by Mallory Rush
"Great news!" Dr. Laurentz motioned the nurses to set up the bed for delivery and position a mirror so that the parents could watch their child emerge. "Not only are you fully dilated, but your baby's close to crowning. I can see hair. Lots of it!"
"Did you hear that, sweetheart? Our baby has hair!"
"Hair?" she whispered. "Our baby's so close?"
"Yes," Myles assured her in a choked voice. "Look at the foot of the bed. You can even see the top of the head in the mirror."
She stared down in wonder at the tiny bit of life she had carried inside her body, a person created from her union with the man she loved more than ever in this moment of pain and glory.
"Can I push?" she asked anxiously.
"Next contraction, Faith." Dr. Laurentz positioned herself on a stool and accepted an instrument. "First I have to make sure you don't tear. Look at Myles while I do this and you won't feel a thing. Believe it or not, I deadened you while you were busy with your husband. All that pressure you've been feeling actually helps me out. Nature knows what she's doing. I'm just assisting."
Faith stared up at Myles, her eyes filling with tears while the excitement of it all lifted her soul to heights unknown.
"Lift her up, Myles. And Faith, you push. Push like your life depends on it."
She did, the sensation of relief near ecstasy. Myles cheered her on, and she pushed even harder. It became a ritual of push... relax... push.... Time lost all meaning as they worked together.
Suddenly Dr. Laurentz called out, "The head is coming. Push hard!"
"Push... push... Push!" All the nurses chanted, with Myles's voice overriding theirs.
With a magnificent growl that ripped from her throat, Faith bore down with renewed strength.
"Stop!" shouted the doctor. "Just a small push and... oh boy, what a beautiful little head and enough hair for two."
Faith and Myles watched in the mirror, entranced as she delivered the head and began to turn the shoulders. All hands were on deck, ready with clamps, suction, a blanket.
"This is important, Mom and Dad. Myles, you keep hold of her hands. Nature's going to insist that she grab for her baby, and I have to keep a sterile field. Last push. Faith. Just don't push too hard. The baby's slippery, and I don't want to play catch."
The new parents were torn between staring into each other's eyes and watching the grand finale. With a grunt, Faith pushed, and they watched their baby enter the world together.
"A girl!" called Dr. Laurentz. "Congratulations, Mom and Dad, you have a beautiful baby girl!"
Her first cries filled the room with indignation. She was so beautiful and perfect. Faith began to cry and laugh with joy. Tears streamed down Myles's face, and he was laughing too.
"Our baby, our baby," they said, clinging together and raining kisses on each other.
"Please, let us hold our baby," she pleaded as soon as the umbilical cord was clamped and the placenta delivered.
"My pleasure," Dr. Laurentz said, beaming. "She looks perfect, obviously has healthy lungs, but in a little bit we need to check her over and get her weighed." She swaddled the baby in a blanket and handed the screaming bundle to Myles.
At his first touch the crying ceased. He cradled the infant against his chest, then quickly placed her into Faith's outstretched arms. He joined them, one arm around his wife, the other wrapped around them both.
They kissed, nestling their child between them. A pair of dark bright eyes looked at them with such alertness, Faith couldn't believe she didn't really focus on her parents. A mop of wet hair framed the porcelain-doll face, and her little rosebud mouth quivered, though she remained quiet as they stroked her and proudly claimed her as theirs.
"Ten little fingers," Myles pronounced in a rough, emotional voice. "Ten little toes."
"And look at her nails! Have you ever seen anything so tiny and perfect?"
"Just you," he murmured. "I'm so proud of you both."
"We did it," Faith said, glowing. "We did it together."
The babe began to root against Faith's breast.
"Looks like you've got yourself a natural," a nurse observed. "All that work left your little girl hungry."
"I can nurse her?"
"I think that's what she's telling us she wants." Myles grinned broadly while he helped Faith shift aside the hospital gown to reveal a plumb breast. They watched, mesmerized, as the baby immediately began to seek a nipple.
Faith positioned her nipple next to the tiny mouth. "Oh!" she cried, amazed at how vigorously the infant sucked.
"Looks like we didn't get as ready as we thought." Myles chuckled while he coaxed a miniature fist to wrap round his little finger. "Our beautiful little girl," he crooned softly. "You're so smart, you already know how to hold Daddy's hand."
"Have you got a name picked out yet?" Dr. Laurentz asked.
Faith and Myles looked at each other. No words were needed to know that all the names they'd considered were wrong.
"Gloria," Faith whispered.
The tears brimming her eyes were mirrored in his.
"Gloria," he affirmed.
They kissed while Gloria hungrily drew nourishment. Her name was as perfect as herself, as fated as the joining of the hearts that loved her.
Chapter 13
Faith yawned broadly while she gazed at the sleeping infant in her arms. If Dr. Laurentz's waiting room had had a bed, she would have gladly crawled into it. Gloria had begun to sleep through the night less than a week before, but Faith still hadn't caught up on her rest. Even though Myles was good about fetching the baby for two a.m. feedings, he couldn't supply the milk.
"You're lucky," the woman seated next to her said.
"I am," Faith readily agreed. Smiling in contentment, she asked, "Are you expecting?"
