by Anya Nowlan
She hadn’t even heard Dean get up, but suddenly there he was, right by her side.
“May I? I think I might have the magic touch here,” he asked, stretching out his hand towards Hope. “You can find the bottle then.”
Flustered and still somewhat stuck on memory lane, Deirdre was grateful for any help she could get.
“Sure,” she said, carefully placing Hope in his arms.
Dean murmured something as he started walking around, swaying his body. Hope looked even tinier tucked into his massive frame, nothing more than a bundle wrapped in Dean’s strong, inked up arms.
Deirdre finally found Hope’s bottle, removing it from the thermal bag and rushing over to help Dean with the crying baby. Except she wasn’t crying anymore when Deirdre got to them.
Hope was wide-eyed as she stared up at Dean, wiggling around in her blankets. He smiled down at her, whispering something Deirdre couldn’t catch. In awe, she handed him the bottle and let him feed her, noting that he definitely knew what he was doing.
“You’re good at this,” she remarked as they walked to sit back down on the blanket.
“Try to sound less surprised,” he chuckled, folding his long legs beneath him. “I’ve got cousins, as well. I might be a drifter, but I always make it home for Christmas. Just in time for babysitter duty.”
“I think she likes you.”
“I like her, too,” Dean grinned.
Dean was turning out to be a man of many surprises, and Deirdre liked all of them. There were definitely things about him she didn’t know. A life on the road meant he was probably full of crazy stories and experiences. But more importantly, she felt like he knew the things that mattered.
He was kind and thoughtful, totally opposite of what she had thought about him when she first saw him just yesterday. Good with kids and a romantic at heart, evidenced by this picnic he’d planned. And a great listener to boot.
Maybe most surprising of all, she felt completely safe with him. The man was practically a stranger, yet she didn’t feel the least bit threatened by spending time alone with him in a secluded spot, with her baby with them to boot. More than that, she was drawn to him, unable to pull away even if she wanted to.
She had thought past disappointments had hardened her heart, but here he was, making her melt with a single look. Even through her fear of getting hurt again, she could see he was something special.
“There’s more coffee and some sandwiches in there,” he said, pointing his chin toward the backpack on the ground next to him.
Tongue-tied all of a sudden, Deirdre reached in and pulled out a foiled sub and unwrapped it, nodding when she took the first bite of the BLT. It was something to do, something to distract herself from staring at this man in slack-jawed awe.
“This is really good,” she commented, only now realizing how hungry she really was.
“I can’t take the credit. I stopped by Maisy’s before meeting you.”
“Doesn’t make the sandwich any less tasty,” she smiled, splaying her legs out on the blanket.
With the sun warm on her face and good food filling her stomach, she could just lie down and stay there forever. Even though she took time off from work, no one could call how she spent the last couple of months a vacation.
Hope had quickly become her pride and joy, but she was still pretty much thrust into motherhood, in addition to dealing with Jamie’s death and the resulting arrangements. Everything was new and scary, and the sleepless nights kept piling on. Now that Hope was in the arms of someone she trusted, however foolish that may be, she could finally take a breath.
“There’s something you should know,” Dean said quietly after a while.
Snapping her eyes open with a sigh, she squinted to look at him. He was almost glowing in the sun, slight stubble on his square jaw and his gaze glinting emerald. The hard lines of his amazing body made her mouth dry, so she reached for the thermos and poured herself some more coffee.
Like I need to be more wired than I already am.
“I knew all this relaxation couldn’t last forever. Alright, lay it on me. You’re not actually a welder, you kick puppies for a living? You think you were abducted by aliens? What?”
Here it comes, some sordid confession or another to prove my taste in men is still impeccably awful.
“For the record, I love puppies,” he said with a laugh, running his eyes over Deirdre, spread out on the blanket as she was. “It’s nothing like that. I thought you should know that I’m a shifter, like Hope’s father.”
Oh. That’s not… That’s not bad! “That’s it?” she asked, before realizing how silly that sounded.
She didn’t mean to belittle his moment of honesty, the words just fell out. From drinking problems to ex-wives that weren’t actually exes, she’d had her share of unpleasant realizations when it came to relationships. Next to those, finding out someone had a slightly different genetic makeup than her didn’t really seem like a big deal.
Especially when shifters weren’t some big secret anymore. Even though they kept mostly to themselves, everyone at least knew of them, if they didn’t know one personally. There were still those that were a bit wary of them, since everything that’s different is scary to some people, but Deirdre wasn’t one of them.
She’d always thought variety made the world a better place. As a black woman growing up in Atlanta, it had been a realization she was glad to have and to keep with her through her life.
“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant to say,” she quickly added, feeling her cheeks flush.
“No, don’t apologize. It’s a pretty refreshing response, actually. And I like seeing you blush.”
He winked and it would have made Deirdre’s knees buckle if she hadn’t been sitting down already.
The flirty gesture, coupled with the way his gaze was caressing her body, only made her face burn more. She found herself wanting to run her hands over those tattoos disappearing into his shirt, to explore every inch of him while feeling his lips on her body.
