He couldn’t reach her, not when she was like this and when his own control was so precarious. “We’ll talk later, once we’ve both calmed down.” He left quickly, before he could say anything to make matters worse.
KRISTI STARED at the door and wondered exactly what she’d just done. Why had she driven him away? Why had she fought with old tactics designed for failed relationships?
In his bouncy seat, Jack stirred and she bent to pick him up. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she told him. “Everything’s going to be fine.” She wondered if this was yet another lie.
“SORRY. I DIDN’T KNOW where else to go.” Mitch stood on his sister’s doorstep around nine-thirty. He’d driven around aimlessly since he’d left Kristi. He didn’t know what to do, how to convince her to forgive him.
“Of course you should come here. I’m your sister.” Maria shot her husband a glance and Paul left the room. “What happened?”
“Kristi doesn’t believe I love her. She thinks I married her to climb the corporate ladder, and she won’t listen to reason. I can’t take it anymore.”
“That’s because you’ve never had so much to lose before. I know I’ve never been very supportive of your relationship with Kristi, but let’s take a look at this from her point of view. You told me that every guy she ever dated dumped her. So she’s probably got a bit of an inferiority complex. Then she has a great no-strings night with you, and gets knocked up. But instead of telling you, she keeps it to herself because she doesn’t want to trap you. She just wants to be loved for herself.”
“I do love her for herself. I have for almost three years. And I thought we’d gotten past all that. But she’s never looked at me the same way since she overheard my conversation with her father. She won’t believe me, no matter how many times I explain.”
“Here, try this.” Paul entered and handed Mitch a cup of coffee spiked with Irish cream. Mitch took a sip of the warm, soothing drink.
“Thanks,” he said before Paul left.
Maria smiled. “It’s Paul’s favorite calm-down drink. I guess he figured you could use one.”
“Is this how it is when you two fight?”
“Sometimes. Other times it’s better, and there are times it’s worse. But he’s a good man. We love each other enough to work through things no matter how bad they get or how impossible they seem.”
“The last thing Kristi did before I left was ask me when I’d come back. She said I promised not to leave her. Deep down, I’m sure she loves me. But she’s afraid.”
“Which is why you need to work things out. It doesn’t matter how you both got here. It only matters where you go from here. You’re going to have to forgive yourself, and her. And she will have to forgive you. Then you’ll have to put it in the past and move forward. Is she worth it?”
“What?”
“A lifetime.”
Scenes from his life flashed in his mind, as if watching highlight movie clips. Kristi in her red dress, dancing with him at the Christmas party. That same dress coming off. The meeting in the stairwell. Dinner at his place. Long discussions over the union negotiations. The night at her condo when she’d asked him to marry her. Standing next to her and saying I do. A honeymoon spent whale watching amid glaciers, with eagles flying overhead. He could hear her laugh, see her smile, feel the satiny smoothness of her skin.
“She’s worth it,” he said.
“Then you’re going to have to figure this out.”
“The grand gesture works,” Paul said, entering the room and glancing at Mitch’s coffee. Mitch put his hand over the empty cup, indicating he didn’t want a refill. “I bought Maria a diamond tennis bracelet after I accidentally broke her porcelain vase, you know the one that was your grandmother’s? I bumped into the table and it fell off and shattered.”
His sister nodded. “I was so mad. I was pregnant and hormonal and I exploded. I felt so bad afterward, but Paul kept saying it was fine. And then a few days later I found a box on my pillow. He’d even written me poetry.”
“She blubbered,” Paul said, grinning. “She was putty in my hands.”
“Oh, you,” Maria said, and Mitch could tell how much his sister truly loved her husband. They were soul mates. He’d always thought he and Kristi were soul mates, too.
“He didn’t need to buy me anything. The vase was an accident and really not that important. But the fact he accepted responsibility, even when it was really not his fault, said volumes about how much he loved me.”
