“A decade with someone leaves a mark.”
“I don’t know how my parents are still together,” I blurted it out and hated myself afterwards. I didn’t talk about my family. Town royalty didn’t have dirty laundry to air.
“Relationships are funny animals. Only the people involved know what things are really like behind closed doors.”
“It’s hard to have any kind of relationship when one of the two is never at home. Hell, I don’t know how they managed to be in the same room long enough to conceive me.”
“I’m sorry,” Lane whispered, snuggling in a little closer. “It’s hard not having a warm home life.”
“You’re warm enough to make up for it.” My fingers left her hair and I touched her chin, tilting her face up and back so I could kiss her. She obliged, shifting her body and moving closer. When our lips met, it was electric.
It always was.
She wasn’t just a means to lose my virginity like Willow Kane had been.
And she wasn’t just a fast fuck to get my rocks off. Sex with Lane gave me a moment of relief from the shadows in my brain and chest, from the pressures of being a Castleton. I forgot about my dad’s expectations, my mom’s surgeries, my angry-at-the-world ancient grandmother. I forgot about money.
She was the first person I had sex with and talked to… the first person I felt free enough to let my guard down with. I didn’t want to ever let her go. I couldn’t admit to myself, not even for a single moment, that we were doomed from the very start.
I moved from beneath her and her body bounced gently down against the pillows; the sheet covering her body slipped away to reveal large breasts that fell slightly to her sides when she was on her back. Her nipples, now exposed, hardened in the breeze blowing gently through the room. We’d left a window open all night and listened to the life of summertime chorusing from the outside into our little slice of heaven inside.
Strands of hair blew across her face. She moved her hand to push them away, but I beat her there. Her ginger hair was soft as silk, catching fire as the sun began to rise outside. Her pale skin and my tan were washed in different hues, courtesy of the new day. I leaned down and kissed her fully, our bodies pressing together and it felt so right. My lips left hers and I worked my way down, kissing inch by inch. My mouth fluttered over the tender skin of her neck, the ridge of her clavicle. I found my way to her nipple and I sucked it gently into my mouth. My tongue licked circles around the hard ridge and I nipped softly, the barest promise of teeth.
Lane arched her back and moaned. Her hands brushed my hair gently, fingers reaching to trace her nails across my back. I moved to her other breast, pushing my hands beneath her body to pull her closer to me. There was no such thing as too close when I was with her. I’d sink into her goddamn skin and live there if I could.
I continued to suck on her breast for a moment, biting her nipple gently before lifting my body back up so that we were face to face.
“I love you,” I said slowly, feeling unsure.
“You can’t love me,” she replied softly, cupping my face. “You can’t, Drake. And I can’t love you. But, god forgive me, I do. You’re so young and full of hope. I’ve never talked to anyone as much as I’ve talked to you. You know… all of my secrets.”
“It’s the same for me. I don’t talk about my family. Every time I’ve had sex before you it’s been… just to feel something. With you I don’t need sex to fill the void. Just being with you is enough.”
“You’re sixteen years old, Drake. You’re a baby.” She tried to pull away from me, but I tightened my arms around her and lowered my head to rest against her shoulder, close enough that I could kiss her neck again.
“I’ll be seventeen soon. A junior. I’m not a child, Lane. I know how I feel.”
“This has to stop at some point. It can’t go on forever.” She sounded so sad. I couldn’t stand that. I needed to erase the pain from her voice.
I released her, lifting myself up to hover my upper body over hers. “If it can’t go on forever, at least we have right now. I kissed her lips again, pushing my tongue into her mouth slowly, invitingly. She resisted only for a moment, and then she gave in.
My cock, although put to work several times in the past night already, throbbed to hard life against her thigh once more. Lane reached down and traced the length of me. “You can’t possibly want more.” She laughed and the sound was… just the goddamn loveliest sound.
“I always want more with you,” I growled, heat traveling up my body.
