The Catcher in the Eye (America's Next Top Assistant Mystery Book 1)

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by Lotta Smith




  THE CATCHER IN THE EYE

  By Lotta Smith

  THE CATCHER IN THE EYE. Copyright

  © 2015 by Lotta Smith. All rights reserved

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means whatsoever without express written permission from the author.

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, incidents and places are the products of the author’s imagination, and are not to be construed as real. None of the characters in this book is based on an actual person. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental and an unintentional.

  THE CATCHER IN THE EYE

  By Lotta Smith

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 1

  There’s a first time for everything.

  I was at a medical examiner’s office in rural Virginia. It was my first visit to this place and actually, it also happened to be my very first trip to a morgue. I was here to attend the autopsy of a woman who allegedly had fallen victim to a brutal murder. So far, I’d seen more than my share of corpses in the past four months, however I usually saw them at crime scenes and not morgues.

  I don’t know much about the statistics of murders, but I had seen lots of homicide victims since starting this job. In the beginning, I kept track of the body count, but I stopped counting after hitting ten on the third day of my current employment. Later, I learned that it was just a temporary thing—one of those crazy, busy times—the “on” season of killing. Anyway, who knew murders had on-seasons? And I’m not talking about Walmart jobs during the holiday season or wedding industry in June.

  My name is Kelly Kinki. Yes, it’s my real name as written on my birth certificate. No, I’m not making this surname thing up, and no, I’m not into kinky sex. I’m twenty-nine years old, half Japanese, half Italian-English American. Currently single and divorced with no intention or anticipation for new romantic relationships, much less marriages anymore.

  Been there, done that. Thank you very much.

  Right now, my mind was completely set for the career. And guess what, thinking about my career as a super-cool, classy, and oh-so-savvy sleuth (the assistant extraordinaire, to be precise,) totally made me happy! The hard bench chair I sat on was no Cassina, and with a faded grayish-green color scheme, sad taste in décor (or lack thereof), and chilly yet stale air, the morgue’s waiting room was depressing at the best of times. But I was optimistic. In fact, I was feeling kind of like flamboyant because I really, really liked the idea of visiting the morgue in line of my job. First of all, I loved CSI TV series, and the prospect of seeing a live autopsy was totally thrilling. Besides that, it was not like the morgues were open to the public so that anybody could take a sightseeing tour and attend an autopsy, right? Having an access to visit this facility felt like a real privilege.

  In my mind, I was picturing myself as a female version of Dr. John Watson, only less geeky. Maybe by taking a part in the autopsy, I might come up with something that could lead to a breakthrough. Just like super-assistants of brilliant detectives in fictions do all the time. Maybe I could even kick some ass like a badass assistant, too. In my opinion, it was often the assistant extraordinaire who should get the credit for disentangling the mystery before his/her boss did. Something warm and fuzzy started to bubble up in my stomach. It wasn’t the after-effect of a lunch burrito. I had to use a great amount of self-restraint to keep myself from singing, “For the first time in forever, I’ll be watching an autopsy!” like a certain Princess of Arendelle.

  I didn’t realize I was smiling until I heard “Why don’t you stop grinning like an idiot?” in a deep and husky voice that belonged to Michael Archangel—a private investigator who was sitting next to me on the same bench.

  How I managed to forget his presence I didn’t know. If nothing else, the delicate yet distinct scent of Higher Energy by Dior, his fragrance de jour, should have alerted me to his presence.

  No thanks to his voice, I was snapped back to the reality that it was him who had access to the morgue, not me. I hadn’t clarified with the morgue but considering I had no authority or qualification, they wouldn’t have granted me a permission to attend the autopsy if I came here all by myself. I also noticed that perhaps, a real badass woman wouldn’t even imagine singing like a Disney Princess while sitting in the morgue’s waiting room. The truth was, I wasn’t very sure if I wanted to attend the autopsy at all.

  I was no Dr. Watson. I had no background in medicine. The closest experience I’d ever had with this particular field was having a pediatrician and an orthopedic surgeon as ex-faux-dads. It was the first time for me to see a cadaver getting cut open. The corpses I had seen often had a hole or two, but I had never seen the human innards peekabooing from inside of the body cavity, saying something like “Yoo-hoo?”

  As I anticipated seeing the contents of a human body, a gazillion of butterflies went wild in my stomach. Okay, so the earlier flamboyance and faux-hardboiled tone were only parts of my façade to hide my nervousness. And speaking of body contents, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep my lunch burrito where that belonged.

  Discreetly, I took a deep breath, just to calm my nerves and regain my composure. “I didn’t realize you were watching every step of mine. But thanks for your keen attention anyway. I’m flattered.” I said nonchalantly.

  “Ha.” With a snort, Archangel’s candy apple colored lips curled into a sarcastic smirk. “Don’t get me wrong. But it’s hard to miss the action when someone sitting by my side starts babbling silly things with an even sillier goofy grin pasted on her face. Especially when this special someone starts drooling.”

