I may be a liar too, but at least it’s to avoid hurting someone.
She winks with the thrill of what she imagine is up ahead, and turns on her heel before sliding into her ride.
I take a deep breath to get my bearings as the Uber guy drives off.
Thank God. Free at last.
I’m numb the next day. How do you process so much shit at once? The girl that had lingered on the edge of all my fantasies as a young man, has now taken a swan dive right into never ever land. I should be relieved to be free of all of those years of frustration but I’m more pent up than ever.
The feelings remind me of Chelsea, a girl I was really into my first year of college. I sat next to her in the History of Landscape Architecture class and we started talking. I’d never met anyone who had such similar taste to mine and shared my passion for landscape design.
She was beautiful too, in that quiet way that didn’t shout for attention. We had coffee after class once in a while, and we even studied together, but every time I’d ask her out for anything not involving schoolwork, she’d brush me off. I was falling for her, and her disregard of my obvious interest in her was making me crazy.
Right after our quarter-finals there was a department party, and I was hoping she’d show up so I could finally connect with her the way I’d hoped. Well, she showed up all right. Not only was she wearing a short skirt and make-up, she hard- core flirted with at least half-a-dozen upperclassmen, but avoided me completely. I was initially confused, then gutted, and finally angry.
I left the party that night with a thick shell cemented over my heart, and a redhead from our program on my arm. By morning, I felt high realizing that wild sex with strangers could be my crack. My days of chasing the right girl were over. The new me embraced the pleasures of being with all the wrong girls who put-out, and never made me feel like I wasn’t important enough. Instead these girls made me feel like a porn star and my ego inflated like a hot air balloon.
Unfortunately, for me casual sex, like crack, was incredibly addictive. My constant craving for release, led me into an insatiable obsession that I may always struggle with. I’m not sure what would’ve happened if my Dad hadn’t forced me to get my shit together.
As the afternoon passes it weighs on me that Elle called me late last night and didn’t leave a message. She knew where I was going and probably now wants a full report. Do I tell her about the kiss with Melanie, as disingenuous as it was? I’m not sure if she’d be happier if I had found a love connection, or disappointed. That mysterious part of her is usually a turn-on but right now it’s just unsettling. It’s too soon for me to upset her again. I’m determined to tread carefully so I decide to wait to call her until I’m ready.
But when I get home from my after-work run she’s sitting on the stair leading to my front door chewing her thumbnail. I’m sweaty, winded, and gross.
Great . . . just great.
She grins and gives me a little wave. “Hi Paul!”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, not hiding my alarm. I’ve never given her my address. It’s not like where I live in Beachwood Canyon is around the corner from Studio City.
Her eyes grow wide. I guess that isn’t the greeting she was expecting. “I was waiting for you.”
I peel the sweaty shirt away from my chest. “I can see that. Are you okay? Everything okay with the baby?”
“Yeah, it was a rough day at work but we’re okay.”
I finally remember my manners. “Do you want to come in?”
“Are you sure? You act like you don’t want company.” I can tell she’s trying not to not assume anything.
“How’d you get my address anyway?”
“Your mom. By the way she wants me to remind you that there’s no family dinner this week. They’re going to visit your aunt.”
I nod. “Yeah, I remember.” I jog up the steps until I reach her and I hold out my hand. “Let’s go inside. I just have to jump in the shower.”
She nods. “While you shower, do you have anything I can eat? I was so busy I didn’t have time today.”
“Elle,” I say in a stern voice.
She holds up her hand. “I know, I know.”
“You have to take care of the two of you.”
“That’s why I’m asking if you have any food.”
I let us in the house and head to the kitchen. “How about a turkey and cheese sandwich?”
“Perfect. Thanks.” She leans against the kitchen counter as I wash my hands and then watches me throw the sandwich together. I pull out some grapes and carrot sticks from the fridge and make a pattern with them around the plate before handing the sandwich to her.
She grins. “That’s so pretty.”
I shrug. It’s no big deal and she needs to eat fruits and vegetables. “It’s the designer in me.”
While she eats I gather the clothes I’m going to change into so she doesn’t have to watch me walk through the apartment naked. I know she probably wouldn’t mind that, but we’re still on unsteady ground so it’s better to play it safe. She’s humming a little song in between bites when I head to the bathroom and it makes me smile.
But I’m not even out of the shower for a minute and preparing to shave when she knocks on the bathroom door. I quickly pull a towel around my waist and yank the door open.
Her mouth falls agape as her gaze scans from my shoulders, across my chest, and then lingers right where the towel is wrapped tight. What did she expect?
Her cheeks turn pink as she looks back up to me.
“Your body,” she whispers.
“Yes?”
“It’s amazing. And you’re so tall and handsome too. You could model you know.”
“Uh, definitely not my thing, but thanks. I’m glad you think so.”
There’s a tightness of anticipation in my chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if Elle reached forward and tugged at the towel. I start to get hard just thinking about it.
She blinks, I blink. Damn, I want to kiss her so bad.
She sighs and looks at my shoulder and then just beyond.