Her arms lifted and wrapped around my neck. She tugged me, beckoning me towards her. I shifted my hips as she parted her legs and I pushed inside her as our lips touched again. Her pussy was still so wet and hot. She’d told me once that a woman her age was in her sexual prime, that it was different for her than a teenage girl. Maybe that was true, but all I knew was she felt different than any stupid girl I’d been with before.
I worried I wasn’t experienced enough for her. I lost rhythm sometimes, pulled too far out and had to reposition. Lane didn’t seem to care.
I pushed in and out of her, moving unhurriedly at first and then speeding up. But then I’d slow down again as her breathing quickened. “Don’t tease,” Lane mumbled, kneading her breasts and closing her eyes as I picked up the pace again. I wanted to last longer this time. I tried to think of everything possible to fight the vibrating rush that started building in the middle of my body and moving down to pulse in my dick.
“I’m close,” she whispered, reaching her hand down between us and rubbing her clit. She didn’t always cum from sex. I hadn’t known that not all girls orgasm from penetration. She was my teacher, in school… in bed. She was always straightforward. She said what she needed. My parents could take a cue from our relationship.
I loved watching Lane rub herself, loved the way her face slackened and her eyes closed. She let herself get lost in the moment; she wasn’t unsure of herself like teenage girls. I loved her confidence. I loved it when she took control and guided me.
Her hair was splayed out wildly against the white pillowcase.
She was so fucking beautiful.
I started to lose control, all efforts to delay the climax fading away as I watched her. Her hand left her pussy and moved to her mouth. She dipped her fingers between her lips, sucking away the dampness that clung to her skin. “My turn,” she breathed out and started sitting up. I knew what she meant.
Pulling out, I lowered my body to the bed as she raised herself up. She positioned herself between my legs and she lowered her head, catching her sun-kissed hair she held the strands with one hand so they wouldn’t get in the way. And then her mouth lowered onto my dick.
I writhed on the bed, my hands clenching the sheets. I was the one arching my back now, getting lost in the pleasure. It felt so good it was nearly crossing into pain. I was going to cum in her mouth. I couldn’t control myself. Her lips moved up and down my dick, her tongue circling the tip over and over again.
I didn’t want to lose control.
Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, Lane lifted her mouth and wiped it slowly, her eyes burning into mine. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, heat creeping into my face. I was always ready, especially with her.
She straddled my body, slipping herself down onto my cock. She moved more easily than I did—alternating between fast and slow so smoothly it was nearly automatic. Not a newbie driving a clutch, an experienced driver who made operating a stick shift look easy.
“I can’t stop it this time,” I said in strained voice, a rush of sensation coursing through me and terminating in what felt like the very end of my dick.
“Don’t stop it then.” She leaned back, one arm supporting herself with a hand on my thigh, and the other hand’s fingers rubbing herself again as she rocked her hips back and forth. “Oh god,” she moaned, her body shaking and the rocking of her body becoming stunted and jerky.
“Fuck, Lane,” I returned, my voice
breaking as I felt the heat pour out and fill her insides. She was on the pill. We’d never used a condom. It was stupid. We both knew it was stupid. But we did it anyways.
###
“Yo, Drake my boy.” A voice made me open my eyes. Before finding the speaker, I checked the clock. Tarryn was in second period now. I was still sitting in my car like I didn’t get racked over the coals by my dad two nights ago. He’d given me back my car despite being in trouble—once he’d realized he’d have to drive me to school, he’d changed his mind fast as hell. “Earth to Drake.”
I blinked and found Bradley and Dax standing next to the passenger door. “What the hell are you two doing?”
“Same shit you’re doing. Skipping. I can’t spend another minute in there. I’ll fucking die of boredom.” Bradley reached into his pocket and yanked out a plastic bag. Inside were… suspicious-looking ‘herbs’. “Want to drive out to the lake?”
Dax waggled his eyebrows. “It’s been forever since we had a little daytime fun.”
I sighed. “Aren’t we a little old to be getting high and skinny-dipping in the lake?”
“Never too fucking old,” Bradley crowed, raising his arms into the air and looking up at the sky. “We own the goddamn world, Castleton. We’re never going to be too fucking old for whatever the fuck we want.”
