by Maya Banks
His gaze found hers, and she could see the strain on his face, the sheer ecstasy in his eyes. Sweat beaded his forehead. His jaw clenched. His eyes seemed to explode in a myriad of emotions just as his body did the same.
He collapsed around her, his chest heaving as he tried to catch up. He buried his face in the curve of her neck and peppered tiny kisses to her skin.
After several long seconds, he propped himself on his arms and lifted himself off her just a bit. He stared down at her, lazy contentment shining in his eyes. His fingers trailed down her cheek and tucked loose strands of her hair behind her ears. Uncertainty flickered across his face as he studied her.
“Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head and reached up to touch his jaw. “It was wonderful,” she said, emotion knotting her throat.
He rolled to the side and cradled her in his arms. She snuggled into his chest and sighed with contentment. Things were almost perfect. They would be if she knew where she stood with Seth.
Zane must have sense the change in her, because he pulled away and looked down at her. “What’s wrong?”
Instead of simply saying she’d been thinking of Seth, she turned to the other concern weighing on her.
“Are you upset that I slept with Seth? Most people would look at a situation like this and think I was a royal tramp.”
He frowned. “I don’t give a shit what other people think, Jaz.”
He blew out his breath and rolled to his back to stare up at the ceiling. She rose up on her elbow so she could look at him.
“You didn’t answer the question.”
He reached out with his hand to caress her back, his hand sliding up and down her spine. His fingers caught her hair, and he played with the ends.
“I’m being honest here, Jaz. I’m not entirely sure how I feel yet. What you suggest…well, it’s a little hard to swallow. On some level, I’m not surprised that you have feelings for both of us. I can understand how and why. I mean the three of us have lived together and been through good times and bad over the last six years. But the other part of me…that part of me is relieved to know that you love me and want to be with me. I don’t want to imagine my life without you. I think if I have that reassurance I can come to terms with the idea that I might have to share…you…with my brother.”
He looked strangely vulnerable, as if he was worried his confession would somehow lessen him in her eyes. She leaned forward, her heart in her throat. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as she could.
“I love you,” she whispered fiercely. “I’ve always loved you.”
He stroked her back and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too, Jaz. I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Make love to me again. I’ve waited so long for you.”
His hands tightened on her. “We didn’t use protection, Jaz. I’m not worried about disease and shit, but I don’t want to get you pregnant. Not yet.”
She smiled and rose up to look at him. “I’m taking birth control.”
His eyes reflected relief. “Don’t get me wrong, Jaz. The idea of your belly swelling with my baby…that’s some seriously heady stuff, but you’re too young, and we’ve got too much to work out without adding to it.”
Her stomach turned over, and she wanted to burst with the joy she felt.
“You don’t think you’re too old for me anymore?” she asked mischievously.
“Old? Hell, I’m only six years older than you. That doesn’t make me ancient, I hope.”
She leaned down to kiss him. “It makes you perfect.”
Chapter Eighteen
Seth let himself in the dark house and closed the door behind him. He was careful not to wake anyone as he climbed the stairs toward his room.
He stopped by Zane’s room, intending to talk to his brother, but he found it empty, the bed not yet slept in. He frowned as he turned to stare in the direction of Jasmine’s closed door.
He shook his head at his paranoia. He’d been wrong before about Zane’s involvement with Jasmine. Yet, he found himself walking down the hall, pausing outside her room.
Quietly and carefully, he turned the knob, not wanting to wake her up if she was asleep. He cracked the door and saw soft light from a bedside lamp. He pushed an inch more and froze when he saw Zane’s naked body between Jasmine’s legs. He was arching into her, and Seth could hear her soft moans of pleasure.
He should turn away, but he was riveted by the scene. He felt like a seedy voyeur. Actually, he felt a lot of things. Anger, betrayal, and arousal.
To his never-ending shame, what he really wanted to do was join them. Slide his cock into her luscious mouth while Zane took her from behind.
He closed his eyes against the erotic image of Jasmine between them. A place he’d sworn she’d never be. Not her. Never her. She wasn’t a cheap plaything for his and Zane’s amusement.
His fingers tight around the knob, he backed away from the alluring sight before him. He shut the door, careful not to make a sound. As he started back down the hall, he cursed the fact that, for all practical purposes, he’d become a peeping Tom in his own home.
