Destiny Mine

by Janelle Taylor

  Atah, help us, for my skills are not as large and strong as this peril.

  4

  KIONEE LIFTED HER BOW and fired an arrow into the grizzly’s chest beneath its mouth. While his massive head was raised to sight her, she had aimed for the vulnerable soft spot where he breathed with hopes of cutting off his air. If she succeeded, it did not slow or halt him. She shot an arrow into his right foreleg, one into his left leg, then another into his upper chest. Still, he continued his determined charge as if unwounded. Maja rushed around the creature and began to snap and bite at his hind legs. Kionee fired an arrow into the center of his furry chest when he lifted himself to a towering height and pawed the air as he bellowed in rage and pain and snapped off several shafts. Doing so caused his fury and agony to mount. Too close to shoot again, Kionee drew her knife and tried to lure the bear away from Blowing Rain by yelling, stomping her feet, and flailing her arms.

  The bear lowered his forelegs and took her bait. With him racing after her at an amazing speed, she darted around trees and logs to elude his claws and teeth. She hoped to slow and deter him with obstacles, and to get him as far away from the woman and child as possible. Kionee surmised he must be losing blood and strength at a good pace, so she must continue her actions to weaken and exhaust him until she could slay him with Maja’s help; or until he decided to give up his chase and leave. If not, she reasoned, her distraction might give Blowing Rain time to birth the child and to recover enough to flee.

  The huntress prayed for Atah’s assistance and guidance. If only, she worried, the creature was not so powerful and angry, he would yield defeat and escape to lick his many wounds. It soon was apparent to Kionee that he would not give up; that she was entangled in a battle to the death.

  Calling upon all of her skills, courage, and stamina and those of Maja, the two friends fought with the enormous threat until they also weakened and tired. For a frantic moment, Kionee feared there was nothing she or Atah could do to save their lives. Just as she was about to give up hope, the bear turned and ambled away. In renewed alarm, Kionee realized it was heading back toward Blowing Rain. Nothing she did called the grizzly’s attention back to her, so she and Maja pursued in haste to turn him. Panic gave Kionee a jolt when the challenger whirled on the snapping wolf and made slaps at her friend with quill-sharp claws which could open up a man or animal with a single slash.

  The agile wolf evaded the lethal blows and circled the dark beast with nimble speed as he nipped several spots, causing the bear to go round and round in pursuit. At last, Kionee saw the huge predator slow and stagger, then sink to the earth. She grabbed a heavy limb and used it as a club to render the animal almost senseless. Without hesitation, she leapt on its hump and seized its lower jaw to yank back its head. Without delay, she drew a sharp knife across its throat and ended their peril. The grizzly collapsed in death, and Kionee went limp on its body for a short while to recover from the exhausting ordeal. She thanked Atah for survival and victory and for allowing her to take His creation’s life to save theirs.

  The calling of her name rent the now quiet air. Kionee rushed to Blowing Rain’s side.

  The fatigued woman smiled gratitude through misty eyes. “My heart beats with joy to see you live. You risked much to save our lives. Red Bull will reward your courage and kindness.”

  Kionee watched Blowing Rain nestle her first child in her arms; that tender sight warmed and saddened the tiva who would never experience such a special moment. When Blowing Rain closed her eyes to rest for a while, Kionee glanced at the blood of new motherhood on the woman and the blood of a hunter on her own hands; their colors, smells, and meanings were so different: life and death, a female free to be a woman and a female forced to live as a man.

  How, Kionee wondered, did Atah choose which path each would follow, and why? If not for Sumba being the eldest, Blowing Rain would not be enjoying this glorious experience. And if not for Kionee being the eldest, her sister would not be joining to Runs Fast soon. And if Blowing Rain’s two sisters were not at joining ages, the next in line would be trained as a tiva to take Sumba’s place. It was rare for a tiva to be killed or to die young, as her friend had. Now, when Sumba’s father was too old to hunt and protect, the other tivas must help her parents. How lucky Pine Tree and Blue Bird are to escape this grim destiny! As for you, Taysinga, you were not punished enough for your part in Sumba’s death. Hate me if you must for speaking the truth, for I do not care.