“Jewelry won’t work. Not this time. Broken trust will take more to mend than a broken vase.”
“The key is that the gesture comes from the heart. Maria loved that vase and she’d always longed for a tennis bracelet. You have to be willing to own the blame, even if you aren’t guilty, and try to meet Kristi’s needs because you love her,” Paul advised.
“What if she doesn’t believe I’m sincere?” Mitch asked.
Paul shrugged. “You convince her.”
“Should I inflate the air mattress?” Maria asked. “It’s probably best you stay here tonight. If you go home, you risk getting into another fight. Both of you could use some space. A night away won’t make things any worse, and it’ll give you some time to think. But make sure you call her and tell her where you are.”
Mitch nodded. He didn’t want to go home and get into another argument. That’s why he’d left in the first place. He had decisions to make. Today had shown him he had one last chance. He loved Kristi. He loved his son. One more strike and he’d be out.
He couldn’t let that happen.
BY 3:30 A.M., as Kristi fed Jack, it was obvious Mitch wasn’t coming home. He’d called to tell her he was staying at Paul and Maria’s and he’d be home in the morning, but as she returned Jack to his crib, she realized she’d hoped he would change his mind. The condo felt empty without his presence, and that emptiness resonated within her.
She did love Mitch, and no matter how mad she was, she couldn’t help wanting him near. But what a mess their relationship had become.
She stroked Jack’s cheek, and he closed his eyes.
Funny thing was, as mad as she felt about Mitch taking over her job, she loved staying home. She didn’t miss work as much as she’d thought she would. Every day Jack did something new and she didn’t want to miss a minute. That big PR crisis Mitch had taken care of hadn’t even raised her adrenaline the way Jack’s cry did. Work had never given her the contented, peaceful feeling she had when holding her son.
She turned the mobile on and then ran her fingers lightly over the crib rail, remembering her joy when she’d first seen the crib. She’d experienced such a revelation—she’d loved Mitch. She’d gone to tell him, and her life had fallen apart.
Kristi flipped off the overhead light. A night-light glowed in the corner. She didn’t want to return to her room and the big empty bed that would emphasize Mitch’s absence. She sat down in the glider and eventually slept.
MITCH FOUND KRISTI in the nursery early in the morning when he returned home. She looked so fragile sleeping there, her hair down around her shoulders and her head tilted to one side. His heart broke as he covered her with a fleece blanket and slipped away without waking her or Jack.
Having showered at Maria and Paul’s, Mitch only had to change his clothes and get dressed. He left Kristi a note, and met Larry at the country club for their 7:00 a.m. tee time. He and his father-in-law were part of a foursome competing in a golf tournament. They couldn’t get out of it since Jensen was the sponsor, but both men would leave early to get to the church for the noon christening.
“Hey, Mitch. Adam called and they’ll be on the course in five minutes,” Larry said.
Mitch readied himself. He could do this. He could say the words that had to be said. “Good, because I need to tell you something.”
He and Larry stepped out of earshot. All around, caddies were putting clubs in golf carts. “What is it?” Larry asked.
“Kristi’s not happy about my tak
ing over her job. We had quite a fight about it.”
Mitch saw their partners arrive. He only had a few minutes, tops, because they had to run on time today in order to be at the christening. “I need your help.”
“Anything.”
“Good.” Lying on an uncomfortable air mattress had given him plenty of time to think. “Let me tell you how things go from here.”
Chapter Seventeen
As Kristi readied Jack for the trip to the church, Alison sat in the glider and rocked her feet back and forth. “That’s a beautiful outfit.”
Kristi adjusted the lacy white baptismal gown. “Every Robbins baby since Mitch has worn it, including Jane. Now it’s Jack’s turn.”
“How are you holding up?”
“Feeling stupid that I arranged a christening the same day as the big Golf for Leukemia event that Jensen always sponsors.”
“Well, Mitch called you, right? Is he on his way home?”
