by Connie Mann
“I’m sorry, Reggie.” His arms tightened around her and he kissed the top of her head, offering what comfort he could. “It shouldn’t matter, you know. If the man loves you, it won’t. Besides, there’s always adoption.”
She nodded, but he felt fresh tears soaking his shirt. “Go to sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day.”
Eduardo snuffled in his sleep, but other than that, the room was quiet.
“Will you tell me what happened between you and Noah?” she asked.
“You should sleep.”
“Is that your way of saying you won’t answer my question?” she probed.
“I couldn’t forgive him,” he finally said.
“Noah?”
“After I got that photo from Raul on my eighteenth birthday, I left home and joined the Army. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
“That’s a long time to carry a grudge.”
“He treated my Mom lousy.”
“But she loved you.”
“No question. And I love her.”
“You have to let it go, Brooks. Some things we won’t ever understand, but we have to forgive.”
He shifted so he could see her face. “Have you forgiven the man who raped you? The one who killed your baby?”
Her gaze was steady but sad. “The bitterness and uncleanness tries to creep back in sometimes, but I’m learning to push it back. God knows what he’s doing, even when I don’t.”
Brooks rubbed her back and eased her head back on his shoulder. His mind was fuzzy with pain and too many thoughts. It was time to sleep. They fell silent, the weight of shared confidences draining them both.
The first fingers of dawn were poking between the drapes when Regina asked, “You’ll make sure they’re good people, the ones adopting Eduardo? Not that I’m doubting your parents, of course,” she added hastily.
He cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes. “I’ll make sure. I promise.” As if it was the most natural thing in the world, he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.
She didn’t pull back, but leaned into the kiss. She tasted so sweet, sweeter than sugar, with a flavor uniquely her own.
If only the circumstances were different . . . if only he were different.
Deliberately, he pushed everything from his mind except the woman in his arms. The pain in his side, he’d worry about later. The coming good-bye could wait. Right now, he had one chance to cherish this woman, and he wasn’t going to blow it.
“Kiss me back,” he whispered.
Time spun out as she slowly, gradually, inched closer. First one hand began stroking his hair, then his face. After a heart-stopping while, the other cupped the back of his neck. He was humbled, thrilled. And determined to keep himself in check if it killed him. He wouldn’t blow it again.
It was the only thing he could give her—a good memory to hold on to. And selfishly, he wanted the same for himself—the memory of holding the most amazing woman he’d ever met. That she cared for him was humbling, thawing the ice around his heart. That she trusted him enough to show him how much amazed him. He cradled her close and soaked up all the warmth and affection she offered, hoarding it against the cold days ahead.
Suddenly Eduardo let loose a terrific wail. The sound pierced the quiet with the suddenness of an air raid siren. Regina instantly pulled away, but he brought her back to steal one more quick kiss.
“One for the road,” he quipped, but it fell flat. They were leaving soon. Too soon.
Without a word, Regina got up and tended to the baby. She had him fed and diapered when a knock sounded on the door.
“It’s me. Open up.”
Regina looked to Brooks, who picked up his gun before nodding for her to open the door. He recognized Jax’s voice, but he wasn’t taking any chances.
“What happened?” he asked, as soon as Jax strolled into the room, toting what looked like a bakery sack. “Everything taken care of?”
Jax met his direct look. “Everything’s under control.” Brooks knew Jax was trying to keep the ugly truth from Regina. Under control meant the uncle he’d never known was dead.
Jax turned to Regina and asked, “How about some breakfast?” He set out coffee, rolls and jam, then turned to Brooks. “You look a sight better than you did last night. Let’s see.” He examined both wounds, ignoring Brooks’s hissing breath. “You did a good job,” he said to Regina, though his tone sounded grudging.
She responded with a nod.
Brooks searched his friend’s face, looking for any clues that he’d tried to hurt her before, done more than issue the same invitation he offered every female on the planet. He saw nothing beyond Jax’s usual happy-go-lucky grin.
“I found a doctor last night and persuaded him to give me a few antibiotics.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of pills. “Should keep you covered until we get Stateside. We can catch a flight out later today.”
“Jax, would you take me to the airport this morning?” Regina asked.
Brooks snapped his head in her direction, but she wouldn’t look at him.
“I need to get back to the orphanage. The children need me.”
“Sure. No problem. Soon as you’re done with breakfast, grab your things and we’ll go. The kid should be fine with this big lug until I get back.”
“Eduardo.” Both Brooks and Regina said together.
Jax’s confused glance bounced back and forth between the two of them.
“His name is Eduardo,” Brooks said.
“Right. Whatever. We’ll go as soon as you’re ready.”
Regina quickly gathered her things, and Brooks watched her trying to hide her tears. He looked up at his friend. “Give us a minute, would you?”
Jax nodded once and then walked out of the room.
“I’d walk you out, but that’s a bit tough today.”
“It’s okay.” She kept her back to him, holding Eduardo close.
“Reggie. Come here.”
“I have to go.”
“I know. But come here.” He patted the empty side of the bed.
