by Soraya Lane
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured. “So damn beautiful you take my breath away.”
Ryder kissed her, his lips soft as he started to rock harder and faster into her. She ran her hands over his shoulders, down the strong planes of his back, and looked up into his dark eyes. If this was their last night together, she wanted to commit every part of him to memory so she didn’t forget a thing.
Chapter 19
Ryder’s arm was going numb but he didn’t move it. Chloe had fallen asleep, her shallow breathing only just audible, and he was still lying awake in the half light with her cradled in one arm, head tucked to his chest. They’d left the curtains open, letting moonlight drizzle inside, and because of it he could make out the features of Chloe’s face, see her full lips slightly parted, her long dark lashes just touching the top of her cheekbones.
He’d fallen. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself he wanted Chloe because she was great in bed, or because she was fun to hang out with, it was way more than that and he knew it. Reality had come crashing in when she’d made it clear she was leaving, that their stupid agreement was real, and he didn’t want her to go.
Ryder slowly inched his arm out from beneath her, pausing when she stirred. He dropped his legs over the edge of the bed, reached for his boxers and pulled them on, then walked barefoot from the room. On second thought he went back and got his jeans, headed for the kitchen to pour a nip of whiskey and grab his phone, then went and sat on the step outside the house.
He took a sip, then dialed Chase. He doubted either of his brothers would be asleep yet; they’d be drinking and talking shit still.
“Hey,” Chase answered.
“Hey.”
“Everything okay over there?”
Ryder put down his drink and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Where are you?”
“Just walked out the door, heading for my place.”
“Want to swing past this way first instead?”
“Sure thing. See you soon.”
Ryder finished his drink and hauled his body up to go get another. He paused in the bedroom doorway first, checked to see that Chloe was still sleeping, before grabbing another glass and the bottle of Wild Turkey. Then he headed back out to wait for his brother. The air outside was cool against his bare torso but he didn’t bother going back in for a sweater; he just leaned against the wooden railing on the porch and stared into the dark looking for Chase.
“My phone usually only rings after midnight if it’s a booty call.” Chase laughed as he appeared out of the darkness, making his way up the steps and reaching for the glass Ryder was holding out.
“So what are we drinking for? Don’t you have a gorgeous blonde in there keeping your bed warm?”
Ryder grunted. “Yeah.” He poured them a nip each and joined Chase on the front step. “She’s asleep.”
“I don’t mean to state the obvious, but what the hell are you doing shooting the breeze with me out here when you could be asleep next to Chloe?”
“She’s leaving in the morning.” Ryder ground out the words, furious that she was getting to him so bad. “Tomorrow she walks away and it’s over.”
“You know you’ve been with her a few weeks now.”
Ryder locked eyes with his brother, watched as he sipped his drink. “And?”
“And it means that you’ve been with her longer than you’ve been with any other woman before,” Chase said. “You like her.”
Ryder scowled. “Of course I like her.”
“Then why are you sitting out here with me?”
He poured himself another nip and downed it, cringing as the straight liquor burned a fiery path down his throat and all the way to his gut. “Because I fucking love her,” Ryder muttered.
Chase didn’t say anything, just stared straight ahead out into the dark. He swirled his drink around in his glass before turning to face him. “You’re serious.”
Ryder nodded.
“Then do something about it.”
He ground his teeth together, hated that he was even having this conversation with his brother. They didn’t talk about feelings or any of that crap. They worked hard and played harder, enjoyed beautiful women but didn’t stay with any one woman for long. And now here he was talking about … fuck it. He didn’t even want to admit it to himself. He’d traveled all around the country, met beautiful women in so many different states, but he’d never fallen before. Never.
“She wants to go.”
“Then make her stay,” Chase replied.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” Ryder muttered, standing up and pacing down the porch. “Just forget I said anything.”
Chase stood too, finishing his drink and leaving the glass on the railing. “Have you ever heard me say that about a girl before? Or Nate?”
Ryder shook his head. Of course not—they didn’t fall in love, they had fun. Which was what he was supposed to have done with Chloe. The best part of what they had going on was that they’d both known it was a short-term thing, no strings.
“What’s your point?” Ryder asked.
“You honestly feel that way about her, you have to tell her. Don’t be a douchebag and let a woman like that slip away just because you’re too scared to man up and be honest.”
Ryder was listening, but he didn’t answer. His brother was right, of course he was, but talking to him about it and actually telling Chloe were two entirely different things.
“Thanks for coming over.”
Chase chuckled. “So that’s it? I’m dismissed?”
“Yeah, and don’t go telling Nate. The last thing I need is him giving me shit.”
Chase walked up the step and came closer, giving him a one-armed hug and slapping him on the back. “We’d give you shit about a lot of things, but if you’re serious about this girl? No fucking way.”
Ryder watched him go, called out before he disappeared from sight completely. “Thanks, Chase.”
His brother raised one hand in the air as he walked away. “Anytime.”
Chase might have had a lot to drink, his swagger made that obvious, but his words had been real. If Ryder didn’t stop Chloe from walking away now, didn’t man up and tell her the truth? Then he might regret losing her for the rest of his life, and he wasn’t prepared to take that chance.
