by Carla Krae
He dove in the pool to hide the tent in his shorts.
Today, we were going horseback riding, followed by a sunset dinner cruise.
I had my camera every time I left the bungalow, and I’d already taken dozens of photos of him he wasn’t aware of. Thank you, quiet little camera shutter. This morning, I emailed Celeste a few photos of the resort and the lagoon.
Friday
I sat on the foot of Jacob’s bed, going through my shots of last night’s Tahitian dance show. We’d been rained out, at least so far. He was flipping channels looking for a movie. It was nice, enjoying the quiet, just the sound of the rain outside.
“I expected this to be weird, but it really hasn’t been.”
“Wha’s that?”
“Us, here alone. This trip has been a lot of fun.”
He turned the TV off and gave me his full attention. “I was just grateful you got on the plane. It’s always easy to be around you, love, so I knew if we just tried…”
“Well, you were right. This time.” I winked to let him know I was teasing.
He grinned. “I’ll take it. Sorry about the torrential downpour.”
“It’s not that bad. Besides, we still have lots of time.”
“Yeah…provided the rain goes away,” he said, pouting.
I giggled. “How is it you lived in England half your life and I’m less bothered about the rain?”
“I never liked being stuck indoors. If I’m staying in, it’s because I chose to.”
“Ah, I see now.” I nudged his leg with my foot. “What’re we going to do about lunch?”
“We could run for it.”
“The wind is blowing the rain sideways, Jacob.”
“Then we call room service.”
“And make some poor employee go out in that?”
“Beth, it has to be one or the other. We don’t have a stocked kitchen.”
“Knew I should’ve grabbed a couple candy bars from the game room…” I had a thought and left his room.
“Now where are you going?”
“I… Yes!” I skipped back in holding fruit in each hand. “I saved a couple things from the welcome basket.”
****
He had one of those moments of knowing he loved her. Triumphant in her foraging attempt, she plopped back on the bed and handed him the banana, glasses sliding down her nose. She took a big bite out of her mango.
“What? Why are you smiling at me like that?”
He tugged on one of her pigtail braids. “Because you’re adorable.”
She rolled her eyes and took another bite. He chuckled and started peeling the banana. The storm cleared out as fast as it came in.
Saturday
Another glorious French Polynesian day.
Beth knocked on his door. “Wake up, sleepyhead! I want to catch the shuttle to Vaitape before it gets crowded!”
“It’s eight o’clock, Beth. Go away.”
“I’ll leave without you!”
She would, too. He groaned and sat up in bed. “Alright, alright…”
He turned on the mini coffee maker and got in the shower. When he came out, the coffee had been poured into a mug and sweetened how he liked it. She wasn’t kidding around.
He peered out of his room. “Who spiked your Wheaties this morning?”
“No one. I just slept well. Breakfast should be here soon,” she said.
God, she was dressed already. She was going to run him ragged today. This was Beth with a plan--a creature he would do best to reply to with “yes, dear” until she ran out of steam.
“Okay, so what did you find out they have on the main island?” he asked.
“Historical stuff! And other things, but the point is, we haven’t been over there, yet. Make sure you wear your comfy shoes.”
A knock on the door signaled breakfast had arrived, so he went back in his room to get dressed.
“Here. Eat while you primp.”
“Cereal! Come on, Beth!”
“It’s quick!”
“Well, I’m choosing lunch, young lady!”
“Yeah, yeah…”
****
Words couldn’t do justice to the beauty of the view overlooking the azure lagoon, but I hoped my camera could capture some of the magic.
“What is your favorite photograph you’ve taken?” Jacob asked, curious.
I knew the answer right away. “We visited the Grand Canyon when I was eight. There was a layer of fog or clouds settled in the canyon and clouds above us. They parted suddenly, and rays of light shone down and bounced off that lower layer. I spotted it first and wanted to capture it. My parents said it would never come out like I was seeing it, but sure enough; the effect was there on film. I started trusting my instincts after that, and I got a good camera for my thirteenth birthday.” I paused to adjust a setting. “You know my dad. Don’t get anything without earning it. What about you?”
“I don’t think I’ve written my best song, yet. Bob and I can put somethin’ out that sells, but even I know that don’t make it good. Had some inspiration recently, though,” he hinted.
I blushed. “Oh.” I put the cap back on the lens and slid the camera into my bag. “Good.” Though I hoped they weren’t more songs like Butterfly.
We were wandering all over the main island today, but in no rush. It was amazing how there were all these resorts around Bora Bora, as well as the locals, yet you hardly saw anyone unless you went looking for them. We were just Beth and Jacob, the couple not on their honeymoon.
****
Matira had lots of little shops, a beautiful beach, and an old WWII site with coastal defense guns ten minutes up the hill.
While Beth was in the tiny market looking for snacks, Jacob snuck off to a shop. He quickly purchased a few things and asked for them to be delivered to the resort later, then came back just as she was paying the cashier.
“Find the bathroom alright?” she asked.
“Yes. Are you ready?”
“All set.”
