by Linda Finlay
‘You mean you’re putting your feelings before my wishes?’ he said so quietly she could hardly make out his words.
‘It’s not like that,’ she protested.
‘Looks like it from where I’m sitting.’
‘Oh, you don’t understand,’ she cried, making for the door.
‘Typical blooming female, taking off as soon as the going gets a bit tough,’ Mr Cary spat, coming back into the room.
‘I’m sorry,’ Eliza began.
‘We don’t need your platitudes, girl. My James here is a fine fellow and you should be proud to support him. Had my doubts about you the first time I set eyes on you. Now get out of my house and don’t ever set foot in it again,’ he ordered.
She turned to James but he shook his head, and turned away.
Feeling sicker than ever, she headed back through the town, where church bells were pealing joyously. Dodging the Sunday worshippers alighting from their carriages, she wiped her tears and tried to harden her heart, but the memory of the despairing look James had given her wouldn’t go away. Perhaps it was she who should get away. Grandfa Sam and Nan were James’s family, after all, and it couldn’t be easy for them having her living in their property, knowing she was unable to give him her full support.
With her thoughts whirling she found herself back at the shop before she realized it. To her surprise, although it was Sunday, the shop door was ajar. Thinking Nan must have decided to do some cleaning she pushed it open then came to an abrupt halt. Standing beside Grandfa Sam and Nan was a figure she hoped she’d never see again.
‘Well, don’t just stand there gawping, girl. Aren’t you going to say hello?’
‘Father? What the heck are you doing here?’ she cried.
36
‘That’s a fine greeting and no mistake, and after I’ve brought Luke all this way to see his big sister,’ he said, pointing to the lad by his side. Eliza turned helplessly to Grandfa and Nan, but they were looking bemused.
‘How did you find me?’ she muttered.
‘Ah well, a bit of luck, that. We was on our way … well, somewhere. Anyhow, when the staging post stopped at Follytown I got chatting to a pleasant woman who was delivering something to the hostelry. When she heard my tragic story, she was only too happy to tell me where you’d gone. Apparently a Mr Farrant had found out you was here but decided you weren’t worth pursuing,’ he smirked. ‘Mrs Buttons, this woman was called, said to be remembered to you. After that it was easy to find where you were working. ’ He grinned, his yellowing teeth and triumphant sneer giving him the appearance of an ogre she’d once seen in a picture book.
‘We’ll be upstairs if you want us,’ Grandfa Sam said.
Eliza nodded, hardly taking in what he’d said.
‘What tragic story?’ she asked, only too aware how her father could spin a yarn when it suited.
He sighed and clutched his chest. ‘Your mother died in childbirth. Course, I always said she shouldn’t have any more,’ he moaned, and Eliza remembered then why she’d never liked him. Her poor mother never stood a chance with his constant demands, she thought with a pang. ‘Then Timmy went and got that influ … in … well, that sickness thing, and was gone just like that.’ He snapped his fingers.
‘Oh, no, that’s terrible. What about Hester and Izzie? Haven’t they been back to help?’
Her father snorted. ‘Selfish, callow cows. Couldn’t care a cuss for their father or young brother. Left me to carry on by meself after the funeral. Said I was mean ’cos I wouldn’t fork out for a decent burial, but like I told them, when you’re dead you don’t know, do you?’
Eliza shuddered. He was still as selfish and self-centred as she remembered. She crouched down beside her little brother, who was watching wide-eyed. ‘Hello, Luke, do you remember me?’
‘Course I do. I members yous smell. Sides, I’m a big boy now,’ he said puffing out his bony little chest.
Eliza smiled and ruffled his short spiky hair, then got to her feet.
‘Well, he seems …’ But she was talking to thin air. Her father was nowhere to be seen. Running to the door, she peered up and down the street but he’d been swallowed up by the sea fret that was sweeping in. Frowning, she closed the shop door. It was then she noticed the bundle beside the counter.
‘Father said I’m staying with you,’ Luke grinned as she picked it up. So her father had it planned all along, Eliza thought, staring down at the scrawny little boy with his cheeky face. She didn’t have the heart to disillusion him. It might be hard to manage, but rather nice having a member of her family with her at last. Sensing Luke was waiting for her to say something, she smiled.
‘Are you indeed?’
‘Of course he is,’ Nan said, coming back into the shop. ‘And I’m betting this young man would like some of my meat stew with dumplings,’ she added, smiling down at Luke. His eyes widened and he nodded vigorously. ‘Well, come upstairs and wash those grimy paws and we’ll see what we can find.’
‘I’m sorry, Nan,’ Eliza muttered.
‘It’s hardly your fault, is it? I was looking out of the parlour window when I spotted that man hurrying down the street and guessed what had happened.’
‘How will we manage?’ Eliza asked.
Nan shrugged. ‘The boy can share your room for the moment. I’ve got spare blankets and we can make him up a bed on the floor. I’m sure if we tell him it’s an adventure, he won’t complain. I seem to remember little boys love adventures.’
‘Oh, Nan,’ she said, throwing her arms around the big-hearted woman. ‘Whatever would we do without you?’
