by Carla Krae
****
I missed watching him sing. He was an excellent entertainer, but he lived the music. Inside his songs was his true self and the stage seemed the most natural environment for him. When he pulled out his guitar and sang the first song he’d ever written, I fell for real. The lyrics weren’t that good, in hindsight, but it was that he meant them that tugged at my teenage heart. I encouraged him to keep writing from then on.
So, when I came home to find two concert tickets for his L.A. appearance in the mailbox, I had to be there. It’d been six months since I saw him.
It was the only reason to go to a little extra effort to look good tonight. Uh-huh. Nothing to do with the fact I’d dated exactly zero guys since becoming mobile again. Not a bit about falling for the sweetness in his letters. If you believed that, I had some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you, too.
He sent front row tickets and backstage passes. I was taking my editor and current best friend, who was a huge fan. Come to think of it, Celeste and Jacob would probably hit it off. I tried to remember if he liked redheads.
She came over to do the girly thing and get ready for the concert together. Since I didn’t get a chance to do the girly thing in high school, I didn’t mind so much. I sat with hot rollers in my hair while she applied my eye shadow.
“Are you sure you aren’t applying too much?” I asked. “It feels like you’ve done a lot of swiping at my eyes.”
“Trust me. I’ve done this tons. Have you ever seen me look like a raccoon?”
“Well, no…”
“Then shut up. You’re going to look gorgeous.”
“If you say so…”
“Okay, look up so I can do your mascara.” She wiggled the wand along my curled lashes. “And…we’re done. Go take your hair out of those rollers, but don’t brush it.”
“Yes, boss. Geeze, I thought you put down the iron fist when you clocked out,” I teased.
“Ooo, look who’s found her inner bitch tonight. See what happens when you put yourself in my hands?” She grinned with approval.
I went to the mirror, expecting to look like a freak version of myself, and blinked in surprise. She created a perfect smoky eye, making my eye color pop. The rest of my make-up was light, for balance, my lips glossed rosy pink. They looked…kissable.
I carefully took out the rollers and shook my head to make the curls fall. My locks cascaded over my shoulders in glossy waves worthy of a shampoo commercial. She walked in to assess her handiwork and arranged a lock here and there then spritzed on a fine mist of hairspray and stood back again.
“Perfect. You’re gonna knock his socks off.”
“Who?”
“Honey, who do you think? Go get dressed so we can leave.”
Dangerous, telling her anything. Ever since I confided in her that I’d known Jake Lindsey since high school, dated him, and worked for him, she hounded me for details every time I got mail. I knew all this primping was a conspiracy to get me laid, but that’s how she showed she cared.
I walked back into my bedroom and shook my head. “You laid out my clothes for me?”
“Just do it.”
Just do it… I knew what to wear to a rock concert, thank you very much, certainly been to enough of them. She’d chosen the tee promoting his first band. God, the memories with this shirt… I slipped the faded tee over my head and tucked it into my jeans. I was putting on my shoes when she came in.
“No, no, no…stand up.” She yanked the tee out of my jeans and knotted the hem in the back so it showed a sliver of my tummy. “Much better.”
“I don’t--”
“You do. Rock concert, remember? Trust me.”
“Famous last words,” I grumbled, as she pulled me out the door.
At the arena, Security escorted us to seats in the VIP section.
Jacob’s popularity had grown so much overnight, they needed a buffer for his protection. Women too close to the stage would try to grab his feet and legs if he was near the edge and he’d had a few near-accidents in the beginning. I recognized several people as I set my bag down. Celeste bounced with excitement next to me.
“Oh, my god, I can’t believe we’re this close! You’re now my best friend for life, you know that, right?”
I smirked. “Just remember that the next time I turn in an artistic photo you don’t like.” I took my camera out of my bag and started fiddling with settings.
“What you call art, I call bizarre and can’t tell which way is up. Our clients like straight pretty shots.”
“Uh-huh…” I always tuned out the lecture on what was appropriate for the magazine, blah, blah, blah…
“Beth? Is that you?”
I turned to the person who’d spoken and smiled. “Hey, Reggie. Still on security detail, huh? How are the kids?”
“Thirteen going on thirty, you know how it is. Damn, girl, you’ve changed. I like it.” He leaned over to give me a hug. I’d met his wife and twins.
When he released me, I turned to my friend. “Reggie, this is Celeste. Reggie is one of Jacob’s personal security guys.”
“Ah, the entourage. I get it.” She put out her hand. “How d’ya do?”
He paused to listen to a message in his earpiece, then shook her hand. “I gotta go. Great to see you.”
She looked impressed. “Wow, you really do know everybody.”
I shrugged. “Right-hand gal for three years, what can I say? I could tell you by heart what’s going on backstage, too, but it’s pretty boring.”
“Uh-huh. Can you point out anybody famous?”
We had an hour to kill before the opening act started and I realized I was doomed to satisfy Celeste’s love for gossip. She was soon distracted when they started playing a random mix of Jacob’s songs over the loudspeakers, though.
I went back to experimenting with my camera.