They still had four days in Bora Bora, but Jacob wanted to slow time. He hid it well, but the pressure of the coming tour weighed on his mind. He felt closer to Beth than ever, but he still couldn’t predict how she’d react to him leaving for two months. The last time they were long-distance, she assumed he cheated on her and they crashed and burned.
He knew she was better for him than he for her, of course. He had a tendency to be vain and self-absorbed. Oblivious, at the best of times. Accountability had never been a defining characteristic. Even so, he wanted to please her, be what she wanted, impress her… He’d thought ahead and already bought her Christmas gift.
After the dinner show, he led her to the beach instead of back to their bungalow.
“Where are we going?”
“Walking in the moonlight. It’s still early.”
She slipped her hand into his. “Something on your mind?”
“Did you enjoy the show?”
“I did, but that didn’t answer my question,” she teased.
“I…well…do you…It’s been almost four weeks for us, and I wanted to…”
They stopped walking, and she tried to see his expression in the darkness.
“I am so stupid,” she whispered.
She launched at him, kissing him with such feeling. The momentum knocked him off balance in the thick sand and they stumbled to their knees. He felt emotionally knocked off his feet and his heart swelled with hope.
“I…” she breathed, her face an inch from his.
“It’s alright.” He gently cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking her cheekbones. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“I want to,” she whispered, then hesitated. “I guess we should get back.”
“Yes.” He helped her to her feet. He could wait.
They brushed the sand off their legs and headed for their bungalow hand-in-hand.
Once inside, she asked him about what she might have missed in his life since the accident and h
er resignation. “Besides the obvious of moving to a different house and stuff.”
“Well…” He sat on the sofa in the living room. “Like you, I made some changes, like the house and what I did outside of work. Stopped living like a spoiled brat. And…I found someone to talk to.”
“Talk to?”
“Counseling. I kept falling into bad patterns, you know, and I didn’t want to do that anymore.”
Beth searched for words. “Wow…uh…I never would’ve put you in a shrink’s office--”
“Therapist.”
“In therapy. What was that like? Spilling your guts to a stranger…” She shuddered.
“Terrifying the first day. But it’s been good…she calls me on my shit when I need it. I can’t hide in that office.”
“Are you still going?”
“Occasionally. I have to apologize--”
Her eyes widened. “For what?”
“The first album. I brought you on never thinking about you hearing those songs and how you might feel.”
“Oh. Deep stuff. Well…yeah, hearing the lyrics hurt the first time. You were free to say what you felt, of course, and I really just hoped back then that your fans wouldn’t find out it was me you blasted. At the time, I wondered if you wanted me to hear them…funny in retrospect, since I deserved your anger and didn’t know it. I’m sorry, too, for not being the girlfriend I could have.”
He shook his head. “You aren’t a hundred percent to blame. I wasn’t communicating well, either, and I could’ve come out to talk. Mum offered to send me.” He chuckled. “What a mess that time was, eh?”
“Heh. Yeah. I try not to think about it, because it tears me up, but if I’d taken a few minutes to yell at you on the phone…it was awful watching Mom…” She sucked in a breath and glanced away, and he shifted closer to pull her into his arms. “I needed you and it’s my fault you weren’t there. How self-destructive could I be, you know?”
“I’m here now, and this time if you push me away, I won’t let you.”
“Let me? All those calls and e-mails were letting me? Jacob, you did everything reasonable. I--”
“Maybe I should’ve done the unreasonable. Beth, I was already planning to move to L.A. that summer to be with you. If I loved you enough, nothing should have stood in the way of getting you to talk to me. I got too caught up in bein’ the wounded party and gave up. So what if the songs that came out of it made it on the record?”
“Wait, you were going to do your senior year in L.A.?” She groaned and pulled away, dropping her face in her hands. “Anything else I fucked up?”
“Sweetheart, don’t…”
She stood, evading his attempt to comfort her. “God, why is this worth a second try for you, Jacob? I’m not any improvement on that scared eighteen-year-old, not really. I hurt you, broke up my family, and tortured myself for years. I took the moral high ground with you, but my self-destruction was so much worse. And I knew. I knew I was making myself more miserable than I needed to be, but…god, I don’t know. No wonder she showed me what she did…”
“She?”
“The other me. In my head. In the hospital, I saw everything I had wanted, things that could have been, and she showed me because I run away when stuff gets hard. A mental walkabout. She’s not as nice as me, though she dresses better. But you were there and my mom and…doesn’t matter. That’s why I had to go, to define myself as someone not wearing a shroud of pain. Except I do…”
“Love you’re rambling.” And scaring him a bit.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry, Jacob. I’m, um, going to go bed and maybe make sense in the morning.”
“Beth--”
She held up her hand. “Jacob, it’s okay. Just let me…” She pointed to her bedroom, went in, and shut the door.
He sat back and exhaled, wondering how the night went to this. This trip was supposed to be positive, fun, relaxing, and now…well, he hoped she wasn’t crying herself to sleep again. The past already soaked up enough tears.
No. He wouldn’t let Beth beat herself up anymore. Getting up with purpose, he crossed the room to her door and knocked.
She opened the door, her eyes rimmed with red. “Yeah?”
“Stop,” he said, and kissed her, holding her face in his hands like a delicate china bowl. “I love you.”
