“Thank you, doc, for everything.”
“No thank you necessary; that’s my job.” And with that, he walked out of the room.
___
I didn’t bother to go home, I stayed at the hospital since Juanie was getting released. I couldn’t wait for my little man to get back home. The house wasn’t the same without him being there. I knew the questions about his mother and when he would be able to see her would come back up, but for now I was focusing on the positive: My son was coming home. I had my mother bring him a new outfit and a fresh pair of kicks. She was excited about him coming home, too.
We pulled up to my mama’s house and I noticed Moni’s truck parked out front. I sighed because I knew he and my mama was about to start with their bullshit. I helped Juanie out the car and into the house. My brother swarmed him with hugs, kisses and jokes. Everyone was happy to see Juanie healthy and home. I knew firsthand, Hani would be the most excited.
“Help Juanie upstairs so he can play that damn game system I know he itching to play,” my mother yelled to Moni.
I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I was still frustrated about this Tristan situation. My trigger finger was itching and taking Tristan out was the only way to relieve the itch.
“Why don’t you just go up there and see her and stop being so stubborn?” my mother encouraged.
“Ma, I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s focus on Juanie coming home.”
I didn’t want to think of Hani or see how she looked. That voicemail still played in my head and fucked me up every time I thought about it. The way she screamed my name made my heart hurt even more. Then, on the other hand, I was so angry and upset with her. I was mad she allowed that nigga to put hands on her while my son slept in the same house and that she had turned on her family off of that nigga’s word.
“Listen, I know the little beef yall had before and that all stops now. At the end of the day, yall are family and share a common interest, Juanie. As much as you’re hurt and angry, you need to go up there. Do you hear me?” Her voice got louder as she looked at me.
“I hear you, ma,” I said to get her off my back.
It was still up in the air if I was going to go up to see Hani or not.
4: Tahtiana
As I stood there looking down at my sister, I was having a feeling of mixed emotions. I was angry because she was in the predicament. I felt rage because that bitch ass nigga did this to her, but I was also hurt that it had to come to this for Tahani to see that Tristan wasn’t any good.
I always hated to see my baby sister hurt. I had felt so bad and helpless when she cried for a whole month straight when Omega got locked up. This here was something that I can’t handle. I knew I may have said she was dead to me but I would never leave her side when she needed me the most.
I grabbed her hand as I kissed her forehead and I felt her squeeze my hand slightly. I used my other hand to wipe my tears away as I felt Moni rub my back.
“I’m sorry, Hani. I love you so much and we’ll get through this together,” I said.
Once again I felt her lightly squeeze my hand and I knew then that the senseless beef between us was dead.
“I’ll be back later to see you,” I told her.
“You did good,” Moni told me as we walked out of her room.
“I hate seeing her like that. Why hasn’t your brother brought his black ass up here to see her?” I spat.
Today I was discharged from the hospital after being here for three days but I refused to leave without seeing my sister. The whole three days I was here, Omega had yet to show his face. I knew he and Tahani had their issues or whatever, but this wasn’t like him to abandon her when she needed him the most.
“DeJuan is on some other stuff. He’s been spending his time in the house with Juanie since he was released from the hospital. Me, my mom, Keylin and my pops been trying to talk him into coming up here, but he won’t do it,” Moni explained to me.
“Ugh, I don’t have time for the foolishness. I’m just ready to go home and take a bubble bath and get in the bed,” I huffed.
“And feed my son,” Moni said as he helped me into the truck.
“Oh gosh, DeMoni, don’t start. Of course I’m going to feed him. I gotta eat, don’t I?” I rolled my eyes.
I didn’t know how the hell I was going to survive the next five months with this nigga in my house. DeMoni could think he slick and fooling me all he wanted to but I knew him better than he knew himself. He was not doing all this because he concerned about the baby. He just trying to get back into my good graces thinking we’d get back together. His ass has another thing coming.
When we got to the house, I was so happy to be home. I hated hospitals and I had dreaded the fact that I’d had to spend three days in one. While I was headed for the stairs, the doorbell rang. I spun on my heels to get it but Moni beat me to the punch.
As my luck would have it, Jazz was standing on the other side of the door.
“What you want?” Moni asked with an attitude.
“Not you. Where’s Tahti?” Jazz asked.
Here we go, I thought as I walked in the direction of the front door. As much as I didn’t want to talk to Jazz, I knew we were going to have to have this conversation sooner or later.
“Moni, it’s cool,” I sighed.
Moni gave Jazz one more hard look before moving to the side and letting Jazz in. I rubbed my temples to prepare for the drama that I knew was about to come.
“What’s up, Tahti? I thought you said—”
I couldn’t even let him…or her, finish her sentence. “Why did you lie to me?” I asked calmly.
“What? Lie to you about what?” Jazz asked.
“About you. You didn’t think I would eventually find out?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“Find out what?” she challenged me.
“Jazmere Clay? That is your name, right?” I retorted.
“Yea, so?”