It was a dangerous train of thought, and from Dean’s smirk, he was on the exact same page she was.
“I appreciate you telling me,” she said once she finally managed to look away.
“I thought it might be relevant. It’s why Hope connected with me so well. She could sense my bear, and it calmed her. Shifters like being around their own kind, even babies.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that. So she’s a bear, like you?”
“Yup.”
Deirdre suddenly felt way out of her depth, but at least Dean was there to guide her through it. She might not be prejudiced against shifters, but that didn’t mean she knew a whole lot about them. At least now she knew what kind Hope was. That was a step forward, right?
It’s time to learn. For Hope’s sake, I have to be as knowledgeable about this stuff as I can.
Ten
Oliver
As soon as he took little Hope into his arms, he could see Dray staring back at him. Those golden brown eyes of hers were uncannily like Dray’s as he’d thought when he looked at her in the stroller, and it made him both indescribably happy and immensely sad.
Here he was, holding his best friend’s daughter in his arms, knowing that Dray would never get to meet her. He had failed Dray, and he could never forgive himself for that. Now all he could do was make sure he did everything he could for this little girl. He owed Dray at least that much.
Maybe it was the universe’s way of giving him a chance to make up for at least a part of the shitshow he’d inadvertently caused?
Hope was getting restless in his lap, so Deirdre dug up some toys and he set the baby down on the blanket.
“I want to do right by her, but the truth is, I don’t really know a lot about shifters. Anything you could tell me, I’d appreciate to know. I thought finding Dray would answer some of my questions, but I can’t wait around for that to happen.”
Oliver nodded, moving a stuffed bunny on the blanket while Ho
pe kept a close eye on it. She was going to start talking and walking soon and Deirdre wouldn’t be ready for either, considering that it came far earlier than in ‘normal’ kids. And then of course came the shifting…
“Well, cubs can be a handful, I can tell you that. Even more so when they start to shift. They can’t control it at first, so you have that to look forward to.”
Deirdre’s expression said she was definitely not looking forward to that. Chuckling to himself, he thought about what else she should know. Or at least, what she should know right now. There was too much to really focus well on any one thing.
“Just like grown shifters, kids like open spaces and roaming around in nature. Preferably somewhere with a shifter population, but it’s not crucial. Many of us like to be part of a clan, but there are loners.”
“Like you?”
“I’ve never been in one place long enough to become a member of a clan.”
That bit of honesty scratched at his ears.
“How about now?”
Oliver hadn’t given it that much thought. He didn’t plan on leaving Sweetwater, but he hadn’t considered staying permanently, either. A couple of more bar fights and Colt was probably going to kick him out, anyway. Or Ethan Grimpaw.
“There is a local clan in Sweetwater, run by the Grimpaw family. I introduced myself when I got into town, but I haven’t taken any steps to become a member.”
It’s not that Oliver would mind having brothers to look out for and who’d look out for him. Especially now, when he had no one. It took a lot to put up with him, and Dray had been his only true friend. He brought out the best in people, including Oliver, but wasn’t above getting right into trouble with him.
But he knew the Grimpaws were cautious of him. The fact that he rolled into to town with a black eye and bruised knuckles didn’t help his case any. And he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with the information that his father had once been one of them…
“Don’t you get lonely?” Deirdre asked, looking pained as soon as the words left her lips. “I don’t know why I keep putting my foot in my mouth. What I meant was, wouldn’t it be nice to belong to a clan after moving around and being on your own for a while?”
Smiling at the thought of Deirdre trying to spare his delicate feelings, Oliver edged himself closer to Hope and moved a squishy set of toy keys closer to the baby’s reach. He liked how interested Deirdre was about his world and it would take a lot more than an innocent question to offend him.
Or maybe it was because she was the one asking them. He did recall punching a guy’s lights out once for saying shifters were a step back in evolution and belonged in zoos. But that was a far cry from the legitimate question Deirdre was posing.
“I’m sure it would be, but I’m so used to being on my own. I don’t know how well I’d play with others.”
“You’ll never know until you try,” Deirdre noted, propping herself up on her elbows. “And you seem to be playing pretty well so far.”
“I guess you have a point there.”
The truth was, the Grimpaws’ reservations about him aside, he didn’t want to be dragged into some battle or another he couldn’t care less about. His father had been a loyal clan member, doing his part when the local werewolf pack encroached on their territory and started stirring shit up.
It wasn’t long until a full-out war erupted between the two sides, drawn-out and bloody. The Grimpaws had won that particular skirmish, but it cost a lot of lives, Oliver’s father’s included. And since the two shifter populations in Sweetwater still persisted, Oliver knew things could get heated very quickly.
Generally, different shifter groups didn’t like to share. While things were peaceful now, there was no guarantee they would stay that way.
And right now, he had a lot more pressing issues than whether he wanted to belong to a clan or not. Like finding a way to tell Deirdre the truth without her hating him.