  Within a few minutes, several people—including Red Bull—ran to join them. After hearing the frightening tale from his weary wife, Red Bull embraced and thanked Kionee for rescuing his family at such a great risk.

  “The bear skin belongs to your child, Red Bull, to make its first mat. The meat is for your family to help them regain strength.”

  “Your heart is good and large, Kionee; your skills and courage are as big as Atah’s land above us. My life is yours if danger seeks you one sun. Our child will carry your name while it walks on Mother Earth. I will place the claws on a thong for you to wear to reveal your deed for all to see and know.”

  “You are kind and good, Red Bull, my friend. I must go watch for our enemies after I wash in the river. Blowing Rain is brave; she held quiet and still while suffering; show her great honor and love for her deed.”

  As the other hunters gathered around the bear to admire it, Red Bull nodded and went to kneel by his wife where two women were tending her. He kissed the woman’s forehead and stroked her cheek and hair. “You are brave and strong, Blowing Rain, and my pride in you is great.”

  “Our child is a daughter; she is uninjured and unafraid. We would not live if Kionee had not come to save us. His deed is large and generous.”

  As the couple admired their newborn and talked, Kionee noticed the love and closeness they shared. Envy wafted over her as did a gentle breeze. As when she had watched Blowing Rain and her sisters preparing the cradleboard for this child, the touching sight was too much to endure. She glanced at the other hunters who were skinning the bear for Red Bull. She heard them speaking their amazement of her victory and praising her skills. Yet, her anguish overshadowed the glory of the event. She headed to the river to wash her hands and arms of blood and to escape the wrenching scene.

  Afterward, as they walked through the trees toward their guard site, Kionee stroked the wolfs head and ears. “If you had not been with me and helped, Maja, I would not live, and Blowing Rain and her child would not live. You are my best friend and I love you. Since your pack is gone and no other will accept you as is the wolf’s way, we will remain like mates for life.”

  The silver creature licked her hand and nuzzled its head against her leg.

  That evening, Red Bull came to the tipi of Strong Rock to return Kionee’s undamaged arrows and to give her a necklace of bearclaws and beads, a gift quickly made with help from his friends and their mates. Red Bull suspended the token around Kionee’s neck and thanked her again.

  “Our child was given the name of Ae-Culta-Kionee,” he announced.

  Kionee smiled as she heard the girl would be called She-who was saved by-Wind of Destiny. “You show me great honor, Red Bull; my heart sings with joy and pride. If a dark moon rises, I will be ready to hunt for and protect she who carries my name. If the need comes, she will join the family of Strong Rock and live as my…sister.”

  Martay felt twinges of anguish and guilt as she empathized with her daughter who would never have her own baby. It had taken eleven spans of seasons to make Kionee a son in her mind and heart. But hearing the strained tone in Kionee’s voice and seeing a certain gleam in Kionee’s eyes as the word “child” almost escaped her lips, Martay wondered if Kionee yearned for the life of a woman.

  Before Red Bull could leave, Night Walker entered the tipi without asking for or awaiting permission to do so. “I was hunting and returned to hear of your great peril and deed, Kionee. Are you injured?”

  “No. With the help of Maja and Atah, we defeated the bear. All are
safe.”

  “Danger seems to stalk you this season. I will remain nearby when you are not in our camp. My heart would be cold and dark without your warmth and light.”

  “You are a good friend, Night Walker, as a brother to me, and I thank you,” Kionee felt compelled to reply before witnesses to the man’s first romantic overture. She was angry with him for being so bold, and revealing his desire. But from the looks and reactions of the others, no one of them seemed to have noticed his true meaning…

  With the exception of Martay. She was surprised by it, caught the undercurrent of displeasure in her child, and tried to help extricate Kionee. “My son must eat and rest; this deed took much of his energy and strength. The family of Strong Rock thanks you, Red Bull, for honoring our son with such gifts and praise. I will make a garment for your baby with the first skin he finds.”