"I wish I could say so," the woman replied. "Unfortunately babies don't seem to be in my future."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Faith held Gloria closer, giving a silent prayer of thanks that she'd been blessed with the ability to conceive. "My sister couldn't have them either. I know what you must be going through."
"Well, all's not lost. We're hoping to find a surrogate if an adoption doesn't come through soon."
"A surrogate sounds like a good option." Faith smiled knowingly and stroked the soft curls framing Gloria's baby-doll face.
"We've been really let down a few times when an adoption didn't come through, so we're leaning more to the surrogate idea." The woman laughed and whispered confidentially, "My husband's already had a specimen frozen. He was terribly embarrassed."
"I guess it's pretty personal when it's your deposit." Faith chuckled.
"Oh, it wasn't the deposit he was so embarrassed about. It was having to produce one on the premises in a private room. He still turns red every time he remembers that experience. Not exactly one of the highlights of his life."
Faith's attention skidded into a wall of shock.
"'On the premises?'" she repeated in disbelief. "But I thought... maybe I didn't hear you right."
"Oh, yes," the other woman assured her. "Different cryobanks have different regulations. Some require a personal appearance, some don't. The one we used did. They have an excellent reputation."
"Which one did you use?" Faith asked urgently.
"I beg your pardon?" The woman looked at her strangely, apparently having come to the realization she'd somehow struck a nerve.
"Which one?" Faith was shaking, and Gloria began to fuss, setting her nerves and horrible suspicions on a wracking edge.
Staring at her in confusion the woman gave her the cryobank's name and address.
"Faith," Diane announced. "Your turn. And I'm just itching to hold that bundle of joy."
Faith managed to mutter her thanks to the other patient before moving jerkily in Diane's direction. She somehow got through the exam in a numb, zombie state as Dr. Laurentz asked routine questions and examined her.
"You've healed wonderfully and you're already close to your initial weight,
" Dr. Laurentz announced. "But are you feeling well? You don't seem yourself today."
"I'm... fine," Faith assured her even as her thoughts darted in all directions, looking for possible answers to the question swirling in her mind—and finding none. She had to get home quickly. She had to call the doctor in Denver and pray to God she was wrong. "Just... tired. Nothing some rest won't cure." Or desperately needed reassurance that her imagination was simply working overtime.
"In that case go home and enjoy your baby and husband." Dr. Laurentz chuckled. "Myles was about the proudest daddy I've ever seen. Every time I remember him racing up and down the hospital corridors and handing out cigars to strangers or the way he announced to anyone who'd listen that that was his baby at the nursery window, I start to laugh. Oh, and by the way, the nurses at the hospital really appreciated the candy and flowers he sent to them. So did Diane and I. He's a very special man, your husband."
"Yes," Faith agreed absent-mindedly. "Very special."
"You have the green light to resume your intimate relations. Just remember, you could already be fertile again, even if you're nursing. I always caution my patients to use birth control, unless they want another baby right away."
She and Myles had been counting the days until they heard those words. But now they barely registered, she was too distressed.
Miraculously she made it home without having an accident. Gloria's fussing had turned into screams of demand. While her mind rushed ahead, Faith went through the motions of changing and feeding the infant, then putting her to sleep.
Faith went to the phone, picking up the receiver with shaking hands. She didn't want to know. She had to know.
The other end picked up, and she said in a stilted voice, "Yes, this is Faith Wellington. I need to speak to Dr. Adams, please... No, it's not an emergency, or yes, it is. What I mean is, I need some information.... All right, I'll hold."
When the nurse came on the line, she identified herself.
"We haven't heard from you in so long, Faith. How are you?"
"Fine.... The reason I'm calling is that a lot of things have happened and, well, my sister died."
"How terrible for you."
"Yes, but the way it worked out is—I'm now married to the private donor. We're raising the baby. We named her after my sister."
There was an awkward pause before the nurse said, "Congratulations. I'm glad everything worked out."
Had it? Oh, God, she could hardly breathe as she mentally prepared herself to ask the single question the whole fabric of her life depended upon.
She had to sound casual. She had to be careful not to arouse suspicion, since the doctor's office thought that all had been aboveboard in the family decision to use IUI. She and Gloria hadn't just duped Myles, they had misled the doctor too. He was reputable. If he'd known the truth, he would never have performed the procedure.
But had she, Faith, been duped as well?
"It did," she said, rushing on to add, "It worked out so well that we want everyone to know about our baby. I was just finishing birth announcements and realized I hadn't sent one to the cryobank. Could you give me their name and address?"
"Doesn't your husband have that information?"
"Of course!" She was beginning to hyperventilate and concentrated hard on getting some air into her lungs. "It's just that... he's out of town. On business. Out of the country. He might not be able to call until late tomorrow. I know it's an imposition, but I really wanted to finish this up today."
Dear Lord, please. Please just let them buy the half-baked excuse that sounded too flimsy even to her own ears.
"That's very considerate of you, wanting to thank them. I'll get the information off your chart. But just remember, this means I'll expect an announcement too," the nurse added with a laugh.
Faith waited a few minutes that seemed an eternity.
