I shook my head. “No. She’s not with the Reine.”
“What makes you so sure?” He narrowed his eyes.
“Because she’s at Central. They took her there instead.”
“Central?” His eyes widened. “Why? Why would they take her there when the Reine would pay more?”
“They just did.”
“You’re lying.” He grabbed my arms. “Tell me everything, Kayla. I can’t help you if I don’t know the whole story.”
I debated what to do or say. If there was any chance he could help and save me from being Corded, I had to do it. “She has a child.”
“A child?” Ethan’s eyes grew even bigger. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Are you a Breeder too?” He looked at me with new eyes.
“I don’t know.” I looked down. “Obviously. You heard my conversation with Mason.”
“You might be.” A combination of excitement and fear crossed his face. “That decides it. You have to get out of here.”
“Yes, because I have to save Quinn and Bailey.”
“Breaking a breeder out of Central is impossible. And they’ll keep the kid too. The system isn’t producing like it used to.” He wrung his hands. “And they’ll take you. See if they can make you breed. You don’t want that.”
I was glad Bailey could also be a boy’s name. I couldn’t trust Ethan. I couldn’t trust anyone. “Then please leave me alone.”
“Do you really think Mason is going to help you?” Ethan put one of his hands in his pants pocket. “When he finds out what’s really going on…” Ethan started to sweat. “Either he’s going to turn you in, or I don’t even want to know.”
“Right now he’s my only option. And he’s not going to turn me in. I’m valuable to him.”
“He’s messing with you, Kayla. You have to trust me. He was never going to help you.”
“But he has a reason to help. If he can get Quinn…”
“She’s a breeder… Central is going to raise hell if he tries to get her. A girl isn’t worth that trouble.”
“But she’s blond. Like me.”
“He has you. That makes her less important. And that’s all assuming he doesn’t give you away to save himself trouble. If Quinn sends Central here…”
“She won’t. She doesn’t know I’m here. This plan came much later after she was kidnapped.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him about his cousin. I still wasn’t ready to accept that the one person who’d been so willing to help me was likely dead. “Besides, isn’t a Breeder worth something? If she had babies…” My skin crawled thinking about what she’d have to do to have those babies. But I needed to believe there was a reason for Mason to help.
“What’s he going to do with a baby boy? Sell it to Central? Still not worth it.”
But Bailey wasn’t a boy. And that information might be my ticket. “Either way I need to take the chance.”
“But you’ll get no other chances. You don’t want this life for yourself. You deserve better.”
“Better than the girls here? The ones you use?”
He frowned. “I don’t use them. And they’re different.”
“Of course you’re using them. You say I’m stupid, yet you’re being intentionally blockheaded.” I was done playing nice. I’d laid my cards on the table, and he still wasn’t willing to help.
“Blockheaded?” He cracked a smile. It seemed foreign on his aged face. “Is that a new word of yours?”
“You know exactly what I mean.” I glared at him. “I came here for your help, but you won’t give it.”
“I won’t help you do something completely impossible. Don’t make it out to be something it isn’t.”
“Fine. Then I’m going down to the Hydros.”
“Why? What’s the point?”
“I want to. These are probably my last few days of freedom. I want to use them the way I want to use them.”
“Please, don’t do this. I can still get you out.” He put his hands on my shoulders.
“I need to save them, Ethan.” I sighed. “I’m not sure how to explain it any other way, but they are a part of me. I can’t let anything happen to them.”
He nodded solemnly. “Fine. I will do what I can to protect you, but you need to do your part. No more hurting members of the Circle.”
“You know what he was going to do to me.” My skin crawled at the thought.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t have been alone with him to begin with.”
“Then come with me to the Hydros. You want to help, that’s a way to do it.” It wasn’t, but I wanted to get rid of the strangeness between us. We’d never go back to what we were, but he was from the Rurals. Even years away could not erase the childhood we spent together.
He pressed the button, releasing the elevator, but we didn’t move. Instead the door opened, and Mason stepped inside. “What is going on here?” He glared at Ethan.
“Nothing.” Ethan stepped away from me. It was still strange watching him so beholden to another. “I am escorting Kayla down to the Hyrdros.”
“Then why was the elevator stopped?” Mason scowled.
“Because we were speaking for a few moments.”
“Is that so? Well since you’ve had plenty of time to catch up, I’ll take Kayla down.” Mason grabbed my arm.
Ethan nodded. “Yes, as you wish.”
“And Ethan?” Mason called as he left the elevator.
“Yes?”
“If you want to speak with Kayla again, do it in front of me.”
Ethan sent me a deep and sad look, but he nodded. “Absolutely.”
The door slid closed.
“Great news.” Mason kept ahold of my arm, but he loosened up a bit. “Allen is back. The Cording will be tonight.”
“Oh. Wow.” I was excited I was one step closer to going after Quinn and Bailey, but nervous about what else the Cording meant.
“So we won’t be going to the Hydros for long.”
I nodded. “I understand.”