As soon as he entered his bedroom, he let the anger that had crept over him take firmer hold. How could she have crawled from his bed to his brother’s? She’d been a virgin, and yet she was acting little better than a whore.
He cringed even as the word crossed his mind. Jasmine was no whore. He had no right to judge her. But the fact remained that she’d gone straight from his bed to Zane’s. What game was she playing?
Or maybe he’d hurt her so much that she’d found solace in a more willing partner. He’d acted badly, ignored her then taken her rough and hard, no way for him to ever treat her. In that light he certainly couldn’t blame her for seeking tenderness elsewhere.
His head ached, but his thoughts returned repeatedly to what he knew was taking place just down the hall. How could he sleep when Zane was making Jasmine his a room away?
With an irritated growl, he yanked his door open and headed back downstairs. He should have done what he’d originally planned and just gotten a hotel in town. Then he would have never come home to see Zane between Jasmine’s legs and in her arms. A place that, if he would admit it, he very much wanted to be.
Before she’d drifted off to sleep the night before, Jasmine had been afraid that when she woke the next morning, Zane would be gone. But his arms were wound tightly around her, and her nose was pressed to his hard chest.
She lay there for several minutes soaking it in. It was almost too much to comprehend. What she’d wanted for so long, had ached for the last six years, was finally hers.
For the first time since her arrival, she felt as though she’d truly come home.
He stirred against her, and his hands trailed through her hair. She snuggled further into him, not wanting the moment to end.
“Good morning,” he murmured.
She pulled her head back and kissed him. “I love you.” She couldn’t help but say it again. She wanted to say it over and over and hear him say it in return. It was what she’d wanted to hear forever, it seemed.
“I love you, too, Jaz. Believe that, okay?”
She smiled. He seemed to know she needed reassurance.
He touched her cheek and stroked his fingers over her jaw repeatedly. “How do you plan to lay this out to Seth?”
She sucked in her breath. “I don’t know,” she said in a low voice. “He was so angry with me after what happened the other night.”
Zane looked curiously at her. “What exactly did you do?”
Her cheeks warmed. “I borrowed handcuffs from J.T. and handcuffed Seth to his bed. Then I stripped in front of him and seduced him.”
“I’m guessing he didn’t fight you too hard,” Zane said dryly.
“He was reluctant. At first. But then…” She sighed. “It hurt, and I didn’t expect it. I know that sounds stupid. I’m not stupid about sex, and uhm
, I’ve experimented with alternative measures to the full-blown act of sex, all of which I enjoyed, so I honestly didn’t think it would feel so…well…terrible!”
“He wouldn’t have liked hurting you,” Zane said gruffly.
She shook her head. “No, he didn’t. I know he hated it. And on the heels of that, he hated me for forcing the issue. He was angry that I didn’t tell him. I should have, I suppose, but he wouldn’t have touched me if he knew I was still a virgin.”
“And why were you?” Zane asked softly. “You’ve not had a shortage of men interested in you despite our best efforts to beat the shit out of all of them.”
She grinned but then sobered as his stare penetrated her. “Two reasons. One, I couldn’t imagine giving myself willingly to anyone but you and Seth. And two, after what happened six years ago, when I was expected to sell myself for sex…I swore I’d always value my body and my self-respect more than that. I wouldn’t give my body to anyone I didn’t love.”
Zane squeezed her to him and kissed her forehead. “I don’t know what to tell you about Seth, baby. I’m not even sure what I want to happen. I won’t lie to you. But I’m not angry about what happened between you. I understand what it is you want, and while I’m not convinced it’s what I want, we’ll work it out. I don’t want to lose you. If you believe nothing else, believe that I won’t let you go.”
Her heart took wings and flew at his vow. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For understanding.”
He kissed her again then pulled away with a look of regret. “We should go downstairs. It’s late, and while I don’t mind who knows it, we should ease Carmen into this. It’s going to be a hard adjustment for her. She still sees you very much as her baby. Not to mention the fact that Seth is going to want to kick my ass again.”
Her eyes flew to his. “You won’t fight again, will you?” she asked anxiously. “I don’t want to come between you. I love you too much.”
