Kirsty shook her head disconsolately and reached for a handkerchief to dry her tears. ‘I appreciate what he did, really I do, but it doesn’t change how I feel inside. It’s as if the other part of me is crying out to be heard, it’s like my ancestors are calling me.’
‘Your ancestors?’
‘Don’t you understand? I’m Maori and I belong to my people,’ Kirsty’s voice was pitched low and she spoke in a slow, deliberate manner. ‘I just got mixed up somehow. I should be part of a Maori family. That’s where my heart belongs.’
Norah could think of nothing to say in answer to that, so she grasped her hand and led her into the kitchen. ‘Come on, let’s have something to drink.’ After she had made some coffee, she added a slug of cooking brandy. ‘You could probably do with a hair of the dog, and I need something to help me cope with things.’
*
When she had finished the drink, Kirsty went back to her room, and sat on the side of the bed to stare at her reflection in the dressing table mirror—deep, soulful, brown eyes looked back at her from a softly square face with a tanned complexion. Her pleasantly full lips parted to reveal large, well-formed teeth that gave depth to her naturally enchanting smile.
She pushed her fingers through a mass of dark hair with a swathe on one side dyed grey, and grimaced. It was a mess. Her eyes ranged down to her well-rounded figure, and she wondered why she couldn’t accept herself as she was. Everyone agreed she was attractive, and the men were drawn to her like bees to a honey-pot, but that wasn’t enough; something important was missing.
Kirsty let out a deep sigh. She accepted that her foster parents had done everything possible to help her fit into their world, but it hadn’t changed her, or her way of thinking. She didn’t want to upset them, and she had never deliberately done things out of spite, even if they might think otherwise.
They just don’t understand that I see things differently. Everyone sees things differently, she thought, twisting the dress ring on her finger. Like this ring that Steve had bought for her on a trip to Melbourne, and he’d bought an identical one for himself. She had seen it as a confirmation of their relationship, but she guessed that Steve had not attached any great significance to it.
‘I wonder what he did with his?’ she muttered. She felt annoyed that he had come back from Britain without it. She didn’t believe he’d lost it. ‘Maybe he’s given it to some woman as a token.’ Then she gave a short bitter laugh. ‘That’s stupid, you don’t give a man’s dress ring to a woman.’ But the thought wouldn’t go away.
She went out to meet Steve when he came home from work that afternoon. He hesitated when she called his name, and for a minute Kirsty looked downcast, like she thought he would ignore her. When he accepted her kiss on the cheek, she slipped an arm around his waist.
‘Did you have a good day?’
‘I suppose so,’ Steve nodded. ‘The usual problems, but that’s normal.’
‘Want to tell me about it?’
Steve shrugged his shoulders
‘You know me, all techno talk; you probably wouldn’t understand it anyway.’ Then he caught the look of disappointment on her face. ‘A picture is worth a thousand words—come on, I’ll show you rather than try to explain it.’
He grasped her hand and led her into the study. After the computer brought the relevant material onto the screen, Steve described the broad outline of a pump they had designed for a particular application and then enumerated the problems they were up against.
‘In other words it doesn’t work?’
‘Well, it would if the company had given us the right information,’ Steve replied. He gave a snorting laugh. ‘They want it done as cheaply as possible and so they didn’t tell us all the problems that had to be overcome. However, it’ll cost them more in the long run. It’s what is called false economy.’ He turned away from the screen and looked at her. ‘Did that make any sense to you?’
‘No, but thanks for explaining it.’ She turned her head away knowing she was close to tears.
‘That’s okay.’ He touched her on the shoulder and she swivelled around to look into his eyes. ‘Kirsty, Kirsty,’ he murmured, gathering her into his arms and rocking her like a baby. She laid her head on his chest for a minute, savouring the tenderness of the moment. Then she looked up into his eyes. ‘Love me, Steve. I want you to take me to bed and love me.’
