Thad didn’t say anything more for a while. Kim settled back against him. For the longest time, they let the warm afternoon breeze wash over them as she surveyed her surroundings.
But her thoughts returned to Melissa, the young pregnant student. Melissa had made a crutch of Kim, and she’d allowed it, but even worse than that, Kim had made a crutch out of Melissa. Actually, there had been too many Melissa’s over the years. The year before it had been Christopher. Before that Daniel and Ginny. Before that....
It dawned on Kim then that perhaps all these years she’d allowed her job to be the crutch. She’d gotten so involved in what she could do, give, and make better for all her students, that she hadn’t given any thought to what she could do for herself.
Perhaps that’s why none of the relationships she’s had with men over the years had panned out.
Was she that determined to make her mother see that there was more to her than making some man a wonderful wife and having his babies?
Thad said something. She didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” She pulled her gaze back to look him in the face.
“I said your job must be an extremely important part of your life, isn’t it?”
She answered that it was before she’d really given it a second thought. Then in the silence that followed, she wondered if she’d made it important for all the wrong reasons.
Chapter Fourteen
Thad brushed a tendril of wet hair away from Kim’s face. Droplets of water clung to her lashes and the apples of her cheeks as her eyes sparkled up at him. In his arms, she felt like wet silk as their bodies glided together in the warm pool next to the waterfall. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and his arms held her close. Her breasts were crowded against his chest, soft, fluid, and sexy.
God, how he loved holding her. She made him feel primal and male and full of something he hadn’t felt in quite some time. If ever.
Leaning in, he captured her lips in an urgent kiss. How he hated thinking about being separated from her. With Kim in his arms, everything felt...so right. Was she eager to return to that apartment, and her life before now?
“Have you ever thought about doing anything else?” he blurted out, wondering if he was actually thinking out loud. “I mean, what if someday, you couldn’t find a counseling job? How important is that to you?” Thad knew that in order to win Kim’s heart, he had to get to the middle of what Kim was, on the inside and out. Was counseling her life, just as ranching was his? He knew jobs of her sort were few and far between in this sparsely populated area.
Her gaze narrowed as she contemplated his question. She studied him for a minute, as if weighing her words very carefully. “Counseling, and teaching, are the only jobs I know how to do.” She paused and looked away, almost with an irritating look. “Unless...of course, not counting if I decided to get married and have kids someday. I might make a halfway decent mother.” Jerking her gaze back to him, she continued, “Gee, that sounded so hokey. What I mean is that I think I’d like being a wife and mother one of these days, but I would never want to give up my job.”
Thad felt like a boulder landed in his stomach. Kids? “So you’d like to have kids?”
She faced him again and nodded. “Someday. What about you?”
“I’m too old to be a father.”
Kim cocked her head sideways and tightened her grip around his shoulders. A sly grin crossed her lips. “You’re not old, Thad Winchester.”
“I’m forty.”
“That’s not old.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“Practically jailbait.” Thad snickered. “But right now you make me feel pretty damned young.”
Kim smiled back and held the connection between them. He like her smile better than the puzzled look she gave him earlier. “I think you’d make a pretty good daddy.”
Leaning forward, Kim pressed her lips against his. A swirling mist of desire rose up within him. He urged his hands lower into the water, smoothing them over Kim’s firm rear, forcing her closer against him. “I used to think I might,” he whispered against her lips. “I just never found the right woman to be my child’s mommy.”
Kim pulled away and stared into his face. Her eyes searched, looking for something he didn’t know if he could give. Slowly, he lifted her out of the water and carried her to the edge of the stream. Their clothes lay scattered, where they’d hastily left them moments before, so he laid her on the blanket of grass.
Lying beside her, he gathered her into his arms and held her against him. “Kim,” he whispered. “You’re making me crazy.” Damn. What was he going to do without her?
She stroked his face. He relaxed his hold and let her lie back against the grass. With her head pillowed on his arm, she caressed while watching his eyes.