He smiled as she touched the fading bruise around his eye. “We won’t fight, baby. And if we do, it’s nothing for you to worry about. We’ve squabbled since we were children. It’s what brothers do. Now hop up and let’s go get breakfast before Carmen comes and chases us out of bed.”
They dressed and headed downstairs together. Carmen eyed them suspiciously as they sat down to eat.
“You two are speaking again, eh?” she observed as she puttered around, setting plates in front of them.
“Yes, mamacita,” Jasmine said with a smile.
“We’re doing more than talking,” Zane said with a wink in Carmen’s direction.
“Zane!” Jasmine exclaimed, shocked that he’d be so blunt.
Carmen chuckled and shook her head. “This girl is impossible to resist when she puts her mind to something, yes?”
Zane grinned. “Yes.”
Carmen stepped between them and pulled them both into a hug. “I’m very happy for both of you. I love you both as my own.”
“Where is Seth this morning?” Jasmine asked casually as Carmen walked back toward the stove.
Carmen turned, her gaze troubled. “He hasn’t come home.”
Zane shrugged. “He was heading to Tucker’s last night. You know him. If he drank, he’d stay in the hotel.”
“But it isn’t like him to drink so much that he can’t drive,” Jasmine murmured.
“He’s upset right now, Jaz. You have to give him some time. He’s got a lot on his mind.”
She nodded unhappily. She was impatient. Now that things appeared to be working out between her and Zane, she was more anxious than ever to bring Seth into the relationship. But even as she thought it, she realized it would be the battle of her life.
As if sensing her dour thoughts, Zane leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. “Just give him time, honey. That’s all you can do.”
Chapter Nineteen
Jasmine’s wait for Seth to return bordered on a sick vigil. She paced the living room and haunted the window overlooking the driveway. Zane had gone out to do some work, a fact she was grateful for, because she didn’t want to have the confrontation with Seth when Zane was present.
Supper was a subdued affair. Jasmine sat and picked at her food while Zane wolfed down his. Even Carmen didn’t have much to say. After they’d eaten, Zane dropped a kiss on her forehead.
“I’m going to go up and grab a shower and head to bed. I’ll see you…later,” he said.
Jasmine nodded and smiled, though it was a strain to do so. The longer she waited for Seth to come home, the more worried and anxious she became.
She stood by the window long after darkness fell, staring down the road. Finally around midnight, she saw the headlights of his truck bounce over the hill. She stepped away from the window and rubbed her hands nervously down the back of her jeans.
When she heard the slam of his truck door, she changed her mind about talking to him here, and she headed for the stairs. She raced up and hurried down to his bedroom. She let herself in and sat down on the edge of his bed to wait, her heart thudding in sick worry.
She didn’t have long to wait. He must have come straight to his room because the door opened just a few moments later. He didn’t see her immediately, but when he shut the door and turned his gaze toward her, it hardened, and he frowned.
“What do you want?” he demanded.
She flinched at the harshness of his tone, but she wouldn’t be cowed. This was too important.
“I need to talk to you, Seth. Please.”
His expression wavered. Then he studied her closer, and concern flashed in his eyes. “Are you all right? Is something wrong?”
She sighed. No matter how angry he might be with her, it was obvious he still cared about her on some level. The question was on which one? As a sister? Or a woman?
“I wanted to talk about the other night,” she said hesitantly.
He shut himself off from her, his eyes growing cold and hard. She shivered and nearly lost her courage in that moment.
“You want to talk about the other night, Jasmine?” His voice was quiet, too soft, dangerously so. “Oh, we can talk about it. Right after you tell me why you went straight from my bed into Zane’s.”
She blanched. Surely Zane hadn’t told him. Which only meant one thing. He must have seen them.
“I saw you,” he confirmed. “Saw Zane between your legs. You weren’t acting the innocent virgin then.”
She flushed and ducked her head.
“What game are you playing?” he asked. “I won’t let you come between me and my brother.”
She shook her head sadly. “What have I ever done to make you think so badly of me, Seth? I never want to come between you and Zane. I love you. I love you both.”
Seth’s eyes narrowed in confusion.
She stood and walked toward him. Seth backed away a step, but she didn’t stop.
“I love you, Seth. I’ve always loved you. But I love Zane, too. I love you both with all my heart.”
