by Amy Lamont
I lazed in the bed for another few minutes until Mother Nature made her bid to get me moving. My bladder won out over the cozy haven of my bed. Well, that and the knowledge that the sooner I got up, the sooner I’d get to see Logan again.
That thought got me bouncing out of bed with far more energy than anyone who had as much fabulous sex as I had in the last twenty-four hours had any right to have. I didn’t even try to fight the grin that I’m sure would announce to anyone who saw me exactly what I’d been up to recently.
Good thing the nearest neighbor was a ways down the beach.
My good spirits lasted right up until the moment I pulled down my panties and noticed the spots staining the gusset. A quick check confirmed my period had arrived several days ahead of schedule.
I was not pregnant.
The breath left my lungs on a whoosh. I made fast work of taking care of business and freshening up, trying to focus on anything but the reality I’d just been confronted with.
I slowly got dressed and ready for the day. My initial instinct to rush through my morning routine to get to Logan as soon as possible went right out the widow. A vein in my temple started to throb and a lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but it wouldn’t budge.
I will not cry. I will not cry.
I couldn’t understand my own reaction. This should be good news. Right? Logan and I didn’t need a pregnancy to complicate things between us. Things were complicated enough all on their own.
So why did I feel like I’d lost something?
I took my time walking to the kitchen where I could hear pots and pans clanging.
“What took you so long?” Logan asked as I stepped into the kitchen. “I thought you were going to sleep the day away.”
I gave him a smile I knew must look weak. But it was the best I could do right this moment.
Thankfully he missed it as he turned back to the stove, flipping a pancake with the spatula he held. I sucked in a big breath and prepared myself to put on a happy face.
I could see, even just looking at his profile, Logan was tons lighter today than he’d been when he showed up on my back deck the other night. His eyes had lost their shadows, his shoulders were relaxed, and a small grin played over his lips.
I was so happy I could help him find that, even if it was just for a few days. I didn’t want to take that away from him.
Here goes nothing.
“We don’t all wake up before the sun like you crazy Army boys.”
He turned his head and offered me a grin. He made a show of puffing out his chest. “It’s true. Us Army boys tend to be superior to the rest of you mere mortals.”
I didn’t have to fake the laugh that broke from me. “Settle down there, hot stuff. Some of us mere mortals have special talents of our own.”
He waggled his eyebrows at me. “I believe you proved that to me last night.”
He closed the distance between us in two steps, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close, careful to hold the spatula away from my body. Before I could form a thought, his lips descended to mine and he planted a lush, long, lingering kiss on my lips. My eyes fell closed and all I could do was grab his shoulders and hang on for the ride. The boy sure knew how to kiss a girl.
He pulled back with one last, quick peck on my lips. “If I keep that up another second, I’m going to burn our breakfast.”
I ran my tongue slowly over my lips as my eyes drifted open.
“Mmm, bacon,” I said, as I recognized the taste he’d carried on his tongue.
He sent me a wicked, cocky grin. “You like?”
“Depends. Did you leave me any actual bacon or do I only get to taste it second hand?”
He laughed and reached for a paper towel covered plate. He moved it to the countertop near my elbow and pulled the covering off revealing a mound of extra crispy bacon. Before I could speak, my stomach decided to do the talking for me, emitting a loud gurgling growl.
“A little hungry this morning, are you?” Again the cocky grin put in an appearance.
“Don’t go getting a big head. It’s not the workout you gave me last night. It’s all the ocean air and early mornings. Plus...bacon.” I snatched a piece from the platter and bit into it. My eyes drifted closed as the smoky deliciousness all but melted in my mouth.
“I never thought I’d get jealous of a piece of bacon. But that’s the same look you got last night when I had my cock buried—”
I stepped forward and clamped my hand over his mouth giving him the best quelling look I could manage while fighting back laughter.
He stuck his tongue out and licked the palm of my hand. I squealed and snatched it away.
“Mmm, bacon.” He repeated my earlier words, forcing me to give him an eye roll one more time.
“Feed me, Soldier.” I pointed back to the golden brown pancakes on the griddle.
He laughed and went back to the stove, and started stacking pancakes on plates.
“There’s coffee ready.”
“You are a god.” My voice held all the reverence I reserved for the holy triad—coffee, wine and chocolate.
He shook his head, not looking away from his pancakes. “I must be losing my touch. Everything we did together yesterday, and it’s my coffee making skills that get you excited.”
I had tunnel vision, all my focus on the coffee pot. I filled a mug to the brim and didn’t hesitate before taking a sip. “So good.”
Logan brought two plates of pancakes over to the breakfast bar and dropped them onto placemats. I couldn’t help the soft smile that touched my lips when I noticed that he’d set the table. There were matching placemats, napkins and silverware and he’d even cut a few blooms from the wild roses that grew along the side of the house and placed them in a small, clear vase between the two place settings.
“Wow. This is amazing, Logan.” I perched myself on one of the stools and started digging into the pancakes while he grabbed the platter of bacon.
