by Carol Rivers
Alfie returned holding a small red carriage. There was a big smile on his face and Alan hauled him up on his knee. ‘We’re gonna have some fun tonight, son.’
Very soon, they were all sitting on the floor in front of the fire. Kay watched her husband’s big hands join the lengths of track. He looked so handsome in his soldier’s uniform. It was the first time she had ever seen his black hair cut so short. His cheekbones were clearly defined under his beautiful tawny skin. She hoped the army was feeding him well. She couldn’t stop looking at him. The old feeling slowly came over her. A pull of attraction from the pit of her stomach. When his eyes met hers, she knew he was feeling the same.
‘I miss you,’ she mouthed silently above Alfie’s head.
‘And I miss you,’ he whispered back.
Kay burst into laughter as Alfie and Alan rolled on the floor, the train set forgotten. Alan’s strong arms took hold of Alfie and lifted him into the air. There were screams of delight and deep chuckles.
Kay wished that every day could be like this. All that was important in life was holding the people you loved, being close to them and listening to their laughter.
Alan felt as though his whole body had been tranquillized with some wonder drug as he lay next to Kay that night. After making love, her body was warm and soft to his touch and he listened in contentment to her steady breathing. While away, he had hungered for her with such desperate need that he had dreamed of this moment a thousand times. Real dreams, daydreams, had removed him for a while from the reality of his life. They were good together; Alan knew that. After making love they seemed to slip into another world, far away from the one in which the war had trapped them. It was as though nothing had been before, not the long months of separation, nor the doubt that beset him of ever really having an honest life, an existence where there was nothing hidden. In the moments they came together, none of this mattered. It was just him and Kay . . .
‘Alan?’ She stirred, turning lazily to lay her hand on his chest. ‘I was going to ask you so many questions. But now they don’t seem important.’
‘What sort of questions?’ He looked at her in the darkness and wished he could read her eyes. He stroked her hair away from her face. ‘You know I can’t tell you much. But I will one day. When the conflict is over.’
‘If it’s ever over.’
‘Listen, we’re going to win this war. Until the day we do, I’ll always be thinking of you and Alfie.’
‘When will we see you again?’
‘You know I don’t know that either.’ He kissed her full on the mouth. ‘I was lucky to get this leave.’
‘Does that mean you’re saying goodbye for a long time?’ There was a note of panic in her voice.
But Alan couldn’t tell her anything. He couldn’t tell a soul. He was frightened even to think of the mission himself. All war was dangerous, but the irony was he was not only at war with the Axis but with Military Intelligence too. Whichever way he looked at it, his Company Commander had brought the truth home to him. This time there was no escape. The day he had met Kay and fallen in love, he had forged his own shackles. Because he loved her so much, they were impossible to break. Kay had made him a better man, a faithful husband and loving father. The man he was, he had left behind. But the military had called him back to service and now he had to deal with the consequences of his past.
‘Kay, do you trust me?’
For a moment she was silent. ‘You know I do.’
He buried his face in her hair. ‘I want you to remember that everything I’ve done since we got married has been for you – for us. For our family.’
‘That’s a funny thing to say.’
‘You’ll remember that, won’t you?’
‘Course, but—’
He didn’t let her finish. Instead he kissed her, drawing his hands over her breasts and to her back, feeling the supple curve of her spine and instant reaction to his own arousal. Words, fortunately, were soon unnecessary and the passion that melted them together was all that mattered. All that counted. Tonight was what mattered.
To be in this moment, with Kay in his arms.
Chapter Eighteen
Over a week later, Vi turned on the wireless to hear of a new bombing campaign. This time it wasn’t Russia, Singapore or El Alamein, but a place in the Baltic called Lübeck.
‘Gawd almighty,’ said Vi as they stood at the sink preparing vegetables for that evening’s meal. ‘Whatever next? The RAF has dropped ’undreds of high explosives and fire bombs on this little ship-building port I ain’t even ever heard of before.’
