He shouldn’t ask. Was powerless not to. “Do you wish to marry him?”
Her eyes became hooded, elusive. “He is a good man.”
“Good men don’t necessarily make good husbands.”
“They rarely make bad ones.”
She had a point. One he couldn’t refute, especially in the context of Blackthorn’s worthiness. Based on what few details he knew about the duke, the man would be a perfectly acceptable husband for Kate. If Kate truly wanted him.
Jackson doubted she did.
He sent her a challenging look. “You aren’t engaged yet.”
“The rest is just a formality,” she countered with less conviction.
His heart, which beat harder when she was near, balked at his next question, but Jackson often lacked self-preservation. “Do you love him?”
“Does it matter?”
He roared, “Of course it matters.” And knew his protest revealed how important her answer was.
She studied his face but he couldn’t tell what she sought. She must have found it though, for her features softened and she took a hesitant step closer, placing her hand on his chest. “No, I don’t love him.”
His relief so great his knees nearly buckled. Drawn to her, he captured her in his arms and sealed his lips over hers. Somewhere in their kiss, a promise held. Even as he pulled her tighter, he could feel it; unspoken words that would remain as such.
Jackson uttered a demand he couldn’t seem to silence. “Don’t marry him.”
Kate stilled in his arms, though she didn’t retreat. “I must.”
“Why?”
“It is expected of me.”
His arms itched to anchor her against him; it was as if he felt her slipping through his fingers. Fear, that he hadn’t the power to hold her forever, hardened his voice. “Would you do everything expected of you?”
At his demand, she did pull away. “Why do you even care?” Her voice held a strange challenge. “Do you wish to marry me?”
He couldn’t seem to temper his response, a single word bursting past his lips. “No.” He rushed to explain when a flash of hurt moved through her eyes. “I don’t wish to marry anyone. A wife is not in my plans.”
“And if you fall in love?”
Her directness wasn’t a shock, for nothing about Kate screamed meekness. Which made Jackson wonder even more how her family and the ton—and Blackthorn—didn’t see the woman hidden behind the shroud society had placed over her.
She arched a brow at his silence, expecting him to speak the truth. Only he no longer knew. Nothing had been the same since she’d stumbled upon him that night in the grove. “Not even if I’d fall in love.”
Her shoulders drooped, and his heart sank as her gaze lowered.
Fighting to keep her with him, he turned the question around. “Would you change your plans for love?”
Her head lifted. “I’m marrying—”
“For argument’s sake, if you met someone else, someone you couldn’t help but love, would you walk away from duty, from what is expected, and just be you?”
“Why are you doing this?” she pled softly, her eyes searching his face.
Needing to touch her, he tucked a windblown strand of her dark hair behind her ear, brushing his fingertips along her cheek as he did. “Because I can’t help myself. Because as much as we want to deny it, something changed in the grove. And as much as neither of us wishes to acknowledge it, it exists.”
“That is foolish. Nothing happened in the grove.”
He eyed her in the waning light but she avoided looking at him. Did she believe her own denouement? Was he the only one who suspected something greater was at play?
Considering the source of his suspicions, she probably didn’t think anything unusual about a tree. Because only a crazy person would believe a tree had the power to bring about one’s destiny. Well, a crazy person and Jackson’s nan. Which, on some days, he felt was one and the same.
With a finger under her chin, he urged her attention back to him. “Believe what you want but you still didn’t answer the question. Would you forsake everything you’ve planned because of love?”
“You don’t understand. I will lose everything if I don’t marry Blackthorn. Father would forbid it.”
Determination mingled with sadness swarmed her eyes, causing his breath to hitch, but he persisted. “You would place your father’s wishes before your own? Even if your very happiness was in question?”
“Father has only asked one thing of me, to marry well. This is my chance to gain his approval,” she persisted.
Since he couldn’t stomach listening to her continuously pledge her alliance with her father and Blackthorn, Jackson severed the moment. “I should return you home before you are missed.”
This time she stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Jackson, you don’t know what it is like. Your father has never dismissed you your entire life, only acknowledging your worth when you are about to marry someone of quality and rank.”
“No, I haven’t. I’ve spent my life doing what my father wished me not to do. So perhaps I don’t comprehend your plight.” He reached for her hand, relieved when she let him take it. “Come, I will see you home.”
He didn’t have the right to judge Kate, not when he was about to flee England and everything his father and society stood for—
And as a result, bitterly regret not being able to take her with him.
Chapter 13
It wasn’t until the next day, seated in the drawing room, that Kate realized Jackson hadn’t told her when they would next meet. Which meant there would be no third meeting. He’d walked away from her.
Not entirely true. She’d shoved him away.
Either way, it shouldn’t cause such a deep ache. Jackson meant nothing to her. And she certainly meant nothing to him. He’d declared so himself.
It was only the loss of her ring causing this odd melancholy, since the blackguard hadn’t the decency to return it. She couldn’t seek him out for it. She had too much to lose.