  After the guests’ departure, Strong Rock embraced Kionee and said, “My love and pride are large this moon, my son, for you bring great respect to my tipi and family with your prowess, courage, and giving spirit. Atah chose my son well, for I could have no better one. I have no fear with you as our Hunter-Guardian. May Atah guard your life and skills and keep you with us until death, for my tipi-of-power is weak and we would be lost without yours.”

  “Do not worry, my father; nothing and no one will steal me from your family circle or from the rank Atah gave me many seasons past.” For the only temptation I face and gift I crave are beyond my reach and power.

  The following evening as Kionee tended her horses, Night Walker joined her, his action bringing her to alert and causing dismay.

  “I find my thoughts on you each sun and moon, Kionee. You are a good hunter and fighter. Our people give you praise and are happy you are one of us. Our tribe would not wish to face you in battle as an enemy.”

  Kionee forced a smile. “You are kind. It is good we are hunters and brothers together. With your great skills, you would be a bad enemy to fight.”

  Night Walker leaned against a tree. “We are well matched in that area. I try to teach my brother all I know, for Gray Fox will be chief and hunter for my father and mother when that moon rises. Soon I must seek a mate, leave my family’s tipi, and bring more Hanueva to life. It is a great honor to make our tribe larger and stronger. It is the duty of a Hanueva to do so.”

  “Your deed will bring joy and respect to your family and people. You have lived twenty-three circles of seasons and proven yourself more than worthy to take a mate. Your friend Little Weasel already races ahead of you with children; he has a fine son and daughter. If you hurry, in a few buffalo seasons, you will be training your son with his to follow you, and they will become good friends as their fathers are.”

  “It is a hard choice, for only a tiva warms my heart and body.”

  “I have seen Taysinga’s eyes when they are upon you. Perhaps he will break his kim and free his spirit to become a woman to join with you.”

  “My eyes and heart do not look in her direction.”

  Kionee continued her chore, ignoring his clue and the use of “her.” “That is bad, for no other tiva has the desire to leave our rank.”

  “Do you never feel and think as a woman? As a mate? As a mother?”

  She focused a look of mingled disbelief and near insult on him. “That is not our way, Night Walker. I am a son. I am a tiva in all ways. I have lived, trained, and sworn to honor my vow and duty.”

  “Have you never wished to become a woman again?”

  “This has been my life since I was five summers on Mother Earth. To Kionee, my family, and our people, I am a son, a hunter and protector. That is the will of Atah, for He chose me to walk this path. No man should ever look upon a tiva as a female, or tempt one to leave our rank out of season.”

  “Heads do not choose the ones we love; our hearts do that task.”

  Kionee’s tension mounted as the man’s gaze roved her face and body. “But a strong man of honor does not place his moccasins on a path he should not and cannot travel; that is our way.”

  Night Walker moved closer and murmured in a voice made husky from her nearness, “It is also our way to use that path if Atah changes our destiny. Creator has done so in past seasons. There is a slit in the tiva lodge through which one can leave that rank if tests are met. I will face them.”

  “Do not bring suffering to yourself and to this tiva you desire if your choice is not Taysinga, the only tiva who would leave our rank. To speak to one who is unwilling will cause trouble and bring pain to both hearts. It will cause trouble among our people to seek what cannot be won.”

  “I will think on your words, but they do not change my feelings for her. I have loved and desired and waited for her for many seasons. I will find a way to win her heart and acceptance and will challenge for her release. I am sure we will be joined before the next snow falls. Our people will accept the choice of their chief’s son, for both are worthy of becoming mates. She has earned the right to freedom and joining; she will bear strong and brave children, for she has strength and courage. Perhaps one will be chief if my brother Gray Fox falls prey to Crow and I take his place to lead our tribe.”

  Kionee realized in dread that if Gray Fox was slain and Night Walker followed his father, it would be almost impossible to reject him without causing great shame and trouble, and difficult to elude the war he craved. “Do not speak of such things to her until she is willing to hear them.”