They were silent as the news filtered through of the round-the-clock offensive aimed against arms factories built in the centre of this small town. ‘I can’t rejoice,’ said Kay, putting down the potato she had half peeled. ‘All those innocent men and women and kids going about their lives just like we were when the Blitz began.’
‘And listen to the hoity-toity tone of that announcer,’ huffed Vi, filling the pan with water. ‘As if it’s a personal victory. Reckon we are brainwashed to enjoy other people’s suffering.’
Kay returned her attention to the vegetables, but soon she couldn’t see. The tears had collected in her eyes as the BBC voice droned out all the statistics, reminding the nation of all the towns and cities in Britain that had been unrelentingly bombed in the past.
‘Oh, stop it!’ Kay turned the wireless off and put her hands over her ears.
‘What’s the matter, flower?’
‘I don’t want to hear any more.’
‘Are you worried about Alan?’
Kay nodded. ‘Course.’
‘Come on, sit down a minute. I’ll put the kettle on. The kids are all playing next door. We’ve got five minutes’ peace whilst they’re occupied.’
Kay slumped down on a chair. Was it right to kill others in retaliation, she wondered? Is this what the war was about? Tit-for-tat and so-called justice. Her head was spinning with the announcer’s persistent claims.
As the kettle boiled, Vi sighed. ‘No one said life is fair, ducks.’
‘But when will this war stop?’ Kay wiped her damp cheeks. ‘How long do we go on hurting each other?’
‘It’s the human race. That’s what we do best. Fight for our countries. If we didn’t fight, the enemy would invade us.’
Once again they sat thinking. ‘If only I knew where Alan was,’ Kay said with a sigh. ‘Not knowing is putting me on edge.’
‘You’ll get used to it, Kay.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘Nothing else worrying you, is there? Have you seen that stranger again?’
‘No.’
‘Did you tell Alan?’
‘Didn’t want to worry him.’
Vi craned her neck to look out of the window. ‘Would you believe it, Paul’s gone next door again. That’s the third time this week he’s called. Bit regular, this decorating lark, ain’t it?’
Kay went to stand beside Vi. They watched the tall figure of Paul, dressed in overalls, disappear into the Anderson. He was gone for a minute then appeared with a tin. ‘Must be for the decorating,’ Kay said.
But Vi gave Kay a scowl. ‘It don’t take that long to paint four walls.’
‘The house is in a bad state.’
‘I hope that girl keeps a sensible head.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Obvious, ain’t it?’
Kay felt upset at this remark. ‘Babs is only interested in her place looking nice.’
Vi didn’t reply and instead made the tea. As Kay looked down at her half-peeled vegetables, she felt angry. The war distorted everything: people’s lives and opinions. It was true, there was always temptation for lonely women. But Babs was different. She loved Eddie and her kids. Even so, Kay began to think about what Vi had said. At the factory, there were affairs going on all the time. Some of the women had taken boyfriends in their husbands’ absence. Some even boasted of it. But Babs was a good mother and loyal wife.
She had always put her family first. Kay began peeling the potato again. Babs was levelheaded and would never stray.
She was sure of it.
On a sunny April morning, Kay received a letter from Len. He had written a page only and it was rather formal. He told her that Lil and Bob had asked him and Doris to Berkshire to stay for a week or two in spring. But he was too committed at work in the early months and only had time in late summer, August or September. He added that he thought it was a good idea if Kay brought Alfie along then too and they could all spend some time together.
Kay decided she would not hurry to reply as August and September were a long way off. It was nice that Len had written to her with the suggestion and it showed that Doris too felt agreeable to meeting up. However Kay didn’t want to make an arrangement that she’d have to break if, by some miracle, Alan came home. Deciding that she might discuss this with Babs, she called on her friend the next morning.
‘Kay, Alfie,’ Babs said in surprise as she opened the front door to Kay’s knock. ‘Come in, both of you. I’ve been meaning to call round. Sorry about the smell of paint.’
‘Is the decorating finished?’
‘Not yet.’
In the front room, Kay was surprised to meet Paul, who was dressed in his overalls and splashing a green colour over the walls. ‘Hello, Kay.’
‘This looks nice.’
