by Eva Chase
Langdon gave me a smile that was too close to a sneer for comfort. “In the groups, your eyes are often drawn to the young man who goes by 5-81. I believe his given name is Jason.”
Okay, so he’d noticed me staring now and then. That wasn’t a catastrophe. I was allowed to have a crush, right?
My cheeks flushed a little of their own accord, but thankfully that would work in my favor. “Maybe a little. He’s a good-looking guy.”
“I suppose he is.” Langdon tapped his lips again. “Have you spoken to him at all?”
I shrugged. I could use part of the truth to answer that too. “A couple times in the exercise room. Nothing much. He helped me with one of the bikes.”
“Yes. You seem to keep to yourself most of the time.”
“What can I say? I’ve always been a loner.”
With my nerves jumping, the comment might have come out sharper than I’d meant it to. Langdon’s eyes narrowed.
“I don’t mean to put you on the spot,” he said, stretching his words with a faintly amused drawl. “I’m just looking out for you, as head researcher here. I don’t like to see any of our subjects get into potentially harmful situations.”
Okay. What the hell was he talking about now? “I appreciate that,” I said, waiting for him to go on.
He tipped his head toward the cafeteria. “Looking is one thing. But when it comes to developing any kind of rapport with Jason, well, I’d suggest you take care. I realize it’s impossible to know these things, the way we run this facility. But in essence, he’s a murderer.”
An icy chill trickled through my body. No. He was messing with me again. Jason killing someone? There was no way.
“What did he do?”
“Let’s just say he has more than one death on his hands,” Langdon said. “Under pretty horrific circumstances too. That’s why we brought him here, you know. For everyone else’s protection.” He smiled again. “If you don’t believe me, it wouldn’t be hard to confirm it. Make sure you have a guard nearby just in case, but I’m sure Jason will come clean if you ask him.”
9
Jason
The rest of the group I knew Lisa had been with trickled into the cafeteria. Nine of them. No Lisa. One of the guards had hung back out of view too. Maybe she’d just asked for a bathroom break.
My chest tightened as I watched the doorway. Lisa? I said after a minute. No answer. But if she wasn’t listening for me, she wouldn’t necessarily pick up on my thoughts.
I dragged my teeth over my lower lip and looked down at the tray I’d grabbed. You’d think a hamburger would be a difficult thing to mess up, but the Facility’s version tasted like cardboard. Drenching it in ketchup and mustard was the only solution. Or in mayo, if you were Darryl.
He took a bite, looking completely unperturbed. Well, why should he be worried? It wasn’t his girl who’d failed to show up.
In the midst of my stewing, that thought gave me a brief flicker of pleasure. Yes, Lisa was my girl, wasn’t she? Just as definitely as I was her guy. She’d branded me without so much as touching me this morning in the shower room. I’d felt her all around me as I’d come with my hand wrapped around my hard-on.
My gaze slid back to the doorway. Still no sign of her. Where was she?
Lisa? I tried again.
Darryl waved a limp french fry at me, which was honestly a better use for it than eating the damned things. “You’re on some other planet these days, aren’t you, kid?”
Guilt poked at my gut. Darryl had been here for me for seven years, even if we’d never had the space to talk anywhere near as openly as I had with Lisa. I hated that I couldn’t be open with him even about this.
“Sometimes I get thinking about all the things I’m missing out on, being stuck in here,” I said. “I guess we all do, right?”
Darryl shrugged. “You know what? I’ve been here so long I’m not sure I even care anymore. I’ve got no idea what the world out there is like now. Or what I’d do with myself. It seems like a nice idea, but the reality... I’m not so sure.”
My eyebrows rose. He’d never been quite that candid with me before. “You don’t really mean that.”
“I do. Don’t look at me like that. You’ll feel the same way when you’ve been gone fifteen years and the stuff you see in the new movies they bring in hardly makes sense any more. Hell, when I was last out there in the world, there wasn’t even any such thing as a VHS tape in the first place.”
I couldn’t imagine losing my longing to breathe unrecycled air, to feel natural light on my face. To walk around doing what I wanted, not following someone else’s schedule. “That’s awful,” I muttered. “That they pushed you to that point.”
“Maybe. But it is the way it is.” He cocked his head at me. “So don’t you worry about me, all right?”
I heard what he didn’t say, with another twist in my chest. He’d guessed that I was hoping to break out of here. He was telling me not to feel I had to try to bring him too. I wasn’t sure if I could have anyway, but I sure as hell would have wanted to try.
Only he didn’t want me to.
Lisa stepped into the cafeteria then. My heart leapt. I watched her making her way to the serving area for a few full seconds before I remembered myself and jerked my gaze away. Darryl was watching me, smiling.
“Uh huh,” he said. That was all he needed to say. He knew me well enough.
What happened, Lisa? I asked. You didn’t come in with the others. Leaving me hanging.
I tried to keep my tone playful to hide how nervous I’d been. But all I got back was silence. We were in the same room now. She had to be able to hear me. She’d never missed my overtures when I was that physically close before.
Lisa? Lisa, you’re freaking me out now. What’s going on?
