by Mia Ross
Putting an end to his father walking all over him would be a good start. He’d done everything he knew to keep Dad’s spirits up, but judging by his latest vanishing act, it had all been pointless. From his parents’ tumultuous relationship, Ben knew some kinds of problems couldn’t be solved—they had to be endured. Eventually, you got past them and they faded into the background of your life. They became part of who you were, but they didn’t define you anymore.
That thought led him to Lauren, which had been happening a lot since he met her. She was obviously dealing with something of her own, and the hints of strength she’d shown intrigued him more than he cared to admit. She’d initially struck him as the princess type, but he’d caught a few glimpses of a stubborn streak under that polished veneer. Normally, he preferred sweet, uncomplicated women who adored him and weren’t shy about telling him so. Lauren’s reserve presented a challenge part of him was dying to take on.
The more sensible part of him knew better. As he parked in the crowded church lot and made his way inside, he resolutely put Lauren Foster out of his mind. He knew trouble when he saw it, and her slender frame was packed with it.
When he paused in the entryway, Julia noticed him and motioned to an empty spot beside her. Much as he enjoyed the McHenrys’ company, today he needed time to himself to brood without bringing anyone else down. So he waved her off and took a seat in the back row, close to the fresh air and sunshine that had started his day out so nicely.
Unfortunately, it had gone downhill from there. Lately that was just how his days seemed to go.
Chapter Five
After Julia left for church, Lauren showered and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast with Shakespeare. While he crunched on his designer bird food, she brewed some exotic coffee and warmed up a cinnamon roll that barely fit on a cake plate.
“There are some seriously good cooks in this town,” she told the parrot through a mouthful of icing. He eyed her with curiosity, then bobbed his head as if he agreed with her.
“This is the short and the long of it.”
“You got that right.”
All that sugar and caffeine got her going, and even though it was her day off, she was dying to do something. She’d declined Ann’s offer of lunch, so that left her completely to her own devices. She’d spent most of last Sunday trying to process the dire circumstances that had driven her to the ends of the earth. Or the ends of Maine, anyway. After a week decompressing, she thought maybe it was time to devise a plan for when Julia returned from her honeymoon and didn’t need her help anymore.
Tuning her mind to a more optimistic frequency, Lauren tried to look past where she was and into the future. Unfortunately, she saw nothing. Nothing yet, she amended in an attempt to keep her fragile spirits up. With a mental shrug, she wandered over to the enormous bay window that overlooked Main Street.
A few cotton-candy clouds were scattered through the sky, filtering the sunlight into long beams that brightened the scene below. Since it was Easter, it didn’t take much to imagine that the Almighty Himself had thrown open the gates of heaven to let the light out for a little while. It was too gorgeous a day to waste inside flipping through TV channels, so she grabbed a windbreaker and headed outside.
She didn’t have a route in mind, just followed where her feet took her. In New York, she’d never ventured out alone like this, and the freedom was wonderful. The caution hadn’t been just for safety, either, she recalled with a frown. Jeremy didn’t like to let her out of his sight for longer than absolutely necessary. Thinking back, that was probably why he’d gotten her a job in his law office. It wasn’t generosity, she realized now. It was control. The truth came through so clearly today, she couldn’t believe it had escaped her before.
Then again, she mused as she strolled down the sidewalk, she’d seen what she wanted to see. With his cover model looks and bottomless bank account, Jeremy Rutledge appeared to be every woman’s dream, and Lauren had been more than flattered by his attention. By the time she recognized what she’d gotten herself into, she’d given up the rights to her own life. The only way out was to run, and she’d gone as far as she could without winding up in the Atlantic Ocean. She’d never mentioned Julia to Jeremy, and as each day passed with no word from him, she felt herself relaxing into her new surroundings.
Temporary, she reminded herself, but safe. For someone who’d learned to take things one day at a time, that was enough.
When her wandering took her by the square, she walked up to the flower-draped gazebo and sat on one of the benches inside. Several robins had made nests in the rafters, and they scolded her for invading what they obviously considered their territory. When she noticed some of them were sitting still, she decided they must be guarding their eggs.
Now that she understand what all the ruckus was about, she sneaked out as quietly as she could and continued on her way. The doors of the church were open, and just as she passed the sign, she heard the organist play the opening chords of “Amazing Grace.” The congregation sang it with gusto, a pleasant blend of voices that made her stop and listen. By coincidence, she was near the sign, and the words hit her with an impact that startled her. She’d read them before in passing, but for some reason, this time they pulled her up short.
Safe Harbor Church. All are welcome.
Lauren wasn’t superstitious, nor was she egotistical enough to presume the world revolved around her. But crazy as it seemed, she couldn’t help feeling that someone was trying to tell her something. Bewildered by the sensation, she edged toward the double doors and peered inside. What she saw there made her heart cringe with sympathy.
