by Anna del Mar
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Stop playing games with me,” she snapped. “I see through your power plays. I’m not someone you can charm with a little advice. I’m not a fool you can mislead and manipulate with a couple of make out sessions. And I’m most definitively not like the rest of the world out there.”
“I know that!”
“I’m not going to be dazzled by your good looks.”
I got a little stuck on that one. She thought I was good looking?
“And I’m not going to sigh like a smitten maiden every time you walk by.”
Talk about an expectation I’d never have from Jade Defiance Romo.
“And so that you know,” she added as an afterthought. “I’m not going to fall for this ruse, this game you like to play, where you pretend to ‘manage’ people when you really just want to be admired, ogled over and worshipped wherever you go in this freaking reserve.”
I tried to put in a word. “Jade…”
“Don’t you Jade me!” Her temper was off the leash. “I’m not waiting around pinning for you like all the women around here and half the men. Let me make it real clear for you.” She stabbed her finger against her chest. “I’m waiting around for the opportunity to take pictures and tell my stories. I’m waiting, not because I want to make out with you, but because I’m a professional and I promised the director I would play by your rules and, unlike some other people around here, I keep my word!”
I managed to ground out a reply. “Are you questioning my word?”
“I’ve sat on my ass for days, waiting at your pleasure.”
“There are reasons behind my choices!”
“And they are?”
“Matthias? Jade?” A voice interjected before I could answer.
I whirled around to find Sarah standing a few feet away, forehead furrowed with concern.
“You guys okay?” she said.
“We’re fine.” Silly girl. Did she really think I could ever hurt Jade?
“In that case,” Sarah said, eyes shifting from me to Jade, “the two of you may want to keep it down. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you guys are like the Tuesday night movie. Everybody is watching.”
I looked around. The entire dining room was staring at us.
“Thanks, Sarah,” I said with as much equanimity as I could muster.
“I was leaving anyway.” Jade whirled on her heel.
I took her elbow. “Let me walk you to your room.”
“No, thank you.” She snatched her arm from my hold and met my eyes. “I’m perfectly capable of finding my room on my own.”
And with that, she marched out of the main lodge, leaving me behind as if I was dead and buried on the battlefield.
Jade
I marched across the pool deck, through the dining room and out of the lodge with my back straight as a rod. It was a miracle I didn’t break into a sprint. There were few things I hated more than all those eyes on me. I didn’t like to be the center of attention. It brought back my childhood’s bad memories.
As soon as I left the main lodge, I turned on my flashlight and accelerated into the night. The walkway’s wooden boards clattered under my steps. I took in a cleansing breath and choked on the suffocating stink of hippo dung. Yuck. One or more of the local big boys had been by recently. I leaned over the railings and looked down. There had been rain and the river had jumped its banks and flooded the marsh beneath the elevated pathways.
In the branches above my head, a bush baby cried a mournful wail. Considering how angry and confused I felt at the moment, the sound could’ve come straight from my throat. In front of me, a snake slithered silently across the walkway. I stopped and took a few steps back. I breathed deeply and waited politely for it to go across and disappear into the bush. No need to get bitten by one of the local mambas tonight.
A snake. That’s what Matthias was. He struck with a kiss, injected your veins with his poison, and then left you to die a slow, painful death. The analogy was a bit dramatic, even for me, but hey, it worked.
But not me. No way. I wasn’t falling for him.
The light of my flashlight illuminated the figure standing on my stoop. Matthias waited at my door, leaning against the wall. He lifted a hand to shield his eyes from my beam. I grounded the white light circle on the boards and forced myself to breathe. My heart fluttered, and so did my brain. Great. Now, in addition to a fluttering heart, I had a fluttering brain.
Shields up. “How did you get here before me?”
“I took a shortcut,” he said, eyes fixed on me like laser beams.
“I thought you said we had to stick to the walkways.”
“You do.”
But not him, not the great Matthias. He got to do whatever he wanted. I groaned inside, turned off my flashlight, and fished my key out of my pocket. I walked past him and attempted to jam the key into the lock, but the moonlight played with the shadows and I ended up missing the opening completely. Shit. Even my hands were fluttering.
“What are you doing here?” I said, fumbling with the key.
“You left,” he said, “but I wasn’t finished.”
“Well, I was.”
“Here, give me that.” He took the key from me and inserted it cleanly into the lock, as if he were a nocturnal creature and could see perfectly at night. With a jiggle and a twist, he unlocked the deadbolt and handed me the key. “There you go.”
“Thanks.” I pocketed the key. “Good-bye.”
“Hang on.” His hand landed on my arm, big, warm, and all encompassing, a touch that sent thrill jolting to every corner in my body. He pressed his lips together, before he spoke again. “I think you should know that I tried.”
A frown tensed my forehead. “You tried what?”
“I tried to forget about you,” he said. “I missed meals. I avoided any part of the station where you were hanging out. Hell, I even changed my routine. But I failed. Okay? When I set my mind to something, I don’t fail very often. But this time around, I did. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Was he trying to say what I thought he was trying to say?
