by Carol Rivers
‘Has Paul called?’
‘I ain’t seen him, no.’
Kay shook her head sadly. ‘What a mess!’
‘Come on now, tell me all about your holiday.’ Vi stirred the delicious-smelling stew. ‘Did your mum behave herself?’
Kay rolled her eyes. ‘No, but then, it was no surprise. She kept dropping hints and especially in front of Gene.’
Vi stopped stirring. ‘Jean? Do you mean Jean Pearson?’
‘No. It’s Gene with a G.’ Kay told Vi all about the young serviceman and Vi’s eyebrows rose until they almost touched her scarf.
‘Was he handsome?’
‘Very.’
‘Did he ask you out?’
‘Me and Alfie together, in his truck.’
They both burst into laughter. Vi was shaking her head as she picked up the spoon again. ‘Go on with you, what did you say?’
‘No, of course.’
‘I knew that’d be your answer.’
‘Why did you ask me, then?’
Vi cackled. ‘Just for a laugh. Gawd only knows you can do with ’em round here these days. Now, let me see to this, make sure that meat is falling off the bone.’
Kay smiled as Vi turned her attention back to the big pot steaming on the stove. Leaning her elbows on the draining board, Kay stared dreamily into the yard. Alfie’s cart and frayed rope stood by the Anderson. Fresh weeds had quickly replaced the old ones and the fence was sagging so much it would only take a breath of wind to bring it down. Babs’s yard was much the same: an upturned wooden chair with a broken leg propped in the corner, a few scatterings of toys. Overhead, the skies were blue, though there were dark clouds threatening to the north. A September breeze blew coolly through the window as if to say that summer was almost over.
How was Babs feeling? Kay wondered. What had gone on with Eddie and Paul? She would find out this evening when she called round.
‘It’s only me. Are the kids asleep?’ Kay whispered when Babs opened the door to her soft knock.
Babs nodded and Kay stepped inside. The house felt chilly, with the only light coming from the kitchen. It was as if the life and soul had gone out of it.
‘Oh, Kay!’ Babs threw her arms around Kay. ‘I’ve missed you.’
‘And I missed you.’ They hugged and while Babs was in Kay’s arms, her friend gave a soft sob.
Kay patted her back gently. ‘It’s all right, it’s all right,’ Kay whispered as Babs continued to sob, sucking in deep breaths that shook every part of her. ‘Come along, love. I’ll make us a cuppa.’
With her arm around Babs’s waist, they made their way to the kitchen. Babs sank down on a chair, blowing her nose on her hanky as Kay put the kettle on to boil. Kay sat down too, holding Babs’s hand on the table and squeezing it a little as Babs tried to compose herself. When at last her friend had stopped weeping, Kay thought how washed out she looked. Her eyes were puffy and red, her hair lank and hanging around her shoulders. Her face was so grey and gaunt that her skin looked like paper had been stretched over it.
‘Oh, Babs, you look terrible.’
‘I feel terrible.’
‘Vi told me a little about what happened.’
Babs nodded, her stare full of pain. ‘It was awful.’
‘Did you tell him about Paul?’
‘No, the kids did. Tim talked about Mummy’s friend, Uncle Paul. Eddie soon cottoned on. After that, I couldn’t lie to him.’ The tears began trickling down her cheeks. ‘I told him everything.’
‘What did he say?’
Babs shook her head, unable to speak for a moment. ‘At first, he couldn’t seem to believe it, just kept asking me why. Was it because of the affair he’d had when Gill was born? I told him no, it wasn’t. And then he got angry. He knocked the chairs over and broke me vase. I’ve never seen him so angry before. I told the kids to go outside and play. But neither of them wanted to. They were frightened. Oh, Kay, what have I gone and done to us?’ Babs folded her arms on the table and lay her head on them, sobbing once more. They were loud, desperate sobs that had the tears springing to Kay’s eyes.
After Kay had made the tea, she tried to get Babs to drink it. But she wasn’t interested.
‘Have you eaten today?’ Kay asked.
‘I ain’t hungry.’
‘You’ve got to have something.’
Babs slowly raised her head. Kay was shocked at the sight of her friend’s deep distress. Kay pushed the mug closer and Babs’s thin fingers grasped it.
