A Wartime Christmas

by Carol Rivers

  ‘But why didn’t you tell me when we first met?’ There was so much to understand.

  ‘Because I was afraid of losing you.’

  ‘You would never have done that.’

  ‘Oh, Kay. Can you forgive me?’

  ‘For not telling me who you were?’ Kay shook her head slowly. ‘The name doesn’t matter, but secrets do.’

  ‘I know that now.’

  The tears slid from her eyes as she looked at the man she had always loved. The man who said he loved her. Did she really believe a name mattered? Did the past count at all if you truly loved someone? If you knew them to be good and kind, a wonderful husband and father, a man who would always be there for you. ‘The dead soldier lied to you,’ she told him. ‘Dolly, his wife, came to our house and claimed to be your wife. She brought a young boy who she said was your son. It was a very unhappy time.’

  Alan groaned softly. ‘My commanding officer told me in my debriefing.’

  ‘But how did he know about Dolly?’

  ‘MI knows everything about its agents, Kay. We are under constant scrutiny. Dolly was considered a threat from the moment she knocked on the door. Every letter you wrote, every one of our friends and neighbours were vetted. Even Eddie and Babs’s move to next door was approved by ministry officials.’

  Kay took a sharp breath as her thoughts whirled. ‘There was a man in a coat and hat – I kept seeing him—’

  Alan nodded. ‘He was the one who pulled you out of the Tube stairwell.’

  ‘Alan, he saved my life.’

  ‘Yes, thank God.’

  ‘But what about the hundred pounds in the Post Office account? I thought it could have been Dolly’s,’ Kay protested. ‘And Sean – he looked so much like you—’

  ‘Both unfortunate coincidences, Kay. The money was legitimately yours to use and Sean was Alan Lewis’s son with Dolly. Sean’s father’s appearance was not unlike mine, which was one of the reasons I took his identity. And, in defence of my superiors, after the death of his mother, they were responsible for his safe recovery and later, the letter sent to the sanatorium.’

  ‘So Dolly is dead – really dead?’

  He nodded.

  Kay stared into her husband’s dark and soulful eyes. Tears of relief and love filled her own. How could she have ever doubted him? But Dolly had tried to convince her and the things she had said had seemed very real. Alan, her Alan, was a good man who would never have done the things that Dolly had accused him of. Yet, as guilty as Alan was of keeping his past a secret, she was as guilty for ever doubting his love and allegiance to her and Alfie.

  He brought her to him, kissing the tear-splashed skin of her cheeks. ‘Please don’t cry, Kay. It breaks my heart to think I’ve hurt you.’ Lying beside her on the soft ground he whispered words of love in her ears. There were so many more things she wanted to know, but were any of them really important now? She and Alfie had survived and so had Alan. The complicated paths they had led were a result of their love for each other and in her heart she accepted this. Very soon, she lost herself in the desire that filled every part of her body, knowing that living for the moment was the only thing that mattered now.

  Later, when the sun was a scarlet orb in the sky and tiny white clouds scudded across its surface, they made their way down the hill, arm in arm. Kay knew that whatever had happened in Alan’s past, his love and loyalty had given her happiness from the moment she had met him. She knew too that like many men caught up in war, Alan’s part in the conflict had been orchestrated by a force greater than she could imagine. He had told her that every country had its most secret weapon in the men they manipulated to fight wars on their behalf, and she believed him.

  But Kay also understood that she and Alan shared a love so deep and true that now they could survive anything that life had in store for them.

  ‘Are you ready to meet my parents?’ Kay asked with a smile as they retraced their steps through the green fields that led towards Monkton.

  Alan stopped and, taking her into his arms, kissed her tenderly. ‘I’ve endured three years without you, Kay. Imprisonment and its privations were nothing to the fear of thinking I might never see you or Alfie again. I shall never be able to thank your parents and Aunty Pops enough for taking care of you. We must build bridges with Len and Doris too. They’re good people and were right when they felt they couldn’t trust me.’

