by Danni Roan
“He probably got a lecture by the look of things, but he’ll be alright. Chase is fair.”
“Do you know what happened?” Angie couldn’t seem to curb her curiosity as the young man walked toward them, hands thrust into the pocket of his dusty jeans.
Jace slipped into a chair next to Angie and grinned. “I think we’re going to get the story straight from the horse’s mouth,” he laughed.
“Don’t start,” the lean man named Brady growled as he dropped onto the hard bench. “I’m not getting into it.”
“But Brady, it isn’t like you to lose a guest,” the blonde girl teased.
“It is when I have to stop and fix something every five minutes for one lady who should have had the sense to stay home or take the wagon. Every time I turned around she needed something else.” Brady’s eyes fell on Angela and he blanched. “I’m sorry,” he balked. “I shouldn’t speak like that about our guests.”
“I’m sure you’ve had an exasperating day,” Angie said. “Besides I’ll bet some people are much more work than others.” She avoided looking down at her useless legs but felt the doubts bubbling once more.
“One Ginger Ale for the lady,” Jace teased placing her drink on the table. “Now let’s dig in.”
***
“I hope that whole mess didn’t throw you off tonight,” Jace said as he walked alongside Angie back toward the cabins. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to walk with her. He’d been off the clock for over an hour already but didn’t want to end the evening yet. “Our horses are very safe,” he added trying to set her at ease.
“I know they are,” Angie said, but there was no excitement in her voice. She knew that she would never be able to ride like others, and now, with an accident causing problems for Phil and Chase Haven, she didn’t want to be the next bit of gossip everyone was sharing.
“Why don’t you come out for the morning ride tomorrow?” Jace asked. “I’ll show you how sweet the horses at the Broken J are. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”
“Who says I’m worried?” Angie snapped feeling sorry for her tone immediately when she saw Jace’s face fall. He was a nice wrangler and for some reason seemed to feel that she was his personal responsibility. “I’m just not ready yet,” she finally said. “Thanks for inviting me to eat with you and the other crew though. It was fun.”
Jace smiled. He could tell that Angela had enjoyed being on the inside with the riders and workers of the ranch. She had gotten a different insight into what the place was like and being on her own out here it must have been nice to be around people her age. There were plenty of families and older couples who came to the ranch and usually several newlyweds or honeymooners, but most people came as a group while Angela had come to the Broken J completely alone. “Well, you just holler if you need anything,” he finally offered. “There’s plenty to do around here if you want to try.”
Angie smiled and it seemed to zing to his heart. Her bright features softened as her eyes lit. The smile was soft, a mixture of cheer, doubt, and hope that did funny things to his insides.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
Jace watched as Angela wheeled herself up the ramp into the tiny house and disappeared behind the closed door. It was still early even for ranch hours, and Jace turned toward the quiet of the barn. He didn’t feel like watching TV or playing cards with the other wranglers in the bunkhouse. He couldn’t get the pretty woman he had just walked home out of his mind.
“What you doin’ in here at this hour?” a gruff voice called from over a stall door.
“I could ask you the same thing Jackson,” Jace teased. “I’d have figured you’d be in a hurry to get home to Josie at this time of day.”
“Don’t think I’m not,” the lean cowboy with dark hair opened the stall door making his way into the aisle, his hand-carved cane thumping on the dirt floor. “We’ve got a mare about to foal, and I was just checking on her before I head home.” Jackson Auburn pivoted, closing the stall door and turning to watch the mare shift uncomfortably as she nibbled hay from a rack.
“Is your back hurting tonight?” Jace asked. “I can help out if you need any lifting done.”
“Nah, it’s just a twinge tonight,” Jackson grinned. “When that old bull tromped on my spine, I never expected to walk again, so I don’t fuss on a stiff night. Besides, I’ll go to therapy and massage tomorrow and be right as rain.”
“You ever miss it?” Jace asked. “Bull riding I mean?”