Ben was sitting in the back, on a single chair pulled far back into the shadows. While the congregation sang, he sat with his arms resting on his knees, staring at his nicely polished shoes. It was a defeated look, totally wrong for the bright, engaging man who always seemed so upbeat. Lauren understood what he was doing, withdrawing from everyone, trying to get lost in a dark corner so no one would notice how much he was hurting. She had no idea what was bothering him, but for it to take him so far down, it must be awful. That he’d come out in public at all told her just how courageous he was, and how seriously he took his faith.
Next thing she knew, she was creeping into the chapel. Lauren hadn’t meant to attend the service, so she wasn’t exactly dressed for it. But since she was on a mission of mercy, she hoped God would forgive her for wearing jeans and sneakers. The carpet muffled her steps, and when she knelt down beside Ben, he didn’t seem to notice. Maintaining personal space was a big deal for her, but she swallowed her fear and rested a hand on the sleeve of his jacket.
He barely registered the gesture, angling his head to give her an irritated look. When he saw it was her, the anger vanished, replaced by an amazed expression. “Lauren?”
Pulling her hand away, she searched for something to say. Her decision to come in had been pure impulse, and she hadn’t considered what to do next. Inspiration struck, and she smiled. “Happy Easter.”
He echoed her greeting, then stood and motioned for her to take his seat. She nearly refused, but the suddenly brighter look on his face made her think again. Focusing on his problems had made her feel better about her own. Maybe a distraction would work for him, too. So she thanked him and sat, pleased when he hunkered down beside her.
“I thought you were sleeping in today,” he whispered. His grin wasn’t full-wattage today, but it was still pretty amazing.
“It’s too nice for that.”
“What made you come in here?”
She didn’t want to lie, but the truth would be awkward, at best. So she settled for something reasonable. “I heard the music.”
The hymn was over, so he just nodded and turned his attention to the pastor. The sadness that had brought her in seemed to have faded a bit, and Lauren felt the satisfaction of knowing she’d returned some of the kindness Ben had shown her. Since she was here, she decided to stay and see how it went. Everyone was in their
best clothes, but she still recognized fishermen, storekeepers and several of Julia’s customers. It was an eclectic mix of people, and she marveled at how they’d gathered to worship together.
Julia was up front with the McHenrys, and when Nick leaned over to say something to her, she smiled and reached over to take his hand. Watching them, Lauren was happy for her old friend, but she also felt a twinge of envy. It seemed Julia had found the ideal way to spend the rest of a long, happy life with Nick. Was it coincidence? Lauren wondered. Or was there more to it?
Philosophy wasn’t her strong point, and while she was mulling over the possibilities, Pastor McHenry began his sermon. As if picking up her train of thought, he reminded them all that everyone here was different but with something very important in common. They were all God’s children, doing their best to follow His son’s example and live a good life.
“On this day,” he said, “when we celebrate the resurrection, I pray we all find peace in the knowledge that no matter how many times we’ve fallen, we can always begin again. The first step is to open our hearts and allow God to guide our steps. With His help, we may falter, but we’ll find the courage to regain our footing and move ahead.”
Although he was smiling at the congregation in general, those words resonated deep inside Lauren, as if he’d put them together solely to reach her at the back of the chapel. Somehow, this man she’d never met had summed up the past year of her life in a few humble sentences. Glancing around discreetly, she noted a similar reaction on other faces.
That told her she wasn’t the only one struggling to get her life on track again, and she felt lighter somehow. It was as if her troubles had been physically weighing her down and some of the burden had been lifted away. How, she had no clue, but the sensation was as odd as it was unexpected, and it made her nervous, to say the least.
She’d done nothing to cause any kind of change, she reasoned as she stood for the final hymn. Standing here in this little white church, her head next to Ben’s over a song neither of them was singing very well, she felt as if she’d finally found where she belonged. It wasn’t what she’d anticipated finding in Holiday Harbor, but she couldn’t deny that it felt right. After all she’d been through, she sank into that feeling with a gratitude that warmed her all the way down to her toes.
When the service was over, Ben stepped back to let Lauren walk out ahead of him. Ann called out his name, and he frowned but quickly replaced it with a patient smile before turning to face her.
“Are you two sure you won’t come to lunch?” she asked, looking from him to Lauren. “I hate to think of you alone, eating a sandwich somewhere.”
“We won’t be,” he assured her, slanting Lauren a follow-along look. “Lauren wanted to explore those old sea caves the other day, but the tide was up. I thought I’d take her now so she can get a close-up look at ’em.”
His explanation seemed to satisfy the motherly woman, and she nodded. “All right, then. We’ll see you soon.”
Lauren added her own goodbye and followed Ben outside. When he headed in the direction of the lighthouse, she said, “Hang on a second. We’re not going down there.”
“We are now,” he retorted, as if he wasn’t crazy about it, either. “It might not seem like a big deal to you, but I don’t lie to people.”
His long stride outpaced hers, and she hurried to keep up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Forget I said it.”
His clipped tone made it clear he not only meant it, but he didn’t want to discuss why. Not long ago, she’d have taken that kind of comment like a blow, ducking as best she could so it wouldn’t land squarely and hurt too much. But in the past few days, she’d begun to feel more like her old self, and she refused to backslide now. “Stop.”
