by J. H. Croix
It was a damn good thing I’d never had unprotected sex before. If I had, I probably never would’ve been as religious as I’d been about using condoms. Because, sweet hell, being inside of Susannah with nothing between us was sheer heaven.
She flexed into me, her taut nipples pressing against me, damp from my attentions. I managed to open my eyes to find her gaze hazy and unfocused. Her lips were swollen and puffy from our kisses, her skin flushed with a sheen of desire, and her strawberry curls a tangled mess on the pillows.
My heart gave a hard thump, a wave of emotion hitting me. The depth of this connection with her was so unfamiliar, I had no idea how to interpret it. All I knew was what I wanted — to be buried deep inside of her as close as physically possible and to feel her fly apart in my arms while I found my own release. I loved having her stretched out underneath me.
She didn’t hesitate to relinquish control. Knowing how strong and powerful she was, how fearless she was by nature, there was something even more intense about her giving in to me. My body moved on its own accord, drawing back and sinking inside of her—again and again and again. I heard myself saying her name almost reverently, my voice slurred, drunk with desire for her.
My release was so close, but I wanted her to fly apart before I did. So with my balls tightening, pleasure lashing at me, and my hips sinking into her, I reached between us, pressing my thumb over her clit. When she cried out, her body flexed under me and her pussy clamped down around my cock.
My release hit me hard, a wave of pleasure pulling me under. The power of it was so intense, I didn’t even hear myself calling out her name, my hands gripping hers tightly and every muscle in my body going taut as I powered into her one last time. Collapsing against her, reverberating with the force of my climax, I rolled onto my back, bringing her atop me.
Her weight felt good on me. She was soft and relaxed, her breath gusting against my shoulder. After a few moments, she lifted her head and rested her chin on her hand. Feeling her eyes on me, I opened mine.
“Well,” she said, a slight smile hitching the corner of her mouth.
“Well what?”
“Did you want to talk now?”
I couldn’t say why, but I laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
Sifting my fingers through her hair, I savored the feel of her against me. “I can barely think. I’m starting to think we’ll never get around to talking. I can’t seem to be near you and not want you.”
At my words, her cheeks flushed and her channel clenched around me. My cock twitched in response, and I slid my palm down her back to cup her ass. Because, let me tell you, she had a sweet ass.
“Yeah, we seem to have a problem with that,” she replied, the pink on her cheeks deepening.
“How is it a problem? You said it yourself, we’re pretty good at it.”
She giggled, and I loved it. My heart squeezed, emotion rocking me. Still uncertain how to handle my feelings, I did the only thing that made sense when I was with her, I touched her…more. Angling my head, I dusted kisses on her neck. She tasted so damn good.
I was prepared for her to insist we talk. Hell, tonight I’d been trying to insist. But she didn’t. Her skin flushed and heat banked in her gaze. Before I knew it, my cock was hardening inside of her and she rose up, rocking against me. All I knew was the feel of her around me—the slick, clenching heat of her channel, her skin like silk, her nipples dusky pink and puckered tight. My release poured into her as she came with a rough cry, arching back and calling out my name.
We fell asleep, her curled on top of me with me still buried deep inside of her.
Chapter Seventeen
Ward
The following day, I woke up with Susannah still curled up against me. At some point during the night, I’d slipped out of her. Yet, I could feel the damp heat of her pussy against my hip and my cock growing hard the moment I became conscious. So I took her again and then had to resist the urge to take her again in the shower. It was safe to say I couldn’t get enough of her.
She made coffee for me and offered to make breakfast, teasing that she needed to make do with tea for now. We were downright domestic. Yet, when I made a vague attempt to talk as she’d originally insisted we needed to do, she dismissed the idea.
If this were any other woman or any other situation, I wouldn’t get frustrated. Yet, everything with Susannah felt loaded. All of it tangled up in the reality that, in the foreseeable future, she would have our baby. The concept of domestic would take on a profound meaning.