“What did he say to upset you?” Mason didn’t need to tell me he meant Ethan.
“Nothing.”
“You look shaken.”
“It wasn’t Ethan,” I started to defend him. Then I stopped.
“What do you mean?” Mason watched me warily.
“Nothing.” I was an idiot. Ethan was right.
“Are you sure?” Mason leaned in.
“Absolutely. I’m fine. This is all new to me. That’s all.”
“It will get better after the Cording.” He ran his fingers over my arm in the spot I’d seen the other girls marked.
I wished his words could possibly be true.
Chapter 12
I wore a different green dress that night: An Addison design with halter straps and a low neckline. I’d rolled my eyes at the neckline, but she only shrugged. Supposedly Mason had requested I wear that style specifically. There were so many things wrong with the situation; arguing about the clothing choice wasn’t worth it.
I waited nervously inside the lounge, grateful Addison stayed close to my side. I was shaking. Agreeing to the Cording had been the easy part. It was simple to push away fears when they weren’t imminent. But the time to face reality was now. I reminded myself it was all worth it for Bailey. Anything was worth it for Bailey. I breathed slowly in and out of my mouth. It was a trick my father taught me when I had panic attacks the first few times the traders came.
“It only hurts for a second.” Addison leaned over from her spot on the stool next to me. “It will be over really quickly.”
I nodded. I wasn’t worried about physical pain, especially if it were temporary. Quinn and Bailey were likely going through much worse.
“Drink something. It dulls the pain.” She held a delicate glass out to me. “Trust me on this.”
Addison meant well. I knew she did, but I was tired of being told to dull what was happening. “No.” I didn’t want to dull the pain. Dulling diff
icult situations never made them better.
“The other girls will be nicer to you after this. That’s one good thing.” Addison sipped from the drink I refused. “I know that isn’t much of a consolation, but it’s something.”
“Why?” I had a hunch, but the conversation was helping with the nerves. I was happy to talk about anything but the Cording itself.
“Because you’ll be doing your part.” Addison took another long sip. “Doing the things they have to do. That’s why they hate you right now. They think you think you’re better than them.”
“I don’t.” I rested my hands in my silk covered lap.
“But you feel pity.” Addison looked down. “For me as well.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t deny it. It’s normal. You’re from a different world than ours.” She swirled around her drink.
“It’s not pity I feel.” It wasn’t. “It’s just about every other emotion.”
“What do you mean?” She set her glass on the counter.
“I feel angry at how we even got here. I feel sad for the lives none of can lead. I feel ashamed for the things we all have to do. I include myself in that. But not pity.” Pity was a pointless emotion. It did nothing. It only hurt.
“Are you sure you don’t need a drink?” Addison leaned closer.
“I’m sure.” Nothing was going to help my nerves. I had to face whatever was coming.
Nothing happened at first. It was just like the other nights. The same loud music with the beat that made it nearly impossible not to tap my toes. It was the same groups of men swirling around and looking at me.
“I have to mingle.” Addison stood. “You going to be all right?”
“Sure. I’m fine.” I held onto the edge of my stool. “Do what you have to do.”
“Obviously I’d prefer to sit and talk to you…”
“I’ll be in the same position as you soon enough.” Or not. I wasn’t sure what a personal Cording would mean for how my evenings would go.
“I’ll be there for you in the morning. I promise.” She squeezed both of my hands before disappearing into the crowd.
I watched after her, focusing on her red dress before it disappeared into the sea of black and navy suits. With all the color options available, the men still choose to be monochrome. Only the girls wore bright colors—albeit on tiny strips of fabric that barely constituted clothing.
For a moment I considered asking the man behind the bar for a drink. Maybe Addison was right, drinking would make things easier on me, but easier wasn’t always better. I pushed the thought out of my head. I took a few deep calming breaths, but all of that was for nothing as I watched Greer heading my way.
I looked toward the door, hoping he’d get distracted before he reached me.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten your little game earlier.” He took the seat Addison had vacated.
“It wasn’t a game.”
“It was. And there will be consequences.”
“You said as much earlier.” I pretended he was just one of the boys from town. That made it easier.
“If you hadn’t kicked me in the balls, I might actually like you.” He scooted his stool closer to mine.
“If you hadn’t tried to touch me, I wouldn’t have kicked you there.”
“You are going to have to stop being so sensitive about being touched.” His words were surprisingly kind. Gone was the anger. Instead there was a thin level of understanding. People were so much more complicated here compared to my family.
“I know.”
“And I shouldn’t monopolize your time right now.” He brushed his lips against my cheek. “I’ll be seeing you plenty soon.”
Before I could react he stood and started back across the room. The crowd quieted as Mason walked into the center of the room.
Mason spoke but I couldn’t hear his words. Instead my head pounded as I thought about my future. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want a mark on me that signified the end of my freedom, but I had no choice. I couldn’t be selfish.
I closed my eyes and thought of everything good thing I could remember.
My mother’s voice. Reading with Quinn. Holding Bailey for the first time. Bailey’s laugh. My brother’s jokes. My father’s smile.