‘What happened then?’ Kay asked softly.
‘Eddie told me he’d never let me and Paul have the kids.’
‘What did he mean by that?’
‘He said that no other man was ever gonna be father to Gill and Tim. I tried to tell him no man ever would, that Paul wasn’t like that and it only made him more furious. He got hold of the carving knife, said he was going round Paul’s. The army had trained him to kill and that was what he was going to do.’ Babs closed her eyes and the choked breaths came afresh, shaking her body.
‘Babs, he didn’t—’
Babs shook her head and opened her tear-filled eyes. ‘I screamed at him, implored him, begged him on me knees not to do it. I thought he meant what he said. He had this look in his eyes, a mad look, like he was ready to do what he threatened. Then he put the knife to me throat—’
‘He what!’ Kay gasped, her hand going up to her mouth.
‘I think he’d have done it, Kay, but Gill came downstairs. She threw herself at me and him and . . . and—’ Babs paused, her lips trembling. ‘Eddie dropped the knife and held her and Tim tight. They was crying, both of ’em. We was all crying, all of us. It was terrible. Terrible.’
Kay tried to comfort her, but Babs was in no state to listen. She was in a world of her own, a nightmare world that she had never expected, had never imagined could happen. Kay held her friend close again. ‘Have you managed to get any sleep?’
‘No, I can’t shut me eyes without thinking of it.’
‘I’ll stay with you tonight.’ Kay went into the front room and shivered. It was freezing. The scuttle had some coke in it and pieces of wood and balls of newspaper. She put them all into the grate and made a fire, waving a paper fan and slowly encouraging the flames to catch to the wood. Very soon the heat of the fire was warming the room and Kay went back to the kitchen. Babs hadn’t moved. But she was silent, her head resting on her arms, her lank hair falling across her face.
‘Babs, come into the front room.’ Kay helped her to stand up and slowly they walked through the passage to the flickering shadows in the hearth. Babs stood there, looking into the fire. Kay took her shoulders and guided her to the couch. ‘Lay down here, I’m going to fetch a pillow and blanket and you can sleep in the warmth by the fire. Then I’ll tell Vi I’m staying.’
Kay hurried upstairs and looked into the children’s bedroom. Gill was asleep in her bed and Tim in his. Kay thought what a terrifying experience it must have been for them to see Eddie holding a knife at Babs’s throat. What had happened after? Had Eddie carried out his threat and gone to Paul’s?
Kay took a blanket and pillow from the big double bed in Babs and Eddie’s room. She gave a shiver as she gazed around. The Tripps’s house had been a refuge for Babs and Eddie after their own had been bombed. But now it felt cold and unloved. Why did all this have to happen when they had been such a happy family?
Kay made her friend comfortable on the couch and decided to wait till Babs was asleep until she told Vi what was happening.
To Kay’s surprise, Babs soon closed her eyes and drifted off. Kay guessed she hadn’t slept properly in days. Returning to the kitchen, Kay looked in the table drawer. The carving knife was in its place by the wooden spoon and ladle. If Eddie had used it on Paul, it wouldn’t be there now.
Chapter Forty-One
That night, Kay slept in the big fireside chair keeping watch over Babs.
‘It’s all right, everything’s all right now,’ soothed K
ay, going to her friend’s side when she woke up in the early hours.
Babs’s head sank back to the pillow. She looked at Kay with a haunted gaze. ‘Kay, what’s going to happen to us?’
‘Life will sort itself out.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because it always does. You and Eddie have gone through too much to let this come between you.’
After Babs had fallen asleep, Kay couldn’t get a wink. So she went into the kitchen and cleaned the dirty sink and swept the floor. She put out the bowls and spoons for breakfast and when dawn broke, she sat down on the chair and began to doze. It would be a while yet before Babs and the children woke.
‘Is Mum all right?’ Gill asked when she came downstairs in her nightdress, followed by Tim still dressed in his pyjamas.
‘Yes, but she’s having a lie-in. Come and sit down and I’ll make you your porridge.’
The two children did as they were told. Kay knew that whatever she said couldn’t take away the memory of what had happened to their once happy family. She tried to go on as normal and made the porridge, then sat down with them as they ate.