He dropped a kiss on the top of my head as he passed me and my heart fluttered at his casual show of affection. It was weird. We’d always been affectionate with each other growing up. I never thought anything about hugging him or draping myself across him while we watched a movie. So his sweet, offhand kiss wasn’t that out of character. It never occurred to me before that it might be odd for us to act that way with each other. Did it seem strange that I’d act that way with my best friend’s big brother? Or was it possible my feelings for Logan had been building for way longer than I realized?
I contemplated that thought while I doctored my pancakes with butter and syrup.
“You’re awfully quiet.” Logan’s voice dragged me from my musings.
I’d plowed through half of my pancakes while my mind wandered, I realized with a start. “Just enjoying my breakfast and thinking.”
“What’s on your mind?”
I shrugged. “Right this second, I’m thinking about how amazing these pancakes are. Who knew you could cook?”
He smiled absently as he nudged me with his shoulder. “What else? You looked like your thoughts were running deeper than pancakes.”
I nodded and realized he knew me too long and too well for me to get away with hiding my thoughts. That went right along with what I’d been wondering.
I shrugged. “I was just thinking how wild it is that we’re so comfortable with each other. We get to have all the benefits of being with someone new but none of the awkward getting-to- know-you moments.”
He chuckled. “I hadn’t thought of that, but it’s true. I feel like you and I know each other pretty well, but I still get to...” He paused and ran a finger down my arm. “Uncover a whole new side of you.”
And just like that I wanted him. Desire flared through me so hard and so hot, I didn’t know how I managed to stay in my chair. I dropped my fork to my plate and turned to stare at him, digging my teeth into my bottom lip.
His eyes ignited with the same heat as he looked at me. �
�You hungry, baby?” His voice was a growl.
All I could do was nod. I was hungry. God, I was starving. Only for him. How could I still be burning for him after all we did yesterday?
He reached for me, but paused just short of touching me. I held back a frustrated shriek. I wanted his hands on me more than I wanted air.
He sat back and sent me an apologetic grin. “I just realized something.”
“What?” My voice was a frantic croak. Not sexy. But damn, all I could think about was how much I wanted him. “What did you just realize?”
“We used the last condom last night.”
“Last condom?” It took a second for my desire-clouded mind to catch up. And then I remembered how we’d used that last condom. I’m sure the grin that spread across my face was goofy as all hell. But a girl could get away with a goofy grin after a series of orgasms like the ones I’d experienced in Logan’s arms last night. “Oh, yeah. The last condom.”
He outright laughed at me, but I didn’t care. I could handle a little laughter after I’d gotten my happy on the way I had last night. And yesterday afternoon. And morning. My grin grew.
He shook his head. “Insatiable.”
“You like it.”
“I do.” His heated tone made goose bumps break out across my skin.
He reached out and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. I melted into his touch.
“I guess we should add going out to stock up on condoms to the top of our list of things to do this morning.”
His words, along with my own realization pulled me from my happy, horny little haze. The strong attraction I had for him had managed to make me almost completely forget the funk I was in after I visited the bathroom this morning, but it was back in full force now. I bit my lip, worried on a couple of levels about how he was going to take my news.
I sat back on the stool and let out my breath slowly. “Umm, about our plans for the day...”
His head tipped to the side. "What about them?"
I hesitated for a second before taking a deep breath as I searched my mind for the right words. “Well, if you plan on spending today the same way we spent yesterday...um, maybe we should come up with a plan B.”
His gaze immediately turned sharp and he cupped a hand over my knee. “Are you too sore? Did I hurt you?”
My heart leapt at his show of concern, and I jumped in to reassure him. “No, nothing like that. You didn’t hurt me at all. I’m not sore.” I winced. “Well, maybe a little. But that’s mostly from the...cramps.”
He pulled his eyebrows together. “Cramps?”
I nodded, trying to convey with a look the words I didn’t want to say out loud.
His eyes narrowed and for long moments, he only looked puzzled. But he suddenly sat up straight, the light going out of his eyes. “Did you get your period?”
His voice was reserved, giving me no idea exactly how he felt about the possibility. “It came early. I had it when I woke up this morning.”
I kept my eyes glued to his face. But he didn’t give away his feelings by so much as a flicker.
“So we're not going to have a baby.” His voice was emotionless, more statement than question. But I couldn’t help but focus on the words he chose. Not that I wasn’t pregnant but that we weren’t going to have a baby. Was there a chance he was as disappointed at the thought as I was?
I studied his face, but he gave me nothing.
I shrugged. “No, I’m not pregnant.”
He nodded, his eyes going to a point over my shoulder. I waited, but he didn’t say anything else. Now I had to hold back a scream for totally different reasons.
Finally, I could take it no more.
“I guess you’re as relieved as I am,” I said softly.
His eyes moved to me and I saw a flare of something but the rest of him remained perfectly still. “Relieved. I don’t know if that’s the word I’d use.”
Before he could say more, his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and checked the screen. His eyes came back to me. “I need to take this. My mom.”