She perched on the edge, her face buried in Eduardo’s neck, sobs muffling her voice until he had to strain to make out the words. “I don’t know how to say good-bye to him. I don’t know how to let go.”
He reached his arm out as far as it would go and brushed his fingers down that awful sweater. “I’ll make sure they’re a good family. If they’re not, I won’t let him stay there. I promise.”
She nodded and sniffed.
“You’ll never forget him, but someday you’ll adopt a slew of your own.” If anyone deserved to be a mother, it was Reggie. She had more love to give than anyone except maybe his own mother. And that was saying something.
She shook her head sadly and straightened Eduardo’s little jumpsuit. “Thanks, but women like me don’t get to be mothers. I’m lucky enough to be a guardian angel to the precious little ones God sends our way.”
“Bull.” He shifted closer to her and winced as pain momentarily cut off his breath. He couldn’t let her leave thinking that way. “You’ll be a mother,” he insisted. “And a wonderful wife to a very lucky man.”
She snorted. “You must have hit your head harder than we thought. Nice men don’t marry women like me. As soon as they find out my past, all they see is how many men I’ve been with.”
“That’s not what I see.”
She raised a skeptical brow. “No?”
All those men had crossed his mind, but not in the way she thought. He reached out and cupped her face. “When I look at you, I see a warm, caring, beautiful woman—inside and out—who has so much to give a man.”
There went that stubborn chin again. “But I’m not the kind you’d want as a wife.”
He was struck dumb. Marry her? Dear God. What to say? He’d be lying if he said the thought had never crossed his mind, because it had. But it could never work. False hope was a pain all its own, and he desperately didn’t want to hurt her. She’d ha
d enough of that to last a lifetime. Several lifetimes.
“With the kind of work I do, I’ll never get married. I’d never ask a woman to wait and wonder if I’m coming back in a flagdraped coffin. That’s not fair. I decided that long before I ever met you, Reggie. It has nothing to do with you.”
“I thought you quit.”
He hesitated. “I did. But I’ll probably go back. It’s all I know.”
She stood up, her back to him. “Of course. I see.”
“Don’t leave like this.”
She turned back to him, puzzlement momentarily overshadowing the pain in her eyes.
“Kiss me.” He couldn’t let her leave thinking any of this was her fault.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
He sent her a lopsided grin. “You’re probably right. But do it anyway.” It was the only way he knew to tell her what he felt.
She resumed her seat at the edge of the bed.
“Put the baby down and come here.”
Hands twisted in her lap, she slowly leaned toward him. But this time, her shyness fled and her hands crept up to cup his cheeks. Their mouths met like they’d been doing this their whole lives. Like they belonged together, a perfect fit.
Right then, he wanted to beg her to stay with him. Forever. They’d find a way to make it work. But before the words rushed out past rational thought, he swallowed them and focused on the present.
It took him a minute to realize her tears had begun again. “Shh, don’t cry. It’s okay.” He shoved his own impossible longings aside and brushed at her tears.
She buried her face against his neck and placed a soft kiss there. Then, before he could react or respond, she whispered, “I love you,” tore from his grasp, and bent to kiss Eduardo’s forehead.
“Please tell me wh-when you get him settled with his new family.”
With her hand on the doorknob, back to him, she said, “Thank you for everything. For Irene and me, thank you for helping me keep Eduardo safe.”
Then she was gone.
25
REGINA CLOSED THE DOOR FIRMLY BEHIND HER AND SLUMPED AGAINST IT, dropping her bag at her feet. Inside, she could hear Eduardo begin to fuss, then Brooks’s deep voice soothing him. Fresh tears poured down her cheeks. She’d never cried so much, and if she kept this up, she’d likely drown. What cannot be changed; must be endured, she reminded herself again. Using the sleeve of her sweater, she wiped her eyes, then grabbed her bag and marched down the stairs, head high.
The threat of Raul was gone. Eduardo was safe and would be on his way to his new home in the United States before nightfall. She’d kept her promise to Irene. She could go back to House of Angels where she belonged and give her love to the other children who needed her. Oh, Father.
Had she remembered to tell Brooks about the baby’s favorite sleeper? She turned, ready to head back upstairs, then stopped. She had to stop stalling. Hadn’t the man saved her life? Eduardo would be fine.
Jax lounged against the side of the car, smoking a cigarette. “Ready?” he asked, then flicked the cigarette into some bushes.
Regina nodded and climbed into the car, careful to stay as far away from him as possible. Friend of Brooks or not, she couldn’t relax around him. She stared unseeing out of the window as the buildings flashed by, her mind numb with grief.
Her arms ached to hold Eduardo close once more, and every fiber of her being wanted to curl up next to Brooks, just for a little while. How ironic that the one man who had finally gotten past her defenses had no room in his life for a woman.
Or maybe, he simply didn’t want her, but was too much of a gentleman to say so. He wouldn’t be the first person repelled by her past. And she couldn’t really blame him. Her past nauseated her, too, when she allowed herself to think about it.
Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as wool.
The verse learned long ago filtered through her mind, and Regina wiped her tears. For Brooks, I wish I could have been clean and pure, a woman without a past. She knew he cared for her. Maybe if she’d been a different kind of woman, he would have allowed himself to love her.