“The problem is,” he went on, unstoppable. “I don’t want to stay away from you anymore. Sure, it’s the worst possible moment. And you are a pain in the ass. But there’s no way around this. We’re going to have to work this shit out, preferably before I go insane.”
Insane?
He more or less growled. “Tell me you didn’t feel it.”
Christ almighty.
“Tell me you didn’t drop off at the end of the world and forget that anything but you and I existed.”
The alarms were going berserk in my head.
He stepped closer to me, his body pinging my cells like a submarine on the hunt, my cells replying to his signal with a chain of primal vibrations that must have spelled d-e-s-i-r-e in Morse code.
“Tell me, Jade,” he said, his voice softening, his eyes glowing. “Tell me that you don’t want to try that all over again, on the off chance that it was all a really cruel mistake and we’re both off the hook. Tell me that you want us to end before we begin. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now and I’ll go away for good.”
I opened my mouth and then…closed it. I knew what I should say. Leave me the hell alone. I just couldn’t get myself to say it. I didn’t have the strength to send him away. I didn’t have the will to suppress the rogue passion pounding in my chest.
The emotions bombarding my brain fractured my self-control and cratered my logic. My instincts took over. The smoldering ember inside of me ignited. I plummeted from the great heights I’d constructed for myself. Nothing else to do. I threw my arms around Matthias’s neck, pressed my body against his, and kissed him with all I had.
Matthias rumbled, a deep, sexy sound that unraveled me from the inside out. He absorbed my body’s impact, crushing me to his chest. He kissed me with the same desperation I felt, reversing the flow, trapping me between t
he door and his body, taking charge of the kiss, draining me of breath, will and thought, pouring gasoline on my fire.
“Damn,” he rasped when we came up for air.
“This is not happening,” I muttered to myself.
He kissed me again, melting my bones with his heat, running his hand over my body as if learning all my curves. “This is happening and there’s nothing you or I can do about it.”
His kiss was a paralyzing force, a brain-killing venom of the extremely pleasant variety, a hypnotic contact. I drifted far and away and didn’t come back to earth until the tide of his passion started to relent. Slowly, deliberately, the pressure of his mouth eased over my lips. With a sigh, he brushed his mouth against mine then leaned his forehead on mine, chest heaving with breaths that matched my own desperate gasps.
“I get that you may not be ready,” he murmured. “I wasn’t exactly ready myself. It took me by surprise.”
It? What was it? And how on earth could he define whatever the hell was happening to me with a word as simple and generic as it?
“I don’t have a plan,” he said. “For once, I don’t have a clue on how to do this. So take your time. I can wait…at least a little, I mean, a day, maybe two.”
“But…” I struggled to find my words. “You said it was a clusterfuck, a mistake.”
“It’s complicated, that’s what I meant.” He paused, kissed my forehead, then pulled back a little to meet my gaze. “But I’m not gonna tiptoe around this anymore. I’m not gonna fight it and I’m not gonna pussyfoot around you either. Be ready. Tomorrow. Five thirty. I’m taking you out.”
I was speechless. Me, Jade Romo. Speechless. I’d forgotten how to speak, how to think. Hell, I’d forgotten how to breathe.
As if making a great effort, Matthias pried his fingers loose and let go of me. He grabbed the handle and opened the door. “In you go.”
I took a step backward into the bungalow, knees shaking, legs wobbly. I was afraid that he was going to follow me in, but I was also terrified that he wasn’t going to follow me in.
His fingers tightened around the door handle. I knew what he wanted, needed. The magnetic anomaly was on. He pulled on me as hard as I pulled on him. If I said the word, he’d come in and then…
No. This man would be no trivial lay. Him, I might not be able to handle. So I clamped down on my lips, trying against all odds to stick to my original plan.
“I’m not very good at this talking shit,” he said. “I’m not very patient either. So I’m asking: don’t wait too long. I’m making a huge effort over here.”
What could I say to that? I nodded, because if his effort was half of mine, it was still too much to bear.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Do me a favor. Don’t forget to lock the door.”
He closed the door with a quiet click. I didn’t hear his steps walking away. I stared at the door for a very long time. Part of me wanted to bolt it shut, to board it up with steel plates and nails. The other part of me kept hoping that the door would open again to admit Matthias.
I don’t remember how I got through my evening routine, but I never did get around to locking the door. Somehow, I made it to bed. The mattress was lumpier than usual. It took me a long time to find sleep. When it finally came, Matthias arrived with my dreams. I might have slept some, but I got absolutely no rest.
14
Jade
Dawn in the Serengeti was no casual affair. The night fought the day in a bloody duel that slashed reds and golds over a vast canvas of indigo. By the time the sun kicked the moon out of the sky, the horizon was ablaze with the golden light that made the Serengeti a photographer’s dream. The creatures of the plains came out to celebrate the triumph of light over darkness. I did too. Rattling over the rough roads in Matthias’s Land Rover, sitting in the passenger’s seat next to him, my camera’s viewfinder was as full as my heart and my shutter worked non-stop.