I soaked it in. Tried to transport myself back to a time when I was happy—even if at any moment we’d known our happiness could disappear.
“Jarrett, please bring up Kayla.” Mason’s use of my name broke me from my concentration. Jarrett walked over with a slight smile on his face. I couldn’t return it. Instead I swallowed hard as he took my arm and helped me down from my stool. “It’s going to be ok. I’ll look out for you,” he whispered in my ear. Normally I would have refused the help, but I was so nervous I could barely walk straight. Maybe Mona was right; someone should have taught me something about being with a man. About belonging to a man. But it was too late now.
I nodded, in a daze as we crossed the room. I wondered if Jarrett’s promised words would hold true when he discovered I was in for a personal Cording. I also wondered how the girls would react. Would I be even more hated?
My heart beat faster and faster, and I started to sweat. I waited for my adrenalin to kick in, to push away the fear, but it didn’t. I was terrified.
Mason walked toward us. He took my arm from Jarrett. He looked into my eyes but said nothing. I was grateful for the silence; I had no words to speak.
Mason held onto my arm as he led me over to where an older man stood with a heavy-looking circular metal device. There were no markings on it, instead the finish was shiny, and by the strained look on the man’s face, it had to be heavy too.
The man looked up at me and smiled. “Do you willingly agree to become marked as belonging exclusively to the Sray?”
His smile threw me off. Why was he smiling? What was there to smile about when I was about to give up my freedom? It was in exchange for help, but he didn’t know that. And did I do a normal Cording first? Had Mason changed his mind?
I thought over the questions, and my heart rate accelerated.
Mason took my hand and brushed his lips against his ears. “It will go exactly as we discussed. I give you my word. Say yes, and I swear everything will be okay.”
His reassurances shouldn’t have mattered, but I felt as if I were drowning and searching for anything to hold onto. His words called out to me, and I held onto them. “Yes.”
“Good.” Mason nodded and slipped my arm into the device.
My chest clenched as the device lit up. I bit my lip to stop from crying out as it lit up. The pain started as a pinch and grew, as if a thousand needles were sticking into my arm. It ended quickly, just as Addison had promised and started to fade.
I took a deep breath and turned to Mason, proud of myself for remaining on my feet and keeping my tears at bay.
He met my eyes with something akin to sympathy. I didn’t want his sympathy.
He held up my arm now adorned with the black mark of the Sray. I stared at my foreign skin. My stomach lurched. I felt sick to the very depths of my soul. It wasn’t the presence of the mark that upset me, but the meaning behind it.
The room cheered. I averted my eyes, unwilling to find Ethan’s eyes out there. I wanted no judgement; I was doing what I had to do.
I looked down and tried to calm myself. Everything would be okay if Mason was true to his word. I tried to pretend it was over, even though I knew it wasn’t.
“But tonight is even more special.” Mason pulled me closer. “As you all know, it is in my rights to Cord one girl as my own. I have yet to make that claim, but I will tonight.” Mason took the device back from the man.
I heard muffled words being spoken, but all I was aware of was Mason putting the machine back on my arm.
The stinging pain was twice as bad this time. Mason watched me the whole time. He offered his hand, but I refused it. I could handle the pain on my own. The tiny prick grew stronger, and I waited for it to
be over. I was prepared for the searing pain, but it took longer this time before it disappeared.
When the device was removed a separate insignia with an M was added to the original design. I looked away. I couldn’t bear to see it.
“I expect you all understand the level of respect that needs to be shown to her.” Mason spoke, but it sounded far away. Everything felt far away. I was falling, and I knew there was no way to get up again.
“Enjoy the rest of your evening.” Mason nodded as if to dismiss the others. He took my arm and led me toward the door. I kept my eyes down, knowing full well the tears had started and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop them now.
Chapter 13
Mason
Beautiful and shaken. Those were the best words to describe Kayla as I led her down the hallway toward my room. She hadn’t uttered a word, and I didn’t press her. Although I couldn’t truly imagine how she was feeling, I could take a guess.
I pulled open one of the heavy wooden doors separating my living space from the others, all while keeping an arm wrapped around her. She looked so fragile. I was afraid she’d fall and break if I let go.
Without a word I led her through the doorway and locked the door behind us—trying the lock an extra time for good measure. I wanted to ensure we had complete privacy.
I’d never seriously considered taking a girl as my own. The right was there, but it was a risky one. Taking a girl that could belong to the many for myself could be seen as selfish—and it could lead to my downfall—but I had no choice. I’d known from the moment I laid eyes on her I had to have her, and I would never be able to stomach anyone else laying a hand on her.
I walked her through the sitting area and through a second set of double doors that housed my bedroom and bathroom. It was a space no one else entered other than to clean. I never brought the girls to my room. I saw them elsewhere—in a place where I could leave easily when I was finished with them. But I wasn’t going to want to leave Kayla. I would never be finished with her because I knew behind those haunted eyes there was something worth knowing. Something worth keeping.
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