by Anya Nowlan
That made her stop in her tracks. While a part of her was screaming at her to get the hell out of Sweetwater, there was another part of her desperately that wanted answers. She didn’t think his words would change anything, but then again, she had things to say, as well.
Maybe screaming at him will make me feel just a little bit better.
Stepping away from the car after giving Hope one quick glance to make sure she was tucked in and okay, she crossed her arms and threw him the most withering glare. Not giving her time to change her mind and drive away, Oliver hurriedly continued talking.
“I didn’t know who you were or what you were after when I ran into you at the diner. So when I head you were looking for me, I thought my best bet was to lie until I could figure out what you were after. I’ve made far more enemies than I’ve made friends. No one who looks for me ever does it for good reasons. I never meant for it to get this out of hand.”
Deirdre scoffed, rolling her eyes angrily. The last time she’d felt so betrayed was… well, at her wedding day!
“Oh, come on. You had plenty of opportunities to come clean after that. Like before we had sex.”
“I know, I…”
“Why are you even here? You got me into bed already, the game is over. You can tell your friend he is off the hook. I assume he is in on this whole thing. Hope is better off without a father than one that would go along with this scheme.”
Oliver’s expression changed immediately. It was like a shadow fell over it.
“No. Dray would be thrilled to find out he was a father. I know my best friend well enough to know that.”
Deirdre couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What kind of a person would hide a thing like that from their best friend? It didn’t seem possible for Dean – or Oliver or whatever his name was - to be an even worse person on her eyes, but this day was full of surprises.
“Wait, you didn’t even tell him? Wow, you’re even more of a bastard than I thought.”
She scrunched up her hands into fists, feeling them shake uncontrollably.
“It’s not like that. It’s why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth at the park. After all you’ve been through, how could I tell you…”
He seemed to be struggling with finding the words, but she was all out of patience. The car was packed and she was ready to go, and it was becoming too painful to look at him and think about how different things could have been.
“Tell me what? Just spit it out already.”
“Dray is dead.”
Deirdre quieted, feeling her legs want to go out underneath her. She leaned on the back of the car, feeling knocked off balance.
What else don’t I know?
Sixteen
Oliver
“He’s… dead?” Deirdre asked, her voice wavering. “This better not be another lie.”
Oliver slicked his tongue over his teeth, looking away for a moment.
I wish it were.
“I wouldn’t lie about that. He’s buried in South Dakota, next to his parents. I can tell you which cemetery, if you’d like to visit.”
Visibly shaken by the news, Deirdre pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. He wanted to go to her, to take her hand, to hug her, but it wasn’t an option right now.
Whatever trust there had been between them, he had broken it. He could only hope she would give him the chance to make it right.
“He died the same night he met your cousin. After he left her place, he came and picked me up at one of the bars. I knew it was a bad idea, we had both been drinking… But he seemed sober enough and I was more than tipsy. One moment we were laughing, talking… The next, we’re swerving off the road, heading straight for a tree.”
The memories came flooding back, hazy, but clear enough to make pain swell in his chest. Dray should have stayed at Jamie’s place and he should have taken a cab home. It was a totally avoidable tragedy, which only made it worse. Bad decisions abounded that night, and now a good man was dead and a little girl would never know her father.
And as far as Oliver was concerned, it was his fault. He was the older one, he should have had the presence of mind to not be an adolescent dumbass.
Looking up at Deirdre, her anger had vanished. She was staring at him, looking unsure of what to do or say, her curls whipping in the wind.
“I woke up in the hospital with a concussion and some scrapes and bruises. They told me Dray had died on impact. All I could think was that I should have died instead. But for some reason, I was given a second chance. I’ve been wasting it ever since, hoping I get hit by a truck or poison my liver with all the booze I’ve been ingesting, until you came along.”
Deirdre hesitated before stepping closer to him.
“You can’t blame yourself,” she said softly, offering him compassion he didn’t deserve.
She was too good for him, he knew that. But he couldn’t just step aside. At the very least, he needed her to know that Dray was a good man and would have been a good father to Hope.
“Sure, I can. But this isn’t about me looking for pity. I just want you to understand why I kept stalling with the truth. How could I look you in the eye and tell you I’m partly responsible for your little girl being fatherless?”
They looked at each other for a while, him trying to gauge what she was feeling and her… Who knew what she was thinking? He had just piled a lot on her, and he wasn’t even done. Forgiveness would be a lot to ask, and he was planning to ask for even more.
I can’t just let her go.
“I was stupid and selfish, no one knows that better than me. But my feelings for you are real. I never lied about any of that. Everything except my name was the truth. I know my word doesn’t mean a lot here.”
“I want to believe you,” she said, her hazel eyes shiny. “Because it was real for me, too. I can’t help but be drawn to you, but how can I trust you again?”
He could see the way her chest heaved heavily, sobs being kept down just barely.