  ‘But they didn’t know the man I knew,’ Kay whispered. ‘The man who I fell in love with.’

  Alan held her closer. ‘There’s one more thing I’ve to tell you before we meet them.’

  Kay looked anxiously at him. ‘Is it good or bad?’

  ‘I’ll leave you to decide that. Kay, I’ve been back to Slater Street.’

  She gasped in a breath. ‘Have you seen our house?’

  He nodded. ‘It was the first thing I did after my debriefing.’ Alan gently brushed a lock of coppery hair from her face. ‘Darling, there will be no return to number one hundred and three, I’m afraid.’

  Kay held back the tears. She had always held a small hope that the house could be lived in again.

  ‘That doesn’t mean we can’t go back to the East End,’ Alan said quietly.

  ‘We can’t, with no home.’

  ‘There are new kinds of temporary houses being built on the island. Some even with a little garden and a patch of grass. It would tide us over while we got on our feet.’

  ‘Alan, don’t tease!’

  ‘I’m not. My CO pulled strings to get me a job in the docks.’

  ‘Your CO!’ Kay gasped. ‘Does that mean you’re still a spy?’

  Alan threw back his head and laughed. Soon Kay was laughing too, and he wrapped her tightly in his arms. ‘No, that’s all over now. I’m a free man. I’ve earned my liberty and intend to make the most of it. And that means making you and Alfie happy. Do you really want to go back?’

  Kay wiped away the tears from her face. ‘More than anything.’

  ‘We’ll need a house with three bedrooms of course.’

  ‘Three?’ Kay stared at her husband.

  ‘I spoke to your friend, Jean Pearson, too.’

  ‘You know about Jean?’

  ‘I told you, my CO knows—’

  ‘Everything!’ Kay interrupted ruefully.

  He nodded, smiling. ‘You’ll be pleased to know she told me that Sean will soon be well enough to leave the sanatorium.’

  ‘Alan, there’s something I have to ask you. Something very important to me.’

  ‘If it’s important to you, Kay, then it is to me too.’

  ‘It’s Sean. Could you ever think of adopting him? I know it’s a big step to take. But he means a great deal to me.’

  Alan looked deeply into her eyes and pressing his thumbs gently on her arms, he whispered, ‘I took a man’s name and identity. It’s only fair that in return I do something for him. I’d like to give his son the chance of being part of a family – our family. And if adoption is what will make you happy, I’ll move heaven and earth to achieve it.’

  ‘Oh, Alan,’ Kay cried, ‘having Sean back again is something I never thought would come true.’

  His dark eyes twinkled. ‘You’ve not asked me about the third bedroom yet.’

  ‘I can’t take no more surprises!’

  He grinned. ‘It’d be going spare for the occasional visitor, right? And I’ve been told there’s a certain someone needing a holiday, lives over Woking way.’

  Kay’s eyes widened. ‘You know about Vi too?’ She laughed and before Alan could speak, she added, ‘But of course, your CO knows everything!’

  ‘One thing I’ll say for my former profession, they were thorough.’

  ‘Alan, I’ve missed Vi so much.’

  ‘So what do you say?’

  ‘What do you think?’ She flung her arms around him. ‘Alan, I’m frightened this will all go away. That somehow the war won’t let go of us.’

  He held her tight. ‘Don’t be afraid. It’s
our time now, sweetheart. Every second we’ve got is precious. It’s time to make the world a better place for our children.’

  Kay felt happiness and hope bubbling inside her. Alan was right. The war was over, it had finally happened. Their new lives were about to start, but with each other, appreciating each moment as it came.

  She couldn’t wait to write to Babs and Vi and to Len and Doris and most of all, she couldn’t wait to see the island again. It wouldn’t be Slater Street, she accepted that. But one day very soon, she and Alan and Alfie and Sean were going to wake up to the familiar smell of the docks, the sight of fires belching out smoke from the hundreds of bomb-damaged chimneys and the calls of white-winged gulls mewing and sweeping low over the curves of the river.

  THE END