It was an okay band, as opening acts went, and definitely more respectable than she-who-wouldn’t-be-named. They had a thirty-five minute set, which most of the crowd talked through, only interested in the main event. Had to be nerve-wracking hoping for your big shot while riding the star’s coattails. I took a couple photos to fine tune my light settings.
And then…
The intro to Jacob’s first hit single blasted through the speakers as the band took their places and picked up their instruments. The crowd roared and cheered, girls chanting “JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!”
I could picture him backstage, grinning like a loon as the noise pumped him up. I’d smile and roll my eyes, checking his appearance one last time, and when the tension in the arena couldn’t take any more stalling, he’d run out on stage to deafening applause.
Like now.
Looking through the lens, I focused on him, tuning everything else out. I didn’t fear snapping through this opening routine, knowing it by heart, and I’d long since stopped listening to those old songs. I hadn’t seen this from the audience perspective since I was eighteen and wanted to capture every bit of it. He didn’t recognize me. He winked at the camera as he took his place at the microphone, but he couldn’t tell it was me behind the lens. I zoomed in on his face, his arms, his hands…
He was still the most beautiful subject I’d ever photographed.
****
Jacob knew Beth got the tickets, the courier said so, but he didn’t see her in the front row. He flirted with the radio contest winners and the redhead in the center was cute. He looked to the other side and saw more strangers.
It’d been a long time. Maybe she had to work. Maybe she was too shy to sit front row and handed her tickets to friends. He should’ve known she wouldn’t want to be out in the open like that. He could only hope she was out there somewhere.
Maybe the distance between them was too far to cross.
****
Celeste kept hissing at me to put my camera down and enjoy the show, but I liked watching this way. By the time my arms got tired and I put it down, he would be too focused on looking out into the c
rowd to make his connections and wouldn’t notice me. He had a routine for every song and I knew them by heart.
Except he had a whole new album’s worth to stick into the show.
The next song was a slow ballad, and as the intro started to play, he leaned away from the microphone and addressed the front row. “Hey, I know I’m pretty, but why don’t you watch with your own eyes a while, love.”
I froze, Celeste nudged me, and I slowly lowered the camera, turning into her and hiding my face behind my hair, and heard him chuckle. He started to sing, so I sat, putting me in semi-darkness.
My refuge only lasted long enough for the set to reach a fast song. Celeste pulled me up to dance.
“No, no…please don’t,” I said.
“Ah, yes, my friend, you’re going to actually have a good time.”
I knew the exact moment Jacob saw me. He gasped a breath between words. You wouldn’t have caught it if you didn’t know exactly how he always sang that song. I blushed beet-red, refusing to look up at him, and used Celeste as a shield. Might have worked better if she wasn’t four inches shorter than me.
“Look up, silly, he’s singing to you!” she yelled in my ear.
I didn’t want to look. Jake Lindsey’s blue eyes were a vortex and I didn’t want to be lost after I’d just finally found myself again. I looked at anything but his eyes.
Then, he rocked me to the core.
“This next song is a new one. I’ve never played it in public before.” A roadie brought him an acoustic guitar and a stool. “It’s about someone I care about that was once very sick.”
Oh, he didn’t…he wouldn’t.
“Always too good to me
Didn’t get what I deserved
Until you closed your eyes to me
Now I’m beggin’ to be heard
Where did you go, Sleeping Beauty?
Are you lost in the land of dreams?”
“Oh-my-god, is that about you?” Celeste asked.
I shook my head in automatic denial, trying to fight back tears.
The crowd ate it up. Women always went in for the sensitive artist commemorative song crap. I even saw some of them wiping their eyes. Celeste kept repeating wow and oh my god. Jake Lindsey could sweet-talk his way in and out of anything, and possibly could from birth.
What was I supposed to do with this? What was he trying to accomplish?
It was too much. I picked up my camera again and detached myself from the moment.
****
A man could take a hint. The song didn’t impress her. Well, he had two more new ones where that came from to get through her stubborn head.
At first, the idea of making her a captive audience seemed perfect to show how he felt, but while he sat in his dressing room, he remembered how the whole fame thing did not impress her, and doubts crept in. Nothing to do but soldier on now he was on stage. He’d get a second chance to talk to her after the show.
****
Two more songs probably—maybe--about me. Okay, Butterfly was definitely about me, or rather, the birthmark to the inside of my left hip. The words made me blush. Even in metaphor, I doubted the song could make radio play. I’d forgotten how stubborn he could be.
Well, they were nice songs. Even nicer, hearing him strum a guitar again. He usually didn’t play on stage anymore. Hell, it was rare to see him sit in one place for five minutes. His boundless energy always made our study sessions twice as long as they had to be, the stinker.
“He is so dreamy,” Celeste sighed.
“Sure, when he’s up there like that. You should see him at seven in the morning when he’s hung-over. It is not cute.”
She giggled. “You really were like his wife, weren’t you?”
“Except for the whole love, honor, and fidelity thing, sure…some days I felt like a mom.”
“Oh, come on. Was it really so bad? He wrote songs for you.”
“Well, not in the beginning. He can be really sweet when he wants to be. But as his fame grew…”
“So did the ego. I hear ya.”