Kristi nodded. “He only played nine holes, enough to put in the required appearance.” She curled Jack into the crook of her arm and fingered the ruffled edge of the gown. “I don’t know what to do.”
Alison frowned. “You have got to snap out of this. You also need to talk to Dr. Krasnoff and make sure you’re not suffering from postpartum depression.”
“I don’t think my feeling blue is PPD. I’m moody because once again my life is a big mess.”
“Tell him you love him,” Alison suggested.
“That’s ludicrous. Why would I do that? Why would I make myself vulnerable after what he did?”
“Because, honey, honesty from this point forward is the only thing that’s going to save your marriage. And you do love him. In fact, tell him today in church. Is there any better place to bare your soul?”
Jack’s lips puckered. “He needs to eat,” Kristi said.
“I’ll go get his bottle.” Alison headed for the kitchen.
As Kristi sat in the rocker, she heard the front door open. Mitch was home. She heard a few murmurs between him and Alison and then he appeared in the nursery doorway. She glanced up. “Hi.”
“How are you?” His voice was soft.
“I’m fine.”
He nodded. “We are going to work this out. I promise.”
She looked at Jack, whose eyes were closing.
Mitch stood there as if waiting for a response. “I’ll go change,” he said after a few moments.
After Mitch left the room, Alison returned, carrying a bottle of formula. “I’m going to leave you two alone and meet you at the church. Talk to him.”
But her mother called, and then it was time to go to mass. Kristi sat next to Mitch for forty-five minutes. To a casual observer, she appeared to be perfectly put together, as if nothing was wrong. She’d applied her makeup expertly, hiding the dark circles under her eyes.
As she smiled for her family and friends, she wondered if this was a mask she’d have to wear for the rest of her life.
AS MASS ENDED, Mitch touched Kristi’s hand, and felt her tremble. He had to make this right.
He bided his time. After mass the church cleared of all but the Jensen and Robbins families and their closest friends. The priest began the christening with a prayer.
Then there was a song, followed by a short, spiritual message. Mitch couldn’t remember Jane’s baptism perfectly, but he knew there was a little leeway in the structure until the actual anointing of the baby with water and oil—then the words were canon.
“Mitch, as Jack’s father, would you like to say some thing?” Father Steven asked.
Mitch rose to his feet, and headed to the front of the church. His starched suit itched, a sure sign of nerves.
He’d spoken with the priest over the phone early this morning, but other than that, no one knew what was in his heart or what he planned to say. The lectern was elevated, and once at the mic, Mitch faced everyone.
The Robbins and Jensen families took up multiple pews.
Mitch drew a breath. Then he felt a light touch on his suit sleeve as Kristi put her hand on his arm. Those blue eyes he adored looked up at him. “Do you mind if I go first?” she asked.
He shook his head. What he had to say could wait, but he would say it. “No. Go ahead.”
“Thanks.” He switched places with his wife, and stood on the floor behind her. Her voice was loud and clear.
“Hi. Thank you for coming today. As you know, Jack is Mitch’s son.”
He couldn’t see Kristi’s face, so Mitch moved to stand in front of the lectern.
Kristi drew a breath and continued. “I didn’t do things the way I was supposed to, and I don’t want you to think that I married Mitch because of the baby, especially since our wedding was rather rushed.”
As he watched Kristi, Mitch’s heart swelled with pride. Her blond hair was pulled back and she’d worn a loose-fitting green dress; her body had lost much of the baby weight, but not the last few pounds. The sun filtered in through the stained glass, creating a halo effect. She was a beautiful vision, and he knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was setting things right and he loved her for it.
“On a day like today, when we ask God to watch over and bless this child, it’s important that the family house be in order. That there are no more bombshells that could rip everything to shreds. That’s why I’m standing here, baring my soul.”
