by Riley Hart
They kissed as they stumbled their way to Van’s room. Removed each other’s clothes slowly. Made love messily and sweatily and passionately, the way they both loved.
They had a lot of shit to figure out. How they were going to make it work. What they would do. Van had an idea though. He missed Shane’s little house. Missed feeling like they were the only two people in the world.
He didn’t know exactly what kind of arrangement they would come to but as long as they were together, that was the only thing that mattered to him.
“Just wanna be with you,” Shane whispered in his ear as he slid their sweat-soaked bodies together, rubbing Van’s come between them.
“You read my mind,” Van replied and it was the only confirmation he needed that everything was going to be okay. They were both all in, and as long as they loved each other, everything would be okay.
EPILOGUE
“What do you want to do tonight?” Shane asked after he got out of the shower. It was a Friday night. He’d gotten off work a little while before and had gone straight to the shower to get cleaned up. Van had spent his day working on the addition they were making to the studio. He hadn’t been back in Last Chance but a few weeks when they realized it wasn’t going to work out for him to paint in the living room. Building a second room for him to use had been Shane’s idea and, well, it wasn’t as if he was going to argue with that.
Dinner was waiting on the stove and once Shane was dressed, they’d eat dinner together the way they did almost every night.
“How about you take that towel off and come here? I’d like to do you tonight. You be the outlet and I’ll be the plug. We’re electric together, baby.”
Shane snorted out a laugh at his cheesiness. He liked being cheesy for Shane.
“You’re a dork.”
“Am I?” Van asked.
“My dork,” Shane replied before flicking his towel open. He grinned at Van, grabbed a pair of underwear from the drawer and pulled them on.
“You’re a tease!” Van joked.
Shane sauntered toward him like an animal who had his prey in sight. Van had zero problems being under Shane’s attack.
He stopped in front of Van, stood between his legs and hooked his finger under Van’s chin before lifting his head. “Am I still a tease if I promise to put out tonight?” He bent over then and kissed Van before he could reply. He moaned into Van’s mouth, and Van could feel how much Shane wanted him in that kiss. How much he loved him.
The past three months had been the best of Van’s life and there was no doubt in his mind Shane felt the same.
He’d moved to Last Chance about two weeks after Shane had come for him. It was best for them to be here. He knew that and he was okay with it. It felt exhilarating in a way—taking this place back. Making happy memories in Last Chance. Making it his rather than what it had been growing up.
He still had his condo in LA, and the plan was he’d go back every few months as needed. He’d be going back for an exhibit in a month and Shane would be going with him.
They’d make it work that way. People traveled for work all the time.
He’d also had an intense conversation with Jonathan since coming back. Lines had gotten crossed somehow. When Jonathan and Van told on Caleb, Jonathan hadn’t known exactly what Caleb and Shane were to each other. He’d seen Shane come from the same spot in the woods but didn’t put the pieces together until now. He’d known he’d taken a friend from Shane, but seeing that Caleb got sent away, he realized there was more to it.
And Shane? Well, when Jonathan admitted they’d purposefully gotten Caleb into trouble, Shane had jumped to conclusions. He’d jumped to conclusions because he was scared.
They weren’t scared anymore.
They still weren’t quite sure how Caleb’s parents found out what Caleb had been doing in the woods. Maybe he’d admitted it because he’d thought they already knew, or hell, maybe he was just tired of lying. Maybe one day Caleb would come back, or Shane would find him, and they’d get those answers.
Maybe they’d never know.
“I was going to say we should go out, but now I changed my mind. You were right. Let’s fuck.” Shane tugged at his underwear, making Van laugh. Shane joined in and Jesus, there was nothing better in the world than laughing with Shane.
He straddled Van, pushed him so he lay on his back. “Hard already?”
“I was hard the second you got out of the bathroom,” Van told him.
“Yeah, I get it. Hazard of being with someone as sexy as me, I guess.”
“Hey! What about me?” Van countered.