I nodded and stayed frozen in my seat while he slid from the stool and answered his phone.
“Hi, Mom.” He walked to the sliders to the deck and went outside to continue his conversation, closing the doors behind him.
I blew out a breath and looked down at the plate. The sight of the pancakes with the puddles of maple syrup and the bacon turned my stomach. I placed a hand over my middle and felt something akin to grief surge through me. I lowered my head and just sat there in the kitchen of one of my favorite places on the planet, and grieved the loss of a baby that never was.
When Logan didn’t return after a few minutes, I started to clean up the kitchen. I mechanically scraped the remnants of our breakfast into the trash and filled the sink with soapy water to wash the pans.
Fifteen minutes later I was done, and Logan still hadn’t returned. I couldn’t stand it another minute. I needed to hear what he was planning on saying to me before the phone interrupted us.
I stepped out on the deck and saw no sign of Logan. I scanned the beach, my gaze tracking along the shore. I finally spotted him jogging up the beach toward the house.
I gripped the deck rail and resisted the urge to run and meet him. I kept my eyes glued to him while his feet swallowed the sand beneath him, bringing him closer and closer. He looked up at the house and when his eyes landed on me, he slowed for a second, but then he picked up his speed and ran with an easy gait to the deck.
He stalked up the stairs, his cargo shorts low on his hips, his bare chest glistening with sweat and making my mouth water. I wanted nothing more than to press myself against him, to feel his skin against mine.
But the look on his face held me at bay. Gone was the laughing, smiling, easygoing Logan I’d spent the last few days with.
The soldier was back.
Chapter 15
How on earth did I get here? Here was the car I shared with my best friends. Our apartment in the city came with one parking spot in the garage. Since we mostly depended on public transportation, we really didn’t need a car. But my parents insisted we have one in case of emergencies. My dad had picked out a nice, safe sedan that looked like something my grandmother would drive.
It occasionally came in handy. Like when I had a ton of stuff I wanted to haul out to the beach house for my summer kick off beach bash. Or when my best friend’s big brother who I'd somehow managed to fall desperately in love with wanted to escape said beach house.
When Logan joined me on the deck after his run, after his mom’s phone call, after my big no baby announcement, he’d told me he’d been summoned. His mother couldn’t stand not seeing him for another day and if he didn’t arrive home within the next few hours, she’d be descending on the beach house.
I personally had no problem with the Murphy family invading the house in the Hamptons. Under different circumstances, circumstances that didn’t involve me having my way with their son, I’d be happy for them to come spend the week there.
But Logan, the soldier he’d turned back into, was on a mission. If asked, I’m sure he’d say his mission was to see his parents and spend time with his family before he returned to his unit. But there was no doubt in my mind what his real mission was—escaping me.
His original plan had been to take the train or the bus back to the city and hop on New Jersey transit from there to go see his parents. I panicked at the idea of him leaving me right then and there. We needed to talk. Or come to terms. Or commiserate. Or share our relief, even if my own would be somewhat feigned, over the lack of pregnancy. Something. Anything other than him just walking away.
So I made up some lie about needing to return to the city, relieved I’d never actually shared my intention to spend the entire week at the beach. I’d offered to drive him to New Jersey. I figured I could finagle at least a dinner invitation from Mrs. Murphy. Anything to prolong my time with Logan.
I had this impending sense of do
om. Like if I let him walk away now, it was the end. And as bizarre as it was after all the years I’ve known him, I knew I wanted more from Logan. Way, way more.
How I imagined sitting together in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Long Island Expressway would make a difference, I didn’t know. But that’s where I was—sitting in my sensible sedan next to the blank-faced soldier version of Logan in traffic that made the expressway more like a parking lot. Thank goodness for air conditioning or I’d be a puddle on the floor mats.
Logan hadn’t said word one in the hour and a half since we’d packed up and left the beach house. I’d placed a call to the management company that took care of the house when we weren’t there to make sure they were available to clean up the remnants of the party and our stay.
Even if they hadn’t been available, I’d already made up my mind that I wasn’t letting Logan leave without me. Keeping him with me seemed vital. Like if he left me to go see his parents, everything would be lost.
The silence in the car finally got to me. I couldn’t take it another minute. “Does your mom have her lasagna in the oven?”
I could see his head turn my way out of the corner of my eye.
“Yeah.” His head swiveled back to look out the window.
Insert crickets chirping here.
I did my best to hide my sigh. “Bet you don’t miss this traffic.”
This time I didn’t even get a head turn. “Nope.”
I gritted my teeth. I really wanted to be angry. I wanted to be the jilted lover. But hurt ruled over all other emotions and it’s not like Logan and I made any promises to each other before we hopped in bed.
“Are you sorry we didn’t keep things platonic?” I’m not sure which one of us was more surprised by my soft voice asking that question.
I glanced over at him as he whipped his head around toward me. Yup. That got his attention. Though now I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer.
“Jade…”
“No, you know what,” I said, my voice pushing its way through a throat clogged with too many emotions to identify, “don’t answer that.”