Heaving a long-suffering male sigh, he paused on the shoulder beside her and looked down at her. “What?”
“You know what,” she spat. “You all but accused me of being a liar, and I want to know what I’ve done to make you think that.”
His jacket was open, and the breeze picked at it, ruffling through the tie he’d loosened as soon as he left the church. He looked much more in his element out here, in the rugged outskirts of the town, and she could picture him out on a boat, enjoying the freedom of a summer day on the water.
The gaze he fixed on her was a puzzling combination of confusion and respect, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Don’t take this wrong, but you’re a lot smarter than I gave you credit for.”
Equal parts furious and flattered, she glared at him for all she was worth. “How could I possibly take that wrong?”
Men misjudged her all the time, to the point where she’d actually resigned herself to it. To most of them, she was nothing more than a pretty accessory on their arm, something they wore like a designer watch to make them look good. That Ben had seen past her appearance to her intelligence pleased her immensely. If she hadn’t been so mad at him, she’d have complimented him for his perceptiveness.
Giving her a sheepish look, he took a step forward. Then another. He was getting close to violating her comfort zone, but she planted her feet and met his gaze without flinching. Cocking his head, he gave her a slow, approving grin. “I don’t scare you anymore, do I?”
“You never did.”
Even to her own ears, that sounded more like bravado than courage, but she concentrated on those impossibly blue eyes, trying to ignore the fact that each one held a different twinkle than the other. In the space of a heartbeat, the sparkle clouded over, giving way to a murky bluish-gray color that could only mean trouble.
“Who was he?”
The blunt question caught her off guard, and she blinked in surprise. “Who was who?”
“The guy who made you afraid,” he clarified in an understanding voice. “The one who made you run away to a place where he can’t find you.”
I didn’t run away.
Even as the protest flitted through her mind, Lauren knew otherwise. She’d become adept at deceiving herself, soothing her fears with explanations for Jeremy’s behavior that had enabled her to stay with him even while his jealousy had spiraled out of control. Instinctively, she knew Ben Thomas would never treat a woman that way. Strong as he was, beneath that strength ran a gentle current that compelled him to be kind to a frightened woman he’d only met a few days ago.
“You don’t have to tell me now,” he assured her. “But when you’re ready, I’m a decent listener with a rotten memory.”
Lauren had no idea how to respond to that, so she settled for a shaky nod. Smiling, he let her go ahead of him, and they made their way down to the rocky strip of beach she’d been so anxious to investigate the other day.
“We used to play down here when we were kids,” he began with a chuckle. “We’d hide in the caves and spook the tourists.”
The story had a nostalgic ring to it, and she was grateful to him for changing the awkward subject they’d been discussing. “Who’s us?”
“Nick and me and Cooper Landry.”
“The mayor who was supposed to judge the bonnet contest?”
“That’s him.”
“Interesting,” she commented with a little smile. “He’s gone from scaring off the beachcombers to pulling them in.”
“Something like that.” Ben shed his jacket and slung it over his shoulder in the same easy motion he used for everything. She realized she shouldn’t be noticing things like that, but she couldn’t help herself. He had a fluid, natural grace that made other guys she knew look downright clumsy.
Eyeing the caves as they strolled past, she said, “They don’t look all that safe to me.”
“Some are okay, but some flood at high tide. You have to know which is which.”
“So, if the tide’s coming in, head for higher ground. Got it.”
“Actually, you’re better off steering clear altogether,” he cautioned. “Folks get hurt down here all the time, and when they turn up missing, the EMTs
have to go out after them.”
“Can’t they just call for help?”
“Cell service is pretty spotty out here. The smartest thing is to hike with a buddy.”
He topped his advice off with a broad grin, and she laughed. “You mean, like you?”
“Well, if you fell and twisted your ankle, I could carry you back to town.”
“Good to know.”
They walked a little farther, and he pointed to a wide rock formation that resembled a natural bench. “These shoes are way too tight for a long walk. Mind if we stop for a minute?”
They sat together in silence, giving Lauren a chance to admire the view. They were far from town, and the distant lighthouse perched on its rocky point seemed like it was in another place altogether. Waves rolled in one after the other, crashing over the boulders with a rhythmic sound that made her feel like a speck in the overall scheme of things.
Filling her lungs with the salty air, she sighed. “Amazing.”
“I know what you mean,” he agreed as he lounged on the rock beside her. “Whenever I get stressed, I come out here and it all seems like nothing.”
His confession startled her, and she swiveled to face him. “What stresses you out? I thought you left the hard stuff up to God.”
“That doesn’t mean nothing bothers me. Being out here—” he nodded toward the sea “—helps me remember that whatever I’m going through will leave eventually, like the tide. My granddad was a fisherman all his life, and he’s the one who taught me life is always in motion. We can’t change that, so we just have to ride out the storms the best we can.”
The homespun wisdom settled nicely into Lauren’s ears, and she smiled. “He sounds like a pretty smart guy.”