“Nein.”
“Bed, then. Perhaps you need some rest.”
But she didn’t rest. She lay in her bed pretending to sleep until she was alone. When he left the room, she stared at the wall and wept for all that might have been.
CHAPTER 34
Anna woke the following morning as she usually did, to the sound of her mammi’s voice.
“We call on You, our God, for You will answer us; turn Your ear to us and hear our prayer. Show us the wonders of Your great love.” Mammi loved the Psalms. It had been that way since the day Anna first arrived in Oklahoma. She’d barely known her grandmother then. Now she couldn’t imagine her life without the dear woman.
She did have things to be grateful for. There had been no nightmares last night. Perhaps she’d been too tired after the emotional low of the day before. The memory of it embarrassed her, and she wondered if she might be able to hide under the quilt all day.
Mammi had other ideas. “Gudemariye, Anna.”
“Gudemariye, Mammi.” She doubted it would be a good day, but she didn’t see how it could be much worse than the day before.
“Some days are difficult, ya?” Mammi reached for the lotion and began to work it into Anna’s right arm. This time the scent of the lemon balm made her think of sun tea and picnics. She relaxed, closed her eyes, and enjoyed the ministrations of her grandmother.
“Other days are better. I think today will be a gut day.”
Anna grunted, but she didn’t open her eyes. Few days were good days. Some days were less bad than others. It was the most she hoped for.
“Do you believe in miracles, child?”
Anna’s eyes popped open, and she stared at her grandmother. What was she asking? What did it have to do with her situation?
“Our Gotte is a Gotte of miracles.”
Anna shook her head. Miracles? Seriously? She was a paraplegic now, forever confined to her wheelchair. All of her hopes and dreams had been ripped from her. She would probably never marry, probably never have children, probably remain dependent on her family the rest of her life.
Did she believe in miracles? What difference did it make? She hadn’t received one.
“I’ve been reading. The miracles in the Bible occur to a variety of people in very different places.”
Anna wanted to slap her hands over her ears. Why was Mammi bringing this up today? Hadn’t yesterday been bad enough? She couldn’t sit around and hope for a miracle.
No.
Mammi proceeded to recount the miracles Christ performed as recorded in the book of Matthew, the eighth chapter. The man with leprosy was healed. The centurion’s servant was healed. Peter’s mother-in-law was healed.
Anna heard her grandmother, but her mind zoomed off in another direction. She could wait on a miracle and pin her hopes on the improbable or the impossible. If she worked at it, she might be able to convince herself that the right lotion or the right herb or the right prayer would make her into the person she had been.
She could, but how many miracles had she seen or heard of in her lifetime?
None.
The wiser course seemed to be to learn to accept the facts of her life. She was unmarried and would remain that way. Jacob’s confession of love was touching, but it would be wrong for her to encourage him. Deep down in the pit of her stomach, she knew it was time to accept her life. That was the right course.
Samuel came into the room. “Morning, Anna.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled. He was a good man and hadn’t asked for the troubles he’d received. The least she could do was show her gratitude, and she was thankful for her family and their help.
He carried her to the bathroom and left her alone.
As she went about the business of preparing for another day, her thoughts returned to what Mammi had said.
Was God still in the business of miracles?
She honestly didn’t know, though it might be an interesting question to ask the bishop. No doubt he would give her a look of pure sympathy. Anna didn’t need more incidents of people feeling sorry for her. No, she wouldn’t be asking that question of Bishop Levi.
She was twenty-four years old and she was paralyzed. She could sew blankets for needy children. She could bless others in her small way. She could cheerfully do her exercises and be less of a burden on her family. She could make the best of the life that she had.
Anna still didn’t know if she would remain in Oklahoma after the harvest or return to Indiana. Her mother and father had promised to visit at that time, and together they would come to a decision. What difference did it make? Life in a wheelchair was her future no matter where she lived.
Mammi joined her in the bathroom and helped with her socks and shoes. She’d left talk of miracles in the bedroom, and for that Anna was grateful.
She struggled to make it through each day and such lofty thoughts—such theological debates—seemed pointless.
If only she could make her family see her as she actually was. Her aenti insisted on talking about her future. Jacob visited each day and looked at her as if she held the secret to his dreams.
And her grandmother? She continued to pray and to believe in Anna’s healing.
CHAPTER 35
Jacob understood that the last few days had been particularly hard for Anna. He blamed himself. He shouldn’t have pushed. He shouldn’t have told her about his feelings, but then again, how could he not? In spite of his worries he whistled as he finished the project he was working on for her. The fields had been too muddy to work in the rain, so there had been plenty of extra time the last few days.
He’d actually thought of the project the week before. While he’d worked outside the barn brushing down the buggy horse, he’d watched Anna. She had sat idly on the porch, staring out toward the garden. Erin and Mammi had been weeding around the vegetables, and he’d realized that Anna looked trapped up there in her chair. He’d begun the work that evening.
On Sunday Anna had told him that her days were “very much the same, with little to break up the tedium,” and he’d known that completing the project was the right thing to do. He’d also come up with another idea—one that wasn’t yet completed but soon would be.