‘Your mum told me your dad came home,’ she said, trying to clear the lump in her throat. They looked so young and innocent to be caught up in such turmoil. Gill’s hair fell loose around her shoulders and Tim’s pale face still had a sprinkling of freckles.
‘Did she tell you what our dad did?’ asked Gill.
‘Yes. But sometimes people do silly things when they’re angry.’
‘Why did our dad get out the knife?’ asked Tim gruffly.
Kay looked into their unhappy faces. What was she to say? The truth would hurt so very much and it certainly mustn’t come from her.
‘He didn’t mean any harm, Tim.’
‘Was he going to kill Mum?’
‘No, your dad would never do that. He loves you both very much.’
‘It ain’t our fault then?’ asked Gill in a faint voice.
‘Course it’s not, love.’ Kay smiled. ‘Things happen in families sometimes that upset everyone. None of us are our normal selves when we quarrel. If you can be patient, I’m sure Mum and Dad will soon be themselves again.’
‘Is Mum gonna be all right?’ Gill asked, holding back her tears.
‘Yes, but she needs to rest. Now, eat up your porridge and get dressed as Alfie’s waiting to see you.’
The children nodded and slowly picked up their spoons.
While Babs slept late that morning, Kay took the children to see Alfie. They were soon playing together in the yard and happy to get back to their old routine. Vi cooked a big dinner of corned beef and mash for everyone and after that, Kay called round to see how her friend was. To her relief, the rest seemed to have done her good. Babs had brushed her hair and changed into a clean skirt and jumper.
‘Thank you for staying with me last night,’ she said to Kay as they sat by the fire. ‘Dunno what I’d have done if I hadn’t had you to talk to.’
‘That’s what friends are for.’
‘Kay, what have I been thinking? I had to face Eddie sometime. Just didn’t think it would turn out like that.’
‘Did Eddie go round to Paul’s?’
Babs shook her head. She pulled her hanky from her sleeve. Her eyes filled with tears but she kept them back. ‘No, he must have had second thoughts, thank God. But Paul came round here and I told him . . .’ she paused as tears filled her eyes, ‘that it’s all over between us.’
‘Did he accept that?’
‘I told him about Eddie and how upset the kids had been. He said he would do whatever I wanted.’
Kay watched Babs trying to hide her pain. ‘Do you still love him, Babs?’
‘I don’t think we could ever be happy after this,’ Babs murmured. ‘I nearly died of guilt when Eddie cracked up. It wasn’t his fault. I drove him to it. Eddie is a good man. He was just desperate. I know how he feels as, after his affair, I felt as though things would never be the same. Still, we managed to put the past behind us and got back to being a family. I only hope that Eddie will forgive me and we can try again.’
‘Perhaps you should tell Eddie that.’
‘I’ve written to him and asked him to have me back. Told him I’d never be unfaithful again. That I loved him and am sorry for hurting him.’
‘Is that what you want?’
‘It’s not just me, it’s the kids. And I’d never stop blaming meself if something happened to Eddie.’
‘But you have to go back to Eddie for all the right reasons.’
‘Aren’t the kids enough?’
Kay sighed. ‘It’s only you that can answer that, Babs.’
Babs looked down at her skirt, playing with an invisible speck of dirt. ‘I’ve got to put Paul out of my thoughts.’
‘But can you do that?’
Babs glanced up, her gaze resigned. ‘I remember my kids’ faces when they saw what was going on with me and Eddie. As if they hadn’t had enough with the bombing and their dad being sent away to war, they had to see their mum and dad fighting so violently.’ Babs shook her head. ‘No, it’s the end for me and Paul.’
‘Will Paul leave you alone?’
‘When he came round after Eddie had gone, it was a relief to know that Eddie hadn’t gone round there and carried out his threat. But I asked Paul to stop calling and said I meant it this time.’ Babs gave a little sob. ‘He just walked away.’
Kay sat quietly, watching Babs, her best friend, as close to her as a sister. There was nothing more she could say to help. Babs had to bear this heartache all on her own.
‘Things always get better in time.’
Babs nodded tearfully. ‘I’ve got plenty of that.’
‘Tomorrow I’ll take the kids to school if you like.’