The band did the encore thing, pretending to leave until the screams got really loud.
Fans report to Celebrity News Zone that Jake Lindsey sang three new songs to an audience member tonight. Could this be the rumored muse? Stay tuned.
Chapter Twelve
As soon as the last song was over, Security came to take us backstage for the meet-and-greet. At this point, I was tired and didn’t want to go, but Celeste insisted.
“I’m not going back there all by myself, and you are not ducking out after he was nice enough to write you songs.” It was the same tone she used at work when she wasn’t backing down on an editorial decision.
I wilted internally. “Fine, but stick close to me. I always hated these things.”
With fans, reporters, and executives in front of us, we’d be waiting at least forty-five minutes, but at least we were served drinks.
Watching my replacement hover around Jacob while he worked the room, I wondered if I did the same thing, looking like a bee buzzing around a flower. I didn’t think I’d been that eager to please, like a puppy--probably because I knew the star when he was a pimple-faced teen. Took away some of the mystique.
“Is that guy going to hump his leg?” Celeste whispered, pointing to the PA.
I snorted a laugh, then covered my mouth when a few people glared at me.
“Shhh! You’re going to get me in trouble,” I whispered back.
“Take pictures, then. You ignore me perfectly well with a camera in your hands.”
Not a bad idea, though I didn’t have a great view of anything and settled for scrolling through the shots I took and deleting what I couldn’t touch up in Photoshop. She tapped my arm about the same time I saw a pair of legs stop in front of me. I craned my neck up to see Jacob with his trademark smirk.
“I see you got yourself a new toy.”
“Uh, yeah…it’s what I do now.”
Lame!
He looked gorgeous, hair tousled in random directions, a touch of black kohl smudged into his lashes, and that cushy bottom lip looking smooth and bitable. How was I not inoculated against all that after thirteen years?
“I remember. Who’s your lovely friend?”
Celeste blushed and giggled, which I thought I’d never see her do. Look out, he’s caught another one.
“Celeste, this is Jacob—sorry, Jake—Lindsey. Celeste is the photo editor at the magazine. She’s a big fan.”
He turned his attention to her, engaging her in what she thought of the concert and making her feel like she was the only woman in the room. He was a pro at it. I slipped into the background, taking a few shots, then said hello to the band. They welcomed me back with big hugs.
“See, I told Aaron it was you down there, but he didn’t believe me,” Bob said.
“Well, you can’t exactly blame me. Bethie went from girl-next-door to hot babe!”
I blushed. “Thanks, it was just a little--”
“Did you get our flowers?” Mikey cut in. “I wanted to send them to your dad’s, but they said we should trust Flaky Jake.”
“They were lovely, thank you--”
“Not me! I wanted to send you chocolate. Chocolate always makes girls feel better, right?” Dylan said.
“I guess, I--”
I hadn’t prepared, so the guys surrounded me, bombarding me with their words. They didn’t mean anything by it, it was just their way, but my claustrophobia was kicking in. I felt the tiniest bit panicked until someone grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the band sandwich.
“Hey, mates, give the lady a little room to breathe, yeah? She can’t answer you if you’re blabberin’ all at once.”
“Sorry, Beth.”
Jacob pulled me to him and held my hand, his other landing on my waist as he came up behind me. My heart pounded from his nearness. My face was flushed and I’d give anything for an out. Celeste appeared at my side.
“Hey, you boy
s mind if we hit the ladies’ room? It was a long show, if ya know what I mean.” I shot her a look of gratitude. She winked and tugged me out of the room. “We’ll be back in a few,” she called over her shoulder.
I was never so glad to see a plain cement hallway in my life. “Thank you for getting me out of there.”
“You looked like you were about to hyperventilate. It wasn’t really a choice. How come they shook you up so bad?”
“I’m not good with crowds. I had a mode, you know? Beth the PA wasn’t ruffled by anything. Beth the Girl panics around anything male and under forty.”
“You had your armor, I get it. I had to do that, too, when I first started at the mag.”
“Get out. I’ve never met a woman more comfortable in her own skin.”
“Here’s the ladies’… No, seriously. I was new, and young, and nobody believed I was worth getting past the mailroom. So, I faked knowing everything until I did.” She checked her make-up in the mirror. “’Course, sleepin’ with the head copywriter after the Christmas party didn’t hurt, either.”
“You didn’t! You are shameless.”
She shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal. We both had too much eggnog and he was so embarrassed he couldn’t remember my name in the morning, he offered me a transfer to his department. Became one of my best friends.”
“I never would’ve had the balls to turn something around like that.” I patted my face with a damp paper towel. “I haven’t dated since--”
“Why the hell not?”
“Time, motive, opportunity…once Jacob owned my life twenty-four-seven, it just wasn’t a priority. And…”
“You’re still carrying a torch.”
I shook my head.
“Honey, he’s right there with you. Have you been blind all night?”
“I don’t…he can’t…it wasn’t…it’s not…we aren’t like that anymore.”
Celeste arched a perfectly-shaped brow. “I’d beg to differ, Miss Girl Who Has Three Songs. Ready to go back?”