“Don’t fucking play with me right now, Jazz!” I yelled. By now, I was tired of her trying to play me like I was a fool or something. “You’re a fucking woman! You a female! Like, what the fuck!”
As soon as those words left my mouth. I heard DeMoni’s voice. I thought this nigga was in the kitchen.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” he yelled.
Both me and Jazz turned our heads in his direction. I tried not to laugh but the look he was wearing was so damn funny.
“DeMoni, can we get some privacy?” I asked.
“Ah, no! Shit, you already aired out the dirty laundry. What else is there to hide? Yo, this is some Jerry Springer type shit right here.” He shook his head.
Jazz had yet to speak. She stood there as if she didn’t have a damn care in the world.
“So you don’t have anything to say?” I asked.
“I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did, but I can’t change it. I was going to tell you eventually.” She shrugged.
“When was that going to be, Jazz? When you had to pull out the strap-on just to fuck me? You didn’t think you should have told me before you decided to get a little taste while I was sleep?”
“Whoa, you were letting her eat you out while you’re carrying my son?” Moni asked.
“Oh, so now you wanna claim the baby,” Jazz huffed.
“What the hell did you just say?” Moni asked.
“Moni, chill out!” I yelled.
Jazz may have wanted to be and thought she was a man, but I could almost bet she wasn’t ready for DeMoni Hooks. That nigga turned into a completely different person whenever he got mad or someone tested him.
“Jazz, look. There’s nothing else to say. You tried to play me and thought you could turn me gay. That would never work because I love dick too much,” I told her.
“Yea, DeMoni’s dick.” Moni smirked.
“Aren’t you supposed to be making me something to eat?” I asked him. “Then you need to get to it.”
He threw h
is hands up in surrender and went back into the kitchen. I turned my attention back to Jazz who was now looking like a sad puppy.
“So what are you saying?” she asked.
“I’m saying you will make a girl happy someday, but that girl ain’t me. I don’t get down like that,” I told her.
She just nodded her head as she headed for the door. It went way better that I had anticipated it going. I wanted to cut her ass but I realized that wouldn’t have solved anything.
___
Later that day, I was lying in bed when Moni came in the room and jumped in my bed like he had lost his damn mind. I looked at him like he was crazy before hitting him in the head with my pillow.
“Moni,” I whined.
“What, dude?” he asked.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked with a pout on my face.
“Hell no!” he said as he snatched the remote out of my hand and started flicking through the channels.
“Please? I just want you to do one little thing for me. I’m trying to get comfortable and I can’t,” I said as I laid my head on his chest.
“You are such a big baby,” he said, already knowing what I wanted.
I giggled because I knew no matter what, he couldn’t tell me no. Moni knew whenever I was restless and couldn’t get comfortable, he would always rub my booty for me.
“This shit ain’t right,” he said out of nowhere.
“What?” I asked confused.
“This,” he said as he pointed from me to him. “We should be doing this in our house, getting ready to bring our son into the world and being one happy family.”
“DeMoni, we are a damn family. We made a child together, we’ve been together for ten years and even if I do try, I can’t just stop loving you overnight. Even with all that, we don’t have to be together just to raise our son,” I told him.
“So you just don’t want to be with me, period?”
“Honestly, I just think we need to take a break and figure this shit out. I feel like I have hopes that you’ll just be the man I so desperately need you to be,” I told him straight up.
I could tell by the vein in his neck that he didn’t like what I’d just said. He rubbed his hand down his face and looked at me with a blank expression on his face.
“So I’m not man enough for you?” he asked.
“Moni, you still have the same mindset you did when we first got together. It’s been ten years and I’m tired of the same old, same old. I want, no, I need more. I’m tired of waiting for you to change. If you haven’t changed by now, then I’m convinced you never will.”
He unwrapped his arm from around my body and got out of the bed. I watched him as he snatched his keys off the dresser and headed for the door.
“DeMoni!” I called after him but he just kept walking.
I shook my head and laid back down. I was the pregnant one but it seemed as if he was the emotional one. He always asked me to keep it real with him but whenever I did, he always threw a damn temper tantrum if I said something he didn’t like.
This was exactly what I was trying to tell him. He was still acting like that teenage boy he was ten years ago and I was tired of it. Just like I told him, we did not have to be together to raise our child. I only had plans of raising one son. I wasn’t raising a grown ass man anymore.
5: Jazz
Tahtiana had my head all fucked up. I understand that I should've told her what was up from the jump but difference would it have made? We already had a deep connection and you couldn’t help who you fall for or catch feelings for. Everything was good between us until she and that bitch made nigga DeMoni got back on good terms.
All I had to do was sit Tahtiana down, talk to her and explain everything when that nigga wasn't around. No lie, I felt some type of way when this nigga answered her door. I'm praying to God that she didn't get back with his ass.
You don't know how many times I'd had to comfort her while she explained to me why she couldn't see herself getting back with DeMoni. He wanted to talk all that wacky backy stuff about me not being a man; well, I guess that makes two of us. He don't know how to be a man either which is exactly why I got his girl. At least, I thought I did.
