Rowen’s brow was furrowed. He clearly didn’t understand.
“My mother wanted me to marry a nice, appropriate, rich man and claim my rightful place in society. She managed to get my sister to date such a man, but not me.”
“Was your husband rich? Did they approve of him?”
She laughed. “No. And my mother hated him. She chose to ignore the entire relationship, reemerging in my life after he died to pretend to pick up the pieces and bring me back into the fold. That is my mother’s life goal. I’m sure she fist-pumped when Victor died, seeing an opportunity to lure in her wayward daughter. At least he was in the navy, so she can speak of him to her friends as if she respected his service. In reality, she never looked him in the eye.”
“Jesus. Are you serious?”
She rounded back to sit next to him and took both his hands. “Rowen, I have loved two men in my life. The first I met in college, and my mother used her influence to threaten his full-ride scholarship. He didn’t fight for me, and he shouldn’t have had to either. The second was Victor. I married him two months after we met without introducing him to my family. That way no one could interfere.”
His eyes went wide. “You have to be kidding.”
“No.” She held his gaze. “Are you starting to understand? I don’t trust men. I don’t trust anyone really, but certainly not love interests. Twice I lost. Letting my guard down is not easy. Telling you all this is beyond difficult.”
“What about your father? You keep mentioning your mother. Does he agree with her?”
Faith sighed. “That’s an entire new level of complicated. I think my father is a good man deep inside. He does good things as a congressman. I agree with his politics, and I’d hate to do anything to jeopardize his position.
“The problem is he’s a pushover. He lets my mother run their lives. So, although I resent that and I’ll never forgive him for not having a spine, I also don’t want to mess up his position as congressman. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t hesitate to publically humiliate my parents and walk away, cutting ties.”
“So, you never see them? Doesn’t that raise suspicion to the public eye?”
She shook her head. “I see them when it’s necessary. About once a year I make an appearance at a public function with my entire family for my father’s sake. Now that I’m a grown adult with a life, the world doesn’t suspect anything just because I’m not available for photo ops most of the time.”
“Damn. That is complicated.”
“It’s a constant juggle. I hate it.”
He flipped his hands over, grasped hers, and hauled her into his embrace. With his arms securely around her, he whispered into her hair, “I’m so sorry, sweet girl.”
And there it was. The first indication he understood.
Chapter 16
Rowen’s mind was spinning. He had no idea how to internalize all the information Faith had just dumped in his lap. But he did know she was hurting, and telling him her secrets had cost her dearly.
He wasn’t an ass. She needed to be held. He held her tight. He had no idea what would happen next in their relationship, but he had been a big enough dick that day. It was time to man up and stop acting like an asshole.
Maybe he wouldn’t be able to deal with her skeletons when push came to shove, but for this moment tonight, he could put his feelings about money and family aside and take care of her.
He slid a hand up into her hair and tugged enough to pull her face back. Her eyes were watery, but she held the emotion at bay.
“Not gonna lie. That’s a lot of information. It’s gonna take me some time to process it.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“I’m at least as weird about family as I am about money. I’d give anything to spend another hour with my mother and father. It’s inconceivable to me that anyone would let that slip out of their hands.”
“I understand.”
“What did your mother want when she came by today?”
“She wanted me to come to dinner Sunday. She hunted me down yesterday at the fundraiser I was organizing, and I blew her off. So she showed up at my stupid apartment today to nag me again. She thinks my sister is going to get engaged soon, and it embarrasses her that I haven’t met Hope’s boyfriend.”
“What did you tell her?”
“Fuck no.”
He tried not to wince, but it was hard. He probably didn’t hide his expression. “Would it kill you to sit through dinner at your parents’ house at least to support your sister?”
She chuckled sardonically. “It’s entirely possible.”
“Perhaps I’m being naïve, but I can’t imagine the situation at all.”
“If you think I’m lying, you are being naïve.”
“I don’t mean to imply you aren’t telling me the truth. I simply can’t stomach the idea that parents exist who don’t love their children unconditionally. It hurts my heart.” He intentionally held her close still, not wanting to make her feel like he wasn’t supporting her.
“Well, dinner with my parents would cure you of that sunny belief in fifteen minutes. Trust me.”
He searched her face. “Would you go? If I went with you?”
Her eyes went wide. “You would go with me to dinner Sunday night at my parents’ house? Have you lost your marbles?”
“Are you too embarrassed to be seen with me?” he teased, hoping to lighten the mood.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, baby. You have no idea what you’re asking. I’d be seen with you anywhere. You have more decency than most human beings. More couth. More respect. More common sense. You’re real. Not a fake bone in your body. It’s sexy.” She flushed.
His cock stiffened. For the first time since she entered the room, he felt the electricity that pulsed between them. But he wasn’t going to let this go. “So you’ll do it?”
“Dinner? You’re serious?”
“As a heartbeat.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He kissed her forehead. “Tell me more about your mom. Was she always so difficult?”