Hesitating at first, as though this was almost against his will, Steve followed her into her bedroom, more from habit than for love now. As she slipped out of her jeans the sight of her nubile, naked body stirred him yet again, as it always did. She was particularly sensitive to his mood, and they spent a long time lying quietly in each other’s arms after their passion had abated. An hour later, they finally rolled off the bed and made themselves respectable to go and join the other two.
Norah got up from the table as they entered the dining room.
‘We’ve only just started our meal,’ she said. ‘Yours is in the oven.’
They all made an extra effort to be jolly, but the jokes fell flat and the old anecdotes didn’t seem so funny the second time around. Vince opened a second bottle of wine and then a third. By the time it had all been consumed, everyone seemed more relaxed. Kirsty coaxed Steve back to bed soon afterwards and curled up in his arms again.
‘I do love you, Steve,’ she murmured into his hair. ‘I really appreciate what we have; it’s just that sometimes…’ She stopped trying to explain why she felt the way she did.
Steve twisted his head and kissed her lips. ‘I know, Kirsty, really, I do know what you’re trying to tell me, but forget it for now.’
Kirsty’s breathing slowed as she fell asleep, and Steve wondered what Norah had said to her. Had she convinced her that this association with her Maori friends could only lead to more trouble? Or was this just Kirsty’s way of trying to make amends? As he stared blankly at the ceiling, his thoughts turned to Suzi Lysle Spencer once again. He sighed softly. He had no right to judge the woman in his arms when his heart longed for another.
*
Suzi phoned Mr Duncan early the next morning. The solicitor was brusque, but not unkind when she explained that although it would solve a problem, she found it impossible to consider buying Steve’s share of the property at the moment. She asked him to put everything on hold to give her extra time to think more about the matter.
When she arrived at the restaurant, Mark was restocking the refrigerator, but he stopped to make two mugs of tea and carried them out to the reception area. He put one down in front of her and kissed her cheek, then directed her attention to the pile of mail. ‘That’ll keep you busy for a while.’
Suzi had plenty of time to go through it all, for only a few people turned up for lunch. It had never been so quiet. Mark joined her at a table by the window.
‘Not a brilliant start to the day, is it? Half a dozen for lunch won’t pay the bills.’
Suzi forced a laugh. ‘Let’s hope it picks up in a day or two.’
‘I’ve just thought of something,’ Mark said, picking up a copy of the local paper from amongst the assorted pamphlets and discarded envelopes lying on the table. ‘I wonder if…’ He skimmed through the pages. ‘Ah, yes, I thought as much; they haven’t run the second advert.’ He threw the paper down. ‘I’ll give them a blast they won’t forget in a hurry.’
‘Leave it to me,’ Suzi urged him. ‘You might wind them up too much.’
‘Okay.’ He was just about to climb to his feet when he stopped. ‘I got a letter from Mum. She and Dad are heading down this way in a couple of weeks’ time, so I’d like to organise some time off while they’re here. I’ll see if Gary Hyland’s available. He can handle the lunchtime trade and maybe do some of the evening preparation as well.’
‘Is Judith coming too?’
‘I hope so. I haven’t seen my kid sister for ages.’
‘She might be your kid sister, but she used to be my best friend.’
‘Yes, well…�
��
Suzi was about to say it must be nice to have a family, when she stopped, suddenly feeling very much alone. Her father had died when she was young, and she could hardly remember him. She had not enjoyed a particularly good relationship with her mother, who had been very self-centred and preferred her own company. In fact, she had welcomed Suzi’s decision to move out of the family home, and her only high spot during those years had been her relationship with her great Uncle Bart. He had treated her like a daughter and she had always been welcome at Caxton Manor. It had been a sad day for her when he died, because, without him, there was no other family to turn to.
Mark’s cheery goodbye cut into her thoughts, so she gave him a brief wave and opened up the book that contained the names and telephone numbers of people who had dined at the restaurant over the past year. Slowly and methodically, she worked her way backwards through the pages reminding everyone that they were back from holidays and that they had just drawn up a new menu. A half hour later she put the phone down and felt greatly relieved at having just taken twenty-three bookings for the next few days.