Nan smiled then asked: ‘And how was James?’
Eliza swallowed hard. ‘I’m really sorry, Nan. Although I love him, I had to tell him I couldn’t live with the worry and uncertainty every time the maroon goes up. Of course we will leave if you no longer want us here.’
‘Oh, Eliza, that’s a crying shame. It’s admirable work he’s undertaken and he’s right fond of you.’ She let out a loud sigh. ‘But then we all are. Stay for the moment and we’ll see how things work out.’
‘Thank you, Nan. I feel dreadful about hurting James but every time the maroon is fired my stomach heaves at the thought of losing him.’ She swallowed hard, seeing again the hurt in his eyes and vowed to seek other lodgings. Grandfa Sam would be sure to ask her to leave when he heard.
‘Well, if that’s how you feel, then there’s nothing more to be said. At least you’ve played fair with him, but I guess he’ll not be calling in so often now,’ she sighed.
‘Oh, Nan, I’ve really made a mess of everything. I’ll find somewhere else for Luke and me to live.’
The woman shook her head. ‘James will be all right. He has Jimmy and a roof over his head. Luke’s lost his mother and been abandoned by his father. Poor lad’s so thin he needs a few square meals and looking after. You’ve had a shock yourself, so it’s best you both stay with us, at least for the time being. Who knows, a young boy around the place could be just what Sam needs to perk him up?’
Eliza smiled, feeling love for this big-hearted woman tinged with sadness for the loss of her mother. If only her father had more restraint she might not have died, she thought.
Later they watched Luke gobble down his food as if he hadn’t eaten for weeks.
‘Cor, that were tasty,’ he said, running his fingers around the side of the dish and licking off the gravy.
‘Well, if you promise to use your spoon instead of those fingers, I might be able to find some of my fruit crumble and custard,’
Nan offered.
Luke’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. ‘Coo, we don’t even get that at Christmas, missus.’
‘Well, this is a special occasion having you come to stay,’ Nan smiled. ‘You can’t go round calling me “missus”, though. I’m Nan and that is Grandfa Sam,’ she said, smiling at her husband as she got up to get their pudding.
‘It must have been fun riding on the staging coach,’ Grandfa Sam said.
‘Yeah, we was on it for weeks and weeks. When we got to the hostelry, Father asked why we’d stopped. The driver said the horses was tired and needed a rest but Father said he hadn’t time to waste and he should whip them and show them who was boss.’
Sam frowned, but Nan came bustling in with a large pudding bowl and Luke’s attention was distracted.
‘Goodness me, I don’t know where you put it all,’ Nan said, when Luke held his empty dish out for more. ‘There’s nothing of you. I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil.’
‘Pencils don’t have any meat on them,’ Luke scoffed.
‘So they don’t,’ Nan smiled.
‘You knew that really, didn’t you?’ he grinned at her, looking so innocent and appealing Eliza couldn’t help but ruffle his hair.
‘Gerr off,’ he protested, but she could see he liked it really.
‘Did you have anything nice to eat in the hostelry?’
Luke shook his head. ‘Father was chatting to that Mrs Buttons. She said she was having a quick snifter whilst waiting to be paid and what her boss didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Father got all smiley then and said he wouldn’t tell, so why didn’t she have another? They was talking for ages. By the time we left all Father’s money was gone so I never got no pie,’ he sighed.
Eliza saw Grandfa Sam’s mouth tighten and quickly got to her feet.
‘That was a lovely meal, Nan, thank you. Come on, Luke, you can help me with the dishes while Nan and Sam put their feet up.’
Luke chattered away as they cleaned and stacked the dishes, but by the time they’d finished he was yawning.
‘Early night for you, young man,’ Eliza said, spreading out the blankets Nan had left in her room. He was asleep almost before she’d covered him over and, leaving the door ajar in case he should wake, Eliza went back to the parlour.
‘Nan and I have been discussing things, Eliza,’ Grandfa Sam said. ‘Naturally you and the boy are welcome to stay, that goes without saying. Luke’s a lovely but lively little chap and will need a firm hand, so we propose that you take over all Nan’s duties in the shop while she looks after things up here.’
‘I can’t thank you enough,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll make a success of downstairs and look after Luke when the shop’s quiet. I can help you too, and work on my perfume.’
Grandfa Sam smiled. ‘I can’t deny your help would be appreciated.’ Then his expression turned serious and he stared at her with his wise old eyes. ‘Nan’s told me you no longer feel able to walk out with James. I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed because I am; particularly after all he’s done for you. However, you’re a great help around here, so we will respect your decision and see how things work out.’
‘Thank you. I’m really sorry but …’
Grandfa Sam held up his hand. ‘It’s been an eventful afternoon so I suggest we turn in.’
Exhausted from her troubled day, Eliza fell into a disturbed sleep, only to be woken by the sound of sobbing.
‘Luke?’ she whispered.
‘I’m lonely and can hear bears roaring. Can I come into bed with you?’
‘Of course,’ she said, putting out her hand to help him in. ‘That’s the sound of the waves you can hear.’
‘What are waves?’
