‘Coming in at number two, “The Cruisers”. Newly minted adults. Independent, footloose and impatient. Maturity levels can be debated, but they enjoy themselves on and off the dance floor, hang out in their own groups and are completely absorbed in it.’
‘And where do we stand, Ms Freud?’ Abhi asked me, and I put an arm around his shoulder.
‘Well, we fall in the cluster of “The Non-committal”. The buddhas who’ve been there, done that and are now happy to absorb everything and make fun of everyone else and finally retire to a twenty-four-hour coffee shop at a nearby hotel.’
‘Wow!’ Abhi clapped. ‘I’m impressed.’
12:00 a.m.
My vibrating phone reminded me of the call I had to take. I signalled Abhi that I would be right outside a door I had spotted, possibly to an outside balcony. He started after me, but I gestured him to stay put. I stepped out and found myself in an acrid-smelling and foggy dream sequence, created by the scores of smokers standing outside. Violently slicing the thick air with my hands as most non-smokers do, mostly for mental satisfaction, I made my way to a slightly airier corner and started my con-call.
When I was just about winding up, a few Hormone Happys with too much product in their hair parked themselves around me. As soon as I finished the call and got up to leave, one of them gave me a wide creepy grin and said, ‘Hey sexy!’
I gave him a genuinely bemused smile. ‘Seriously, I’m flattered, but I don’t think this form of flirting worked any time after your dad used it all those years ago.’
Another specimen stepped in. ‘Why don’t you tell us what works, pretty lady?’
I was already bored. ‘Look, I’m way out of your league and I’ve had pimples which are older than you. Now run along.’
The first Happy looked a little peeved and moved very close to me. ‘But we (pronounced as ‘oe’ and not ‘we’) love aunties.’
That was it! Bad attitude, bad breath, bad pronunciation and he’d called me an auntie! I grabbed each boy’s ear and yanked them so hard that the Happys howled with pain. ‘Sorry sorrrrrry auntie sorryyyyy,’ they started yelping.
‘What’s going on here?!’ I turned around to find Abhi and Mani staring at me blankly. ‘Nothing, guys. Mr Acne and Merry Pimples wanted to take me for a little date.’
Abhi, his eyes smouldering, turned to the boys and said, very quietly, ‘My wife has already done the needful, but stay here one second longer and I’ll reduce you to a collective pulp.’
As soon as they disappeared and everyone else around had stopped staring and returned to their drinks, we burst out laughing. ‘You should have seen the squirts’ faces when you pulled their ears like a schoolmaster,’ Mani said. ‘But you need to be a bit careful.’
I could see whatever Mani had said mirrored in Abhi’s eyes as well. ‘Alright! I’ll be more careful. Now can we please go in?’
It was then that the night actually picked up for all of us. I could see Baba Seturam shaking his dhoti maniacally as he tried to keep pace with a Bollywood starlet. The crowd had thinned a bit, the drinks were flowing, the music was great and we danced away happily.
1:45 a.m.
I threw my arms around Abhi, who was trying to master the one single dance move he knew – sliding either foot on either side and then bringing it back to the centre with catatonic concentration. I broke him out of his trance and he smiled at me.
‘I just look like a monkey who has accidentally been let loose on the dance floor while you slither around with your sensuous moves,’ he shouted. ‘Why do you bother bringing me to nightclubs?’
I hollered back at him, which was the only way I could be heard. ‘You are my monkey and I’ll take you everywhere! Next stop Italy, baby! Woohoo!’ After planting a big fat kiss on his lips, I put my head on his chest and continued moving to the music. I could see Shoma and Mani, happy, high and doing the same.
It suddenly struck me that I hadn’t seen much of Sania or Kabir the whole night. Sania had complained of a headache at some point, but I couldn’t remember seeing her since then. I smelt something fishy – large, pomfret-sized fishy – and decided to look for her.
But just for that moment, I redirected my thoughts to the music, the merry bunch surrounding me and the man whose heartbeat I could hear despite the deafening beats.
10
Dham Dhaam. 12 March. 11:00 a.m.
‘Didi!’ bellowed Radha, finally figuring out that she had been having a conversation with herself for a while. With alcohol in my system and only two hours of sleep, I was barely awake.