“What are you saying, Jasmine?” Seth asked in a voice rife with incredulity.
She sighed. “I know it sounds crazy. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. But the fact is, I love you both. I don’t want to be without either of you. It’s why I left and why I came back. Because I decided to fight for you instead of giving up before I ever tried.”
Seth ran a hand through his short black hair, and a whole host of emotions ran through his blue eyes. Some of which she didn’t want to see there. Anger. Pity. Especially pity.
“I don’t even know what to say,” he muttered.
“You’ve shared women before,” she pointed out. “I watched you with Mary Jo,” she said in a lower voice. “I wanted to be her so badly. I was jealous. Still am. And there were other women.”
Seth’s mouth popped open, and then his entire face softened. He put a hand on Jasmine’s shoulder and guided her toward the bed. He sat beside her and touched her on the cheek.
“Jasmine, honey, listen to me. That’s
not the same.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t it?”
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Yes, Zane and I have had sex with the same woman. At the same time.” His voice sounded oddly strangled. “But it’s a kink. One we both enjoy. Some women enjoy threesomes. I’ve shared a woman with…with someone other than Zane as well. It’s not the same as what you suggest. I may share a woman during sex, but I will never share a woman I care about with another man. Even my brother.”
“Are you saying I have to make a choice between you and Zane?” she asked, her horror growing with each second. Her heart pounded so hard, she could feel each beat, each sickening pulse.
Seth shook his head. “No, honey, I wouldn’t make you make that choice. I’m making it for you. A relationship between us, you and me, is impossible. The other night…was a mistake. I should have never touched you.”
Her face felt frozen. The tears she wanted to shed were locked under ice. She stared at him, her hopes and dreams cracking under the weight of her despair.
“It could work,” she whispered. “Maybe I misunderstood the times you had sex with the same woman, but there is no reason it couldn’t work on a permanent basis. I don’t want a threesome. I could get that anywhere. I’m not looking for some sexual kink or thrill. I love you. I love you both, and I want a life with both of you. How is that so wrong?”
“Because you’re asking me to do something I can’t do,” Seth said hoarsely.
She stared at him, completely numb. “And maybe you just don’t love me enough,” she whispered. She rose from the bed, unable to keep looking at him, not when she wanted so much to be in his arms. She wanted him to erase the hurt and rejection of the other night, and instead she’d been handed another rejection.
“I love you, Seth. I’ll always love you. I can’t accept a life here with Zane if you aren’t a part of it.”
She turned and walked away from him. He never made a sound as she walked into the hallway and shut his door behind her.
Chapter Twenty
Zane was awake when his door eased open. He hadn’t been able to sleep despite telling Jaz he was beat. How could he have slept when she was down the hall with Seth?
And now she was standing in his doorway. Even in the darkness he could tell she was upset, unsure of herself.
“Come here, baby,” he murmured.
She hurried to his bed, and when he held his arms up to her, she climbed in and threw herself against his chest. He held her close as he felt her tremble against him.
His insides twisted and his feelings were a mass of confusion. He should be happy. Jaz was his, or at least partly his. She loved him, and he loved her. He hated that her happiness was not entirely in his hands, but at the same time he understood her need for both him and Seth. It was a damn helpless feeling and one he didn’t like at all.
What kind of a sick fuck did it make him to stand by while she went to his brother? Strangely, that didn’t bother him. What bothered him was the fact that Jaz was crying in his arms, and he was powerless to make her stop.
He rolled until she was nestled against his side. Then he cupped her cheek with his palm and lowered his lips to kiss her.
“Let me love you,” he whispered.
He didn’t know what else to do, how else to show her that things would work out. He couldn’t make that promise, anyway. All he could do was make her believe that no matter what happened with Seth, he wouldn’t leave her.
She reached for him, hot, needy, her mouth claiming his. This was Jaz, his Jaz. In some ways she’d always belonged to him just as she’d always belonged to Seth. Perhaps that was why he was okay with the idea of Seth holding a part of her heart. She’d been theirs ever since they’d brought her home six years ago. She’d filled a hole in their hearts left barren by their parents’ deaths. She brought sunshine and warmth to a ranch that had been cold for so many years. And he’d waited for her to grow up. Had even let her go, but somehow he’d always