  “I will wait and look for the sign to approach her. It will come.”

  Kionee watched the grinning man depart. Night Walker was strong, handsome, brave, and smart. He could provide for and protect his family along with that of a tiva’s. Most females would be eager to join with him, but she was not. She hoped her words would dissuade him from further pursuit. At least he could not speak his desire clearly and loudly until after the buffalo hunt. Between now and then, she plotted in panic, she must change his mind, his target.

  Taysinga…She was the only other tiva who resented her change in life and who loved a man. If she could get them together, it would solve many problems. If not, Taysinga would dislike her even more. Perhaps the woman was not to blame for hating to hunt and for being afraid of powerful warriors, as Taysinga did do her first task with acceptable skill. Perhaps she should not fault Taysinga for acting like a female on occasion.

  Kionee went to her tipi and sought sleep to ease her mind. Kind slumber came to free her and give her strength for the hunt in the morning and for watch duty the next evening.

  An early awakening full moon appeared low in the sky, faint against a pale-blue background. As Kionee watched it from her guard position, she counted the days until their move to the grasslands: twenty-one or less. The journey would be lengthy and slow. Once they reached Thunder Basin, the hunt would be rewarding. Perhaps with all tribes doing the same task, the Crow and Night Walker would be too busy to—

  Kionee’s gaze widened in astonishment as she watched Stalking Wolf ride toward her hiding place, heading in a direct line to the Hanueva camp. He sat straight and alert on his mount, as if he sensed eyes on him. Even so, he continued along his chosen path. Yet she knew he was not careless, only confident.

  An open-throat shirt exposed the sun-bronzed skin of his muscular chest. His long hair was golden brown with two thin sections braided near his handsome face and secured behind his head. Two eagle feathers dangled downward from where the braids joined, and they fluttered in the wind. A medicine pouch was suspended around his neck and peeked from beneath his buckskin shirt which was adorned with tiny locks of enemy hair that signified he had performed a great deed for his tribe or shown enormous courage and victory in battle. The red stripes on his leggings revealed he was a member of the Dog-Men Society, the largest and most powerful group of his people. Tiny hairlocks also decorated them, declaring he had been a “dog-rope” wearer in the past; not only a sash wearer, she realized, but one of the two of four bravest men selected for that position for the span of a circle of seasons.
While holding that high rank, one had to be last to leave the battlefield. To be a sash wearer was an honor and a terrible danger. It would be a big coup for an enemy to slay one and to steal his treasures. Was there no end, she mused, to Stalking Wolfs valor and deeds? Was there a man anywhere to compare with him?

  She continued to observe him. A bow and quiver case rested upon his broad back. He rode a tall and sleek snow-colored stallion whose name she recalled as White Cloud; he led another horse whose markings and burdens revealed its purpose was for carrying his possessions. She studied his face with strong and perfect features. He was a virile and magnificent creature, a man of elite prowess. Her heart lurched in excitement as he came closer.

  Then something startling caught her eye as he shifted its position: he was carrying his war shield uncovered, and its design almost matched that of her ceremonial one! A large black wolf’s head was painted in the center with white elk horns painted across its forehead and its nose. Several arrowheads, a weasel skin, eagle feathers, and grizzly claws were attached near the edges in various locations. She noted there were only a few differences between their shields: her skin was ermine; her feathers, hawk; and her claws were dew from the deer. How strange, she thought, that their patterns would be so similar…

  After composing herself and ordering Maja to remain hidden, Kionee stepped into view, and he halted. She watched his tawny gaze sweep over her and the lowered weapon, an arrow-nocked bow. He urged his horse to within two arms’ lengths of her. His smile and nearness caused her heart to beat faster and her wits to scatter. Why, she worried, did he or any man have such an effect on her, a tiva? How could she halt these wild and forbidden emotions? Why did he evoke such conflicting reactions: happiness and anguish, anticipation and reluctance, fear and courage?