‘Yes! What are you saying?’ I asked her, making an effort to focus.
‘Onion and potato are over. And I think it is time for you to have kids.’
Now she had my attention! ‘What connection do onion and potato have with kids?’ I asked her incredulously.
‘Oh that?’ she laughed, while decimating the mound of garlic in front of her. ‘No connection. Onion and potato are over also. But listen, my neighbours also never wanted to have kids and today the wife was crying, saying they want children, but her husband’s potli has stopped working.’
‘What do you mean, stopped working? It’s not a tap!’ I quipped.
She was unfazed. ‘My point is, what if Dada’s thing also stops working? How will you have kids?’
Now that was the thing about free advice in India, ludicrous or otherwise. It came to you from all quarters. ‘Umm Radha, it’s not that we never want to have kids. Just not now. And don’t worry about Dada’s ummm, potli…’ She shrugged and melted into the dark corners of the kitchen in her usual style, leaving me perplexed.
12:30 p.m.
I walked in to check if Abhi was up, and seeing that he wasn’t, put my tea on the bedside table and climbed on top of his back, enveloping him in a tight body-brace.
‘Owwwww!’ He woke up with a loud groan.
‘Abhi, Radha thinks we should have babies,’ I said casually. His stretch melted halfway and his eyebrows shot up.
‘What?’ he asked, confused. I laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
‘Forget that! Who is going to Italy, whoooooo is going to Italy?’ This had been my song-and-dance routine ever since we had received the visas. ‘I can’t believe we are off in five days, Abheeeee!’
‘Me neither, love.’ He beamed. ‘Country number twenty-one, Mrs Roy!’
2:00 p.m.
A few hours of travel planning and a lunch later, we decided to walk to the convenience store nearby for some supplies. We were just out the door when Sania called. She sounded agitated.
‘All okay, Sania? I asked.
She sounded nervous. ‘Can you please meet me?’
‘Meet you now?’ I asked, looking at Abhi as my voice trailed off. Abhi waved his hand and mouthed ‘It’s okay’ to me.
‘Sure,’ I said to Sania.
She said, ‘Café Cappa. Fifteen minutes’, and hung up. I felt like I was an assassin who had been handed the location of my next target.
‘Strange,’ I murmured, looking at Abhi and keeping my phone in my pocket.
‘Would you like me to drive you?’ he offered.
‘Nah, I don’t mind walking. I didn’t even run in the morning. Sorry about this. I’ll be back soon.’
‘No worries,’ said Abhi. ‘I’m just going over to Kabir’s to play some ’Station. Give me a call when you’re getting done and I’ll come pick you up.’ With a quick peck on my cheek, he walked back in for the car keys while I turned in the direction of Café Cappa.
Cafē Cappa. 2:20 p.m.
Sania was sitting on one of the outdoor tables, darting nervous glances all around. When I reached, she pulled my arm and deposited me in the chair next to her before I could even speak a word.
‘Sania, did you just murder someone and dump them in the Vasai creek? Only something of that magnitude would warrant this odd behaviour.’
‘I’m seeing Kabir,’ she blurted.
I had grabbed her cold coffee and wa
s merrily taking a big gulp of it when her announcement made me spray whatever I had in my mouth all over the table.
‘What? How?’ I spluttered as the coffee trickled down my neck in little rivulets. This ridiculous sight somehow permeated her trance-like state and she started giggling. ‘Wipe your mouth. You look funny!’ she said, dabbing my face with her napkin. I waved her hand aside and looked her in the eye. ‘Okay. Start talking.’
‘Well,’ she started off obediently. ‘It’s not as if he saw me for the first time last night. He has been sarcastic each and every time we’ve met, for some odd reason. You know this. But he just started giving me these “looks” last night.’
‘I caught a few of those,’ I interrupted her and then it struck me. ‘OMG, you liar! You told me you had a headache!’
‘Oh come on,’ she defended herself. ‘That place was loud and sucky and smokey and you know noise gives me a headache. B######d, I was standing at the other end of that balcony, stupidly trying to get rid of my headache with even more smoke. I was so shocked when he offered to drop me home. I was like f###!’