Jackson shook his head. He’d been one of Wyoming’s top bull riders winning more championships than he cared to recall, but nothing had ever brought him the peace and love of his new faith. “No, and I still get my fill of the rodeo with Josie barrel racing in special events and all. My hearts full and I love working with Chase raising these fine quarter horses. I’m content.”
Jace nodded still watching the dark mare as she shifted again. He wished he could find that kind of contentment. He had grown up on a ranch, but as the fourth son in the family, he had less work to do than his brothers and had grown restless. No matter where he went, usually working other ranches or odd jobs, he couldn’t seem to settle. It was like there was something he was supposed to be doing, but he didn’t know what it was.
“That sounds nice,” he said all the longing for understanding and a place of his own in his voice.
“Still don’t know what you want to do when you grow up?” Jackson laughed, slapping Jace on the back. “It will come,” he added more kindly. “I thought I knew what I was doing. Thought I had the proverbial bull by the horns, but turned out I was missing something I never knew I needed.”
Jace nodded. He knew Jackson’s story. How Josie had sacrificed everything to help him when he most needed a friend.
“I met a girl today,” Jace said glaring at Jackson when he laughed. “I don’t mean like that,” Jace grumbled. “She’s in a wheelchair like you were. I think she’s afraid to ride a horse, but that it might be the whole reason she came here.”
Jackson nodded. “I can understand that. I used the old pony cart Kade keeps here for a long time. Turned out that once things started to heal, riding was good therapy for me. I’m just glad Chase has some fine easygoing horses. I can only imagine how angry I would have been if I’d come off a horse after all those years as a bull-riding champ.”
“You think that’s it,” Jace asked. “Do you think she’s afraid of falling?”
“I don’t know,” Jackson said slapping him on the back again and turning away from the stall. “Maybe she’s just afraid of losing control. There’s so much that you can’t do in a wheelchair, and you have to fight for everything. It’s all just that much more difficult. Then you get people who think they should do everything for you.”
Jace nodded as he walked down the long barn with Jackson. “Thanks,” he said as they stepped into a starry night. “I’ll remember that.”
Chapter 5
A good night’s rest had Angie feeling like her usual bubbly self again as she swung her legs out of her bed and began to prepare for the day. The tiny home structure was perfectly suited for her needs, and she found it easy to move around, shower, or get dressed for the day.
This morning she slipped into her favorite jeans, donned a long-sleeved red blouse, and forced her feet into battered boots. Today she was determined to ride a horse for the first time. She knew all about the Broken J, and how they could accommodate handicapped riders. She had even met a woman here who was an amputee and had still been able to ride. It wouldn’t be easy. Nothing good ever was, but if she could do this, perhaps she would be strong enough to provide therapy for those struggling to put themselves back together, after major injuries or trauma, later on.
The short roll to the house for breakfast was cool, as the sun slipped over the horizon whispering promises of a beautiful day ahead. Angie had always been an early riser, and she enjoyed the quiet chill of the morning feeling that ‘God was in hea
ven and all was right with the world’. She smiled remembering the Anne of Green Gables quote, a favorite of her best English teacher years ago.
Angie made her way in through the back door, her eyes automatically scanning the crowd for a sign of a familiar and friendly cowboy, but she didn’t see Jace anywhere. Instead, she pushed herself to the guest counter and confirmed her name on the list of riders for the morning trek. It was now time for a good breakfast to fortify her body while she tried to fortify her heart.
“God I need to do this,” Angie whispered over her breakfast. “If I can just be strong enough, brave enough, to ride a horse, I know I’ll be ready for anything else you send my way.”
***
Jace saddled each horse in his string checking girths, saddles and bridles to make sure nothing was amiss. After yesterday’s misadventure, where thankfully no one was hurt, he didn’t want anything to go wrong. He had noticed that Angela’s name was on the list for the ride today and he had taken extra pains to secure her an especially calm and quiet horse. The special saddle had been added to the rotation and the lift was ready to help the curvy young woman mount. Everything was in order.
