrapped her wings around herself, still staring out at the clouds.
They listened to the wind in the trees, the sounds of small animals rustling in the underbrush, and when Meg silently pointed, they watched a mountain lion stalk a rabbit in the valley below.
This is what life should be. Not squabbling gods or corporation contracts. Good and bad, moral and not moral. Nature, not concrete.
Almost as though she could hear Tis’s thoughts, Alec said quietly, “Want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what it is myself.”
Meg bumped Tis’s shoulder with her own. “Start with the emotion. Then go from there.”
Tis thought about it. Naming emotions had never been something she enjoyed. She preferred logic, justice, facts. Emotions were so nebulous, so unpredictable, and often irrational. “Okay. Frustration. I’m frustrated that it never changes. We do what we do, and then there’s another case, and another. I don’t know if humans have gotten worse, or if we’re simply more aware of them because we work a larger area. And granted, they’ve gotten a little better since the gods have appeared among them. But how long will it last?”
Her sisters listened without interrupting, and Tis could see them taking her seriously. She continued. “Tired. But not just had-a-long-day tired. I’m tired in my soul, in my being. We never get any real time off, and seeing the worst in people, and never having any fun…it’s exhausting. I want to go to bed, but when I do, I lie awake wondering when I’ll be called out on the next case, or I’m thinking about previous cases. And now, the company wants me to do this extra thing, and I feel like…like I don’t have a life outside work anymore.”
“Have you ever?” Meg asked, sounding genuinely curious.
“We did. We had relationships, we had friends, we went to cafés and bars and traveled just to travel, and not to work.” They stayed silent, and then it hit her. They still had all those things. They had relationships, and friends, and all the other stuff. She was the only one who didn’t. She felt the tears come, and she didn’t try to hide them. “Lonely. I don’t know how it happened, or when. I don’t know when I became this shell. Aulis reminded me—”
“Oh my god, how is she? Does she still drink like a whale? Is she still with that beautiful Norwegian with the huge—”
“Meg! Hush.” Alec frowned at her.
“Sorry. Go on, Tis.” Meg looked slightly contrite, but not entirely.
“Anyway, Aulis reminded me I used to be someone else. Someone fun, and daring, and sexual. What happened?”
Birdsong filled the air, and a slight breeze ruffled Tis’s feathers. She let her sisters think, knowing they’d give her question real consideration.
Alec said, “I don’t really remember it happening. I don’t think there was a moment when things changed. I think you were gradually taken over by the new way of life. It’s so different. And you know, I don’t think humanity has gotten any worse. I mean, when you think about Oedipus, Orestes, and even Clytemnestra, you know how awful people were, way back then. The Crusades, Vietnam, World War II. I think we just had fewer of them to look after. Now, with this global workload, I agree it’s overwhelming sometimes.”
“Maybe you need a break?” Meg’s brow was furrowed, and she leaned forward, as though into a thought. “I don’t mean a vacation. I mean a break. As in, we take over your workload, and maybe even grab someone from another department, and you take the time to figure out what you want. For as long as it takes.”
“Go find myself?” Tis gave them a wry grin.
“Well, yeah. Why not? Being immortal doesn’t mean we don’t get ennui. In fact, maybe we’re even more prone to it. Or maybe you’re having a midlife crisis.”
Alec snorted. “I think you have to have a life end to have a midlife.” She avoided the pebble Meg threw at her. “But you know, I think she’s right. With people behaving now that they think their particular afterlives are real, it’s a good time to do it. Go have some fun. Travel. Go to libraries in other countries and have sex with women between the stacks. Go see friends you haven’t seen in ages. Fly.”
Can I? Really? Then she realized. “What about Zed and the company stuff?”
Meg laughed. “How soon do you think they’ll figure out the answers you need? They’re going to come up with new ones every day they’re out among their fans. I’d say you’ve got time.”
At the same time, both sisters put an arm around Tis, and she felt safe, and more importantly, she felt hope. Maybe with some time away, she really could turn things around. She didn’t want to be this person anymore.
But who do I want to be?
Chapter Five
Kera woke to sunlight warming her naked skin. The thin curtains blew in a soft morning breeze and parrots called to one another over the lapping water beyond her deck. The beautiful woman next to her stirred and gave her a sleepy smile.
“Time?”
Kera kissed her forehead before getting out of bed. “Who cares?”
Anabelle stretched, and Kera appreciated, as she always did, her sculpted, toned, and tanned figure. Whenever Kera made it to her place in Port Grimaud, France, she and Anabelle spent some quality time together. Anna was a journalist, and they’d met when she was covering one of Kera’s projects. Ever since, they’d been close friends, and the benefits were truly an aside to an exceptional friendship.
“Coffee, then?”
“Always.” Kera loved being naked, and as she moved about the kitchen making coffee and chopping fresh fruit for their breakfast, she paid attention to the feel of the cool slate tile beneath her feet, the way the warm air caressed her skin, and the glorious smell of fresh coffee. For a long time, when she’d been younger and far more foolish, life had been about pleasure, whether in the form of women or daily living, it didn’t matter. It still was, to a large degree, and she didn’t apologize for it. When Anabelle’s hands slid over her stomach and moved up to cup her breasts, she was glad she spent so much time in the gym.
“I have to get going,” Anabelle murmured in her ear. “Work just called.”
Kera turned around in her embrace and cradled her face in her hands. “Busy lately?”
Anabelle sighed. “Since the gods have reappeared, there’s never a moment when something isn’t happening somewhere. Crime rates are down, but you can feel the tension in some places…like believers are ju
st waiting to explode. When people could say God works in mysterious ways as an excuse, they were content. Now that they’re getting answers, or not getting them, as the case may be, they’re not sure where they stand.”
Kera rested her forehead against Anabelle’s. “Be careful, okay? Zealots are zealots, and knowing their gods are real isn’t going to make them less so. They’ll just find new levels of crazy.”
Anabelle placed a kiss on Kera’s nose and grinned before she walked back toward the bedroom. “I’m always careful. And if I didn’t know better, I’d think you cared.”
Kera laughed. “You know I care. If I didn’t care, we’d do this at your place.”
Anabelle ducked back around the corner to look at her. “I know you do. And it’s not just because I’m the best lay you’ve ever had.”
After Anabelle left, Kera took her coffee out to the deck. The little village south of St. Tropez was a hidden gem. Built on canals by someone who wanted to re-create Venice, every house had a boat dock and a view of the water, often both in front and behind the house. Her sixty-four-foot yacht, the Madaline-Rose, bobbed gently, covered until it warmed up a bit more. She couldn’t wait to take it out again. Being on the water was freeing, not only because she felt at one with the waves, but because it was so hard to get hold of her. Thanks to no Wi-Fi or phone reception, she was forced to live in the moment, and there’d never been a time she wasn’t grateful for that. It was something her mother had tried to teach her, which was why she’d named the boat after her. But she hated the cold, and being stuck inside, even on the water, wasn’t what it was about. There was nothing like having sex on the deck in the sun—
Her phone rang, calling her back to the moment. She grabbed it. The head of a company couldn’t take a real vacation, not the way other people could. She accepted that and was just glad she had the kind of staff she could leave in charge so she could get away physically once in a while.