“I mean, if not ‘lake and chill’ with us, what the hell are you going to do all day? Play the rebel and sit in the school parking lot until the sun scorches that pretty Castleton head?” Dax leaned over the passenger door and reached for my hair.
“Don’t even.” I barked, leaning away.
“Touchy, touchy.” Dax tutted. “See, you are sorely in need of a guy’s getaway.”
“You just need the ride. Admit it.” I crossed my arms and leaned back as if I was going to doze.
“Fine, fine. We need a car. Dax’s mom confiscated his.”
“I hit a couple of speed bumps too hard… and a mailbox. Like she’s got a perfect driving record.” Dax complained.
Bradley elbowed him in the side. “Anyways. My car’s in the shop. It’s the Castleton convertible or its’ hiding behind the dumpsters behind school.”
“God, you’re a duo of pitiful, poor bastards. Where’s Steve. Mooch off him.” I shrugged.
“Aww, man. Steve’s so far up pussy paradise that he’s forgotten we exist.” Dax whined and stuffed his hands in his pocket. “And we’re not fucking poor, Drake. We’re not Castletons, but we’re not fucking poor.”
I made them sweat for a while before giving in. Hell, I had jack shit else to do. “Fine, get in. But both of you assholes remember that I’m taking pity on you. The dumpsters smell like a sewage plant. I can’t submit my worst enemies to that.”
They both jumped into the car, not bothering to open the door. Dax in back and Bradley in front—which worked for me as I’d rather have the less-annoying bastard in the front seat.
I watched the school building grow smaller in the rearview as I moved through town. If I were in class, I’d be able to watch Tarryn as she took a million notes and switched pen colors and twisted her mouse-brown hair around her finger. She might look back at me, her big dumb doe eyes searching my face for meaning she probably wouldn’t discover there. And I’d try to act like I didn’t care, like we were squares versus circles and there was no place to meet in the middle. Even though, really, I’d pull an Apollo 13 and do any fucking thing I could to make my circle fit her square hole.
I wish I’d realized it sooner, before the game came to an end. Before I hurt her. Before I beat the ever-living shit out of Aiden.
But I hadn’t.
So now I was trying to make things better.
I hadn’t felt this way since Lane. I realized I must be goddamn lucky to feel this way a second time in my young life. I couldn’t let it go.
But fighting being a circle was harder than I ever imagined.
I’d been Drake Castleton for too long, king of the fucking school, predator of pussy wherever I went. I walked into a restaurant and felt like I had to put on ‘the show’.
I knew when it had started—my need to be in control, my need to never fall in love with anyone ever again.
When Mrs. Boyles had discovered us and reported to my father… that was the turning point. I didn’t lose my innocence to Lane, I hadn’t been a virgin. But losing her? That was when the goodness slipped away. When my soul cracked and the void formed. The moment when fucking was a means to an end, to momentarily fill the chasm that Lane left behind.
I remembered her note. She’d handed it to me in our living room whilst my father sipped on brandy like my fucking world wasn’t crashing to the ground. The flame from the fireplace made her hair an inferno of color. Her face was puffy from crying and her right hand never left her stomach, as if that would hold her together.
It wasn’t until later that I knew the truth. She’d been pregnant, more than a month along. My father had paid tens of thousands of dollars for her to go away quietly. If she ever contacted me again, she’d have to pay back the money.
It was all neat and tidy, laid out in black and white and signed.
She’d chosen to leave me. And I couldn’t blame her. Her entire career would be over if the world found out about us. She’d lose her job… she’d end up in jail. Even if she loved me, really loved me, she was pregnant.
My dad tried to tell me it wasn’t mine. That Lane was fucking the entire school, whoever would have her.
I knew it was a lie.
But there was shit I could do.
She was gone, not a trace of her. And my father made fucking sure I couldn’t make any efforts to locate her.
Sex dulls the memories. Sex fills the emptiness for a little while.