I managed to keep a lid on it. If only because I sensed if I pushed, she’d bolt.
When I left to go to the station, she told me she’d see me there later. That was the only moment where I saw shadows pass through her eyes. Even if I didn’t want to face it, I knew she was right. We had to figure out the work situation.
My thoughts took a sharp turn here. Susannah was pregnant, and she was a hotshot firefighter. Sometimes I could be king of the obvious. Yet, I hadn’t considered these two facts together. My heart gave a funny little tumble in my chest, surprising me with the weight of emotion rocking me.
Shoving those thoughts away, I went to work.
Later that afternoon, Cade and Beck came to meet with me for the planned meeting with Chad. The meeting went about as well as you would expect. In short, it was shitty.
“Fuck you,” was Chad’s response.
I didn’t need Beck and Cade to take the heat for me, but I was damn glad they were there. They had the background that I didn’t with Chad and with the crew.
I held Chad’s flat brown gaze. “You’re entitled to your opinion, but the decision’s final.” I didn’t care to enlighten him further, seeing as he’d argued every point thus far.
Chad flicked his gaze from me to Cade and then Beck, his lips curling in a sneer. When his eyes made their way back to me, he shook his head. “They know you got a thing for Susannah?”
I kept my expression level, but I was fucking pissed. “Not sure what your point is,” I countered.
“Whether he has a thing for Susannah, or anyone here, frankly has nothing to do with this,” Beck said flatly. “We just outlined the reasons for our decision. Taking it out on Ward isn’t going to help your case. If Ward wasn’t here, we’d still be firing you.”
Cade nodded affirmatively. If he had any reaction to Chad’s comment, it didn’t show on his face.
To my relief, Chad didn’t choose to drag it out further. He stood, kicking his chair back. “Fuck you guys anyway. Be good to get the hell out of here.” He slammed out of my office.
I stood, quickly striding after him. “You’ll need to get your stuff and leave.”
Chad muttered something over his shoulder, but he didn’t fight me on it. He went straight to his locker, got his gear and left.
The timing was good, if only by chance. None of the crew happened to be in the back area when he stormed his way out. Walking back to my office, I found Beck returning from the hallway with three cups of coffee balanced carefully in his hands.
“Here ya go,” he said, sliding all three cups onto the round table in the corner of my office. I sank into one of the chairs at the table with a sigh and grabbed a cup, taking a long swallow.
“Thanks,” I said, tilting my cup in his direction.
Beck nodded. “No problem. Coffee’s always good after a shitty meeting.”
“That it is,” I replied, my focus elsewhere. I was contemplating whether I needed to bother addressing Chad’s comment about Susannah. The thing was, I didn’t give a damn what anybody thought. Not about me. But I knew Susannah would care. Whether I wanted to care or not, there were some team dynamics to address.
I trusted Beck and Cade, despite only knowing them a short time. I figured I might as well cut to the chase. “Thanks for sitting in on that with me. I don’t mind him being pissed at me, but it was good to have the back up from you guys since you have more history with him.”
Cade nodde
d, taking a sip from his coffee, his gaze considering. But he didn’t say a word.
Beck, the more chatty of the two, shrugged. “He behaved exactly as I expected. His attitude is why he should’ve been fired a hell of a lot sooner.”
Glancing between them, I took a sip of coffee and set it down. “Mind if I ask you guys for some advice?”
True to form, Cade simply shook his head. Beck, on the other hand, flashed a grin. “Oh, we love giving advice. Throw it our way.”
“That comment he made about Susannah? It’s true. We trained together years ago. I never thought I’d see her again. Hell, when I took this position, I didn’t know she was here until after I accepted it. I’m trusting you guys not to say a damn word to anyone about this. She’ll have my head and probably more than that if she finds out I spoke to you guys about it. To make matters more complicated, she’s pregnant.”
Beck almost spit his coffee out. Cade was snapped out of his generally calm demeanor, his eyes widening and his mouth falling open slightly.