The day had dawned clear. With Samuel helping, they finished the first job and much of the second by the middle of the afternoon.
“Let’s go tell her.” He looked at Samuel, whose boots were caked with mud. “I believe she’s sitting on the porch, which is a good thing since Erin would never let you inside with those boots.”
“Your boots don’t look any cleaner.” A smile broke across the man’s face. “This was a gut idea, Jacob. The last few days have been particularly hard on Anna. Maybe the worst I’ve seen since she’s come home.”
Jacob wondered if that had anything to do with their conversation on Sunday. Maybe, but he still didn’t regret it. She couldn’t dwell on her injuries forever. She had to begin looking toward the future, and he was determined that her future would be spent by his side.
“This will help.”
“Ya, I think so.”
They trudged to the front porch and up the steps. The porch was a wraparound, stretching across the entire west side of the house, which fronted toward the lane, turning at the corner, and continuing across most of the south side of the house. Anna usually came out to the front and sat there watching the yard and looking out toward the lane, which was probably why she hadn’t heard what they were doing. If she had, the sound of hammering would have piqued her curiosity, and she would have learned of the surprise before Jacob was ready.
The handicap ramp started at the front of the house, before making a turn and coming to an end on the south side. The ramp itself hadn’t been used much, not nearly enough in Jacob’s opinion. Anna rarely had a reason to go down it, other than the occasional trip for a doctor’s visit. He hoped that was about to change.
“You don’t look very busy,” Jacob said.
Anna appare
ntly hadn’t noticed their approach. She pulled her gaze from the road toward them. Her hands were idle in her lap.
“Run out of fabric?” Samuel asked.
“Nein. Aenti and I decided perhaps I should sew in the morning and rest in the afternoon. Perhaps I was pushing too hard and that was the reason for my… moods.” She blushed prettily at the confession.
“Can’t sit on the porch and do nothing every afternoon.” Jacob walked up behind her and released the brake on the chair. As he did, Erin and Mammi walked out onto the porch.
“About to show Anna her surprise?” Erin crossed her arms and smiled.
“We are,” Samuel grunted. “Might as well make it a family outing.”
“Let me grab my cane.” Mammi rarely bothered with the maple walking stick that the doctor had insisted she use, but the weather had worsened her limp the last few days.
“What surprise?” Anna asked. “Where are we going?”
“Wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you.” Jacob brushed her kapp strings behind her shoulders. When Mammi returned from the sitting room, he pushed her chair down the ramp. They made quite a group with Jacob in front pushing Anna in her wheelchair, followed by Samuel, Mammi, and Erin.
At the end of the ramp was a wooden boardwalk.
“When… when did you build this?”
“Last few days,” Samuel said. “We had some leftover lumber in the barn.”
Jacob chuckled. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it was an exaggeration. The leftover timber in the barn had given him the idea. After discussing it with Samuel, he had gone from farm to farm asking for donations of what other folks had left. Because nearly everyone had needed to rebuild something on their property after last year’s big storm, most people had a few boards or boxes of nails they were willing to donate.
“We’ll need to weatherproof them.” Samuel stuck his thumbs under his suspenders, glancing toward the garden and then back at Anna.
“How did you manage with all the rain we’ve had the last few weeks? When did you find the time?”
“Jacob was able to build these in sections in the barn. We moved them out this morning.”
Jacob stepped away from the back of her wheelchair. “See if you can do it, Anna.”
She gave the wheels a tentative push and her chair trundled a few feet.
“Nice and even boardwalk,” Samuel said. “Gut work, Jacob.”
“But why? And where does it end?” Anna’s voice held a note of awe, and Jacob was relieved to see that she was smiling again—something she hadn’t done in several days.
“Well, that’s the best part.” He resumed pushing her chair. The boardwalk stretched from the wheelchair ramp on the porch to the first row of Erin’s garden.
“You raised the plants.” Anna put her hand on top of the wheels and gave them another good strong push. She trundled past miniature rose bushes, moved slowly along a row of herbs, and stopped when she reached radishes, scallions, and cherry tomato plants. “You raised up the plants. You made garden window boxes.”
Anna made a three-point turn, something Jacob had never seen her do before, and turned to stare at them.
“We thought you might enjoy working in the garden again.” Jacob ignored the tears pricking his eyes. He didn’t want to stain Anna’s day with his own emotions, but the look of wonder on her face satisfied a spot deep in his heart.
“Mammi made you a tool pouch you can keep in your lap. There’s even a strap to wrap it around your waist so it doesn’t topple off.” Erin pulled the cloth bag from behind one of the plants, where she’d hidden it earlier that day. Peeking out of the top was a small hand-sized shovel, rake, trimmers, and a new pair of garden gloves.
“I hope you don’t mind that I used your leftover scraps for the bag.” Mammi pointed toward the colorful prints. “Seemed to me that those cats and dogs wanted out for some sunshine.”
“I… I don’t know how to thank you all. This is… it’s wunderbaar.” Anna raised her face to the sun. “It’s absolutely wunderbaar.”
