by Maya Banks
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When Seth stepped into her room, he saw Jasmine standing in the window, staring out. He moved closer, and he could see the slight tremble of her body.
He slid his hands over her shoulders and down her arms.
“I’m sorry, Jasmine,” he said simply. “I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. I intended to tell you tonight.”
She turned slowly, her eyes haunted, hurt reflected in her emerald gaze. “Why is he here?” she asked in a small voice. “Why now?”
Seth sighed and pulled her into his arms. “I think you should talk to him, honey. Hear what he has to say. He’s very anxious to see you.”
“You want me to go,” she said dully.
He tightened his grip around her. The idea of her leaving panicked him. But it would be her choice. It wasn’t his to make.
He pulled her away and tipped her chin up until she looked him in the eye. “I want what is best for you. I always have.”
“You’re what’s best for me,” she whispered. “You and Zane. And Carmen. We’re family.”
She slid away from him before he could respond. “Is he…is he still here?”
“He’s downstairs waiting for you,” he replied.
She nodded. “I suppose I should go down.”
She looked toward the door and hesitated.
“Zane and I will be there, Jasmine. You won’t be alone.”
She nodded again and turned wordlessly to walk out. Seth followed her, concerned by the defeated slump of her shoulders. She was quiet on the way down the stairs, and when they reached the living room, she paused as if afraid to go in.
Zane looked up at the same time Cody did. Worry was reflected in both their gazes. Seth put his hand comfortingly on Jasmine’s back.
Jasmine stood there, staring at her brother, her brother, with a mixture of elation, sadness and fear.
Memories of her childhood ran through her mind. Her as a little girl, Cody smiling down at her. Cody and her mother arguing as she got older. That last terrible night when Cody had left and sworn never to return.
He’d left her.
Cody stood and walked cautiously toward her. He stopped a few feet in front of her and slowly raised his arms, holding them out to her.
Swallowing back her fear, she walked into his embrace.
He hugged her tightly, stroking her hair. “My God, Jasmine, I can’t believe it’s you.”
She didn’t respond. She closed her eyes and absorbed his hug. After several minutes in which he merely held her, he gently pulled away.
“There’s a lot I want to say to you, Jasmine. A lot we need to catch up on.”
She nodded.
Seth cleared his throat. “Carmen should be back soon. Will you stay for dinner, Cody?”
“If Jasmine wants me to,” he replied.
“I’d like that,” she said softly.
“Why don’t we get comfortable?” Zane suggested, making it clear he had no intention of leaving Jasmine alone with Cody.
Cody led her over to the couch, and she sank onto the cushions, grateful because she wasn’t so sure her legs would support her anymore.
She licked her lips nervously and focused her gaze on her brother. He was big, muscled. His years in the military had obviously honed his body. He still wore his hair short, and she wondered if he was still enlisted.
The silence was awkward and so she said something, anything to alleviate the strain. “Tell me about you?”
The question seemed ludicrous. He was her brother, and yet, here they sat, two strangers.
He reached for her hand, but she stiffened, and he pulled away. She balled her fingers into fists and kept them in her lap. She wondered if he was insulted by her rebuff, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
“I’m married. I have a young son. He just turned one.” His expression softened as he spoke of his family. Hurt welled in her throat. His family that didn’t include her.
“Are you still in the military?” she croaked.
He shook his head. “Not for three years. I own my own construction company now.”
“Where?”
“Just north of Baton Rouge.”
“Not far from home then,” she said faintly.
“No,” he replied. “I never wanted to leave that area in case…in case you came back.”
She turned her chin up and stared at him. “Why didn’t you come back?”
Sadness and regret crowded his green eyes, eyes that were so much like hers. “I did, but it was too late. You’d already gone. I never should have cut myself off the way I did. I couldn’t see past my anger with Mom. I never expected her to die. I assumed you’d be happy with her and her new husband.”
“She never married him,” she bit out.
He reached for her hand again and this time she didn’t pull away. “Jasmine, I let you down. I’ll never forgive myself for that. But you could have come to me, too.”
Shock held her immobile. He was right, but he hadn’t made her feel as though that was an option. Ever. “I didn’t think you’d want me,” she said simply. “You never called or wrote. It was as if you forgot all about me and Mama.”
Cody looked away. When he looked back, regret shone in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jasmine. Sorrier than I can ever say.”
His hand tightened around hers. “My wife and I would like you to come stay with us. You’d have a home with us as long as you like.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “But—” She broke off. Her protest died. Seth and Zane no longer wanted her here. They were the reason Cody was here. “I’ll think about it,” she finally said.
She spent the rest of the afternoon in light, careful conversation with Cody. He told her about his wife and their one-year-old baby. His business was successful, and his wife was a registered nurse who worked in a local hospital.
It was hard not to warm to him. He seemed sincere and cautious about overwhelming her too soon. Several times he seemed to want to hug her, but he backed away, giving her space. She invited him to stay the night since he hadn’t stopped in town to get a hotel.