Her eyes caught his, and for a minute the rest of the church faded away. “Mitch, my entire life I’ve wanted a man who loved me for me. One who’d be my best friend, my lover and the father of my children. You’ve been all of those, and I’m sorry I hurt you by not telling you sooner. I hope you can forgive me.”
In his portable car seat, Jack stretched his fists into the air and made a gurgling noise. He was starting to wake up. Alison adjusted his pacifier.
Mitch was aware that everyone in the church was waiting for his answer, including Kristi. Tears had formed in her eyes, creating a wet sheen. There really wasn’t space for two at the lectern, but Mitch climbed the steps and made room. This was his wife. He loved her.
As Maria had said, it wasn’t how they got here that mattered, it was where they went from here. Years from now he’d be old and gray, and hopefully holding Kristi’s hand as his father was holding his mother’s this very moment. The future was theirs to create.
Love indeed did conquer all, if you let it.
He took Kristi’s hands in his, as he had the day they’d married in Emma’s rose garden. Peace settled over him, and he smiled down at her, so overwhelmed with joy that he wanted to burst. His lips opened and he spoke from his heart.
“I promised to love and cherish you all the days of your life. That hasn’t changed.”
Her eyes widened and he tightened his grip on her hands. “Through better or worse, sickness and health, for richer or poorer, and everything else in between. I love you. We’re a family. Forever.”
The collected breath of the onlookers whooshed out as he drew Kristi into his arms and gave her a light kiss. He felt her tremble. She was so strong, his wife, but her heart had been broken so many times before. Those experiences had left her vulnerable. Unable to believe. Afraid.
“I love you,” he repeated as they drew apart, for really, those were the only three words that could heal her. “I’m the luckiest man alive. You are the world to me.”
Her eyes moistened again. “And you me. I do love you. I do.”
Her words arrived with an anguished cry, and Mitch used his body to shield her from their families. “I know.”
He’d brought a handkerchief for the christening, and he removed the white fabric square from his suit pocket and wiped away her tears.
“You always believed I loved you, didn’t you? You knew my heart better than I did,” she said.
He found in himself a tenderness he’d never known existed. “You couldn’t act the way you did and not love me. Then I found out about Jack and once I calmed down, I realized how lucky I was. I had you and I had a
son. Not that I wouldn’t have loved him. But he’s ours. We made him together, and he’ll always know he entered this world loved.”
The priest had moved to the lectern steps and Mitch nodded at him. “Let’s get Jack baptized,” he said to Kristi. “I heard there’s a lunch afterward, courtesy of your mom.”
That brought out a tentative smile on Kristi’s face and, his hand secure on her arm, Mitch guided her down the steps. The priest said a few more words to refocus the event, and Kristi’s tears dried. Soon everyone convened around the baptismal font, where Jack was christened. The commotion woke him, but he didn’t cry once, although his nose wrinkled as water and oil anointed his forehead.
After the ceremony ended, everyone moved to the church basement, where Emma’s caterer had outdone himself. There weren’t any streamers. This time flowers and white tablecloths ruled the day, as did delicious food served on china.
Mitch kept Kristi close for most of the meal. He knew he should share, but selfishness won out. He’d never been so happy. He had it all.
But there was one last thing he had to take care of. He turned to Kristi between the main course and dessert. “I talked to your dad.”
“Oh?”
“I told him that should you decide to return to work, I’ll step aside. I’ve always maintained that I don’t want your job.”
Kristi glanced across the room, and, as if knowing the topic of their current conversation, Larry held up a champagne flute and smiled.
“You did that for me?”
He held her hands again and nodded. “Like I told you, it was never about the job. It’s always been about you.”
Kristi sat back. The caterer had covered all the ugly brown metal chairs with pretty, white linen seat covers.
“You don’t want to be a vice president.”
“I love being a vice president. But I don’t want any job if it means losing you. I only went along with your father because I hoped I could turn these one-sided feelings of mine into a two-way street. I’d loved you for so long. But the love I have for you now is different.”
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