I gave the camera a rest and glanced over at Matthias. The light edged his profile with a radiant glow that highlighted the smooth line running down from his forehead, over the tiny bump of his sunglasses’ nosepiece, and down the length of his nose. The glow dipped over his septum, rose over the defining lift of his lips, and delineated the rough edges of his closely-cropped stubble, before it turned at an angle to showcase his well-constructed jaw and his strong neck. He was aglow in a way that dazzled my eyes. I didn’t know what to make of the joy and the terror fighting the duel inside of me.
Earlier, with my emotions in a state of chaos, I’d had no idea what to expect in the crisp darkness of the early morning when I stepped out of my bungalow. Not even the monkeys were awake yet. But Matthias had been waiting for me, sitting on the walkway’s wooden railing, dressed in a black fleece and his usual cargos, sipping from a travel mug. The sight of him sent my heart galloping. He looked solid and imposing against the starred sky, like Kilimanjaro in the flesh.
“Got any good sleep?” he asked, holding up a second travel mug wafting with the scent of fresh coffee, an irresistible lure.
“Not much,” I mumbled.
I felt awkward as we faced each other. It probably had something to do with the turmoil in my head, not to mention those triple X dreams I’d had last night. Memories of his kisses had fed my imagination as my mind traveled from one elaborate sexual fantasy to the next. Once again, I’d had to change my panties this morning.
I didn’t want to risk getting too close to him, for fear of igniting the heat within. But the coffee was tempting. I took a step toward him and then another. He waited patiently while I tested my own boundaries. When I didn’t self-combust, I accepted the coffee. The smile felt clumsy on my lips, but I hoped it conveyed gratitude.
“I didn’t sleep much either,” he said. “Are you ready for this?”
I wasn’t ready for him, if that’s what he meant. I wasn’t ready for us either. In fact, the word “us” sent frissons up my spine. My defenses were back up. My fears were all over the map. I had my resolutions to uphold and even if I got up my nerve to consider what he wanted, disaster was guaranteed.
The biochemical exchange between us was hard to manage, but Matthias’s aplomb as he sat on the railing gave me hope I could work through this. I took a deep breath. I was ready for the day and work always centered me in the present. So off we went, taming our impulses, testing the integrity of the universe’s fabric around us.
The day out in the reserve proved to be a bonanza for the photographer in me. Matthias’s Land Rover carried a full load: two armed rangers and Doctor Valdez and his elephant team, including Sarah. It was amazing. I captured footage of a tribe of baboons taking over the road and took pictures of five different types of gazelles, zebras, giraffes, wildebeests and hyenas. Much to Sarah’s disappointment, we didn’t find the elephants, but we did track them along a trampled path of bark-stripped acacias that reminded me that elephants were a lot like humans. They transformed their environment as they went.
Doctor Valdez, Sarah and the rest of their team spent a lot of time fidgeting with their GPS, mapping this particular herd’s track, and trying to estimate how many individuals traveled together. Matthias’s radio buzzed with reports from all over the reserve. His day was busy, and he spent a great deal of time radioing out instructions. Sometime after lunch, we came across a water hole near the reserve’s western boundaries.
“Stop!” Doctor Valdez shouted excitedly from his perch in the middle seat. “They were here and not too long ago.”
Matthias stepped on the brakes and the truck screeched to a stop, his gaze scanning the place. “You know how I feel about water holes. They’re ambushes waiting to happen. Predators of all kind, including humans, love to hang out around them.”
“We’ll be careful,” Doctor Valdez said.
Matthias engaged the hand break. “Wait here.”
He stepped out, climbed on the Land Rover and stood on the roof with his weapon slung over his shoulder. Taking the lead watch position, h
e scanned the surroundings with his binoculars. After a few minutes, he tapped his boot on the roof. His rangers got out and scouted the area. Only after they sounded the all clear, were we allowed to get out of the truck. His thorough security procedures impressed the marine in me.
I was disappointed when we didn’t find any elephants, but Doctor Valdez and his team found lots of fresh piles of elephant dung in the vicinity of the water hole. He, Sarah, and the rest gloved up to their elbows to take samples. I followed the research team, taking pictures and footage of their not-so-pleasant work.
“You don’t mind having to sift through all that shit?” I asked.
“Heavens, no!” Sarah grinned, shin deep in a fresh pile. “Imagine everything we’ll learn from these samples.”
Yep. Those shit-loving folks were my friends. No wonder Sarah liked me.
I tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, because Doctor Valdez got snippy with nosy photojournalists who encroached on his precious fieldwork time. After I took enough dung pictures to document the herd’s diet in gross detail, I focused on the flock of gray crowned cranes hanging out by the water hole. I followed those fancy dinosaur relics as they moved downstream, a couple hundred yards away from the truck. The distance must have been beyond Matthias’s comfort zone, because his loud, sharp whistle caught my attention.
He cased his hands around his mouth and called out. “Jade! Back this way!”
I raised my hand up in the air, sticking up one finger. “One minute?”
One minute, he signaled, mirroring my finger.
I took a deep breath and asked God for patience. I was very much aware of my surroundings. I’d studied the threats and dangers of the African bush. I was a marine, for Christ’s sake. I could take care of myself. But I saw no sense in defying Matthias during my first day of restricted freedom, so I hurried, finished photographing the cranes, and turned around.