See, I knew I could eventually change Tahti’s mind. She may not think she’s gay now, but I can fix that. They always say don't knock it until you try it. Hell, I already had her ass going crazy and all she received from me was some good tongue.
For the third time, I'd picked up my phone to dial her number. One part of me was saying give her some space and let her calm down while the other half was screaming to hell with that! Listening to the more logical side, I called her up. It just kept ringing and right when I was about to hang up, I heard her voice.
“Jazz, didn't we just have this conversation a few hours ago? What is wrong with you?”
“Tahtiana, can you just talk to me and hear me out?” I asked.
“We already talked, Jazmere! You said what you had to say and I said what I had to say. What else do we need to talk about?” Tahti yelled.
“All that yelling is not necessary. Besides we didn't talk about shit because DeMoni did most of the damn talking!” I said frustrated.
“Jazz, look, give me a couple of days. Don't call me, I'll call you, and I'll hear whatever it is that you have to say.”
With that, she hung up the phone. I smiled just knowing she would sit down with me. I knew that was my last shot to get her to see things my way. See, what I needed Tahtiana to realize was that I didn’t choose to be this way but I had to deal with the cards life dealt me.
My life was pretty normal up until I was about fourteen years old. That’s when my mom’s boyfriend thought it would be okay to start sneaking in my room. At first, I was so scared and didn’t know what to do. Of course, he threatened me and said if I told my mom he was going to kill the both of us.
One day, I came home from school and my mom was sitting on the couch with tears in her eyes. That’s a day I would never be able to forget.
I was only a freshman in high school and due to me not being able to trust anyone, I didn’t have anyone I could tell about me being raped on the daily at school. I slowly walked through my front door, not really wanting to be there. When I walked through the door, my mom was sitting on the couch with tears on her face.
“What’s wrong, ma?” I asked, confused as to why she was crying.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
I stood there quietly because I didn’t know how she found out or if she was talking about something different. She pulled my notebook I loved to write in from under the couch and I knew then that the secret was out. I didn’t know if I should be terrified or relieved.
She patted the couch, still with tears in her eyes, and I slowly walked over to her. She pulled me in her arms and embraced me. She cried more than I did. I had let all those tears out every time he left my room after he finished raping me. I didn’t have anything left in me to cry.
“Baby, I am so sorry that happened to you. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you again,” she promised.
She held up to her promise. She barely dated, and any man that came around, she watched like a hawk. The first time my mom’s boyfriend stuck his dick where it didn’t belong, turned me cold to men. I could never see myself settling down and being with a man. In my opinion, those motherfuckers were sick and all the same to me.
I think the reason I dressed and acted like a man was to prove I could be a better man than these niggas. Tahti just didn’t know it, but I was the man for her. If she could just see past me being a woman, we could be happy. She didn’t need that cheating ass Moni in her life. From the stories she told me, he would never change. She didn’t need a man like Moni, she needed a man like Jazz and I planned on showing her that.
6: Tahani
I fluttered my eyes open and was confused as to where I was at and how I got there. My vision was a little burry in one eye and completely black in the other. I reac
hed up to touch my eye and that’s when I heard a voice.
“Moni, get the doctor! She’s up!”
Tahti? I thought as she rushed to my side and grabbed my hand.
“Hani, do you remember what happened?” she asked me.
I closed my eye to see what I could remember. As soon as I did, everything came rushing back to me. Me walking in on Tristan and my dad’s phone conversation, me calling Omega and telling him Tristan was in fact the one who shot Juanie, me trying to run and Tristan beating my ass.
I opened my eyes…well, one eye, and nodded my head, letting her know that I remembered everything. I also could remember hearing her, my mom and everyone else talking to me but I couldn’t respond.
While my sister was rubbing my head, Moni walked in with who I assumed was my doctor. He checked his charts before walking over to me.
“Hello, Ms. James. I know you’re probably wondering what’s going on and I will explain everything to you. During your accident, you sustained quite a few injuries; one of those being why you can only see out of one eye and the other being the reason you can’t talk right now. You have a patch over your eye to protect the eye that was damaged. Your jaw had to be wired shut and it’s been that way for the past three months,” he explained.
Three months? I thought. The only thing I could do was sit there and let the tears fall. I had never felt like such a fool in my damn life. I had turned my back on everyone that loved me for someone that I thought I loved. I just knew when Moni said it was Tristan that shot Juanie he was lying. There was no way he would have done a thing like that. Or, at least, that’s what I thought.
When I walked into that room to hear him on the phone saying that he shot Juanie, I literally felt my heart crush into a million pieces. He had successfully turned me against my family and like the dumb bitch that I was, I’d allowed him to do so and in the end, he didn’t give a damn about me.
“It’s going to be okay, Hani. Everything is going to be okay,” Tahti said as she wiped my tears away.
I slowly opened my eye and realized she had a big round ass stomach. That was a shocker to me because I didn’t even remember her being pregnant. I reached my hand out and rubbed her stomach. I tried to smile as best as I could considering my jaw was wired shut when I felt that baby kick.
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