“By letting me prove myself. I’ll do anything to make this right, just don’t write me off. I’m asking for another chance. For time to prove I can do better, be better. I know we can make this work.
“I… I just need a chance. If you can’t do it for me yet, do it for Hope. She deserves two parents and I don’t think I could leave her now. She’s… well, she’s the only thing you have left of Jamie, and for me she’s all I have left of Dray.”
Silent, Deirdre studied his face. Whatever she saw there, it must have had an impact on her as she stepped forward, slipping her cold hand in his. He felt blood rushing through his body again, released from what had felt like freezing before.
“You’re saying all the right things, but things aren’t as easy to forgive and forget. I have a life in Atlanta that I need to get back to. My assistant has practically been running the company and I’m tired of not sleeping in my own bed. I can’t stay here with you. And I can’t trust you.”
His mind worked overtime, trying to figure out all the possible solutions and problems. He’d never been much of a problem solver but this moment could change his whole life, for the better or for the worse. He had to do whatever he could to get that chance to show Deirdre and Hope that he could be a better man.
“Then I’ll come with you.”
“What?” she blinked at him, looking like the words hadn’t quite registered yet.
“I mean it. I’m used to moving around. And this place won’t be a home without you, anyway.”
With every word he spoke, he liked the idea more. He could be close to Hope and Deirdre and maybe over time, he could make up for at least some of the stuff he’d ruined.
“You’re serious,” she whispered, looking absolutely stunned.
“I’ve never been more serious in my life. What do you say? Are you willing to give this bear another chance?”
Time seemed to stop as they stood there, Oliver almost holding his breath as he waited for her response. If h
e had managed to permanently screw up his shot at real happiness, it would probably end him.
He had already retreated into himself after Dray’s death, padding the guilt-filled hole in his gut with alcohol and bar-fights. Meeting Deirdre had managed to get him off that path, losing her would only put him back on it harder and firmer.
Not only would he be alone in the world then, but he’d have to live with the knowledge that his action or inaction had robbed a child of her father, and that he’d let his mate slip through his fingers.
“I’m not saying you’re off the hook or anything like that,” she warned, poking him in the chest sternly. “But I can understand what you were going through, losing someone like that and then having me and Hope come here and tear up old wounds.
“Now that I know what your reasons were… I’m not saying yes to anything, but if you’re in Atlanta, then… You can come see Hope.”
“And you?” he asked immediately.
“And me as well,” Deirdre added after a second of thought.
Deirdre had barely finished speaking when he already had her in his arms, crushing her to his chest while lifting her in the air. He figured she’d smack him for it but instead, she smiled and it was the brightest ray of sunshine Oliver had ever seen.
Seventeen
Deirdre
“Hey, I’m home,” Deirdre called out, kicking off her heels.
She had been extremely busy the last couple of months, trying to make up the time she had taken off work to track down Oliver, and she couldn’t wait to see Hope at the end of her long day.
And Oliver himself, of course.
Ever since he’d followed her to Atlanta, life had been different, in a good way. He had gotten a place of his own and a job, but after just a couple of weeks, his ‘occasional visits’ turned into a semi-permanent sleepover in her apartment. Deirdre couldn’t say that she was complaining about the turn of events.
Hope absolutely loved him, so he was her go-to babysitter. Getting home and seeing the two of them playing on the living room floor or goofing around outside in the small backyard always washed the stress of the day away.
They had tried taking things slow after leaving Sweetwater, but that didn’t work out so well. It didn’t take long for her to admit they were basically dating, and now he spent most nights here, at her house.
They had quickly settled into a comfortable routine of supporting each other and pretty much functioned as a family unit at this point. Whenever she would need to meet with clients or go to the office, he would be there, taking care of Hope. And when she got back, they’d have lunch or dinner and look after Hope together.
Oliver was barely even at his rented apartment across town, and more and more of his stuff ended up finding a home in her drawers and shelves. Even though they spent so much time together because of their respective jobs, she still found herself sad whenever he’d go back to his place.
He had been freelancing at construction sites around town, and sometimes his day started so early, it wouldn’t make sense for him to stay the night and then drive all the way to his place to get his gear.
Deirdre’s bed felt pointedly empty on those nights, despite what she would have assumed when they made the pact back in Sweetwater.
“Look who it is,” Oliver’s sing-song voice came around the corner.
Hope was giggling as he bounced her on his hip, the two of them looking like a perfect daddy-daughter team. She couldn’t even imagine being a parent without him, leaving Hope with some stranger while she worked.
Oliver had insisted on being part of the little girl’s life as a way to honor Dray and he was doing a bang-up job of it.
He connected with Hope on a level she never could. The little girl was already starting to growl in her sleep and Deirdre could swear she heard Hope roar that one time they went to the park and another kid ran off with her favorite toy truck.