She picked up her tray and walked to a table at the other side of the room. I followed her path from the corner of my eye. She didn’t glance my way once.
She’d seemed fine the last time we’d exchanged banter I probably would have found sickeningly sweet two weeks ago. Had she thought more about this morning and started to feel embarrassed about how far we’d gone, the way she’d talked?
That didn’t seem right. Maybe the researchers had done something to her to make her feel she shouldn’t use her powers at all. Not even to tell me she was keeping total quiet.
Or maybe they’d found some way to suppress our mental energies, and she couldn’t even hear me. Fuck. If they were on to us, I couldn’t approach her directly. That would only make things worse.
I’d wait for her to come to me. She had the answers. She’d know the best route to take.
I dug back into the bland burger. It took even more effort than usual to choke it down. Faint sounds carried through the cafeteria: the periodic murmur of the other subjects’ stilted conversations, the clink of dishes being washed in the kitchen. Not a hint of Lisa’s voice.
I prided myself on being a patient person these days. Not once had I slipped up with my talent since I’d been brought down here. Not once had I gotten overenthusiastic during my forays into the Facility’s electric system. But by the time my plate was clear, I already could hardly stand the silence. If I just walked over to bring back my tray at the same moment she did, that wouldn’t look so odd, would it?
The chance never presented itself. Five minutes before we were due to leave the cafeteria, another guard strolled in. He ambled over to Lisa’s table and motioned for her to get up. My feet braced against the floor, as if to spring up and run to her defense. But I knew what a stupid move that would be. And I wasn’t even sure what I was defending her from. More of Langdon’s tricks?
If you need me, you know I’m here, I said as she passed. For all the use I was. I’d set this whole place up in flames if I thought it would do her any good, but obviously it wouldn’t.
What the hell was I going to do if Langdon really had threatened her and meant it? If he’d already hurt her? That slimy asshole...
T
hose thoughts churned in my head as another guard led a bunch of us to the fitness room. I went straight to the rowing machines. That motion, my arm and leg muscles engaged together, was the best way I knew to drown out everything else going on around and inside me.
I threw myself into the exercise. Slide and pull. Slide and pull. The pace I set left my limbs burning within a few minutes. I kept going. Sweat beaded on my back and chest. My breath came roughly.
I couldn’t get far enough away not to notice the silence between my thoughts.
When the strain became so much that I knew I’d be hobbling tomorrow, I peeled myself off of the machine and flopped on the mat beside it. Every muscle in my body groaned. I stretched and then wiped myself down.
The second hand on the clock overhead ticked away. The hour was almost up. Were they prodding at her in the lab even now?
I had to try again. Lisa, I said, as loud as I could inside my head. If I fucked up somehow, I’m sorry. If there’s something else going on, I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk again. I just want you to give me some sign that you’re all right. Anything, so I know you can at least hear me.
For a long moment, I thought I wasn’t going to get a response to that appeal either. Then her softly hoarse voice came. I’m okay. As okay as I ever am in here. Just sitting in my bedroom now.
So many questions I wanted to ask. Why the silence before? Where had the guard taken her from the cafeteria? Why had she been late coming in? I clamped down on all of them, keeping my silence. She knew I was here. She’d talk when she wanted to, when she felt she could.
She returned a minute later. Jason... How did you really end up here? What did you do that made them take you?
My gut clenched into a ball. Oh, hell. There was only one reason she’d be asking that now. I’d already heard how Langdon had talked to me about my past.
Langdon said something to you, didn’t he? Told you some story about me.
It doesn’t matter. I want to hear it from you.
I closed my eyes, leaning over in another stretch. I was going to have to tell her sometime, wasn’t I? I should have told her when she’d tried to ask before. I just hadn’t wanted to hear her tone change when I admitted the full truth to her.
She’d gotten into some fights. I’d killed people. People I should have been protecting, if anything.
I forced my thoughts into motion. I was sixteen, like I told you. I got into a huge argument with my dad. Something stupid, about a school trip I wanted to go on and him feeling my grades weren’t up to snuff. But he’d been putting me down a lot that year, and I’d really been trying—I was proud that I’d been doing better—he didn’t even seem to care...
I don’t know. There’s no excusing it. I got so angry. I was yelling at him and this rush of heat seemed to just pour out of me... The whole room went up in flames in a matter of seconds.
Oh, no, Lisa said.
Yeah. My mom was downstairs with us. We all ran for the door. But as soon as we got on the lawn, we heard my sister screaming from upstairs. The fire moved so fast, she’d already gotten cut off. She was only nine. My dad didn’t hesitate. He ran right back in there to get her.
I paused, a wave of emotion rolling over me. Seven years later, the tangled mix of grief and guilt hadn’t gotten much duller. Neither of them made it out. It was my fault. I started that fire.
Jason...
Suddenly I couldn’t stand to hear what she would say. I barreled on. I was so messed up after, so freaked out, I babbled to the police about what I’d done. Not that they believed me. But someone associated with the Facility must have caught wind from that. Maybe for the better. The way my mom looked at me, afterward... She wouldn’t have believed it either, but at the same time I think she knew. She knew I killed them. She must have been glad to have me gone too.