Clearly, she’d already forfeited her wits when it came to Jackson Cooper. Why else had she all but thrown herself at him? Heat flared in her cheeks as she recalled the pull of his mouth on hers.
Oh Lord, what have I done? The man had feasted on her breast. She was hardly versed in indecent behavior but there was little doubt lowering her bodice—outdoors, no less—did not make a lady.
She focused on the sewing she’d started in an attempt to distract herself from unwanted thoughts. She should have known such a menial task would be no match for the wickedness he stirred.
Amending her earlier thinking, she decided it was a blessing Jackson had severed their friendship, if one would even call it that. She certainly never behaved so scandalously with those of her acquaintance. Imagine the talk if I did.
Though her popularity with the men about town would undoubtedly soar.
She chuckled at the thought.
“Now that is a sound I like to hear.”
The voice from the doorway startled her enough to cause her to miss the fabric and stab the needle into her finger.
“Ouch!” Unseemly or not, Kate instinctively brought her injured finger to her mouth and lightly sucked on the small needle prick.
“Drat,” she mumbled around the digit as she glanced at her visitor and found Blackthorn rushing to her side.
“Oh, Kate. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He lowered to his knees before her. “Let me see.”
He gently pulled her hand from her mouth so he could inspect the injury.
She attempted to pull free of his grasp. “It is nothing. Really, I’m fine. It isn’t even bleeding.”
And it wasn’t. The throbbing tip hadn’t a trace of bl
ood.
He cupped her hand between his and brought it to his lips. “Even still, I’m deeply sorry for causing you pain.”
His breath was warm on her skin but instead of feeling comfort, guilt crashed into her as she recalled how Jackson’s heated breath had caressed her breast.
Yet again, she attempted to regain possession of her hand and this time Blackthorn released it, though he didn’t stand.
“What were you laughing about when I entered?” he politely inquired.
Kate strove to dismiss envisioning an imaginary, sudden rise to fame from kissing random men. Clearly admitting such to one’s future husband was simply not done. “It was nothing. I barely recall. I didn’t know you were planning to visit today.”
He graciously allowed for the change of subject, and thankfully abandoned his position at her feet to claim the chair next to her. “I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I’d call on you. I would have waited to be announced but Chatters was called into an emergency when I arrived. I took pity on the man and offered to find you myself.”
Knowing how the family butler had a tendency to become frazzled by anything remotely resembling an emergency, Kate understood Blackthorn abandoning protocol.
Kate smiled in return. “Well, you found me.”
“So I did.” He matched her smile and in that moment, Kate panicked.
A lifetime of sitting and smiling at each other flashed before her. It wouldn’t be a bad life, just not an exciting one. There would be no passion. No anticipation. Truths that hadn’t bothered her prior to now. Blackthorn and contentment had been enough, important necessities.
Until Jackson.
Now, she knew how life could feel. There was nothing else for it, the man had destroyed her. She fought off a scowl.
“Kate, is something wrong?”
She blinked at Blackthorn and cleared her thoughts. “Why do you ask?”
He studied her somberly. “You don’t seem quite yourself.”
She could have lied. Could have found any number of excuses to explain away his concern. Instead she asked the one question most vital at the moment. “Why do you want to marry me?”
Clearly taken aback, Blackthorn regarded her silently. Certainly not a man of rashness, she wasn’t surprised he contemplated first. Should a man need a mental debate in order to declare his affections to his future wife? Shouldn’t the words be clear and forthcoming?
Though not a love match, she respected and admired him, a foundation she’d been satisfied with. Dratted Jackson.
Her fingers twitched on her lap as she continued to wait for Blackthorn’s response. She wasn’t the most patient of ladies, and he stretched her capabilities quite thin.
He finally ended her torment. “Kate, are you having second thoughts?”
Kate wavered, not ready to confess her scattered emotions. “Certainly not. I’m just curious.”
He smiled. “Forgive me for asking a rather asinine inquiry, since any man with a lick of sense can see your worth.”
My worth? What of just plain me?
No woman wanted to be thought of in terms of worth. She just wanted to be wanted.
Oblivious to her worry, he continued. “It is a wonder someone hadn’t whisked you away at the beginning of the season. Which is my good fortune.”
His light chuckle sounded genuine; Kate couldn’t help but respond in kind. When he reached for her hand and his strong heat warmed the chill of her fingers, she realized how foolish she was being. Blackthorn wasn’t at fault for her fickle desires. He didn’t deserve her doubts.
Her lips parted to terminate the discussion, when he asked, “Now tell me the truth, why the concern?”
Of course, he wouldn’t let it go so easily. As well as being strikingly handsome, Blackthorn possessed an abundance of intelligence.
Having no desire to add additional falsehoods to her résumé, she swayed toward the truth. “Do you ever feel as if you aren’t being true to yourself?”