  I felt around my lips with my fingertips only to find the area completely drool-free.

  “I wasn’t drooling. You tricked me!” I narrowed my eyes.

  “It’s because you’re such a good comic relief to poke fun at, Kelly,” he had the audacity to admit. “But look on the bright side. It was just a joke and not a con. Hey, speaking of a con, did I mention I’m no con compared to the lying, cheating, jilting, swindling, oh-so-disturbing excuse for a human douchebag who happens to be your ex-husband?” With a light-hearted chuckle, he added, “No pun intended.”

  Biting my lip, I toyed with the idea of kicking him really hard in the shin. This cra…I mean, nonsense, with him dissing Warren and my past marriage was just getting old, and it was oh-so-tempting to finally make a point. But I thought better of it. First o
ff, kicking your employer runs a potentially hazardous risk for your job security. Secondly, most of his words were accurate, especially the part about my ex being a con—as in being a convicted conman. I didn’t want to reinforce his cocksureness by getting upset. That would only tip him off that yours truly indeed had feelings for my ex-husband.

  So instead of kicking him, I retorted. “I never drool!”

  “Hey, Kelly.” Flashing the perfect set of pearly whites, Archangel nudged my elbow. “Look what you’ve done to her.” I followed his gaze and spotted the female receptionist. She was practically gaping at us from behind the counter. My eyes met with hers. I tried a polite, social smile that implied I was not her enemy. She averted her gaze away.

  “See?” He cocked his head. “You’ve managed to creep her out in five minutes. What a shame. Now I’m labeled as a P.I. who’s stuck with a weird assistant from La-La Land. Come on, I’ve got a reputation to maintain.” As he shook his head, shining locks of his long, golden brown hair swayed like dancing waves.

  “I see, so you’ve got a reputation to maintain.” Rephrasing his words, I gave him an up-and-down look. Today, his attire consisted of a skin-tight above-the-knee-length dress in vivid magenta, purple fishnet stockings paired with fuck-me-if-you-can high heels. Okay, so the colorful attire flattered his alabaster complexion and the long, shiny hair that went midway down his back. Even the heavy makeup wasn’t laughable.

  Yes, you heard me right. I said he was dressed like a woman. I’m not making any of this up. His outfit de jour was described as skimpy and eye-catching, at best. It was not his Halloween costume on an account that it was early April, not the last day of October. Did I mention that cross-dressing was his “casual/business” attire? I didn’t know and didn’t want to know what he wears for black-tie events.

  I glanced back at the receptionist, who was now shaking her head as if she was trying to clear away many thoughts that kept running through her mind. I suspected she was taken aback. No, “taken aback” was an understatement. I wouldn’t be surprised if her brain was caught in a temporary cerebral arrest. Michael Archangel had that effect for many people. Basically, unlike L.A. or Miami, seeing a transvestite in rural Virginia was a very rare occasion, which alone counted as an element of surprise. There was another major element called confusion. Indeed, to the casual eye, his appearance was very confusing. Here I’m not talking about an esthetically challenged dude playing dress up as a geisha.

  He wasn’t ugly. Lucky him. Thanks to inheriting high cheekbones, baby blue eyes, a well-sculpted nose in a perfect shape that would make Cleopatra cry with envy, and a tall and slender figure from both his mother (Miss California) and grandmother (Miss Greek), he managed to appear almost as strikingly gorgeous as a woman. At least in photos.

  Speaking of photos, I supposed perhaps she had seen the pictures of him in the morning paper. Newspapers often carried his photographs. As a Virginia-based P.I. he usually consulted with law enforcement such as the FBI, and worked on tricky, weird, or even the most impossible cases. And as a matter of fact, he happened to be a good detective. Not just good but top-notch. He always cracked difficult cases really fast, and as result, newspapers, magazine articles, websites, and sometimes even TV shows reported his accomplishments.

  Then again, seeing him in person was a whole different story. Archangel happened to have even bigger impact in person. He still looked almost like a woman. To be precise, he looked more like a supermodel than a woman. I mean, it’s not like supermodels look like the rest of us real women, right? Those tall and skinny girls are byproducts of women-hating men who dominate the fashion industry and all set to punish us real women by force-feeding us with distorted body images, just because we have curves and boobs.

  Okay, enough with my little speech. I had mixed feelings about my employer’s looks. I know his outfit preference was none of my business and I do believe that everyone’s entitled to express themselves through fashion. And I appreciated that he was the one who caught all the attention, not me. I was the shadow. I enjoyed my invisibility. Then again, it gets a little awkward when sometimes, total strangers would be looking at us, chattering about ‘That totally dazzling supermodel,’ and they went on like, ‘Who’s she? The little one standing next to her? An assistant wannabe? Doesn’t she look so mediocre and a little bit heavy?’

  And it gets a little annoying when Archangel caught such chatters and goes like ‘Did you hear that? They think I’m pretty and you’re not!’