He collected both glasses and left them on the counter before heading back into the bedroom. Ryder stripped and pulled the covers down, sliding into bed beside Chloe and scooping her into him. She stirred, snuggling in closer when he put his arms around her.
He loved her. He fucking loved her, and now he’d admitted it to himself and his brother.
Ryder dropped a kiss into Chloe’s hair and held her tight. In the morning he’d tell her how he felt. Right now he needed to get some sleep.
Chapter 20
The room was still dark when Chloe woke. She turned carefully, not wanting to disturb Ryder as she slid out from underneath his arm. Before she’d fallen asleep everything had seemed perfect and now uncertainty was clawing at her mind, all her doubts creeping back in like they’d never left.
She had to go.
Chloe sat on the edge of the bed, glanced back at Ryder one last time. She’d started out being attracted to him because of the way he looked, then everything had changed until it was back to physical attraction again. And now? Now she didn’t know how she felt, but she did know that the only way to walk away from him was to do it now. She needed to do it quick and fast.
She leaned over and kissed his cheek, pulling away as tears welled in her eyes, catching in her lashes as she stood up and gathered her things. Chloe dressed quickly and zipped her suitcase, grabbing her other still-packed bags, too, and walked out of the room, refusing to look back. If she did, she could so easily end up back in his arms, curled up beside him in bed again, when what she needed to do was stay focused on her future. On her plan.
She needed to finish her law degree. She needed to build a future for herself th
at didn’t involved relying on a man. She needed to walk away now matter how bad she had it for him.
Chloe put down her luggage and grabbed her purse from the living room, pushing aside a sweatshirt of Ryder’s to get it. She turned, then changed her mind, bending back down and grabbing the sweatshirt, tugging it over her head and wrapping herself in the familiar smell that was him. Just because she had to go didn’t mean she hadn’t loved every second of being with Ryder. The memories of being with him were enough to last a lifetime. Chloe checked her purse, divided the cash in half, and left the balance on the table. He’d promised to pay her tuition, then last night told her to take the money she’d won. She’d just take her portion of the cash and call them even—this was more than enough to see her through to graduation.
She walked as quickly as she could down the hall and slipped out the door, shutting it behind her and heading down the drive. Chloe dialed a cab without slowing down, hoping like hell she’d be able to get past the main house lugging all her things without one of Ryder’s brothers seeing her. She couldn’t explain what she was doing to anyone yet, because she still didn’t know herself. All she knew was that she had to leave now, before she lost her nerve.
Tears pricked her eyes again and this time she let them fall. It hurt. It hurt so damn bad walking away, it was like a stake through her heart. Ryder had shown her what it was like to be with a real man, a man who called it like it was, who wasn’t afraid of saying what he wanted and wasn’t intimated by a woman who did the same. He’d treated her with respect and made her feel … Chloe hugged her arms around herself, inhaling the scent of Ryder on his sweatshirt, wishing his arms were still around her. He’d made her feel loved, and no matter how much she told herself it didn’t matter to her, it damn well did.
* * *
The sunlight falling across his face woke Ryder. He reached out, hand feeling around the bed for Chloe, anticipating the warmth of her bare skin. Instead he connected with a cold sheet. Ryder groaned and sat up, the covers falling away as he rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. Chloe was gone, her clothes no longer in a rumpled heap on the floor. Damn it. He’d been looking forward to waking up to her body, warm and soft from sleep, and instead he was either going to have to wait for her to come back to bed, or ignore his hard-on and get dressed.
He waited a couple of minutes, then decided to go looking for her. The house was silent as he walked toward the kitchen, doing up his jeans as he moved.
“Chloe?” he called. “You out here?”
Ryder stopped when he realized she wasn’t in the kitchen or living room. Hmmm. She must have taken his truck and gone on a coffee run. If it meant keeping her in bed for longer in the morning, he was definitely going to have to invest in a coffee machine. He wandered to the side window and cast a glance outside. What the hell? His truck was still parked where he’d left it. There were no other vehicles at the guest house, and unless she’d gone for a walk …
He scanned the living room, then went back into the bedroom to see if she’d left a note anywhere. Nothing. Then he checked his phone. Ryder’s heart was starting to pound too fast for his liking—this was looking less and less like a coffee run and more like …
She’d gone.
Ryder dialed Chase and got his voice mail. Damn it. He was probably out doing the rounds on the ranch already. He went to throw his phone down, then changed his mind and called Nate. His brother picked up on the second ring.
“Mornin’,” Nate said.
“Hey. Have you seen Chloe?”
Nate made a noncommittal noise.
“Nate. You seen her or not?” Ryder demanded.
“I saw a cab pulling away about an hour ago. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but…”
“Fuck.” Ryder threw his phone down on the bed and stormed toward the door, marching outside and then turning on his heel and walking straight back in again. What the hell was he doing? She’d left. Chloe was gone. They’d talked about it being their last night and he’d just presumed he’d be able to talk her around in the morning, that she wouldn’t really go when they were having so much fun together.