“Oh yeah.” Shane leaned forward and kissed his collarbone, then his neck. “Sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Sometimes I still can’t believe you’re mine.”
“I am,” Van replied and rolled his head to the side to give Shane better access.
“I know. And I’m yours.”
Van grabbed Shane’s ass and Shane’s lips pressed to his and—knock, knock, knock.
Shane sat up and frowned at him.
“Annie?” Van asked.
“I don’t think so.”
She’d gotten out of her residential program a couple weeks earlier. It hasn’t been a miracle treatment. She didn’t walk out magically cured because real life didn’t work that way, but she was doing well. A little better from what Van could tell. They were trying a new medication and she was working on techniques and coping mechanisms with the neuropsychologist she’d been referred to.
One step at a time. That’s all they could do was take it one step at a time.
Van swatted Shane’s ass. “Get some pants on. I’ll go check it out.”
Shane nodded and got up. He was doing a lot better with not taking everything on as his responsibility. The woman Annie had hired to help was great. She’d be taking her to her appointments and visited often. They got along well. Again, one step at a time.
Van adjusted himself as he walked down the hall. He wore jeans and no shirt, because before Shane had gotten out the shower, he was about ready to join him.
There was another knock on the door just as he reached it. He pulled it open. “Mom?”
“Of course, it’s me. Didn’t forget what I look like already, did you?” she asked, but with a gentleness to her voice she didn’t typically have. As though she was trying to sound sarcastic but didn’t know how.
“Nope, but I’ve been here a couple months and this is the first time I’ve seen you. This is definitely the first time you’ve been to our place so you can say I’m a little shocked.”
He looked over her shoulder and into the driveway, but her car wasn’t there.
“Who is it, babe?” Shane rounded the corner into the living room just as his mom said, “My car is at Annie’s. I spent some time with her today.”
Van didn’t have to turn around to know Shane frowned. To feel the confusion and tension pouring off his guy.
“You’re gonna have to catch me up here, Mom, because I’m a little confused.”
“Can we talk alone?” she asked.
“Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Shane.”
He felt Shane right behind him then, the warmth, the support.
“Okay,” his mom replied, surprising him. “I can understand that.”
Van couldn’t. Well, not his mom agreeing to it, at least. He hadn’t expected it…but he needed it. Fuck, he wanted it. Wanted this, just hadn’t thought it would ever happen.
Shane put a hand on Van’s waist, again letting him know he was there as Van asked, “Do you want to come in?”
“Yes,” she replied. “I’d like that very much.”
“Would you like something to drink?” Shane asked her.
“Yes…please…tea if you have it.” His mom’s eyes darted to Van’s lover, before she said, “Shane.”
As crazy as it sounded, there was so much in that, in her saying Shane’s name.
“Okay, no problem,” Shane replied. “I’ll ge
t you a shirt, Van.” Shane disappeared down the hallway. He came back with a T-shirt on and then tossed a Last Chance Automotive shirt at Van.
He liked that, was sure Shane had done it on purpose too. They were together. They were in love. This was their life.
“Have a seat.” He nodded his head toward the couch and she sat down as Van pulled the tee over his head and Shane went to the kitchen.
He came back a moment later and handed her a drink, and gave Van a beer. Van looked up at him and Shane winked, then looked at Van with a raised brow as if to ask, should I go?
Van gave him a single nod, appreciating that Shane would do whatever he knew Van needed him to do. Van had also let his mother know where he and Shane stood.
“I’ll be on the deck if you need me.” Shane leaned over the back of the couch, kissed Van’s forehead, and left.
“You love him,” his mom said softly.
“I do.” Van shrugged. “And he loves me. He shows me every day that he loves me.”
She looked down and he knew what his words had done, even though that hadn’t been his intention. Still, Van didn’t take them back, because they were true.
“You deserve that and I’m sorry I never gave it to you…that I never showed you I love you the way you deserved, but I do, Van. And there is nothing, nothing I regret more than the way I’ve hurt you…the way we both hurt you.”