“Dude, where are you going?” Dax tapped me on the shoulder from the backseat. I blinked, focusing on the road, realizing I was… heading towards her town, towards her house, towards a past I couldn’t think about anymore right now or I was going to step on the gas and turn the steering wheel and run us into a fucking tree just to make my brain shut off.
“Sorry,” I muttered, course correcting.
It was over a year ago. If she kept the baby… If she didn’t… It felt like forever, and no time at all. I hated the person I was now. I fucking hated him, hated looking in the mirror.
Maybe Dax and Bradley were right. I needed to get high, high as a fucking skyscraper, and maybe when I came back down to Earth, I’d be a different human being. Someone that didn’t make himself sick.
10.
T A R R Y N
A clinking sound woke me up. I thought I’d imagined it at first, that it was part of the dream I’d been having—the rhythm of the music I was dancing to while… he who should not be dreamed about held me. It was, hands down, a better homecoming than the one I’d actually been to.
But then the sound came again and I rubbed my eyes, sitting up to try and find the source. It was still dark outside. Full-moon dark, so that the world still seemed too-alive to be sleeping hours. Strangely, I hadn’t heard from Drake since first period. Maybe I’d given in too easily, but honestly? I was glad to have obsession-fueled Drake cooled down for a little while.
Speaking of giving in, Sasha had been irritated with me, as expected. I was botching the plan; it wasn’t what we’d agreed to do. I told her that I didn’t want to drag it out; he seemed desperate enough as it was. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her the truth—that my heart just wasn’t in it. She was my friend, she should understand. But there was a sliver of me that held the fear that she wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t be okay with me pulling back from what we’d hatched. And I didn’t want to lose her.
Friendship was tricky.
The clinking sound came again. I stood up and grabbed the short satin kimono covered in roses I’d worn after my shower before bed, pulling the silky covering over my ancient nightgown. I’d had the sloth-printed nightie since I was sixteen. It was well-worn, thinning and faded, but I loved
it.
Padding over to the window, I pulled back the drapes.
And found Drake with a handful of pebbles. He waved when he saw me, a boyish grin spreading his lips. He dropped the rocks he was holding and rubbed his palms down his pants quickly to clean them. He gestured for me to come outside.
I should have closed the curtains and blown him off, but it was surreal to find him standing outside in the moonlight… considering I’d just been dreaming about him moments before.
Taking a deep breath, I tugged the kimono securely around me and tied the thin ribbon belt. I’d see what he wanted and I’d come back inside. Easy. I could do that.
Mom and Dad’s door was cracked, like it normally was, and Mom—not Dad’s—snoring poured out into the hallway. A decibel away from lumberjacks after heavy drinking. I skipped down the stairs, taking them two at a time, but I made myself slow down and think things through before I actually opened the front door. Drake was on the other side of the painted wood. He looked typically handsome.
But it was also… I glanced at the small clock on the foyer table. It was three in the bloody morning.
Shaking my head gently, I steeled myself. No matter what he said, I’d politely ask him to leave. I couldn’t imagine why the hell he was here so late. So early. Whatever. The door opened with a squeak that, although it wasn’t very loud, still had me cocking an ear to hear if it disturbed my parents. Impossible, really, over Mom’s snoring.
I stepped out into the air, a breeze kicking up the hem of the kimono, and gently closed the front door—wincing once more at the squeak it made. Drake stood at the bottom of the stoop, his hands tucked into his pockets. He stared at me, and I didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to my legs as the yellow rose and burgundy-hued wrap fluttered.
“You look… wow.” Drake’s mouth made a little “O” shape as he continued to gape at me.
“I look like a person who was just roused from a dream by rocks hitting her window. I do not look wow.” I frowned at him. His face looked less haunted than it usually did. Actually, I hadn’t realized it before… how all his charm was as thin a veil as the kimono I wore. Even when he was being a chauvinistic jerk he had shadows swirling behind his eyes. It was obvious to anyone who looked past the money and the braggadocios exterior. I wondered if anyone had searched deeper into Drake Castleton. I wondered if anyone took the time to find him under all the shit he portrayed to the world.
Brat: A High School Bully Romance (The King of Castleton High Book 2) Page 7