Still, nerves gnawed at his middle. He didn’t want anything to go wrong on this ride. He wanted Angela to be calm, relaxed, and happy with her first experience on horseback. There was so much to see out on the prairie, especially if you had the right guide. Early spring flowers could be found in specific areas of the ranch and the new shoots of green grass promised an extravagant summer.
All too soon, the riders descended from the ranch house, full of Mrs. Wade’s excellent breakfast and an enthusiasm for the western lure. It was always a carefully managed bustle getting everyone ready to go.
Jace smiled when he saw Angela wheeling toward him and hurried to show her the horse she would be riding. She smiled shyly at him, but he could see the light of determination in her eyes. This little Angel was made of stout stuff.
“I got the best horse for you,” he smiled giving her a conspiratorial wink. “He’s slow, steady, and very gentle.”
“Thank you.” Angie looked up at the thickset bay and a shiver ran down her back. She was sure that the animal was well behaved and accustomed to riders like her, but fear turned her breakfast to ashes.
“Can I watch some of the others first?” she asked. Hoping that by seeing the guests and horses interacting she would find the courage she needed.
“Sure, just hang out here, and I’ll come back around for you.”
Other wranglers were helping guests mount using tall plastic stairs, encouraging each person to follow instructions as they explained how to use the reins. “Mostly you just sit there and let the horse do the work,” one cowboy chuckled. “Keep your legs a bit tight, and you’ll be stable enough.”
Angie swallowed at the man’s words. She could not keep her legs in tight. She couldn’t even use her legs. How was she supposed to sit on a horse for a two-hour ride? She would fall off and probably break something. What if she fell and the horse got frightened and dragged her across the ground like she had seen in old westerns movies she had watched with her father? She didn’t think she could do this, but before she could protest, Jace was there, a cheerful smile on his handsome face. She had only met him yesterday, but he felt like a friend and she appreciated it, but what would he think if she couldn’t go through with this?
“I’ll help you into the lift,” Jace was saying steering Angie toward a sling lift next to her horse. “Once you’re up, I’ll move you over the saddle then lower you down. It’s real easy.”
Angie swallowed but gave him a nod as she scooted into the familiar lift. She’d used these sling lifts most of her life, but she had never been lifted so high before and her hands ached as she clung to the fabric of her seat. She was halfway to the horses back when the icy wave of fear crashed over her and she gasped for breath.
“No! I can’t do it!” she cried. “Put me down, put me down, please!” Hot tears poured down her face as the cowboy lowered her back toward the earth and adjusted the lift over the chair.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Jace’s voice was soothing the way a cowboy might speak to a spooky horse. “Just breathe,” he added as she settled into her chair.
Jace squatted before Angela trying to get her to look at him, but her eyes were tightly closed as tears leaked from under long dark lashes. “Angela, it’s all right. You’re safe.”
Angie’s breathing was coming in quick gasps, and she put her hands over her ears focusing on pulling herself together. She had to calm down. She had to focus. As her hearing began to return, Jace’s words called to her, and she opened her eyes meeting his soft blue gaze.
“Better?”
Angie nodded. “I’m sorry,” she whispered embarrassment making her face flame. “I’ll go. Thank you for trying to help.”
She turned her chair and began pushing hard toward the back of the big house. She could feel the eyes of the other guests boring into her crooked spine and her heart sagged. She would never be able to do this. She would never be able to help others overcome their fear and need if she couldn’t even get on a horse. It was no use. Her last three years in college were for nothing. A trauma therapist had to be strong, physically, and mentally. She would never be either.
Making the turn around the back of the house Angie aimed for the gap in the fence line that separated the old house from the cabin and camping area and saw a woman slipping through the door of the ‘Bath House’ which had been converted to a day spa. Perhaps a trip to the spa would work some of the knots out, and she could get her head on straight again. It might be just what the doctor ordered.