“Guess you’d better show her the rest, Jacob,” Samuel muttered. Though his voice was a bit gruff, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I’d best get back to the barn.”
“Aren’t you all coming?” Jacob asked.
“Oh, I need to check on dinner,” Erin said.
“Ya, and I’ll help her.” A mischievous look sparkled in Mammi’s eyes.
Jacob had the distinct feeling they were purposely scattering in different directions so he could have time alone with Anna, and he didn’t mind one bit.
“There’s more?” Anna asked.
“Ya. It’s not finished, but—” Jacob again stepped behind her chair and pushed it toward the ramp on the south side of the front porch. This time, instead of returning back to the house, he turned left toward the produce stand, which had been vacant all of spring and now the first few weeks of summer. Erin didn’t have time to work there, and no one wanted to leave Mammi out in it alone.
“It’ll probably take a few more weeks to complete the boardwalk to the produce stand. It’s good that the rains have stopped, which makes it much easier to lay the wood for the walk. I’m not sure it will be ready before we have to start working in the fields again, but I promise you I will finish it. Until then, you’ll have to let one of us know when you want to come out here.”
“Why would I—” Anna’s voice stopped as he paused at the back of the produce stand. They had widened the door for her wheelchair, and remodeled the inside.
“You lowered the shelves.”
“And the window, so you can easily help customers.”
“I can’t imagine how much time this took.”
“Not so much, Anna, and you’re worth it.”
“You expect me to work out here again?” Her voice rose in hope.
“Only if you want to. We were thinking that we’d begin with Friday and Saturday mornings if that’s all right with you.” When she didn’t answer, he hurried on. “Chloe already made a sign for the road. She left it here last time she visited. She didn’t want to spoil the surprise until we were ready. I think folks will start coming again once we put it out—if you want us to do that.”
“Of course I do!” She rolled around the produce stand. She could hardly go three feet before she had to turn and go another direction, but she didn’t seem to mind. “I feel funny admitting this, but I’ve actually missed this place.”
“Erin thought you might be ready to get back to work.”
“Work, yes. But it will also be nice to see people.” She laughed, probably at the look of surprise on his face. “Don’t get me wrong. I adore you and Samuel and Erin and Mammi, but it’s also nice to see different people, which I hardly ever do other than during Sunday services.”
Jacob turned around and leaned against the tabletop she would use for laying out customer’s goods and accepting money.
“Are you saying you’re tired of us?” He pretended to look hurt. “And here I thought we were such good company.”
“You are.” Anna rolled forward and back, forward and back. “It’s just… um… the last week has been pretty hard.”
“I heard.”
“I don’t know why. Sometimes it all seems too much.”
“That’s understandable.”
“But this… and the garden. They give me things to look forward to.”
Jacob waited a moment, weighed the wisdom of what he longed to say, and then he knelt in front of her chair. “Don’t you see, Anna? This is how it would be if we married. There is still so much you can do. It’s only a matter of thinking it through and understanding what accommodations you need to be able to do it.”
“Jacob Graber. Are you saying you would build a house to fit me?”
“I could.”
“I know you could.” Her voice softened and she stared down at her lap.
“And I would.” He reached out and claimed her hand. “But we don’t have to decide that now. All we h
ave to do is find ways to help you through the rough spots. One day at a time, Anna.”
“Indeed.” She squeezed his hand, and then she ducked her head, pushing the chair through the back door of the produce stand, where she promptly became stuck.
“I believe you’re going to need help there—”
“Until my carpenter finishes my boardwalk.”
“You need to get him right on that.”
“Yes, I do.”
Her laughter was light and too brief, but it was a drastic improvement from the girl sitting somberly on the front porch. One day at a time. Jacob thought those were wise words. What he hadn’t told Anna was that he’d been meeting with Bishop Levi and they’d been praying together about Anna, about what they could do to help, and that God’s will would be done in her life.
Perhaps they’d taken a step in the right direction. Working in a produce stand? That was a little thing, something children often did. But giving her back a sense of independence was a huge step.
The question was what they should do next.
CHAPTER 36
Chloe walked toward the produce stand, her purse over her right shoulder, the bag from her mother over her left. The smile on her face grew the closer she came to Anna’s window. It did her heart such good to see her friend again sitting in the same place she’d occupied the first day they had met. More importantly, Anna looked as if she was enjoying herself immensely.
“Do you have peaches? I heard you have peaches.”
“Check the sign, Englischer.”
“Yeah? I’m sure I saw the word peaches.”
“There are no peaches on the sign! Do we look like a peach grove?” Anna had been aiming for exasperated, but she couldn’t hold on to it. Soon she was laughing right along with Chloe.
“You joke, but sometimes it happens. I had a woman stop by last weekend who wanted fresh mangoes. No kidding.”
“Who doesn’t love a fresh mango?”
“I’ve never had one,” Anna confessed.
“Now I know what to buy you for your birthday.” Chloe was kidding, but Anna’s expression became suddenly serious.
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