But Babs gave a shaky smile. ‘No, we’ll all go together. It’s your Alfie’s first day of term and I want to be there when you wave him off.’
They sat a while longer in the warmth and quiet, the two friends each with their own thoughts.
Kay knew it would be a sad time ahead for Babs. The decision she had made was a hard one. She had sacrificed Paul for the sake of her kids and her marriage to Eddie. But whether Eddie would return to pick up the pieces was another matter.
As Babs had said, if Eddie returned at all.
That night, Kay and Vi were talking about Babs and Eddie as they washed the dishes after supper. ‘I hope Eddie will be able to forgive and forget,’ Kay said pensively.
‘He ain’t gone AWOL has he?’
‘Babs thinks he must have gone back to barracks as the military police would have called round if he hadn’t.’
‘Poor blighter. Fancy coming home to that.’
‘Babs has written, asking him to forgive her.’
‘What does Paul have to say about all this?’
‘He’s accepted it. He has to.’
‘I’m not so sure.’ Vi frowned thoughtfully. ‘He persuaded her back to him once before.’
‘I don’t think he will this time.’ Kay placed the china back in the cupboard. ‘Babs is suffering too much and Paul must see that. He’s a decent enough sort, after all.’
‘Yes, but he needs to make his own family.’
‘Yes, I suppose so.’ Kay rubbed her eyes. ‘I think I’ll have an early night.’
‘Course.’ Vi folded the tea towel onto its peg. ‘I wish you’d have yer own bed back again.’
Kay smiled. ‘I’ve got a nice warm fire to kip by.’
‘What about Babs?’
‘I told her I’d take the kids to school in the morning. But she said she wanted to come with me to see Alfie off.’
Vi nodded. ‘That’s a good sign. School will set us all back to normal.’
Kay hesitated. ‘Oh, I’ll just run an iron over Alfie’s new shirt before I turn in.’
Vi grinned. ‘No need. I done it all today.’
‘Oh, Vi, what would I do without you?’
‘Goodnight,
flower, get plenty of rest ternight.’
‘I don’t suppose there was a letter from Alan while I was away?’
‘I’d have posted it to yer, love, if there had been.’
‘Yes, course.’
‘You’ll get one soon. Don’t give up hope.’ Vi winked as she began to climb the stairs, groaning a little as she held her hand to her chest.
Chapter Forty-Two
The letter came one late October morning while Kay and Babs were walking to school. Vi stood there on Kay’s return, the envelope heavy in her hand.
‘It’s perishing,’ Kay began, peeling off her woollen scarf and gloves. ‘We’ll have to think about ordering some coal—’
Vi held out the telegram. A blue envelope sent by the War Office and marked Priority was what every woman dreaded. Vi had felt sick at the sight of the telegram boy who had delivered it.
Kay’s busy smile faded. She stood there, staring at it.
‘You’d better come and sit down.’
‘You’re sure it’s for me?’
‘I’m afraid so, love.’ Vi’s heart felt so heavy it could have been a lump of lead in her chest. ‘Let’s go by the fire.’ Vi sat on the couch with Kay.
‘I don’t want it,’ Kay said. ‘Throw it away.’
‘Come on, love, you have to read it.’ Vi took hold of Kay’s wrist and gave it a shake. ‘Sooner or later, you must.’
Kay turned her head away, staring vacantly at the wall.
‘Listen, Kay, there ain’t another choice here. This is news of Alan. And it might not be so bad.’ Vi knew that neither of them believed this. There was no reason for a telegram to be sent from the War Office unless it was bad news. Vi placed the blue envelope in Kay’s hands. ‘Go on, open it.’
Kay sat there, the blush on her cheeks from the cold weather fading. The lock of auburn hair that fell over her face trembled as did her fingers as she slowly opened the envelope.
Vi watched her as she read it, Kay’s long eyelashes fanning her cheeks as a muscle moved in her jaw. Vi knew that the shock was setting in.
‘It’s from a Major Campbell,’ Kay whispered. ‘Alan has been reported missing in action. He says, “At this very sad time, I cannot offer you more information. If further details come to light then you will be promptly notified”.’ Kay turned to Vi, her voice soft and trembling. ‘What does that mean? Has Alan been killed? Is he dead and they’re just not saying it?’