What’s she thinking? “You want to take a shower?” I ask, hoping she knows I’m teasing.
“With you?” She actually looks hopeful.
I tip my head sideways and give her a half-smile before I shake my head.
“I just showered, where were you then? I would’ve liked having my back soaped up.”
Her eyes light up. “Just your back?”
She glances down as if she knows the damn towel is starting to tent, but then she reaches out to hold onto the door jam.
“You okay?” I ask, trying to get her to look up at my face.
She nods and clears her throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m kind of dizzy. Do you mind if I lie on your couch?”
“You don’t need to ask that, of course you can.”
“But it doesn’t look like a couch you lie on.”
I roll my eyes knowing she’s right. That’s what I get for buying a designer sofa. All looks but no comfort.
“Do you know why you’re dizzy?”
“I over-did it today.”
I gesture to the doorway just past where we’re standing. “Please lie on the bed. I’m pretty sure I made it this morning.”
She nods and turns toward the bedroom.
After I finish pulling on clean jeans and a T-shirt, I check in the kitchen and grab her unfinished sandwich and a glass of milk. I find her stretched out on my bed with her eyes closed. I set the stuff down on the side table and rest my hand on her calf.
“Hey, you okay?”
She silently nods without opening her eyes.
“I brought your sandwich in. Why don’t you eat some more?”
“Are you mad I dropped by?”
“No, I’m not mad. Just surprised. But now that you know where I am you can drop by whenever you want.”
The corners of her mouth turn up and her eyes pop open. “Really?”
I scoot her legs over
and sit on the edge of the bed. “Sure.”
She sits up and picks up the glass of milk, and taking several long sips she starts back in on the sandwich. While she eats she regards my bedroom, and seems to be taking everything in with great interest. It makes me see my stuff with a fresh eye.
She points to the black and white prints framed on my walls. “What’s with all the photos of bridges?”
I tip my head as I scan the images. “I think they’re fascinating. Bridges get you places. If they weren’t there you’d have a hard time going to those places.”
She looks at me with a surprised expression, like I have a milk mustache I forgot to wipe off or something.
“What?”
“That’s really great. I didn’t know you were so deep.” She winks at me.
“Oh, I’m deep, so deep—an endless well really. I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on that until now.”
I’m glad to see her looking better.
“Well, now I know. And I like your place. It’s cool. Not exactly like I imagined.”
“And how did you imagine it?”
“Not so thought out. Everything works together design wise . . . it’s pretty sophisticated for a dude.”
“You still think I’m your sprinkler man, don’t you? I’m a designer, remember?”
“Well that explains the sage-colored walls and couch you can’t lie down on.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Are you really going to shame me for my couch?”
She bites her lip. She looks like she’s holding back a grin. “Nah. You know I love designer stuff.”
“I’ll say. Look at your place.”
“Watch out. I’m feeling hormonal.”
I drop my arms down to my sides. “Thanks for the warning.”
She pats the spot on the bed next to her. “Come sit over here.”
When I sit on the opposite side of the bed she slides a little closer to me.
“So which is your favorite bridge picture?”
I don’t even pause to think about it. “The one of the Golden Gate Bridge. I love how it’s rising out of the fog. It’s like you don’t know where you’re going to end up or how you got there.”
“But because it’s a steady bridge you trust that it’s going to be okay on the other side,” she says quietly.
I nod.
She slides farther down on the bed and I follow suit.
“So how was your date last night?”
“Is that why you came over?”
“Well you didn’t return my call, so I figured something big must have happened.”
“What if it did? Would you be happy?”
Her eyebrows knit together like she’s thinking really hard, but finally she says softly, “Yes, I would be happy.”
“Well yeah, something really big happened.” I’m about to tell her what a let- down the evening was when she jumps in with a true Elle inquiry.
“Oh my God. Was the sex phenomenal?”
“I promised you we wouldn’t talk about that.”
“But I need to hear.”
“Why?”
“If I can’t have mind-blowing sex at least I can live vicariously through you.”
“And what if it wasn’t mind-blowing?”
“Make something up, damn it! And make me believe it.”
“But I promised not to do this!”
She grabs my T-shirt in the center of my chest, makes a fist of it and pulls hard until we are face-to-face.
“To hell with the promise! I need it, Paul. I was up all night imagining it.”
Her cheeks are hot pink and I remember the hormone warning. At this point I’d tell her anything to keep her calm considering the shape she was in when she showed up here.
“Okay, I’ll tell you if it’s really what you want.”
She nods and lets out a sigh. Her fingers loosen on my T-shirt.
Where do I start with this fiction story? At least the first detail can be honest.
“So Melanie and I met at Osteria Mozza.”
She shakes her head firmly. “I don’t want to hear about the restaurant unless you had sex in the bathroom.”
This woman.
“So no build-up? Got it.”
“Yeah, get to the good stuff.”
“We’d both been drinking and the flirting was really intense, so when we got out to the valet stand she pushed me up against the building and ground all that sexiness up against me.”