He’d been wrong.
Ryder sat down on the bed, head in his hands. Maybe it was karma. He’d finally met a woman he could fall for and she’d up and left him like the time they’d spent together meant nothing.
His phone rang and he reached for it, seeing Chase’s name appear. He wasn’t going to answer, then changed his mind.
“Hey.”
“What’s happening?” Chase asked.
“You need a hand this morning?”
“What about—”
Ryder clenched his right fist, wishing he could smash it into something. “Don’t ask. Just put me to work and don’t mention her name. I told you I was going to work alongside you now that I’m back, and I wasn’t lying.”
There was silence on the other end for a moment. “Meet me at the barn. I’ve got cattle to move and some fences to check. I was going to get the guys to do it, but how about we head out just the two of us?”
Ryder unclenched his fist. His brothers might give him shit a lot of the time, but when it came to something like this, he knew he could count on them not to be assholes.
“Thanks. I’ll see you in ten.”
Ryder left his phone on the bed and pulled on socks and a shirt. He went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and headed for the back door, tugging on his boots. To hell with Chloe. He’d make Chase work him till he dropped, and do his best to forget all about her. Although he knew damn well there was no way in hell he’d be able to get her out of his head.
“Ryder!”
He looked over his shoulder, seeing Nate jogging in his direction. His oldest brother was dressed in worn-out jeans and a checked shirt with the sleeves rolled up—nothing like his usual weekday attire.
“What are you doing?” Ryder asked, making an effort to wipe the scowl from his face. It wasn’t Nate’s fault Chloe had walked out on him.
“Chase said you’re working on the ranch with him today,” Nate said, catching up and falling into step beside him. “I decided it was about time I did the same.”
Ryder chuckled. “You’re sounding more and more like Granddad every day.”
“You can’t run an empire without getting your hands dirty on the land every once in a while,” Nate said, perfectly imitating their granddad’s commanding voice.
“Damn right,” Ryder muttered.
They walked in silence for a while as they headed for the barn. Ryder rolled up his sleeves and glanced at the sky, the day already heating up even though it was early.
“So are we talking about Chloe today or not?” Nate asked.
Ryder didn’t look up, just kept walking. He shook his head. “Not a chance.”
Nate slapped him on the back and kept his hand on his shoulder until Chase appeared and he waved to him. “Sure thing. Let’s find some cattle to round up then, huh?”
Ryder stopped and watched his brothers, wishing he wasn’t feeling so pissed off with the world. Hanging out with them both for the day should be fun, and instead all he wanted to do was kill something, take his frustration out on someone with his fists.
“Hey, when’s your next bull ride?” Chase asked as he joined them, throwing Ryder a halter and lead rope. They all walked side by side to the corrals to catch their horses, collecting their saddles on the way. Ryder slung his over his arm.
“I’ve got the National Finals in a month. Nothing till then.” He grunted. Damn it. The last thing he needed was to think about heading to Vegas again after the time he’d had there with Chloe. “And don’t even think about giving me shit about riding, not today.”
Nate nodded. “Fair call. You get a twenty-four-hour pass.”
Ryder haltered his horse and gave him a quick brush down, following every indent and groove. There was something therapeutic about brushing down an animal—he could have done it for hours.
“You want us to
come watch this year?” Chase asked.
“Of course we’re going,” Nate said with a chuckle. “We can take the jet, make the most of going to see our little brother in Vegas, meet some gorgeous women … Do you need any more reasons to go?”
Chase laughed. “Hell no. We’re definitely going there.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Ryder tried not to grumble and found it impossible. He was pissed off and he wanted to get going, to do something to take his mind off Chloe and every other thought running through his head like a steam train. He quickly finished saddling and bridling his horse and led him from the corral, checking the girth one last time and hauling himself up. “I’m gonna go ride off some steam. I’ll catch up with you guys soon.”
Ryder didn’t wait around to hear what they had to say. He nudged his horse into a walk and fought the urge to kick him straight into a canter as they headed north. The only thing that stopped him was not wanting to injure a good horse, and not wanting to be a complete asshole. As soon as the horse was limbered up he’d go for a good gallop before meeting up with his brothers, and if that didn’t help then nothing would. Except for maybe whiskey. If all else failed, he’d have to resort to drinking himself stupid.
Chapter 21
“So let me get this straight.”
Chloe curled up on the sofa beside Shelly, her spoon lodged in a tub of ice cream as she pulled the blanket over herself. When she retrieved it she slowly licked the chocolate off, taking her time to avoid having to look at her friend.
“You have an amazing time with Ryder, your words not mine,” Shelly said, waving her spoon as she spoke. “He whisks you away on his jet, you have crazy good sex, and he’s fun and rich. And then you just walk away, never to be heard from again.”
Chloe pulled a face. “You make me sound like a real bitch.”
Shelly patted her hand and frowned. “Sweetheart, you were a real bitch to him. I’m sorry, but you were.”
“We had an arrangement,” Chloe told her. “I got his ranch back, we had some fun, and then it had to end.”