"Here you go, Faith. The name and address is..."
Faith closed her eyes and almost sank to the floor as the nurse gave her the information. She summoned a faint "thank you" and hung up, staring sightlessly at the receiver.
"Why?" she whispered. "Why?" she demanded. The last fragments of her hope surfaced, and she wondered if maybe the woman at Dr. Laurentz's was wrong. She had to be. Her sister couldn't have done something so twisted and cruel.
Fumbling with the phone book, Faith frantically got the necessary number and dialed the cryobank, which wasn't far from where she stood now. Stood as the ground seemed to open up, forcing her to stare into a big, black hole of nightmarish possibilities.
A receptionist answered. "May I help you?"
"Yes! I need to know if you take specimens collected off the premises? We're thinking of... my husband's shy and wants to make sure I can just bring it in."
"I'm sorry, but our policy dictates that all specimens must be collected in our office. We're very strict about that. It's for the security of our clients. "
"Even for private donors?" She was grasping at anything to make the bottomless pit go away.
"That's right. Even for private donors. You can tell your husband the rooms are very private. All we need are some identification and his signature, and he can be on his way while we freeze it. We do it immediately, since sperm loses its potency about an hour or so after it's produced."
"But he can't—surely, you make some exceptions!"
"No. But if he's that upset about coming here, there is another cryobank not too far away. They're good and will accept specimens for private use over-the-counter. The only problem is the drive might take longer than—"
Faith hung up. She couldn't believe it. She'd conceived with a specimen from a cryobank that insisted on the donor's appearance. Only, Myles had never been there. He hadn't even known his sperm had been frozen until he'd stumbled on Gloria's papers.
Her mind and heart tried to reject the obvious. If Myles hadn't been there, it wasn't possible for them to freeze his seed. It had to come from... who? Who had gone there and impersonated Myles? And why? What man could have been close enough to Gloria to do such a thing for her? Not Martin. Whatever demons had driven her to deceive even her sister could never extend to risking the child's health with the consequences first cousins could spawn.
She had no answers, but the facts were glaringly real. She'd been inseminated with another man's donation. The child she'd carried and lovingly embraced with Myles as theirs couldn't be his. It was the only logical conclusion.
"Why did you do this to me?" she shrieked. "How could you, Gloria?"
Faith buried her face in her hands. Whatever answers she craved had gone to the grave with her sister. Had Gloria thought it would make no difference who the father was since Faith had vowed to let her adopt the child as her own? But if Gloria had thought that, why would she have said it was Myles's baby and confessed that she'd deceived him and risked losing his trust?
Faith was vaguely aware their baby was crying in the next room. Their baby? Her baby, not his.
She forced herself to go to the nursery. Her body was numb, as numb as her heart. She had to be numb to survive this terrible ordeal.
She moved mechanically, like an animated mannequin, until she reached the crying infant. Staring down into the crib, she felt her heart shattering the fragile, insulating shield of ice.
"Gloria," she sobbed. "Gloria." She held the baby to her, rocking back and forth as she sought to soothe herself more than the infant. Feeling her legs begin to give way, she stumbled to the white wicker rocker and held on to Gloria as if she were the only solid thing left in her shattered world.
The baby nursed hungrily, and Faith was grateful for the bond. She needed it now more than ever while she vainly tried to sift through each conversation with her sister that could hint at a clue.
Nothing.
Suddenly Faith quit rocking. In her mind a light shined brightly, accusingly, on the memory of Myles's near discovery of her sculpture.
Was it possible that Gloria had discovered the bust Faith had sc
ulpted in loving tribute? Had Gloria guessed that they were in love with the same man? And if so, had she been desperate enough to have a child that she had led Faith to believe it was Myles's? Had she known it would be the ace, the one drawing card that Faith couldn't resist?
The air rushed from her lungs in a painful whoosh. Nothing else could explain it. And wasn't it true? Her sacrifice had been no sacrifice, no noble gesture or last-ditch effort to please her sister. She had agreed because it was Myles's baby; if it had been any other man's, she doubted that her nobility would have extended so far.
The tears began to roll down her cheeks while silent sobs wracked her chest. Her selfless decision had been more selfish than she had dared admit to herself until now. How desperate she must have been to have some part of him, as desperate as Gloria in another way. In spite of their sisterly devotion, the depth of their love, they had cheated each other.
That realization was almost as painful as knowing she had no choice but to confess the truth to Myles. All of it. Since the day he'd bared his soul, he had lived with the illusion they had no secrets. How would he take it? Would he love her just as much once he knew the baby wasn't his?
His words came rushing back to her: "Even as I aged and could understand a man's resentment for having to raise a child that possibly belonged to some nameless stranger, there was always this... distance."
She couldn't bear his distance. If she'd needed him before they married, he had now become as essential as breathing to her existence.
"Faith? Faith, are you here?" Myles called from somewhere in the house.
Her head snapped up from her chest. How long had she been in here crying and mourning while Gloria peacefully slept in her arms?
He stopped at the doorway, and the hall lighting cast his silhouette in a long black shadow on the nursery floor.
"Faith?" he repeated. "Is that you?"