‘Yes, it does,’ agreed Babs. ‘But Paul suggests hanging wallpaper in the passage to cover the holes.’
‘Won’t that be a bit expensive?’ said Kay.
‘No, I can get hold of some wallpaper at work,’ Paul said with a shrug.
Just then, Gill and Tim came noisily down the stairs. ‘Aunty Kay, can Alfie play with us in the street? The backyard’s too small for rounders.’
‘I don’t know about that.’ Kay hesitated. She was thinking of what Lil had said about kids roaming the streets of the East End.
‘I’ll watch out for them,’ volunteered Paul, nodding to the window.
Kay saw Babs blush. ‘I’m sure he’ll be all right, Kay. Gill, you’ll look after Alfie, won’t you?’
‘Yes, course.’ Gill grabbed Alfie’s hand.
‘Off you go then.’
When the children had gone, Babs led the way to the kitchen. Kay thought that Babs looked exceptionally pretty in her summer frock and sandals, with her wavy blonde hair now styled at shoulder-length. Remembering she had intended to talk to Babs about Len’s suggestion of meeting up, Kay realized that seeing Paul in the front room like that had quite put her off her stroke. Instead she said uncertainly, ‘So, have you heard from Eddie yet, Babs?’
‘Yes. He’s due some leave soon,’ Babs replied as she put the kettle on.
‘Oh, that will be wonderful.’
‘Yes.’ Babs kept her back to Kay.
‘You must be excited.’
‘I am. It’s just that I’m not holding out hope. You know what the services are like. They could cancel at a moment’s notice.’
‘I’ll have the kids over when he’s home. You and Eddie can enjoy a romantic evening.’
‘Thanks.’ Babs didn’t smile. Instead she said quickly, ‘And what about Alan?’
‘Nothing since his last letter,’ said Kay. ‘Though I did have a letter from Len inviting me and Alfie up to Mum’s in Berkshire later in the year. Said it would be nice for us all to spend some time together.’
‘How do you feel about that?’
‘I don’t know yet.’ Kay was on the point of giving the reason for her doubts when Babs spoke again.
‘Kay, can I ask you something personal?’
‘Course, what?’
‘It’s about Norman.’
‘My Norman?’ Kay was surprised.
‘I suppose it’s not exactly about Norman . . .’ Babs looked uncomfortable as she hesitated. ‘You’ve been married twice, Kay – you’ve loved two men. Do you ever think of Norman and your life together? In comparison with how you are now with Alan?’
Kay frowned. ‘Is there some reason you’re asking?’
‘Yes, there is.’
‘I loved Norman in my own way,’ Kay said carefully. ‘He was a good husband. We grew up together and neither of us went out with anyone else. It just seemed to be expected of us to get married.’
‘But with Alan it was different?’
Kay smiled. ‘Yes, very.’
Kay saw tears sliding down Babs’s cheeks. ‘Oh, Babs, whatever’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ Babs sniffed and turned away.
‘Is it Eddie? Are you just missing him?’
‘No. It’s not that.’ Babs pushed her hair away from her damp face and once again gazed into Kay’s eyes. ‘You might not speak to me again if I tell you.’
‘Don’t be daft! You’re me best friend.’
‘You’re the only one I can tell.’
‘Is it to do with Paul?’
Babs nodded. ‘Have you guessed?’
‘I hope not.’
‘It’s not that I don’t love Eddie, I do. He’s a wonderful husband and father. We’ve been married ten years. But I can’t help these other feelings.’
‘What sort of feelings?’
It was a long time before the whispered reply came. ‘I’m attracted to Paul and I can’t think clearly – I can’t get him out of my mind.’
Kay stared at her friend. It wasn’t as though Babs was talking but someone else whom Kay didn’t know. ‘Babs, this isn’t like you.’
‘I know and I’m ashamed of meself. But it’s the truth.’
‘Is he – does Paul . . .’
‘Yes, he feels the same too.’
‘Has he told you so?’
‘As he was leaving the other night and the kids were in bed, we were about to say goodnight. It was like something came over us. We knew it was wrong but neither of us could stop. We just couldn’t help kissing.’