“Thad,” she breathed, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned children...and all that other stuff. I wasn’t meaning to imply— I mean, I didn’t...don’t want you to think that I was pushing you into something—”
“Kim,” Thad interrupted. It was now or never. They had to discuss their options. “We have to talk.”
An expression lanced over her face that he wasn’t quite sure how to read. “About what,” she whispered.
“Where do we go from here, Kimmy?” he asks softly. “What happens when it’s time for you to go home?”
She didn’t answer him immediately, as if contemplating what her answer should be. “I have go home, Thad,” she whispered. “And from there, well, we’ll just have to see.”
He nodded and looked away.
How could she say that so quickly, without putting much thought to it? He didn’t see. Never would. If she went home, he doubted he’d ever see her again.
****
A hazy orange glow shrouded the camp, dark except for the glow from the slowly dying ring of fire before them. They’d roasted hot-dogs for dinner, and then marshmallows later for desert. The remaining smoke drifted in thin patches in the suddenly humid atmosphere.
“May rain tomorrow,” Mack lazily offered to anyone caring to listen, or respond.
Jillie snuggled into Mack’s side, her head resting against his chest, content as a kitten in her master’s lap, Kim thought. Kim sat between Thad’s knees, leaning back against him; his arms were draped around her protectively. He didn’t let her get too far away. Sometimes she wasn’t quite sure what to make of his actions, but at the moment, she was too tired to contemplate any of it, and was only glad for his arms around her. The last marshmallow, crusty and lightly golden, drooped from the end of the thin branch she held in her hand.
“Want this one?” Arching her neck backwards to catch a glimpse of Thad’s face, she lifted the stick high enough where Thad could reach out and grasp the end.
“I’m not sure if I could hold another one,” Thad confessed.
Kim turned around and faced him. She watched as he slid the gooey mass off the stick, then tossed the latter into the fire. With his thumb and forefinger, he pinched off half the marshmallow and held it out.
She groaned, then opened her mouth. After Thad’s fingers stuffed it in, she grasped his hand to lick off the last of the goo from his fingers. “You’re killing me,” she muttered through licks and small sucking sounds.
Thad groaned. “Uh-uh, I think it’s the other way around.”
Quickly, he stuffed the remainder of the marshmallow in his mouth and Kim watched as he licked his lips and fingers. Then moving onto her knees, she leaned forward and flicked away a tiny morsel from his mustache with her tongue, before planting a lingering kiss on his lips.
“Ah-hem, you two over there,” Jillie shouted out. “The night’s getting long and we’ve got a day’s ride in front of us tomorrow.”
Kim turned into Thad’s embrace and looked at Jillie. “So what are you saying?”
“I think she’s saying that we all need to turn in and get a good night’s sleep,” Thad offered. “And for once, she’s ri
ght. Come on, Kim.” He urged her to rise, and then followed her.
“Wait.” Jillie and Mack rose also. “You’re right, of course, Thad, but before we do, Mack and I have something to tell you two.”
Kim looked into Jillie’s face. Instinctively, she knew that whatever it was Jillie was going to say, was going to change things. And she had half an idea what it was. Only, she hadn’t expected it this soon.
Jillie stepped closer. “Kim, I know you think I’m impulsive and you’ve always tried to talk me out of my impulsive acts, but this time, I want you to hear me out before you say a word. Promise?”
Her pulse pounded in her ears. “Okay. Promise.”
Jillie glanced from Thad to Kim and then to Mack. After a moment, she took a deep breath, and continued. “We’ve been best friends for a long time, Kim. You got me through that first year of teaching. I don’t think I would have made it without you. I really owe you a lot.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Jillie. You know that,” she whispered. Come on. Get it over with. She felt Thad’s hand grip her elbow from behind, which made her feel tense even more.
Jillie glanced again to Mack. “I don’t really know how to say this other than just blurting it out. Kim, Mack and I are getting married.”