“Why?”
He smiled. “The sheer inability not to.”
“Oh.”
“Do you really want to be alone?”
She dropped her eyes. “No…”
“Then finish changing and come to my room. To sleep.”
“You’ll hold me?”
“All night.”
Her shoulders dropped and she looked relieved. “Okay.”
Jacob hurried to his room, changed into a pair of shorts he could sleep in, and turned down the covers. She came in shuffling her feet a couple minutes later with a clean face and her hair free.
“You left the left side for me.” She climbed into bed.
“Yep.” He turned off the light. She lay on her left side facing away from him, so he scooted over to her back and wrapped his arm around her middle. “Goodnight, love.”
Chapter Nineteen
I woke up with my hair in my face. Moving that out of the way, I noticed my pillow was rising and falling—Jacob’s chest. Sometime during the night, he rolled onto his back. Last night came back to me as my mind cleared and I groaned, embarrassed. Careful to not wake him, I crept out of his room to use my own bathroom. It was too early yet to go to breakfast or order in, so I grabbed a single-serving bottle of orange juice from the mini-fridge and went out to the patio. Even at this hour, Bora Bora was warm.
My first instinct was to call Celeste, but I’d have to use the landline, since my cell had no reception down here, so I’d have to e-mail her instead.
“And say what, Beth?” I muttered. It would take me pages to describe the mess of my brain and she wouldn’t read it. Probably tell me to stop obsessing and go get laid.
Sighing, I decided to get dressed and go for a walk with my camera. Maybe I’d see some wildlife, and fresh air would help clear my head. It was Sunday and we were flying home Thursday. The remaining time would go fast and this was a vacation—no angst allowed.
Wednesday
Sunday, he finally got me on the jet skis and Monday and Tuesday were spent learning to scuba dive and putting it into practice. After three days of adventures, I looked forward to the all-day spa treatment Jacob booked. Today was going to be mellow and I would accept nothing else. The spa nestled up in the trees. The trees!
I was grateful we weren’t set up for a couple’s massage. Way too intimate for my comfort today. It was the most peaceful day I’d experienced in, well…ever. They pampered my skin, body, hair, and my feet. I even got a gift bag of products to take home. They brought a fruit platter up for me to nibble on through the day, but now it was late afternoon, I was starving.
I stopped by my room to change into a sundress, then went to lunch, hoping Jacob was having fun on his own.
****
They were flying home tomorrow and that had his stomach tied in knots. He hoped she was enjoying her spa time. After getting the massage, which only relieved the tension in his muscles, not his head, he left. Hours to kill before she’d be looking for him, yet, he checked his voicemail, confirmed their flight, searched unsuccessfully for a movie, and finally settled on taking a swim.
If he wore himself out, he could take a nap ‘til dinner.
****
When I got back from lunch, he was asleep, so I grabbed my camera and wandered the resort. It was easier if I could take my time and look for things that caught my eye. He’d been patient, but I still felt bad lingering too long taking macros of flowers.
It might not be too bad if we were seen in public at home. Four weeks in, we now had a foundation for our relationship. I’d put my fears in his hands and he hadn’t let me down once, yet. We didn’t have to call attention to ourselves in
L.A., but I no longer wanted to hide.
“Hey…” I said, opening his door. “Jacob?”
He was still asleep on the bed with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dried in waves from the shower. I gently touched his shoulder, then lightly shook him.
****
He slowly opened his eyes. “What…?”
“Our reservation is in a half hour. You’ve been asleep for a while.”
“Oh…” He sat up, feeling stiff. “You look nice.” More than nice.
Her hair flowed in silky waves, one side clipped behind her ear. She wore a light blue dress that fit and flared in the right places, her skin glowing from the touch of sun she couldn’t avoid after several days here.
She smiled at the compliment. “I’ll be in the living room.”
Dinner was nice, the food excellent, as always.
“I want to give you something. Will you close your eyes? Please?” he asked.
Her brow furrowed in the middle, but she obeyed his request. He got up and secured a chain around her neck.
“Okay, you can look.” He chewed on his lip, waiting for her reaction.
On the delicate gold chain was a small gold ring with a little, round amethyst in the center.
“It’s so dainty…”
“My great-grandmother was a tiny woman. This was her engagement ring. I’m not asking, so don’t wig out, but I wanted you to know…I wanted you to have something that means something while I’m gone.”
She smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
She nodded. “Thank you.”
He leaned across the table and kissed her.
A large group at the table next to theirs invited everyone in the resort to celebrate a birthday by the pool. He accepted the invitation, in the mood to celebrate now that Beth accepted his gift.
They were handed drinks upon arriving to the party, Jacob getting a beer and Beth receiving something fruity. She sipped a little, deciding to keep it, and they soon got separated in the throng of people. Someone brought out a portable stereo.
Jacob ended up at the bar where someone bought a round for the birthday boy. He downed the shot, then turned around to lean against the counter and spotted Beth chatting with a couple they often saw at breakfast. Finishing the beer, he put the empty bottle on the bar. Another round of drinks had been ordered, and a glass was slid in his direction…