  Did I mention that he has a diva personality?

  Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two. But in my defense, I’ve got the boobs, uterus, ovaries, and everything a girl needs. Besides that, it’s totally rude to judge people based on the physical features for Pete’s sake! I might be described as a petite woman, but that doesn’t make me the little one. On top of all, I’m the assistant, not a wannabe. Besides that, if you looked carefully, Archangel’s jaw was a little bit too strong for a woman and he has an Adam’s apple. At 6’3” with lots of toned muscles, what he resembled the most was a Greek Goddess with excessive growth hormone. Or Poseidon in drag.

  “Mr. Archangel, why do you think I’m the one who’s responsible for spooking her out? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re the one who’s grabbing her full attention?” I asked.

  “Why?” Without answering my question, he arched one eyebrow.

  “First of all, she’s looking in our direction in general, so both of us are in her sights. And…” I fidgeted with the words.

  “And?” he probed, tapping the backrest of the bench chair with his fingers sporting nail polish in the same shade of color as the lips.

  “And…”

  I was ready to tell him, “And… with all due respect, a giant transvestite is very eye-catching—or rather, eyesore?” Then it dawned on me that maybe dissing your employer might not be a good move. Call me desperate, but I wasn’t made of money and I needed to pay my credit card balance. Unlike Mom, I wasn’t a rich-husband-magnet either. Which meant I really needed to keep my job as a personal assistant to this huge, cross-dressing, brilliant-yet-cynical detective. Maybe I shouldn’t have purchased those pricy pillows from Neiman Marcus but they were so worth it. You want to invest in high quality pillows to ensure beauty sleep and sweet dreams, especially when you see murdered corpses on a regular basis.

  Also, I knew the chances of my scoring other gainful employment anytime soon were practically nonexistent. My resume wasn’t something described as highly-decorated. On top of all that, it’s not like having my last employer murdered and being an ex-wife of a notorious swindler would catch the potential employer’s attention in a good way, would it?

  Yes, I was desperate. So much for an independent woman ready to kick ass.

  “Kelly? Tell me why you think I’m the one who’s creeping her out.” Crossing his long legs, Archangel pressed on.

  “Well…” With all due respect, I furrowed my eyebrows like a confused third-grader struggling to grasp the concept of division. “What was I thinking? Isn’t it odd that I can’t recollect whatever was in my head?”

  “Ha. You need to get a head CT to see if you’ve got the brain at all,” Archangel gave out a throaty, husky, deep, oh-so-manly laugh. Did I mention his voice was often a dead giveaway for his otherwise confusing gender? When I first met him I thought he must be gay, but now I wasn’t so sure. I knew his sexual orientation was none of my business and I respected people with every sexuality, but for a guy who opted to wear women’s clothes, Michael Archangel was pretty much lacking delicacy.

  Turning my face away from him, I stuck out my tongue. Very mature, I knew. So far, my job duties were one part secretary, one part chauffeur, and one part personal chef. Not to mention being one part-time comic, or rather, laughing stock. Unlike brilliant detectives in the literatures, Archangel didn’t need much assisting when it comes to investigation and solving cases. Just like fictional detectives, he was crazy, and he tended to torment his ow
n precious little assistant, having a chuckle at my expense.

  I was an assistant extraordinaire who outshine the detective only in my fantasy, and in reality, I was merely a newbie assistant and a butt of jokes to this huge, cross-dressing detective.

  It really sucked when the gap between your fancy daydream and the hard, cold, stone-hearted reality was sooo huge.

  Chapter 2

  When Richard Henderson, Advisory Special Agent of the FBI, met us in the corridor to the dissection room, he had deep furrows in the forehead. He was one of Archangel’s regular clients.

  “What do we know about the victim?” Archangel said.

  “An unidentified adult Caucasian woman, age yet to be specified, that’s about it for now.” Henderson said and gave him a brief synopsis.

  According to him, the dead woman was discovered in a closed campsite preparing to reopen for the coming summer. It was estimated that the body had been left in the woods for a while—several weeks, perhaps.

  As we went into the dissection room, two guys in plain clothes and several officers in uniform were having a heated discussion with a young woman clad in grayish-green scrubs.

  “Well,” she said hesitantly. “I think the body… I mean, her body is missing the eyes?” in a form sounding more like a question than a statement.

  “I can see that, doctor.” one of the plain clothes with The Simpsons tie said.

  “I mean, did you bring them with her?” Doctor said.

  “No, doc.” The other plain clothes, a Latino, shook his head.

  “So, the eyes are really missing? I mean, as in missing missing, not misplaced?”

  “I believe so.” Simpsons said in a serious tone but when the doctor turned away, he rolled his eyes.

  “She’s a substitute,” Henderson stage whispered to us. “She used to deal with people who died of natural causes such as cancer, stroke, and heart attack. The former ME had suddenly decided to retire in Scottsdale. She happens to the only pathologist in this district available to work temp for a short notice.”

 

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