Dinner was quiet, and Carmen spent much of the time either chattering endlessly or looking like she’d burst into tears at a moment’s provocation.
Jasmine picked at her food and finally buckled under the strain of the day’s events.
“I’m going up to bed,” she said quietly.
The men watched her as she stood and pushed her plate aside. Cody gave her a reassuring smile, and she attempted one in return. She avoided Zane’s and Seth’s gazes as she walked out of the kitchen.
Instead of going to her bedroom, she eased into Seth’s room. She undressed and pulled on one of his old T-shirts, something that had brought her comfort in the past.
She crawled underneath the covers and curled her legs into her chest. Sleep would be difficult, though she felt exhausted and emotionally drained. She settled in to wait for Seth, her heart heavy and sad, afraid of what he would say.
Chapter Thirty
Seth walked into his bedroom, though he knew he wouldn’t sleep. Too much was going on his mind, and it was too late to stop the chain of events he’d started from unfolding.
He froze when he saw Jasmine curled up in his bed. His bed lamp was on, and he could see that she’d fallen into a troubled sleep. He stepped closer, surprised to find her here. In the past, she’d always gone to Zane for comfort, a fact that made him jealous though he never admitted as much. Until recently.
Her face was crinkled, her brows drawn together in tension. Her bottom lip was drawn between her teeth, and he could see red blotches on her cheeks from crying.
With an odd catch in his chest, he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to stroke her cheek. She stirred and opened her eyes to stare at him.
“Do you think you could ever love me?” she asked in an aching voice.
As complicated as it made things, he knew he couldn’t lie to her. It would be easier, easier f
or all of them, if he just said no, that he didn’t love her.
“I do love you, Jasmine. Maybe I always have.”
“Then why don’t you want me?” she whispered.
“I want you, Jasmine. That’s the problem. I want all of you, and I can never have that. I can’t…I can’t accept having just a part.”
Jasmine felt her heart crack and crumble around her. The quiet resolve in Seth’s voice told her that he’d made up his mind.
“I’m sorry, Seth. I’m sorry to have caused trouble between you and Zane. That was never my intention. I left here a year ago because I couldn’t resolve my feelings for both of you. While I was in Paris, someone opened my eyes to the possibility of a relationship that involved both of you. I took an exception and tried to make it the rule, and for that I’m sorry. I couldn’t see beyond my own needs and desires. I had hoped…I had hoped that maybe you could both love me the same way I love the both of you.”
She pushed herself into a sitting position and then eased off the bed, her heart breaking with every single movement. When she was standing, she turned back around to where Seth still sat on the bed, his eyes haunted.
She leaned down and brushed her lips across his, closing her eyes as she savored this last moment with him. “I love you. I will always love you.”
She straightened back up and took in a steadying breath. “I’ll leave with Cody in the morning. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never did.”
Turning around was almost the hardest thing she ever did. Walking out of his room, out of his life, nearly killed her.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jasmine didn’t sleep. She stayed up to pack, and the rest of the time she spent worrying over her imminent departure. The idea of leaving Sweetwater scared her. It had been her haven, her sanctuary, for six years. Even when she’d lived in Paris, she’d known that this was home, that she would always be safe here.
Now she was poised to leave. This time for good. She would embrace a new family, strangers to her. The idea nearly sent her into full-fledged panic.
She waited until six-thirty, and then she went down the hall to knock on Cody’s door. When she heard his call to come in, she opened the door and hesitantly eased inside.
He’d obviously just come from the bathroom. His hair was wet from a recent shower, and he was wiping his face as if he’d just shaved.
“Jasmine, hello. You’re up early.”
He looked surprised but happy by her intrusion.
She approached him nervously but still maintained her distance. He sat down on his bed and patted the space beside him. She stared for a moment then sat down.
“If your offer still stands, I’d like to leave with you,” she said.
“Of course it’s still open,” he said gently. “Jasmine, I meant every word. Tara is very anxious to meet you. And I’d love the opportunity to spend time with you. Catch up on the last six years and hopefully make up for the time we lost.”
“I’d want to leave today. This morning,” she blurted out.
He blinked in surprise. “We can leave whenever you like, but are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Okay. I only need a few minutes to get my stuff together. We can leave just as soon as you want.”
Her chest squeezed with pain at the idea of leaving, and yet she knew she didn’t have a choice. She couldn’t stay.
“I’ll meet you downstairs then. I need to bring my things down, and I want to say goodbye to Zane and Carmen.”
“And not to Seth?” he asked gently.
She swallowed painfully. “I’ve already said my goodbyes to Seth.”
“Leave your things in your room. I’ll bring them down for you,” he offered. “You go and have your time with Carmen and Zane.”
She leaned forward and hugged him, albeit awkwardly. He seemed surprised but pleased by her overture. She pulled away abruptly and stood, anxious to be away.
“I’ll see you downstairs,” she said as she hurried for the door.
She went in search of Carmen, and when she found her, she couldn’t even get the words out. Carmen held her close, stroking her hair as she shed torrents of tears.