Kay felt as though she wanted to get hold of Babs and shake her. ‘Babs, you’re a married woman.’
‘I know.’
‘You’ve got to snap out of it. You’re just missing Eddie. And what if the kids saw?’
Babs was silent, wiping her cheeks with her fingers. ‘That’s why I asked you about Norman and Alan. I wondered if you could love two men at the same time.’
‘You’re not in love with Paul. It’s just an infatuation. Stop now before any harm is done.’
‘Oh, Kay, I don’t think I can.’
‘Babs, you’re risking your marriage. Think how hurt Eddie would be if he found out.’
‘I don’t know about that.’
Kay was shocked at this comment. ‘Eddie adores you. You and the kids are his world.’
‘All he writes about is the weather.’
‘That’s just Eddie. Listen, don’t have Paul to work inside the house again. Put temptation out of the way.’
Suddenly there were voices from the passage. Babs quickly dried her eyes on the towel hanging from the nail driven into the side of the table. ‘What’s the matter, Gill, what’s wrong?’ Babs called, clearing her throat at the same time.
‘It’s a lady for Aunty Kay,’ Gill shouted. ‘She was knocking next door so I told her Aunty Kay was in here.’
Kay and Babs walked into the passage. Gill ran off leaving a woman with long blonde hair standing on the doorstep. Beside her was a young boy of about Tim’s age.
‘Can I help you?’ asked Kay.
‘I’m looking for Kay Lewis.’
‘That’s me.’
The woman raised one slim, black-pencilled eyebrow. ‘My name’s Dolores, but everyone calls me Dolly. And this,’ she placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, ‘is my son, Sean. Named after his Irish granddaddy.’
Once again there was silence.
‘Have we met before?’ asked Kay.
‘No. But my surname is Lewis, just like yours.’
Kay frowned. ‘So you’re a relative?’
‘You could say that, yes.’ Dolly added with a
tight smile, ‘We’re both married to the same man – that good-for-nothin’ fly-by-night, Alan Lewis.’
Chapter Nineteen
‘There must be some mistake,’ Kay protested. ‘You’ve got the wrong person.’
‘I’m after Alan Lewis of Slater Street. Harry Sway told me he lives at number one hundred and three.’
‘Harry? What’s he got to do with it?’
‘I met him in a pub recently. He described Alan down to a T. Seems your Alan and mine are one and the same.’
‘That’s impossible,’ Kay insisted. ‘I think you’d better leave before I call the police.’
Dolly Lewis laughed. ‘Go ahead, love, call the Old Bill. You’ll do me a favour as it’s what I intend to do anyway when I leave here.’
Kay was so startled that she stood there open-mouthed.
‘Kay, you don’t have to listen to this nonsense,’ Paul said as he strode in from the front room. ‘Do you want me to see this lady out?’
‘Stay right where you are, sonny boy,’ snapped the woman, her eyes flashing. ‘This is none of your business.’
Paul ignored her. ‘Just say the word, Kay.’
In the silence that followed, Kay found herself considering his offer. But the woman’s cold, bitter stare told Kay that she meant every word she said. ‘You’d better come with me,’ Kay answered, nodding to the front door.
‘A bit of sense at last!’ Dolly Lewis sneered.
‘I don’t seem to have much choice.’ Kay pulled back her shoulders. ‘I’ll give you five minutes to say what you have to.’
‘You’ll be surprised at what I can tell you in half that time,’ said the visitor, making Kay’s heart sink.
‘It’s true, on me kid’s life,’ Dolly announced as she puffed heavily on a Woodbine and reclined on a chair in Kay’s kitchen. ‘You and me, love, have got ourselves hitched to a right scoundrel who left me and the lad here high and dry.’ She nodded to the young boy at her side. ‘Not satisfied with what he done to us, he pulled the wool over your eyes too.’
Vi’s expression was one of pure disbelief as she stood at the sink, listening.
‘You must be joking,’ Kay gasped when Dolly paused to take a breath.