Eliza smiled into the darkness, remembering how the vast expanse of ocean had been new to her, too. ‘It’s the sound of the sea talking to the mermaids,’ she said, stroking his hair. ‘They are pretty ladies who live in the sea and sing songs to the sailors.’
‘Like Mother used to afore she died?’ he yawned.
‘Yes, just like that, Luke. Would you like me to sing to you?’ she asked, but he had already fallen back to sleep.
Eliza lay staring into the darkness, listening to the seas breaking against the harbour wall. Her heart gave a pang as she remembered her mother and little brother Timmy. She closed her eyes and prayed they were in a happier place, along with the new baby who’d never drawn breath.
Then, as the images of them faded and were replaced by one of James’s handsome face, the tears she’d been holding back all day poured down her cheeks. Stuffing her fist into her mouth so she didn’t wake Luke, she sobbed until she was spent. She truly loved James, of that she had no doubt, but in her experience loving meant losing, and there was no way she could bear the hurt again.
The following days fell into a pattern. Nan bustled around, happily taking charge of her household while Eliza took over the running of her side of the shop, using the lull between customers to make some more of Nan’s fragrant soaps and salves. In any spare time, she experimented with her own perfumes and found to her delight that the one with the yellow flowers smelled quite uplifting.
It was helpful that Luke was kept busy. He adored Grandfa Sam and took to following him about like a shadow, passing him whatever he needed. Despite his rheumatics getting worse, Sam patiently showed Luke around the dispensary, even permitting him to measure out tablets on his weighing scales. Nan let him have scraps of leftover pastry or dough so he could cut out his own. When Sam was there, Luke was perfectly behaved, but whenever the old man went upstairs for a rest, the lad became bored and fidgety.
During her luncheon breaks, Eliza would take him out for a walk. He was fascinated by the sea.
‘Cor, what’s that smell?’ he asked.
‘That’s what they call ozone,’ she explained, remembering with a pang the time James had explained the same thing to her.
Then Luke’s attention was caught by the boats moored in the harbour.
‘What’s them big flapping things?’ he asked.
‘Sails. When the wind fills them it carries them far out to sea.’
‘Can we go on one?’ he asked, his eyes sparkling.
‘Perhaps, one day,’ she said. ‘Now, though, we’d better get back to the shop or Grandfa will use our guts for his garters.’
He giggled and her heart lifted. Even in the short time he’d been here his little cheeks had begun to fill out and he was looking healthier.
As they wended their way back through the shops, Eliza’s attention was caught by a figure unloading a bundle from a cart. She stopped abruptly, making Luke cry out.
‘Oi, you just trod on me foot.’
But Eliza’s attention was fixed on the young man and Luke’s protest didn’t register. There was something familiar about his movements, the shape of his head. It couldn’t be? Then he looked up and she gasped. It was.
‘Amos!’ she shouted in surprise. Hearing his name, he stared at her, then grinned.
‘Eliza! What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘I was about to ask you the same,’ she said, her smile turning to a frown as she took in his ragged clothes, thin frame and the sandy hair hanging around his shoulders. ‘I thought you’d be at your new place of employment.’
‘I am,’ Amos said. ‘Easy boy,’ he added, turning to Luke who was reaching up and vigorously patting the horse’s nose.
‘Gently with him, Luke,’ she admonished.
‘Horse is all right, it’s the lad’s finge
rs I was worried about,’ Amos said, giving Luke a smile.
‘This is Luke, my younger brother. We’re biding at the apothecary’s over there,’ she explained.
‘You’re not with Farrant, then?’ he asked.
‘He really wanted to marry me, can you believe?’ she spluttered, shuddering at the memory.
‘Thought as much,’ he muttered. ‘He flew into a jealous rage, accused me of becoming too familiar with you whilst he was away and sent me packing.’
‘But he said you left to take up a new position.’
Amos snorted. ‘What position? Without a testimonial I couldn’t get another job, hence …’ He gestured towards his horse and cart.
‘But that’s such a waste,’ Eliza cried. ‘Oh, Amos, that’s terrible.’
‘What about you? Couldn’t you have finished your training before you left?’
‘Not when he insisted I wear his ring. As I was leaving I found out what went on in that building in the garden. It was clear then he only wanted to marry me to cover his own activities.’
‘Hey, driver, I pay you to deliver my victuals, not stand there gossiping,’ bellowed a sharp voice from the shop doorway.
‘Just coming, guv,’ Amos called. ‘Sorry, Eliza. I’d love to hear more but I must go,’ he said, hefting a sack onto his shoulder.
‘Why don’t you come for supper? Nan always cooks masses,’ she invited impulsively.
‘Yeah, go on, mister. If you come it’ll be a special ocas … occi … a special time and we has pudding then,’ Luke piped up.
Amos grinned at him. ‘How can I refuse such a tempting offer? Are you sure it’ll be all right?’ he asked Eliza.
‘Of course, I’ll go and tell Nan right now,’ she said, taking Luke’s hand and leading him away.
‘Is he your fella, Eliza?’ Luke asked as they made their way into the shop.
She shook her head and laughed. ‘No, Amos is someone I used to work with.’