Van was silent. His throat had closed up. His mouth wouldn’t open. His heart slammed like a fist, over and over into his chest.
“Why?” Van asked. “Why couldn’t you show me? Why did you let him?”
Her eyes filled with tears. They raced each other down her face. “I don’t know. I was scared to lose him, or weak, or dumb. I don’t know. And I realize that’s not a good answer but that’s the one I have. He was…my father…. He used to hurt us. All of us, and he saved me. He saved me and he loved me and then I sat back while he did the same thing to you. God, what’s wrong with me?”
She shook her head, cried harder, but Van couldn’t move. Couldn’t console her. All he could do was listen.
She told him about how she’d grown up with an abusive, alcoholic father. He never kept a job and they had no money, then she met Van’s father, and he loved her and took care of her and saved her. The first time he’d hit Van she told herself it would never happen again. Eventually her brain told her he did it because he loved Van, wanted what was best for him. In a way, she was a battered wife without his father having ever raised a hand to her.
Sometimes the mind could make you believe anything. “Maybe that’s just my excuse,” she said softly.
“His health was getting worse. We knew that and he said he wished he could go back. Wished he could have his son with him, but you ignored his calls and turned him down at every attempt. I understand but—”
“Excuse me?” Van interrupted. “He never called me. He never tried to talk to me.”
She closed her eyes. Her chin quivered. “I thought… It doesn’t matter what I thought. What he said. The truth is, you’re still my son and I failed you. God, I wanted you to stay. Wanted to make it up to you somehow. The money, the business, if I could just get you to stay I thought we could find our way to each other, but every time I looked at you, I saw my failures. My guilt hit me so hard that I pushed you away. I pushed you away because it was easier to do than to tell you that I was wrong. That I failed you. That every time I think about what I allowed to happen, it eats me away inside.”
Her hands shook as she swiped at her tears but Van still didn’t move. He still couldn’t. “What changed?”
“I don’t know. I woke up? I called Annie and we’ve been talking. She loves you, Max—Van. I’m sorry, Van. She loves you the way a mother is supposed to love her son and….” She looked down, wrung her hands together in her lap. “She’s told me a lot about Shane. He sounds like he’s a good man.”
“He’s the best man.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” he answered truthfully. He didn’t know if he could. Maybe that was something else he’d have to take one day at a time. Life worked that way sometimes.
“I understand,” she told him. “You’re happy. I could see it on your face when you answered the door. It’s good to see you happy.”
They spoke for a few more minutes before Van saw her out. He went to his bedroom, the one he shared with Shane and dug out the letter in the sealed envelope that he’d never read.
He took it outside, went to the deck, and the second he stepped out, Shane pulled Van into his arms. Shane hugged him, rubbed a hand over Van’s head, down his back. Squeezed him, told Van he loved him and held Van as he cried.
Eventually, Shane built a fire in the pit and they sat around it as Van told him what happened.
“I’m proud of you and whatever you decide, I have your back, Van. Always.”
Van had once told Shane the same thing. He’d have Shane’s back and he knew Shane had his. “I know.”
Van pushed out of the chair then, stood next to the fire, and dropped the envelope in. He didn’t want to know what his father had to say. It wouldn’t change anything. Nothing ever could where he was concerned. As for his mom, time would tell. That was life, though. It was all a process. Whatever happened between them, it wouldn’t be solved—or not in one day, at least.
Shane moved and stood next to him. They watched the paper burn. It felt like the last piece of the past Van hated, going up in flames, the depth of field getting even more limited. Damn, it felt good.
“I love you.” Shane wrapped an arm around Van and pulled him close. “Sometimes I just look at you, amazed you’re here. Not sure what I did to deserve you but I know not a damn thing would ever make me let you go. Whatever you do, Van, whatever happens, know you’re a good man. The best man I know, and I’ll do my best to love you the way you deserve to be loved every day of our lives.”