She couldn’t say she hadn’t suspected it.
“Married.” It wasn’t a question.
Jillie hurriedly added, “…and I’m not going back to Kentucky. Well, maybe just for a few days to get my stuff and resign my job, but by then we’ll be married.”
Hells bells. “When?”
“As soon as we get back to the ranch. We want to live there. That is, if it’s okay with you, Thad. Mack was going to talk to you.” She directed her question to him.
Kim watched Thad glance from Mack to Jillie and then nod. Jillie was getting married? She wasn’t going back to Kentucky? Thad’s words interrupted her thoughts. “Mack you know it’s your home as much as mine. But have you two thought this thing through?”
Mack stepped up to Thad. “And back again, Thad. It’s what we both want. We don’t need any more time. We just need each other. I’ve waited for Jillie all my life and I’m not about to let her slip through my fingers now. I love her Thad, and she loves me.”
Kim watched the gaze that passed between Thad and Mack.
She turned to Jillie. “You’re sure, Jill?”
“Damned sure.”
“Then there’s only one thing I can say.” She stepped closer to her best friend and wreathed her arms around her neck. “Congratulations, you crazy girl,” she whispered. Then after a moment, she turned and stepped back toward Thad, giving him awkward smile.
She really, truly, was happy for her. Truly.
Only one thing bothered her. Jillie and Mack had come to this conclusion so easily, so quickly. Why did if have to be so difficult for her and Thad? Or perhaps, she should say, for her? She’d seen the look that had crossed Thad’s face earlier this afternoon when she’d told him, in no uncertain terms, that she was going back to Kentucky. It was as painful for him as it was for her.
A cold sliver of resentment crept up her backbone.
She was so jealous of Jillie and Mack. Of the ease of their relationship. And she was jealous of their impending marriage, as well.
And quite frankly, she hated herself for it.
****
They broke camp just after sunrise and breakfast. The manties were all packed and tied. The mules were loaded. And the horses were ready for their riders to lead the pack string further into the wilderness. To the west, dark clouds boiled on the far horizon. Kim watched Thad for a minute as his troubled face scrutinized the impending storm.
“Everyone have their rain slickers?”
“They’re in the saddlebags. I checked,” Mack replied. “Do you want to wait and see what’s going to happen?”
Thad shook his head. “No. It’s going to be a while. I think we can make it a couple of hours further. If it gets bad, there are plenty of places we can stop. To keep on schedule, we need to start moving.”
Kim watched Thad’s tired eyes as they darted back and forth from Mack, and then to her. The oddest feeling came over her, as though he were rushing, hurrying this thing on, so their relationship could come to a natural conclusion.
Ever since Jillie had announced about hers and Mack’s wedding plans, Thad had seemed on edge. They’d made love quickly, almost fervently, after they’d retired to her tent. Then he had clung to her the remainder of the night. So much so there were times she could barely move or breathe.
She wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Jillie’s announcement had taken her a bit off guard, but she couldn’t say it totally surprised her. Nothing Jillie said or did ever surprised her. Could it be that Mack’s decision was the thing setting him off kilter?
Or was it something else entirely. Surely to goodness, Thad wasn’t feeling pressure to ask her to marry him, was he?
At that realization, Kim stopped fiddling with her saddlebag and slid her gaze to Thad. Was that his problem? Was he contemplating the same thing?
Surely not. No.
And what if he did ask her that? How in the world would she answer him?
She didn’t know.
And obviously, he had no clue, either.
She watched Mack and Thad look over the camp one last time, checking the fire ring, making sure there were no permanent reminders of their visit. Jillie sidled up to her out of nowhere, smiling broadly. Kim had to do an about-face with her thoughts.
“So what’s with you this morning?” Kim finally allowed herself to grin back. “Set the date yet?”
“Noooo,” Jillie responded. “But it won’t be long.”