She set her chin on his shoulder and sighed. With a finger, she circled the buttons on his shirt absentmindedly. “We’ve never been close. She’s never been a real mother. I had a better relationship with the woman I told you about who brought me books. Cecily.” He could hear the smile in her voice even though she was hiding her face.
He didn’t interrupt.
“When I was sick, Cecily took care of me. My mother wouldn’t even come in the room because she didn’t want my germs. When I was a teenager, Cecily taught me about my period and how to use a tampon. When I went to college, I never got a phone call or a letter from my mother. It was like she couldn’t be bothered with me.”
He couldn’t move. His heart was seizing.
“And then I graduated, and everything suddenly changed. It took me a while to realize the only reason she started paying attention to me was because she needed to marry me off to the richest man she could find in order to look good to her friends and make connections. I didn’t play the game right. I was hurt. Angry. Frustrated.”
“Sweet girl, I’m so sorry.” He held her tighter, wondering how anyone could have been raised in such an environment. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, but he hoped to God she had misinterpreted her mother’s lack of love somehow. He needed to meet this woman. Maybe with a little help, they could mend their rift.
“The best years of my life were the ones I spent with Victor. She gave up mostly and left me alone. I suppose I was a lost cause. But then he died, and she swooped back in to save me and bring me back into the fold like the prodigal child.”
She lifted her face finally and met his gaze. “I’m sure more details will leak out if you give me the chance to show my cards. Over time. If you’ll still have me.”
His breath hitched. “Sweet girl, I’ve never wanted anything more.”
She gripped his shirt with both fists, holdin
g on to him as if she might fall off a cliff if she let go.
It felt good. It felt right. But she’d dumped a lot of information at his feet tonight. And it was still early. The club didn’t open for another hour. “Faith, I can’t make promises about the future. All we can do is forge ahead and see how things pan out.”
“I understand, Sir.” Her voice was soft.
“I’m breaking my own rules here, but would you submit to me? Now. Here. I have to work later, but I have time now. I think it would help you relax if you turn yourself over to me for a while. You’re so stiff.”
“Thank you, Sir.” She blew out a long breath as though he’d just offered her a lifeline.
He glanced across the room. “What’s in the bag?” His lips lifted in a coy smile.
“I have no idea. You tell me.”
He grinned. “Why did you bring it here?”
“I figured there were two possible outcomes this evening. Either we agreed to walk away—in which case the contents of that bag needed to be returned to you—or we agreed to continue our arrangement—in which case I was hoping you might use a few items from the bag.” She bit her lower lip as a flush covered her cheeks.
He loved it when she was embarrassed. It didn’t happen often, but it was adorable. And damn but he was glad she had brought the black bag of mystery toys.
He grabbed her waist and stood her on her feet in front of him. And then he unbuttoned her coat. As he slid it down her arms, he stopped breathing. She had come prepared to submit.
He dropped her coat on the floor and stroked his fingers up her bare arms. There was often subtle or no difference between what a woman might wear to Domme or submit. Plenty of women wore the same thing for either position. Black was often the preferred color. Heels. Corsets. Tight, short skirts. A woman walking into the club wearing that standard outfit would give no indication from her attire which side she intended to assume on any given evening.
But Faith was not dressed to dominate tonight. No wonder she had come to the club in the jacket and left it securely fastened around her body for the last hour.
Faith was wearing a tiny, white baby-doll top with a matching lace thong. Her pink nipples showed through the transparent lace at her breasts. He’d never seen her wearing anything like it, nor had he expected her to own something so revealing and provocative.
As he let his gaze slide down her legs, he found she also wore silver strappy heels he had not paid any attention to since her arrival. Though how he avoided them was a mystery since they made her shapely legs look divine.
She looked like an angel with her pale skin and nearly white blond hair.
“Clasp your hands behind your back, sweet girl.” His voice was husky even to his own ears.
She not only reached back to grab one wrist with the other, but she pulled her shoulders back, lowered her face, and spread her feet wider. A stance she was trained to assume.
“Did you submit to your husband twenty-four seven, Faith?” Surely all bets were off and she would answer his questions.
“Yes, Sir. When he was home.”
“And you miss that.” It wasn’t a question. He stroked her soft skin up and down her biceps.
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
“You’ve been so alone.”
“Yes…” Her voice trailed off.
“Does anyone in your family know about your lifestyle choices?”
“No, Sir.”
“I’m proud of you for confiding in me. I won’t take it for granted.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“You won’t stop looking until you can find someone who can dominate you the way you crave again, will you, sweet girl?”
She hesitated.
He slid one finger to lift her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“I’m not looking for anything permanent, Sir. I won’t do it again.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Why’s that?”
“I don’t have the strength to do it again. I’ve given my heart to two men. Both of them left me. I won’t live through that again. I can’t take the risk.”
Still holding her chin, Rowen considered her words. His chest tightened at the pain he saw in her eyes. She was both hard and soft at the same time. In her mind, she thought she could not give her heart away again. But her heart craved the love and connection.