In a few moments, she had stopped in front of the building that had been turned into a spa somewhere along the way of the remodel wondering what the place would be like. She hoped it was wheelchair friendly. The building wasn’t overly large after all.
“You coming in?” a dark-haired woman with kind brown eyes opened the door. “Don’t worry you’ll fit right in.”
Angie sighed pushing her wheels up the ramp that led to the room. “Thanks,” she said trying to hide her distress from a few minutes earlier.
“You don’t remember me do you?” The woman asked as Angie rolled onto the rustic looking wooden floor. “I’m Del, I remember you from a few years ago when I came to visit and some strong truths you laid on me.” The pretty woman leaned down, rapping her knuckles on her lower leg, creating a hollow metallic sound. “You reminded me that I wasn’t my handicap.”
“That seems like a lifetime ago,” Angie rolled to a stop looking around her at the odd room she had entered. Two large massage chairs were pressed against a wall and the sound of soft music filled the space.
“Come on through,” Del said. “What are you looking for today anyway?” The other woman stepped through a wide door stretching her hand to indicate the three large copper tubs sitting against the back wall, white enameled knobs contrasting with their shimmering sides. “You can have a soak in the whirlpool, hang out in the sauna, or get a message. Did you bring your bathing suit?”
Angie blushed, she hadn’t even thought about what the spa would provide. “I guess I didn’t think this through,” she admitted. “I’ll just go.”
“Come into my office,” Del suggested. “We’ll do an assessment and then you can find a few minutes to relax.” The other woman’s voice was warm and welcoming, a soothing balm to Angie’s jangled nerves.
Angie eyed the large tubs with the high back but nodded. A long hot soak in a whirlpool tub might ease the tension in her shoulders, or just a message might do the trick. “I think a massage would work then I can book time in one of the tubs later.”
Del scanned the calendar on her tiny desk and nodded. “I can squeeze you in right now.” Her bright smile was encouraging and Angie returned it. “Do you have much pain?” Del nodded toward Angie’s chair.
Angie lowered a leg from the footrest on her chair and scooted forward. “I get some muscle spas
ms in my back,” she finally said. “I have spina bifida and the curve of my spine is so severe that I can’t stand for more than a few seconds at a time. Will that be a problem?”
“Not for me,” Del walked back around the desk and pulled back a curtain to reveal a massage table and a window high up on the side of the building. “Do you need help getting on the table?”
“No, just give me a few minutes to get comfortable, I’ll be alright.”
Angie wheeled up to the table looking around the small room. A cupboard with a tiny counter space held a lamp that glowed softly, the soothing scent of lavender oozing from the clay pot that sat over the flame. Behind her, the curtain closed again and Angie shimmied out of her boots, disrobing and pulling herself onto the table. The smooth linen was warm against her skin, and as soon as she dropped her face into the cut out of at the front, she could feel some of the tension ease. Reaching behind her, she pulled another sheet over her back and closed her eyes. This was just what she needed to get herself back together. The sound of the curtain opening again told her that Del had returned and Angie let her mind slip far away, as strong hands began to work knots out of overused shoulders and arms.
As the tension eased from her body, Angie felt her embarrassment grow. She had completely freaked out over getting on a horse. If she didn’t get herself under control, she would need to reevaluate what she planned to do with the rest of her life.
“You were carrying a lot of stress in your shoulders,” Del commented as she kneaded the sore spots along Angie’s spine. “You need to let go of some of that.”
Angie could hear the smile in the other woman’s voice and sighed. “I know,” she admitted. “Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything on my own, and I start getting overwhelmed.”
“You need to turn it over to God.”
Angie was quiet for a long time letting the words sift through her mind. It was true, but some days He seemed so far away and she felt alone. “That’s not always as easy as it sounds.”