“Damn,” Cade said. “Not what I expected you to say. Is the baby yours?”
“Definitely.”
Beck scrubbed his hands through his hair, for once not teasing. “Holy shit. What the hell is she going to do?”
“She wants to have the baby.” The moment I said that, my heart tightened, emotion thickening my throat. I tried to shake it free because, while I trusted them, I wasn’t ready to get all emotional with them. Definitely not my thing.
Cade had collected himself and tilted his head to the side. “Well, there’s the obvious issue that you two are about to have a baby. That’s kind of a big deal. On a practical note, there’s crew stuff to deal with. But it might be simpler than you think.”
“What do you mean?” Beck interjected, conveniently asking my question for me.
Cade shrugged. “Well, Susannah can only work for so long in this type of job when she’s pregnant. Haven’t checked the protocol in a while, but I think after she’s past the first trimester, she’s not even supposed to go out in the field. That might solve your problem for you. When she returns, might be better if she’s on a different crew.”
I shook my head sharply. “No.” I didn’t care to contemplate Susannah being apart from me for weeks at a time. Simultaneously, I didn’t care to consider what that said about me and how I felt about her.
Beck arched a brow. “You think you’re going to tell Susannah what to do? Don’t think that’ll go over well.”
I chuckled. “You think she’ll fight me on it?”
“You mean staying on your crew?” he asked
At my nod, Cade spoke up. “I’ve known Susannah for years. She does not like being told what to do.”
The reality of this conversation hit me like a brick. I was carrying on as if it was a done deal Susannah and I would be together. I was screwed. It was like a train plowing into my life on a track I hadn’t even known existed. I had no fucking idea what I was doing.
Something must’ve shown on my face because Beck glanced between Cade and me, a sly smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You’re looking like you had no idea she might mean that much to you. Take it from me, just go with it. Susannah is awesome, and you look… What’s the word?”
“Whipped,” Cade offered helpfully.
Chapter Eighteen
Susannah
Hands on my hips, I stood outside, watching as one of our crewmembers came dashing out of the burning house. The wind was gusting high, but clouds were rolling in. We’d been called to a fire in a neighboring town. A fishing lodge had caught fire when a chimney stovepipe got too hot. The lodge was sprawling and had guests, which meant we had our hands full. At the moment, the crew was focused on ensuring all the guests were out safely.
Meanwhile, I was annoyed, frankly annoyed didn’t quite capture how I felt. I was pissed. Ward, being high-handed as hell, had kept me on duty by the truck. He’d actually ordered me not to enter the building. I didn’t like feeling useless. One of the things I loved about being a firefighter was charging in and helping. I’d never been one who preferred to hang back on the outskirts. Yet, that was where I was.
A few of us needed to stay by the trucks. Ward, of course, was in the thick of it. He’d entered and left the building several times, escorting a number of guests out safely, along with the rest of our crew.
Mingling with my irritation towards him was the fact I was concerned about him. This wasn’t a foreign feeling, generally speaking. Hell, when you were on a crew like this, you bonded with all of your crewmembers. With the exception of Chad, who I was relieved to see Ward had dispatched quickly, I was close to my entire team. I’d been on this crew for three years now.
Being concerned for my crewmembers was a common feeling. Yet, the worry I felt for Ward was totally different. Just now, my heart was pounding and my chest felt tight because I watched him run back into the building. Meanwhile, I was stuck on the sidelines.
Hours later, we were back at the station, tired, gritty and grimy. The guys were crowding the shower room that they shared, while I headed into the smaller shower room for female firefighters. There weren’t many of us at the moment, a whopping total of two, myself and Harlow May. Harlow had joined Cade’s crew about a month ago. She was tall and strong, and easily held her own. She was also gorgeous with her glossy dark hair and dark brown eyes, yet she appeared oblivious to this and was so tomboyish she fit in easily with the guys.