Rowen had no idea if he could make her see how wrong she was to close herself off from love at the age of twenty-eight. However, at the same time, he wasn’t remotely sure he could be that man even if he wanted to be.
She had thrown a lot of information at him in a short amount of time. Intellectually he understood why she felt the way she did about her parents, but part of him couldn’t accept that there was no way to work things out with them. He wouldn’t want anyone to be estranged from their parents. Surely her relationship could be repaired.
A tear ran down her face, and she shifted her gaze downward even though he still held her chin. She did not release her hands to wipe away the tear.
With a lump in his throat, Rowen slid his hand from her chin to her cheek and swiped the tear with his thumb. “No one is pressuring you here, sweet girl. Let it go for tonight. Submit to me.”
“Yes, Sir.” Her shoulders relaxed subtly. When she submitted, she was in her safe space. A place where she could escape the pressures of her life and turn them over to someone else. She craved this more than her next breath. All of that was obvious to Rowen.
And he could do this for her. He simply prayed he didn’t make things worse by dominating her.
“Please, Sir. I need this,” she stated as if she’d read his mind.
“Okay, sweet girl. I’ve got you.” Releasing her, he grabbed the two small pillows from the sofa and rose to set them on one end of the coffee table. “I want you on the table, hands and knees, knees on the pillows, wide.”
She turned around to do as he instructed while he headed to the office door to lock it. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to ensure their privacy, but he did know he wanted Faith to be as relaxed as possible. She wasn’t out as submissive to many people besides him, so her privacy was important.
He grabbed the bag of toys on his way back toward her, glad she had brought it with her. His mind was working double-time to come up with a plan.
When he returned to her side, he set his fingers on her lower back, pushing the lace hem of her lingerie several inches higher. He had one more question he wanted the answer to before he made her body hum. “Why did you transfer your membership from Breeze to Zodiac, Faith?”
“To start fresh. People look at me with so much sorrow there. They knew Victor. I needed to go somewhere I could start over. Where I could ease back into the scene as a Domme. Where no one would feel the need to say how sorry they are anymore.” Her voice trailed off.
He understood her so much better now than he had an hour ago. And every word tugged at his heart strings. He wanted to take away some of her pain. And he could do that.
He stepped behind her and set his hands on her bare hips, admiring the creamy skin as he spread his fingers to mold her soft flesh. The thin lace of her thong made his mouth water. He would taste her tonight. No matter what, the scene would not end until he wrapped his lips around her clit.
His cock ached to be let loose, but he needed to control his physical reaction to her incredibly sexy body. Or maybe his reaction had more to do with how sweetly she submitted to him.
He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. Was it possible she could be his? Her submission was so thorough and so perfect. Her baggage was so monumental. He wasn’t sure. He hoped it wasn’t insurmountable. Time would tell. In the meantime, he needed to hold his emotions close and guard his heart.
He shook all thoughts of the future from his head and focused on Faith’s incredible body, sliding his hands up her sides. He pressed his knees against the curved end of his oval coffee table and cupped her breasts gently where they hung free.
H
er lower back dipped as she arched her chest and moaned. Already he had her in the zone, right where he wanted her. Right where she was her authentic self.
“That’s a good girl. Just feel. Let me explore.” He set his fingers and thumbs on her nipples and gave a sharp tug.
She arched further, moaning again.
“So responsive. I love watching you come undone. I even love listening to you do it on the phone.” He smiled at the memory of her masturbating for him in her bed and later on the cock he’d had her use in her kitchen. He couldn’t wait to make her do that in front of him while he watched.
In addition, he had six other unopened boxes in that mystery bag he’d had delivered. So many more plans…
Shoving the barely existent material of her shear top over her breasts, he left it gathered under her chin. Her tits hanging free, he cupped them again, feeling their weight, stroking her nipples until they were hard pebbles, enjoying the way she swayed and whimpered in response.
When her noises grew louder, he released her breasts and eased his hands down her body again until he cupped her soft cheeks, spreading them apart. He tapped the entrance to her tight hole, the thin strip of lace doing nothing to hide the puckered flesh. “One of those packages has a plug in it, sweet girl. Have you worn a plug before?”
“Yes, Sir.” She instinctively pulled her cheeks in.
“Relax your bottom, Faith. Let me explore.”
She drew in a breath and let it out slowly while she released the tight grip of her butt cheeks.
“Good girl.” He tugged at the sensitive flesh next to her rear hole, opening her to his gaze, proud of her for this level of submission. “Do you own a plug?”
“Not anymore, Sir.”
“Okay. So it’s been a while.”
“Yes, Sir.”
How much experience did she have with ass play? He didn’t want to continue to ask her questions about her past for fear he was bringing up painful memories. She was with him now. For however long that lasted, he would cherish her and take care of her needs. “It makes you wet thinking about me inserting something into your bottom, doesn’t it?”
Obeying Rowen: Club Zodiac, Book Two Page 15