He was already hopelessly infatuated with her, and watching her beautiful face and luscious body all morning was an exercise in concentration and self-control. The desire to pounce her and kiss the air out of her lungs was harder to control by the minute.
She deserved to know the truth, the whole horrible truth, but this wasn’t the time or place to spring it on her. He needed time to think about how he was going to come clean, to go over things in his mind. And come up with one hell of an apology for pretending to be Dean, the nice guy with few ulterior motives that could not be deduced after two lines of conversation.
So they spent another hour or so sprawled out on the grass, playing with Hope and talking about everything and anything. He listened, fascinated, as Deirdre talked about how important it is to be surrounded by a space that reflects both your tastes and needs, and how colors affect mood.
Staying in one motel or rental after the next, he hadn’t even thought about all of that.
I bet there are a lot of things I can learn from her.
Deirdre pulled Hope into her arms as the baby was getting tired and fussy. It was time to wrap this picnic up, even though that was the last thing Oliver wanted.
“You two should come by the cabin later tonight. You can give it your professional assessment,” he said, shoving his thermos back into his backpack. “And don’t worry about finding Oliver. I’ve sent out some feelers and have people keeping their eyes open. If he shows, I’ll know about it,” he added, making it up as he went along.
“Is that why you want me there? In a professional capacity?” she teased, throwing him a knowing look.
Oliver shrugged nonchalantly.
“We could talk more. I bet you’ll have more questions about the shifter thing once you’ve had more time to process it. And as a bonus, I’ll even try to cook food.”
“Well, since you’re already pretty much on top of the search for Oliver, my evening is free,” Deirdre smiled, peeking up at him as he settled Hope into the stroller.
Packing up their stuff, there was an undeniable warmth between them, amidst the stolen glances and the way they both gravitated towards each other.
Let’s hope it will still be there after I tell her everything tonight.
Eleven
Deirdre
Relax. This isn’t a date. He’s just being helpful, Deirdre told herself, driving on a bumpy backroad and glancing at the little map Dean had drawn for her.
Yet the dress she picked out for tonight was definitely date-material. Black, skin-tight and cut to show just the right hint of cleavage, it was made to grab a man’s attention yet it could still be referred to as elegant. Even if she didn’t want to admit this was more than a casual hang-out, her clothes told a different story.
Hope was yawning in the car-seat on the back seat and kicking out her little feet, looking more and more like Jamie with each passing day. The forest grew thicker around them, the headlights of her rental car cutting through the increasing darkness.
“Okay, so I’m supposed to turn right here…” she muttered to herself, leaning closer to the windshield as if that was somehow going to help her.
She’d already turned the radio down, the first action of any driver lost on the road. Because obviously if there wasn’t music in her ears, she could hear the directions better.
Deirdre rolled her eyes at her own antics before focusing back on the road.
Fortunately, a cabin came into view after the next turn, nestled into a small clearing on the edge of the woods. The lights were on and Dean’s truck was parked out front, so Deirdre let out a relieved sigh and pulled up to the house.
Her heart started to pound as soon as she cut the engine. No matter how jaded or tough she thought herself, there was something between her and Dean she couldn’t deny. And now, they’d basically be alone together, somewhere where no one could walk in on them, testing her resolve to not get involved in something complicated.
She had already been thinking about him all day, and some of the thoughts she was having… Well, they weren’t exactly
PG.
More like X-rated, she thought to herself, stepping out of the car.
Grabbing Hope, she made her way to the cabin. Dean opened the door before she could even knock, wearing a seductive smile and a button-up shirt that fit a little too right on him, considering the pulse that went through Deirdre’s core. It almost looked odd on him, considering his usual rock concert ready attire, but damned if he didn’t fill it out and then some.
At least I’m not the only one who dressed up. Wait, isn’t that a bad thing?! Are we moving too fast?
Her panicking was cut short when Dean motioned her inside, cutting through that particular thread of frenzied thought.
“Hey. Come on in,” he said, stepping away from the door.
Placing Hope’s car-seat on the floor, Deirdre was getting ready to shrug off her coat when warm hands gently gripped her shoulders and she was enveloped in Dean’s warmth.
“Here, let me,” he murmured, sliding the fabric off and letting his fingertips brush along her shoulders in the process.
I am so in over my head, Deirdre thought, fighting the hot shiver making its way down her back.
At least she no longer had any mental capacity to panic.
Hope was peacefully snoozing in a makeshift bed of two armchairs dragged together as Deirdre sat at a table in the living area with an empty plate before her.
The slab of steak had been cooked to perfection. The potatoes had been a little undercooked and the salad had some strange ingredients, but it was still the best dinner she’d had in a long while. If for no other reason than the fact that it practically smelled of effort.
Dean was as charming as ever, telling her stories of what he called his younger and wilder days. She had a feeling some of them were quite recent, but didn’t comment on it. Sometimes he’d stop in the middle of a retelling with a secretive smile before carrying on, probably censoring the more salacious parts in his mind.