“Mi niña, I will miss you so,” Carmen choked out. “You are truly the daughter of my heart. Swear to me that you will call.”
“I love you, mamacita,” Jasmine said as emotion grew thicker in her throat.
“Te amo, mi niña, te amo.”
“You’re going,” Zane said quietly.
Jasmine wrenched herself from Carmen’s arms and turned to see Zane standing in the doorway to the kitchen. His eyes were hooded and wary, his entire stance tense.
Carmen gave her a little push. “Go on, niña,” she whispered. “He is hurting too.”
Jasmine walked like a jerky puppet across the kitchen floor until she came to a stop in front of Zane. He yanked her to him, hugging her close. His heart beat in a frantic cacophony against her cheek.
When she finally pulled away, there were tears in both their eyes.
“Please understand, Zane. I can’t stay here. Not when…not when he’s here. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”
“I love you, Jaz. I’m not letting you go so easily.”
She tried to smile, but she faltered. She sucked in her breath, determined not to break down. “Give me time, Zane. I need some time to figure this all out. I love you so much. I’ve made such a mess of things, and now I have to straighten it out.”
Zane slid his hand down her hair and then over her cheek. “I’m not giving up on us. You take your time. You think about what it is you want, what you need. And then I’m coming for you, Jaz.”
He pulled her to him in a long, breathless kiss. So much sadness welled between them. It was tender, heartbreaking, a goodbye that neither of them wanted to say.
Cody cleared his throat. “I’m ready when you are Jasmine. I’ve loaded your stuff into the truck. Take as long as you need. I’ll wait for you outside.”
Jasmine pulled away from Zane’s lips and laid her forehead on his chest. Her fingers dug into his waist, and she held on for dear life. Never had she thought she’d be leaving like this.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Zane held her close and kissed the top of her head. “I know you’re hurting right now, Jaz. And that you need time to get over your hurt. But know that I love you. I’ll always love you.”
She closed her eyes, pressed her forehead a little closer into his chest, and then she pushed away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I should go. I don’t want to keep him waiting,” she croaked.
Carmen and Zane walked with her outside and watched as Cody ushered her into his truck. As they began to pull away, Jasmine gave a half-hearted wave as she saw Zane pull Carmen into a hug.
All the way down the winding driveway of the ranch, she stared out the back window. Her home. Her one safe place. So beautiful. So full of love and warmth. She was leaving, and she’d probably never be back.
Her nose stung, and she swallowed back tears even as they gathered in her eyes, making her beloved landscape swim in her vision. As she let her gaze pan out from the ranch, there on a hillside, silhouetted by the early morning sun, was a huge buck. Old Man. He stood staring at her as she stared at him, and then he turned and bolted away, disappearing over the next rise.
She bowed her head and cried.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“You look like one screwed-up mother fucker.”
Seth scowled and looked up as J.T. sat beside him at the bar. “Gee thanks, I needed that.”
J.T. shrugged. “That’s what friends are for.” He sat down and motioned to the bartender for a beer. He glanced sideways at Seth. “So how’s Jasmine?”
Seth closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Gone.”
“Gone? What the hell? Where’s she gone?”
“She went to stay with her brother,” Seth sa
id bleakly.
He opened his eyes to see J.T. staring at him, an odd expression on his face. “Why did she go?”
Seth looked straight ahead again. “Because I didn’t ask her to stay.”
“Uh huh. Any particular reason you didn’t ask her to stay?”
“She loves Zane.”
“Uh huh.”
“Zane loves her.”
“Yeah.”
“She says she loves me.”
Seth waited but all he got from J.T. was silence. He turned to stare at his friend but found only bland disinterest on his face.
“You don’t think that’s fucked up?”
J.T. shrugged again, a gesture that was fast getting on Seth’s nerves. “I don’t figure it’s any of my business.”
Seth blew out his breath in frustration. Beside him J.T. continued to sip at his beer, but then nothing much bothered J.T. A more laid-back bastard you wouldn’t find. The minutes ticked by and then out of the blue, “Do you love her?”
Seth turned sharply. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, man, it is,” J.T. said calmly. “Do you love her?”
Seth felt his composure start to crack. “I’ve always loved her.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I think you must have been dropped on your head too many times as a baby,” Seth muttered. “The problem is self-evident. I’m in love with a woman who also loves my brother and who wants…us both.”
“And you don’t want to share her.”
The answer should have come immediately, but he sat there, the words difficult to form. “I’m not sure I can.”
“So you’re not vehemently opposed in theory.”
“You sound way too rational about this,” Seth said in irritation.
J.T. shrugged yet again. “One of us has to be. It seems pretty simple in my book. You love her. She loves you. I’m assuming Zane doesn’t have a problem because I don’t see him here drowning his sorrows in cheap-ass beer. You’ve probably both had sex with her.”
Seth glared at J.T. “And just how the fuck would you know that?”
“Dude, I’m the one who lent her the handcuffs. I doubt she would have had to