She let herself out of the building and slipped in behind the wheel of her brightly coloured Honda. She stared blankly through the windscreen and tried to relax, for the feeling of being neglected had returned with renewed vigour. It was as if she had just become aware of her aloneness in the world, but it wasn’t as if she had no friends. She knew Charlize cared about her, and she reciprocated those feelings. She frowned as she suddenly wondered if she should marry Mark and become part of his family—after all, she had always enjoyed a good relationship with Judith. She quickly shook her head. ‘Now that would be stupid; all the wrong reason for a start,’ she murmured, and dismissed the idea as ridiculous.
Within a few days the restaurant was overflowing with customers and all her self-destructive thoughts dissipated like the morning dew. She and Mark resumed their former pattern of a day out together, or an evening meal in one of the many inns that abounded in the area. He seemed fairly content with himself and she wondered if he still expected to form a more intimate relationship with her, but he did not put her under any pressure, so overall, things were as well as could be expected.
The only cloud on the horizon was the dual ownership of Caxton Manor. She had no idea how was she going to resolve that.
Chapter Nine
Mark’s parents stopped off at the restaurant to say hello before going on to their hotel in a nearby town. As Suzi watched them embrace him she felt more than a little twinge of envy. While Mark gave Ben and Jane Brinstead a tour of the premises, Judith plopped down on a nearby chair.
‘How’ve you been Suzi? It seems an age since we spent any time together.’
‘Busy.’ She gestured at the dining area. ‘It keeps us on our toes, but I not complaining. What about you? Mark tells me that you’re engaged… is that true?’
‘Yes.’ Judith held out her left hand to display a diamond ring. ‘Isn’t it beautiful.’ She spoke about how happy they were and then went on to say that her fiancé, Jonathan, hoped to join them later in the week. ‘And what about you?’ she asked peering intently at Suzi. ‘How are things between you and Mark? I believe it’s getting a bit serious.’
Suzi was about to reply when Mark came bustling into the dining room bearing a tray laden with coffee and a large plate of sandwiches. When he sat down next to his sister, Suzi found herself comparing them again. She had almost forgotten how closely they resembled each other. In her opinion, they could easily pass for twins, even though there was a three-year age gap.
‘You both seem to have done very well here in such a short time, Suzi.’ Ben said, selecting another sandwich. ‘Mark tells me you’re hoping to move into bigger premises in the New Year.’ He nodded his head and winked at the same time. ‘That’s the ticket, don’t rest on your laurels. Get out there and make things happen.’
Suzi stole a look at Mark, but he made no sign that he had heard what his father had said. She wondered if it was just a passing remark or whether Mark had been secretly planning something without her knowledge. Ben always gave the impression that making decisions was a man’s prerogative. Her thoughts were interrupted as Jane spoke again.
‘What did you like most about Cyprus, Suzi? I’ve heard it’s a romantic place.’ She glanced quickly at her son. ‘Mark tells me you’re both out and about whenever you can make the time, so are you planning anything over Christmas?’
Before she could answer, Ben climbed laboriously to his feet and pointed at the ornate clock behind the reception desk. ‘We’d better let these busy people get on with things.’ He grasped his wife’s arm and urged her up off the chair, and then looked meaningfully at Judith. ‘It’s time we were on our way.’
As they were saying goodbye, the first customers arrived for lunch, and the steady flow of people didn’t stop until it was time to close for the afternoon. Mark slipped off straight after preparing the last meal and did not return until it was nearly time to open for dinner. He bustled around the kitchen hurriedly catching up on the work he had neglected that afternoon. His manner made it clear he had no time to talk, which gave Suzi no chance to query him about his mother’s remarks.
It’ll wait until they’ve gone home, I suppose, she thought, as she walked back into the dining room, hoping that Mark wouldn’t think he could take control just because he was currently more personally involved with her.
She had barely opened the door next morning when Gary Hyland breezed in and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek before making his way into the kitchen. He had worked for Mark in the past and was quite capable of maintaining the high standard of what was expected by Stow Restaurant’s customers. Suzi liked his cheerful manner, but she was well aware that Gary saw all women as potential bed-mates. The young waitress would have to be on her guard while he was around, and one or two older ones as well.