He peered at her quizzically. “How so?”
How did she explain something she couldn’t seem to voice to herself? “If you weren’t the Duke of Blackthorn and in need of a wife, would you marry? More specifically, would you be marrying me?”
“You don’t want to marry me?”
“I’m not saying that.” Well, not aloud. Since he retained possession of her fingers, she pulled them free and wrung her hands together. “I can’t help but wonder if this marriage is what we decided, or if it was decided for us,” she finally whispered as she avoided his eyes.
He released a gasp. “Are you being forced to marry me?”
Her gaze flew to his. “Of course not. That is ridiculous.”
Was it, though? If she paused to examine everything, what other conclusion could there be? Wasn’t she marrying the man because her father approved of the union? She certainly feared destroying her father’s approval if she refused Blackthorn’s proposal.
“Kate, I’m a patient man and before today, I thought rather reasonable, but for the life of me, I can’t comprehend what you are trying to say.” His gentle expression lessened her fears. This was Blackthorn. If nothing else, they were friends. “Do you need more time? There is no need to rush our engagement. We will wait to make an announcement. Please understand, despite wanting to marry you, I won’t force you into a union you don’t wish for. While our affections might not run deep, I care for you. The last thing I want is a miserable wife,” he added with a quirk to his mouth, his attempt to lighten the mood.
Kate silently thanked him for it even as she grasped his offer with both hands. “How would I explain postponing the announcement to my father?”
Though it endured, his smile dimmed a faction. As understanding as he was, her agreeing to the delay must have stung. “Leave your father to me.”
Cowardly or not, she didn’t rebuke his offer. Familiar with her father, the information would be better received coming from Blackthorn. Besides, Father couldn’t disown the duke.
She opened her mouth to promise the situation was only temporary, that after a few days she’d be ready to announce their betrothal. Only no words were forthcoming.
Clearly mindful of her struggle, Blackthorn slipped his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. “Everything will work out.”
She peered into his face, trying to find something to spark her heart. To give her even a fraction of the intensity Jackson ignited.
Nothing.
Her shoulders slumped in defeat.
Chapter 14
“Do you have the money?” the gruff voice demanded.
“I will,” Jackson answered.
“That was your response last month, and yet, no money.”
“I will have it.”
“When?”
Jackson wondered why he wanted to go into business with the crotchety old dotard. “When I have it.”
A twitch of a smile cracked his companion’s stern appearance. “Just like your dogged father. Why do I put up with you?”
“Because you’d be lost without me.”
“La, I wish I could shake you. I should have known you’d be a pest when you were a wee squirt running the docks.”
This time Jackson did laugh, recalling the exact reason he wanted to create a partnership with the grumpy captain. He was close to being family. And far from being as stern as he put on. “Willie, you encouraged every rascal deed I did.”
“Only to tweak your father’s nerves,” he teased. “And I’ve told you before, don’t call me Willie. I’m captain of this ship, it does me no good to have my men hear a young buck like you refer to me as Willie.”
“Once I give you the rest of the funds, we will be partners and I can call you whatever I wish,” Jackson retorted. “Be prepared, Wi
llie.”
A low growl might have been the captain’s response but Jackson knew it was false blustering. The twinkle in the old man’s eye gave him away.
Captain William Spiller had served with Jackson’s father and unlike the viscount, had devoted his life to the sea. Instead of fighting wars, he now dealt in trade. He sailed the world, discovered new wares, and shared them far and wide. Jackson had spent his life listening to Willie’s tales of distant lands filled with adventure and discoveries. It was Jackson’s turn to see every worldly fascination for himself.
He needed to make one final payment to become an equal partner with Willie, hence his need to stay in his father’s good graces until he received his next allowance.
A devoted friend of his father, Jackson knew Willie would take him aboard his ship without question, and without money. But Jackson didn’t want his charity. He wanted more. Becoming partners with Willie would make them equal.
Willie interrupted Jackson’s thoughts. “Have you broken the news to your father?”
“Since I’m here and not locked in my room, I think the answer is rather obvious.”
Willie’s boisterous, belly-rolling laugh filled the small cabin that served as the captain’s office. “Still being treated as a youngster who needs his momma, eh?”
“You don’t know the half of it,” Jackson grumbled.
“Come on boy, tell ‘ol Willie your troubles.”
Jackson eyed him. “It is Willie now?”
“As if you’d ever refer to me as William. Or heaven forbid, Captain. I’ve long given up hope on you.” Willie settled back in his chair, giving Jackson his full attention, which amounted to a keen stare under bushy eyebrows. A look Jackson was familiar with, and one he knew meant he wouldn’t be leaving the ship without giving Willie what he wanted.
“He wishes for me to marry,” he griped.
“That is hardly something new. Your father has wished for you and your brother to marry well since the King granted him that blasted title.”
Once Upon a Lady (The Soul Mate Tree Book 8) Page 8