The admission didn’t leave me feeling lighter, only drained, even more than the exercise had accomplished.
The guard shouted by the door, and I heaved myself to my feet. Lisa didn’t say anything. Well, what was there to say? Somewhere in me I had enough rage to destroy two of the people I’d loved most.
Her voice returned as I was following the line into the hall. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell me that. I shouldn’t have let Langdon get to me.
It’s fine. It’s better you know who I really am.
What’s that supposed to mean? You’re still the same person. Your history doesn’t change anything that’s happened since I met you.
Maybe it changes whether I’m the kind of guy you could see a future with from here on.
She was quiet for so long I started to think I’d hit the nail on the head. My jaw clenched against the ache expanding in my throat.
Then she said, even softer than before, Jason, have you really not had a good opportunity to try to break out of here in all this time?
I don’t know what you’re getting at.
It sounds like you’ve been planning it and preparing for a long time. You know you’ve got the power to do it. I know you do, so you have to know it. But you haven’t tried. You’re letting them keep you here.
She paused. You’re not a killer. You didn’t want to hurt them. You had no idea you could even do that. It was an accident. A horrible, horrifying accident, but still an accident. You know that, don’t you? That it isn’t really your fault?
But it was. That was the first thought that popped into my head in response. The shock of it hit me so hard I nearly tripped over my feet.
Was she right? Had I held off on making my bid for freedom not because I really did need more time to set things up... but because I hadn’t believed I deserved that freedom?
I wanted to say she was wrong. That I wasn’t that messed up. But the suggestion hit me with a ring of truth. I thought about stepping through those doors on the ground above, of walking away back into a regular life, and some part of me tensed up.
Not out of fear of failing to make it. Out of fear of what I might do once I was out. Once I didn’t have all these checks and balances making sure I kept my talent under wraps.
I can’t answer that, I said. But I know... I know no matter what I believe about myself, I wouldn’t let it stop me from fighting to get you out of here. I can promise you that.
10
Lisa
What do you think they’re doing? I asked Jason as I shuffled my deck of cards. Digitized music jangled from the video game area beside my table, but the recreation lounge felt dull without him in here. It sucked that we’d gotten different lunch shifts today. At least I’d been able to warn him to avoid the coleslaw. Ugh, I still had that sour aftertaste in my mouth.
Beats me. We’ll just have to be even more wary, I guess. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.
The Facility had been bustling with activity all morning. Every time I was in the halls, I spotted at least a few researchers hurrying past, along with workers in black uniforms I hadn’t seen before. Some of them had been carrying metal boxes that looked like some kind of electronic devices. I hadn’t seen any of them in use yet, though. The staff were up to something—that was for sure.
You could try to read their minds and find out more that way, couldn’t you? Jason added.
My shoulders stiffened. My fingers fumbled with the cards for a second before I caught the ones that had slipped. I gave them one last shuffle and started laying them out in my favorite Solitaire pattern. You got really good at entertaining yourself when you didn’t trust anyone around you.
I don’t like what I’ve seen in any of the staff’s heads so far, I said. I don’t want to hear what anyone’s thinking. It’s too creepy, or awful, or— Except with you.
If you think it’s too risky, then don’t. You do what feels right to you. I’d never push you.
I know.
A couple of the guys in black strode past the window on the lounge door. The guard didn’t stir from her post. Did she know anything about what was going on? Jason was right—reachi
ng into her head, or one of the researchers’, might give me the answers I wanted.
I just couldn’t help tensing up knowing how much else I might be letting into my head.
I miss you, I said.
I’m right here. But I know what you mean.
If we weren’t in this place...
Yeah.
Yeah.
A lump rose in my throat. I swallowed it down and started sorting the cards into their predictable patterns. I didn’t know how I could ache so much for a touch I’d barely felt before, but I did. I just did.
Tell me more about the town you grew up in, I said. The parts you liked that you haven’t told me about before. I want to focus on something good.
I can do that. Let’s see. There was this place by the river where they had paddleboats you could rent. My friends and I used to—
A sudden clatter distracted me from Jason’s voice. My head jerked around.
The guy at the puzzle box table was staring at the box he’d been prodding. It was jittering against the table as if attempting a tap dance. He looked as startled as I felt. What the hell?
One of the women playing the Nintendo flung her controller away from her as if it had zapped her. “No. No, no, no.”
The same voice slid into my thoughts at an even more frantic tempo. Disgusting. Whores and sluts, all of them. I know what I’d like to shove up their—
A different voice rambled over hers, increasing in volume as it went. –here with all these fucking psychos. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing—nothing at all. Look at her over there, pretending she doesn’t know what I—
Oh, no. Not again. Not again. I can’t do this again. Please make it—
When I get my chance, I’ll rip every one of them apart. Just let them try me. Nothing less than what they—
If I could get my hands on her, I’d show her what I’m made of. All that pretty flesh—
More and more words ran together in my head. The voices clashed and tangled, melting into a cacophony. I was only making out snippets of sentences now, but they drowned out everything else around me.