I was rinsing the soap out of my hair when I heard Harlow’s voice. “God, sometimes I’m so glad you’re here. I’d hate being the only woman in this whole station,” she said by way of greeting.
She turned the water on as I lifted my head and glanced over with a smile. “Oh, I get the feeling. For the three years I’ve been here, you’re only the second woman who’s been through here.”
We showered in silence for a few more minutes. As I was turning the water off and walking past her, she followed suit. We were in the small locker room when she glanced my way, her eyes a tad curious.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
Harlow stared at me for a beat as if considering her words. Finally, she spoke. “Not to be nosy, but are you pregnant?”
My mouth actually fell open, and I felt my cheeks heat. Fuck. The look on my face must’ve given the answer away because she smiled softly. “So you are then?”
I nodded slowly. “How can you tell? I’m not that far along.” Almost seven weeks to be specific, but I didn’t say that aloud.
She lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “I was pregnant before.” She held her hands up to her breasts and then patted her tummy. “It’s not much, but I can tell. Not that I’ve been staring at you, but, well, you’ve changed a little bit.”
The wheels spun in my mind. I knew she didn’t have a child, so I wasn’t sure what that meant. As if reading my expression, she explained. “I had a miscarriage four months in,” she said matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry,” I offered, uncertain what else to say.
Sadness flashed in the depths of her eyes. “It’s life, I suppose. The timing was terrible, and I can’t say I had planned to get pregnant. But once I was, I wanted to have the baby. I had an accident out in the field, a bad fall. The doctor said that may or may not have caused my miscarriage, but still. It’s none of my business, but if you really want your baby, just think about what you do out in the field. You should probably tell Ward what’s going on, so he can make the call on whether you should be on light duty.”
I stared at her, hard, my thoughts tumbling every which way. Fear stabbed at me—the very idea I could have a miscarriage making me want to cry. Intellectually, I knew it was a possibility in every pregnancy, but nothing was intellectual now. Everything was very real. I gave myself a mental shake, forcing my attention back to her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
Harlow shrugged, although her gaze was somber. “It’s okay. It was two years ago now. As I said, it wasn’t the best timing
. Plus the guy who I was with, who would’ve been the father… Well, it’s safe to say he was an asshole. Or more accurately, a hound dog. He got around. I promised myself if something like that happened again, I wouldn’t be dating an asshole.” She paused, her gaze careful. “I’m guessing you plan to keep the baby.”
At my nod, she smiled softly. “Congratulations.”
We stood there, staring at each other. I had no idea what else to say at this point. I was so freaked out by her experience, I was scrambling to get a grip inside. I was saved by the station intercom going off, and Maisie reporting another call to a fire on the outskirts of town.
Though all three crews stationed here were hotshot crews trained to be sent out into the backcountry, we also responded to local calls. Although Willow Brook wasn’t by any means a large town, we served every community in the surrounding area until we bumped into Anchorage. As such, we were busy as hell.
Harlow hurried back into her gear, racing out to touch base with Cade. Meanwhile, I didn’t know what to do. As irritated as I’d been at Ward’s call earlier, learning that Harlow had a miscarriage scared me near to death.
I hadn’t been fully dressed when the intercom call went out, and I stood there contemplating what to do. Technically, I should go check in with Ward, but I figured he was busy. As if conjured by thought alone, there was a knock on the locker room door.
“Susannah?”
The sound of Ward’s voice saying my name set my pulse off and emotion rocking through me. “You dressed?” he asked through the door.
“Give me a sec,” I called, quickly tugging my jeans on and throwing a T-shirt on.
Stepping to the door, I opened it. Ward stood there, already in a fresh set of gear. Gesturing him in, I closed the door behind us. His gaze swept over me, the heat of it searing me. He stayed by the doorway, exuding a sense of control, as if he was trying to keep something in check. His eyes locked to mine, he said, “Harlow mentioned you might want to check in with me about going back out.”