She brushed the futile thought away and looked up, startled to realize they were in a heavily forested area. When had they left the main road? Apprehension gnawed in her belly. She looked around, but there was no airport in sight. “Where are we?”
“Almost there.”
She forced herself to look at him. “Where’s there?”
He reached a hand out and wrapped it around the back of her neck. “I thought you and I should take a little time to get better acquainted before your flight.”
Panic rose in her throat and sweat popped out all over her body. She tried to keep her voice steady. “I have a plane to catch.”
“It’s not for a while yet. I checked. There’s plenty of time.” He ran a hand over her cheek and she jerked away. “Figured you could give me a little taste of what you’ve been giving ole Brooks all this time.”
Regina’s revulsion congealed into terror as the truth dawned. She watched in growing horror as his casual goodole-boy demeanor slid away like the mask it was. This man was no friend of Brooks. Did Brooks know what kind of man Jax really was? She didn’t think so.
Jax pulled the car to a stop in front of a dilapidated cabin. “Get out,” he ordered.
Regina slowly climbed out of the car and faced him across the roof. “Brooks will kill you when he finds out,” she said. That much she knew. He might not love her, but he’d protect her.
Jax threw back his head and laughed. “Kill me? No, I don’t think so. I think he’ll buy me a beer, and we’ll talk about what we each liked best.”
Too late, she realized her mistake. This man was capable of anything, but she knew Brooks. The man she’d fallen in love with would never force a woman. She had to keep that in mind. Jax lied. Mentally steeling herself, she got out of the car. She could get through this. A quick check assured her that her knife was safely in her skirt pocket.
But some sixth sense screamed to be heard. Something wasn’t right about this whole situation. She was suddenly afraid she was never supposed to leave this place. Heart pounding, she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and deal with whatever came. Brooks and Eduardo were safe. Nothing else mattered. God, help me.
He shoved her up the rickety stairs ahead of him and once they were in the one-room shack, he turned and shoved a chair under the doorknob at his back.
“Let’s get a move on.”
Regina eyed the dirty floor, littered with dead cockroaches and animal droppings. She sent him a haughty look. “This place is filthy.”
Jax looked around the bare room. The only furniture was a sagging bed with a straw mattress, one chair, and a table that listed heavily to one side.
“It’ll do, doll, for what I have in mind.”
Head high, Regina stood in the middle of the room and glared at him.
He stepped closer and she shrank back when he ran a blunttipped finger down her cheek. “Take off your clothes.”
Regina swallowed hard to keep from throwing up on his shoes. She couldn’t do this. Never again. You’re a beautiful woman, Reggie, she heard Brooks say. You deserve better.
Heart pounding, she lunged for the door. Jax spun her around, hard, and she cried out.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he snarled.
“I am not doing this. If Brooks is really your friend, you won’t do this. Take me to the airport and we’ll forget this ever happened.”
He shoved her back against the wall and laughed in her face. “That’s rich. The whore is going to tell me no? Not a chance, doll.” He leaned closer. “But in case this still isn’t enough to convince you, let me put it this way. Either you cooperate, or your precious lover boy and the brat won’t live to make their plane.”
A scream lodged in the back of Regina’s throat, but she refused to give it voice. Not Brooks and Eduardo. One look at Jax’s face and s
he knew he wasn’t bluffing. He would do exactly what he said he would. She nodded, once.
His grin was pure evil. “I thought you’d see things my way. Now, get those clothes off.”
She shrugged and tried to act like she did this sort of thing every day. Please, God. Help me through this. Ensuring Brooks and Eduardo’s safety would be her last gift to those two men she loved. She wouldn’t let them down. Slowly, she bent and untied one shoe, then the other. She slid them off, then rolled her socks down before slipping them off as well.
Even though revulsion coiled in her gut, her mind raced. How could she keep her knife nearby if she was naked?
“Hurry it up. I haven’t got all day,” he hissed.
Regina straightened and deliberately moved closer to him. If she dropped her skirt near the bed, she might have a chance. It was the best she could come up with. His hot breath on her face threatened to gag her, but she forced all emotions away.
Right now she had to think clearly. Eduardo and Brooks were the only ones who mattered. Somehow, she’d get to her knife, but if she couldn’t . . . she swallowed hard. She’d done this before; she could do it again. For Brooks and the baby.
Slowly, she reached for the buttons on her blouse and prayed her hands wouldn’t shake. She undid first one button, then the next, making sure she had his complete attention.
Apparently, his impatience got the better of him because he snatched the fabric from her hands and ripped it all the way open.
Instead of fighting him, she worked her hand slowly into the pocket of her skirt. As soon as her hand closed over the knife, she forced a moan from her throat to cover the sound of it flicking open. She ignored Jax’s fetid breath and grasping hands, only one goal in mind: getting away and back to Brooks to warn him.
When he pushed up against her, Regina seized her opportunity. Her hand shot from the pocket and she made a lunge for his back. He must have been more aware than she gave him credit for, because his big fist shot out and deflected the blade, so the knife merely grazed his shoulder.