I cringed but persevered. ‘So Kabir’s disappearance and then reappearance at the balcony around the same time as you was just a coincidence?’
‘Nancy Drew, if your interrogation is complete, may I finish my narration?’ Sania asked with one raised eyebrow. I nodded. ‘For the first few minutes in the car, we sat in awkward silence. Then I cracked a silly joke and he laughed. We both laughed. And that broke the ice. We were stuck in a bad traffic jam so we chatted for about two hours in the car. Then he offered to take me for coffee with the suggestion that some fresh air might do me some good. So we walked along Marine Drive for the longest time and then went to the Trident for coffee. Tara, we spoke through the night! It sounds cheesy, but it feels like I’ve known him all my life.’
Looking at me rolling my eyes, she hit me on my arm. ‘Look, I already admitted it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. It’s amazing how you can think someone’s a total shmuck but then when you actually get talking, you find out that they are about a cough short of qualifying as your soulmate. We are so different, yet sooooo similar at the same time. Does that even make sense?’
‘So why did he dislike you?’ I couldn’t resist asking.
‘Well, he said I had snubbed him the first time he tried talking to me a few years ago. Remember when we went for The Avengers movie? I really don’t remember what I had said. Maybe I was PMS-ing and acted like a bitch. Anyway, so we chatted and chatted and chatted and then walked to the seafront to see the sunrise and he asked me out.’
I was still trying to process these new developments when Sania looked at me expectantly.
‘So first I couldn’t get you to shut up and now I can’t get a word out of you. You don’t think this is a good idea, do you?’
This was put forth so anxiously and plaintively that I suddenly felt stupid for harbouring any apprehensions. I blurted out what I was thinking. ‘You know what, darling? Who am I to say what is wrong or right? I haven’t heard you sound like this about someone in a while and you look bloody happy, so why the heck not? Kabir’s an awesome guy. I’m very happy for you!’
With that, we launched into a few bear hugs and instant sugar therapy with some gooey chocolate cake to celebrate. Just as I was going for my third mouthful, the phone rang.
It was Abhi. ‘Tara. Are you done at Cappa?’ he asked, sounding a bit strange. I was getting a sense of déjà vu.
‘Yes. Almost. What’s up? You’re coming to pick me up?’ I asked.
‘Would be better if you meet me at Café Moshe’s.’ What was with people sounding so cryptic and weird today? I felt like I was being briefed on my second assassination target. Thankfully, Moshe’s was nearby.
‘Sure. I’ll see you in five.’ I hugged Sania and promised to meet up for lunch in office the next day to discuss this amazing development some more.
3:20 p.m.
‘Isn’t it crazy!’ Abhi blurted as soon as he saw me. So that was the secret behind this meeting. ‘Can’t say I saw this coming.’ Then he added, frowning, ‘You don’t think they’ll keep fighting and irritate us, do you?’
‘Abhi,’ I said smiling at him. ‘Whether this relationship goes north, south or northeast, I promise that whatever happens, we will not fight or take sides, okay?’
Abhi nodded, smiling. ‘Now let’s just be happy for them.’
I agreed and declared, ‘Let the double dates begin. Booyah!’
11
Richard & Davis Advertising Agency. 16 March. 10:30 a.m.
I yawned as I worked on slide twenty-six of the longest presentation in the world. Taking a break, I went through some beautiful pictures on Sania’s blog from her recent trek. Mani and Shoma had left for the Havelock trip and had posted some happy tanned pictures from there. It felt like the whole world was travelling, and I couldn’t wait for us to start another chapter in our own travel diary.
The only dark cloud in my otherwise beautiful sky was the upcoming Y&A meeting. We had been trying to bag that account for the last five months. We were lucky enough to survive all the rounds and were now at final fee negotiations. There was no room for error. I swallowed my next yawn and got back to work.
Dham Dhaam. 10:00 p.m.
I walked in to see Sania and Kabir lounging on the sofa by the bar and Abhi fixing drinks for them. A big box of what I assumed to be Sania’s happiness-inducing ‘special’ brownies sat on the centre table.