She had a feeling Oliver had a reason for bundling Hope up and getting her outdoors as much as possible. Even she could see the way Hope stared out the window sometimes, reaching out her little hands to try and touch the trees there.
The suburbs were a nice place to raise a child, but a shifter baby still had a bigger yearning for space and nature than most kids. Without Oliver, Deirdre wasn’t sure if she could handle a child as special as Hope in a way fair to the little girl.
She knew that the frequent hikes Oliver was taking, with or without Hope, was his way of coping with putting down roots somewhere he couldn’t just run into the woods whenever he wanted to let his bear loose. Yet he never complained and always had a smile on his face when she walked through the door.
“Mommy’s here,” Deirdre cooed, stretching out her arms so Oliver could plop Hope in her lap.
She sat down on the sofa, burying Hope’s face with kisses until she squirmed and laughed, trying to get free.
“I got you now,” she said, as Oliver sunk down next to them.
“No! I’m trapped!” Hope squealed, her pronunciation entirely garbled, but her message clear.
She was very big on her independence.
Oliver wrapped an arm around Deirdre’s shoulders and she rested against his chest, relaxing into his embrace. She had been especially tired lately and today, she finally found out why. It was scary and exciting, and she couldn’t wait to tell Oliver.
They had promised there would be no more secrets between them, and she believed there hadn’t been. He told her everything, without hesitation, whatever she wanted to know. And that only inspired her to do the same. She had never felt this close, and this comfortably vulnerable in any of her previous relationships.
With Oliver, she wasn’t afraid to share her hopes and dreams, however far-fetched or silly. She could be herself and know she would always have his total support. It had taken awhile to mend the wounds inflicted in Sweetwater, but she was glad to say that they were gone now.
I guess it’s true – you do have to kiss a lot of frogs – or at least one bear in this case - to find your prince.
Without all of her shitty past boyfriends, she wouldn’t even know exactly how lucky she was to have someone like Oliver by her side.
Even her girlfriends liked him, and that wasn’t an easy feat, especially considering they had some prejudices about him in the beginning. Prejudices Deirdre fully took responsibility for – she’d needed to rant after getting home from Wyoming, after all.
A restless guy with a criminal record and a history of lying to her hadn’t exactly put their minds at ease, but seeing how happy he made her soon changed her friends’ minds. Even Amy gave him her seal of approval.
“I tried to put her down but she wouldn’t have it. I think she wanted to wait up for you,” Oliver murmured, kissing the top of her head.
“That last layout took longer than I thought,” she sighed, looking at Hope yawn in her arms.
“Why don’t you grab a glass of wine? I got it,” he said, scooping Hope up. “Alright, time for bed. For real, this time, little lady,” he warned, marching towards Hope’s room.
She waited anxiously for him to return, running through the speech she had been practicing since lunch. The glass of water instead of the suggested wine she got to steel her nerves didn’t seem to be doing much in the form of support this time.
The news she had for Oliver was a bit of a bombshell, as was the decision she had come to after finding out her chronic fatigue would not be cured by getting more sleep.
It only took about ten minutes for Oliver to return, running a hand through his long hair as those emerald eyes sparkled at her.
“I don’t see the right kind of glass in your hand. Want me to get it for you?”
“No, that’s alright. Come sit down.”
He folded himself into the sofa with a slight frown, angling his body towards her and throwing an arm over the headrest. Smelling of sandalwood and musk and looking as handsome as ever, she just wanted to let him carry her to bed and kiss the day away, but there wer
e more important things to discuss.
They’d made the mistake of not revealing everything right away once before. Deirdre wasn’t interested in repeating that.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” he asked, leaning forward and nuzzling her neck. “Or can it wait until morning?” he added, his warm breath against her neck making her tremble.
“A tempting offer,” she sighed, getting carried away for a moment. “But there is something I want to tell you.”
“I’m all ears,” he grinned, pulling away.
“I think we should move.”
Oliver’s brows shot up at that, and he got quiet for a moment.
“I thought this is where you wanted to be.”
His question was tentative, probing. She had to stifle a smile at that.
“It is, but there’s a place I think suits our needs better, and I think you and Hope would be happier there. Running around in the woods, breathing in the fresh mountain air, being around other shifters… I think that’s important…
“Especially since there’s going to be another cub running around sooner rather than later.”
Deirdre held her breath as she waited for Oliver to grasp what she was saying. It had been a lot to take in for her as well, when she took a pregnancy test during her lunch break and it confirmed what she had already been suspecting. A quick trip to the doctor later had sealed the deal.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked, wide-eyed, eyes darting to her stomach as if she was going to balloon up right before his eyes. “How did I not realize…”
“I found out today,” she said, studying his reaction. “It’s really early.”
Suddenly, his mouth was on hers, his arms crushing her to his hard body. He wouldn’t even let her get another word in, devouring her in the most delicious way.
I guess that means he thinks it’s good news, she thought, smiling against his lips.