She accompanied Jane and Judith on a shopping expedition the following afternoon while Mark and his father attended a local point-to-point meeting. Suzi tried to fit in as many trips with Mark’s family as possible, but felt relieved that the business limited the number of activities. She had enjoyed those she had joined, and she felt very comfortable with Mark’s parents; she liked Judith’s fiancé as well, and seriously considered how she would feel to be related to them.
However hard she tried to convince herself, she could not see herself as part this family. Admittedly, she was very fond of Mark, but spending extra time with Mark and his relatives soon made it clear that she did not want to marry him; she simply didn’t love him; that little X factor missing.
Mark’s family called into say goodbye the following day and things quickly returned to normal. Pre-Christmas parties had to be catered for, and the number of bookings seemed to increase from week to week. By now, the pace had become quite hectic.
Suzi moaned aloud when she received a letter from the solicitor again. He explained that the legalities of the inheritance had not been satisfactorily dealt with yet, and stated that although Steve had initially expressed a willingness to sell her his share, his solicitors had not yet indicated that he still wished to pursue the idea. However, Mr Duncan promised to keep her duly informed, so that was that.
Gary could see how frustrated Suzi had become, and he sidled up to her one morning.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘You can rely on me to help out over the festive season. In fact, I’ll handle the restaurant trade so that Mark could be free to cope with any extra work that turns up.’
‘It’s a lot more demanding this year,’ she lamented, to Charlize when they met at their favourite rendezvous for a morning coffee. ‘I find it hard to drag myself out of bed each day, so thank goodness Gary Hyland has agreed to help out. It would be horrendous otherwise.’
‘And how are things with Mark?’
‘You mean…? Oh, our social life is almost non-existent now. Mark’s too busy organizing things, chasing up deliveries, checking on a thousand and one things
to have much time for anything else’
‘How do you feel about that?’
Suzi gave a little laugh. ‘It’s okay. I don’t mind except when he gives me a little broadside.’
‘What do you mean?’ Charlize asked, an inquisitive look on her face.
‘Oh, he’s still on about moving into larger premises,’ Suzi replied, ‘and every time we have to set up in a hall somewhere, he moans about the inconvenience.’
‘I suppose he would have been a lot happier if you’d inherited Caxton Manor totally?’
‘No doubt, but as you know I’d be putting my head in a noose by mortgaging the place, even if it was all mine.’ Suzi pulled a face. ‘Mark has hinted that he might be able to raise enough money to buy Steve Pardoe’s share, but I think it’s all talk. He’s in the same position as me—hocked to the hilt—almost.’
‘Have you heard anything more from your solicitor?’
Suzi pulled another face. ‘That silly old so-and-so huffs and puffs, but does nothing.’
‘If you’d known about this Kiwi chap earlier, you might have been able to work something out with him while he was here.’
‘Amen to that. It’s a pity Duncan refused to disclose his name at the time.’
‘Don’t worry. I expect it will work itself out okay.’
‘I still don’t know how I really feel about Mark,’ Suzi stated abruptly. ‘He can be good fun, but I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him. There’s that something special missing.’
‘Well that’s a jolly good enough reason not to marry him,’ Charlize remarked, sagely, ‘and you must remember how many marriages flounder because people never get away from each other. They get sick of the sight of their partners.’
‘You’re right. It’s a stupid idea.’ Suzi glanced at her wristwatch. ‘Good grief, is that the time? I must dash.’ She jumped up and kissed Charlize on the cheek. ‘See you later.’
As she made her way back to The Stow Restaurant, Suzi reviewed her relationship with Mark. She knew he had done everything in his power to make the business prosper, and he would probably try just as hard to make the marriage work. But, and it was a big but, and was she prepared to make the same effort? Maybe I need to be a bit more loving, she mused. Maybe I should let him sleep over one night and see what happens, she mused. But even as the thought crossed her mind, she rejected it out of hand because she just could not imagine herself in bed with him.
Written in the Stars Page 8