‘I see there is a substitute for coffee tonight?’ I grinned at them.
‘Hell yeah!’ cheered Kabir. ‘So what if it’s a weeknight? We have a lot to celebrate!’
And he stole a glance at Sania, which made me chuckle with delight.
12:30 a.m.
After much drinking and laughter, we decided to call it a night.
‘We are so excited for you guys!’ I said as Sania hugged me tight.
Abhi patted Kabir on the shoulder. ‘You might as well leave your Playstation with me. Sania will have you hiking up and down mountains or planning trips all the time so I’d rather keep it well-oiled and functioning.’
‘No way!’ exclaimed Kabir. His gaming devices were his prized possessions, and constant companions on every trip. ‘I’ll pack an extra bag if I have to, but my PlayStation goes with me anywhere I go beyond three days,’ he said emphatically. Sania let out an ominous and maniacal laugh in response. A startled cat crouching nearby leapt into the air.
‘Psycho!’ Kabir laughed, and gave Sania a peck on the head.
Smiling outwardly, I mentally prayed that Sania’s customary stubbornness and fiercely independent nature would not stand in their way.
12:45 a.m.
After they left, Abhi and I settled down with our laptops to finish off pending work before the trip. Our fingers flew over the keyboards, the banging of the keys producing a rhythmic beat as mail after mail was vanquished. At the halfway point, I stopped, stretched my neck and then settled back as my gaze fell on Abhi. I watched his face, scrunched up in concentration. Once again, I felt the quickening of my heartbeat. I chided myself, thinking about how lame it was that I still felt like a giddy lovestruck teenager around my husband.
We ended up working till two in the morning. I had finished everything, but Abhi still had some work left. ‘I’ll come to bed in a few minutes. You go sleep,’ he said, kissing me.
Just as I was dozing off, my phone beeped.
‘What the …’ I mumbled. And then I read the message and my face broke into into a goofy grin.
Italy tomorrow. You and me, love. Finally. Sweet dreams.
12
Taxi. 17 March. 10:00 a.m.
Deendayal had chosen to take the day off. And every time he did, I knew one or more relatives, fictional or real, had just met their maker. He went through relatives with the ease of a lawn mower cutting through tall grass. And he had this unique way of announcing it, with the nonchalance of someone sunning themselves on a warm European
holiday: ‘Madam, Mamaji off ho gaya.’ Just like that. As if Mamaji were a light switch. But this once, I didn’t care that I had to take a cab. The suitcase in the boot rattled and reminded me that I had a plane to catch.
Farewells. 6:00 p.m.
Sometime around lunch I got a call from Mom. Then Dad. Then Mira. Then a few friends. All of them wanted to wish us a safe trip, and then Mom called back in the evening to ask us to be careful because apparently there was breaking news about a plane having slid off the runway at Mumbai airport. Promising to do our best to not slide off any runways, I had just hung up on her when Sania poked her head in. ‘Farewell calls done?’
‘Don’t ask!’ I pressed my forehead. ‘I’ve been on the phone for at least one hour. And I still have so much to finish!’
She looked contemplative. ‘Look at it this way. I still have tons to finish but even if I manage to, at the end of the day I’ll be heading home. You, darling, will be making your way to Italy!’
‘No arguments there.’ I laughed.
‘None would be f#####g entertained, anyway,’ she shot back. ‘And in case I don’t see you after the meeting, good luck and have a blast, kid!’
And with a big bear hug and a peck on my cheek, she was gone. I looked at my watch and called my boss. Showtime.
Y&A meeting. 7:45 p.m.
The meeting started late but turned out to be unusually short and simple. After a half-hour discussion, our finance head Mr Subramaniam, Mr Vohra and I stepped out of the room to two very expectant faces, as if they were waiting outside the delivery room for the good news – Nakul and Gaurav, the two men from my team who had worked so hard on this project. I gave them a wide grin and a thumbs up.
‘Oh my God!’ breathed Nakul, trying very hard to maintain decorum in a client office. As the cheers and high fives broke out in the lobby, my heart began thumping loudly – I could now be properly excited about the impending holiday!
I Didn't Expect to be Expecting (Ravinder Singh Presents) Page 4