“In front of everyone?” she says with her mouth agape.
“Oh yeah. I bet I could have fucked her right there and she would have gone for it. She dug her hand into my back pocket and grabbed my ass like she meant business.”
“Was the anaconda awake?”
“Hell yes,” I lie.
“Oh God, I bet she liked that.”
“Judging from the way she grabbed onto it and moaned I would say so.”
“Hot damn. So there was grinding and what else? Kissing?”
“Naturally.”
“Is she a good kisser?”
“Incredible kisser.” I’m full on lying now. What the fuck?
She sighs. “Oh man, I love great kissing.”
“Yeah, it was so hot.”
“Was there lots of tongue action? Was it so good you got dizzy?”
If she only knew how not dizzy I got. “My head was spinning it was so hot.”
“Oh God,” Elle says as she unbuttons the top button of her shirt.
“What are you doing?” I ask, trying not to get alarmed.
“Don’t worry. I’m just trying to get some air on the girls. I’m burning up.”
“Do you want some ice cubes to suck on? I’ve heard pregnant ladies like that.”
Grinning, she shakes her head. “So did you go to her house or yours, or wait! You didn’t do it in the car, did you?”
“Oh course not!” I respond, pretending to be offended. “I’m classier than that on a first date.”
“What about by the fourth or fifth date?”
“Anything’s possible by then.”
She chuckles. “Okay, but back to last night . . .”
“So we went to her place.” My mind scrambles to make up where she lives but Elle takes care of that reminding me that extraneous details are frowned upon.
“Did you go straight to the bedroom?”
I nod. “Most of her clothes were off by the time we got there, and damn she is fine. What a sexy body.”
Am I imagining things, or did Elle just snarl and bare her teeth?
“Of course, Ms. Perfect is fine. Don’t worry about the chubby pregnant hormonal girl over here. Let’s hear about her perfectly flat stomach and long, lean legs.”
“Geez, Elle, next time we do this can you give me the rulebook first? How am I supposed to know what you want to hear versus what will piss you off? Besides, what the hell do you mean chubby? You’re not chubby.”
She runs her hands over her hips and rolls her eyes. “Whatever. So did she worship the anaconda?”
“Are you asking if she dropped to her knees to blow me?”
She bites her knuckle and nods. I’m really wondering if this is a good idea.
She looks so excited but this could implode any second.
I let out a low whistle. “Yes, she did and she sucks cock even better than she kisses.”
“Did you run your fingers through her hair, and watch?”
“Naturally. What? You thought I’d close my eyes while that was going on?”
“My ex used to close his eyes.”
“And . . .” I prompt while waving my hand.
“He’s an idiot!” She grins.
“Believe me, Elle, if your mouth was on me I’d never take my eyes off you.”
I’m picturing it in my head and the heat moves down my chest straight to my groin.
She curls closer to me . . . too close. “Damn, you know how to make a girl feel great.”
“Well, I mean it.” And if she o
nly knew how much I did mean it . . . how she was the only woman I fantasize about doing that with now. Elle’s pretty lips on me . . . oh man.
“Did she swallow?”
Geez.
Knowing I have to prolong my story, I shake my head. “No, I needed to fuck her, so I lifted her onto the bed.”
Elle is pressing her thighs together rhythmically. “Did you crawl over her like a wild beast?” She undoes another button on her shirt and pulls the collar further open.
“Is that what you would want me to do, Elle?” I ask, my gaze falling from her hooded eyes, to her flushed neck, to the sheen of perspiration at her cleavage now exposed.
She reaches over and digs her fingers into my forearms. “Oh, yes. That’s what I would want.”
“Well I did that. And she started to beg for it, so I pulled her legs apart and rubbed myself against her to make sure she was ready for all of me. Cause you know . . .”
“Oh God, she must have been so wet. I am,” she groans.
My eyes bug out. “You’re wet?”
“Hell yes. I’ve never been this turned on.”
Now that I think of it, neither have I. But I don’t want to tell her that. This is confusing enough as it is. I’m trying to find the brain in my foggy head—since all the blood is below my belt—when I suddenly feel her hand skim all the way up my fly. There’s no question anymore for her as to whether I’m aroused or not. I’ve never been this hard. As a matter of fact, I’m surprised my cock hasn’t done a Hulk move and busted out of my jeans.
“Wow, Paul,” she moans.
I’m barely holding on at this point.
She closes her eyes and takes several deep breaths like she’s trying to calm herself down. I’m not sure I’ll ever be calm again.
“Should I stop?” I ask in a ragged voice.
“Please don’t stop,” she gasps.
“Where was I?”
“So did you fuck her hard? How did she like it?” Her hand wraps around her flushed neck.
I imagine Elle spread out on the bed under me, and the look of want in her eyes. I know for a fact that I’ve never wanted anyone more. What if?
My impatient friend squeezes my arm. “Well?”
“Did I fuck her hard? No, not at first. Slow. I fucked her slow. I wanted to let it build so she’d feel everything. I wanted to watch her and see what she liked.”
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