“Mmm. You’re good at sweet talkin’.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are. I love you just the same. We’re gonna have a long life together, loving each other right.”
Because that’s what life was about, wasn’t it? Loving people, getting loved in return.
“Wanna go in the bedroom and show me how right you can love me?” Shane asked with a grin.
Van laughed. “You know I do.”
They put out the fire, went to their room, and were all hands and legs. Mouths and lips and hearts, just like they would be for the rest of their lives.
THE END
Return to Last Chance in Caleb’s book, coming soon!
Continue reading for an excerpt from A HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS, from Riley Hart, written as Nyrae Dawn.
CHAPTER ONE
It was my best friend’s older brother who made me realize I’m gay. Sure, I’d wondered before. I mean, a part of me had to have known, but it was Levi who made me admit it to myself. Or rather, it was the fact that when I really started jerking off on the regular, it was to thoughts of him. It didn’t matter that he was an asshole—a straight-as-straight-could-be asshole—he was the star player in a whole hell of a lot of my fantasies growing up.
But then I went away for college and made all of those fantasies and more come true. Not with Levi because of the whole being a straight asshole thing, but once I was out of Coburn, the small town in Oregon where I grew up, I didn’t need to pine after the guy I’d never have. I was in San Francisco for fuck’s sake. Home had a shortage of gay guys to choose from, but San Francisco was an all-you-could-eat buffet.
Now it’s winter break and I’m home from college, so of course the Levi-factor is in effect again. His family is throwing a holiday party and I’m sitting on their living room couch watching Levi do what he does best: charming a group of women. He must be telling some kind of joke or something because they’re laughing and smiling, all eyes pinned on him. He was always the golden child—straight A’s in school, popular, good a
t sports. Maybe that’s why I wanted him so much. He was everything I wasn’t. Not that I want to be those things, because I don’t, but on him they’re sexy as hell.
He flashes a smile at his admirers that gives me a tingle in my balls. Groaning, I try to look away but can’t. He’s always had this magnetic energy that sucks me in.
His hickory-brown hair has grown out since I saw him last. It’s hanging in his face, almost blocking his dark eyes. When he grins, big and bright, his thin lips stretched wide, the group does the same. It’s like when someone yawns and you’re powerless not to yawn yourself. Sometimes it’s as though he lends you some of his confidence, or at least I tell myself that. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels that way as everyone looks at him like he’s teaching them to hang the moon. But then he has to go overboard when he puts his arms out, flexing his biceps. That’s when I roll my eyes and look away.
“What a fucking idiot.” My best friend Chris sits next to me on the couch. We met in fifth grade and we’ve been tight ever since. I was the quiet kid before I met Chris. Take after my dad that way, I guess, but Chris pulled me out of my shell.
We were always doing something stupid when we were kids. Nothing too outrageous: got caught drinking and smoking a few times, missing curfew. He stole two Playboy magazines for us to jack off to, which was when I first realized there was something different between the two of us. Naked girls and tits did nothing for me. I pretended to come as hard as he told me he did, and then a few months later, I was forgoing the magazines in favor of mental images of his brother.
“Eh,” I reply, because talking about Levi with Chris never goes well. He’s always had issues with his brother.
“Watch them, though—women eat him up. I don’t fucking get it. I swear to God if Gemma falls for him I’m going to beat his ass.”
Laughing, I look at Chris. His hair’s the same shade of brown as Levi’s but it’s shorter. Chris has always had this jealousy thing with his brother, which I guess is probably normal. I don’t have siblings so I wouldn’t know. His concerns aren’t too farfetched, though. Every girl who spends more than five minutes with Levi ends up falling for him. I can see why Chris would be jealous, especially because Chris had been in love with some of them. Or at least, he’d wanted to screw them. There was one girl in particular who Chris had been into. They’d fucked around a few times and the next thing we knew, Levi was taking her out. Chris hasn’t forgiven him for that one.