“Hm.” Kim glanced toward Mack and Thad, now heading their way.
“Kim, are you okay with this, the wedding, I mean?”
Turning to her, Kim grasped Jillie’s hand and smiled. “Jillie, I’m as happy as can be. I’m going to miss you something awful, but I want you to be happy.”
Her friend beamed. “Really?”
“Really.”
Jillie stepped forward and hugged her. Kim clasped her arms around her friend and hugged her right back. After a moment, they broke the embrace.
“I was just thinking about how all this is turning out,” Jillie began again. “I mean, just a few days ago and you and Thad were at each other’s throats. And now,” Jillie elbowed Kim in the side, “well, I, for one, saw Thad sneaking into you tent late last night.” She slowly nodded her head and widened her eyes.
“Gee, Jillie,” Kim prompted, “I’d have thought you’d have better things to do in the middle of the night than spy on your best friend.”
Jillie’s jaw dropped. “I wasn’t spying Kim Martin. I had to take a trip to the little girl’s tree and I just happened to notice the comings and goings of your tent!”
Kim rolled her eyes and sighed. This was hopeless. Jillie giggled and Thad stepped up beside Kim and gently grasped her arm. “It’s time we all get in the saddle and head up the trail, folks.” Kim nodded as she looked into Thad’s face.
The expression there worried her. More than before, when he was gruff and treating her like a small child, it bothered her. The whole tone of the light conversation she and Jillie had shared just seconds earlier had suddenly changed.
Something was wrong with Thad.
Jillie obviously noticed it as well. “Just a minute there, cowboy. Give me just one cotton-pickin’ minute. Okay?” Jillie stepped in the center of the foursome. “I think, before we go on, that we need to establish just a couple of things here.”
She eyed Thad directly.
“Go on.”
“Would you not agree, Thad Winchester, that at the onset of this pack trip, you and Kim butted heads at every turn and were hell-bent on making each other’s lives one living hell?”
Thad tossed Kim a quick glance. She saw one corner of his mouth turn up in a slight grin. “I would agree.”
“Grea
t.” Jillie nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, then looked to Kim. “And would you not agree, Kim Martin, that at the very beginning of this pack trip, you wouldn’t even have dreamed of making it with a cowboy?”
It was Kim’s turn to grin. She caught Thad’s eye. “I would agree.”
Jillie’s head dropped in a sharp nod. “Wonderful. And would you not both agree that for the past for a while now you’ve shared some meaningful times together and that things seem to be looking up for the two of you?”
Kim hesitantly glanced Thad’s way again. His gaze caught hers. The grin was gone, replaced by a seriousness that Kim so easily recognized. “I would agree,” she said softly.
Jillie turned to Thad. “And...” She gestured with her hands, trying to drag the words out of him.
“Yes,” he relented.
Kim’s heart jumped. Were things looking up for the two of them?
“Then why in the hell are you moping around like your best bull just died! I mean, you just admitted it. Things are going great between the two of you. It’s only going to get better from now on.”
Kim caught Thad’s gaze and he smiled. Her soul warmed as she watched his face light up. Jillie was right. It could only get better from here. They’d figure something out, wouldn’t they?
Thad stepped closer to Kim and Jillie walked toward Mack, linking her arm with his. “And to think, they only have me to thank. Right Mack? Oh, and you too. Even if we had to lie and cheat and practically steal to get them together.”
Kim couldn’t speak. She could only look at Jillie. Realization slapped her in the face like an icy nor’easter.
They’d lied to him. Oh, God. All three of them. Why had that not occurred to her before now?
“A little deception here. A bit of trickery there. And before you know it, we’ve got a full-blown romance on our hands, Mack. Think we can get them to step up to the alter with us?”
Kim risked a glance at Thad. He could only stare at her, questioning. Thank God a hint of a smile was still on his face. First chance she got, she was going to tell him the truth. All of it. If she could only keep Jillie from running off at the mouth....
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