Shame slammed into me; setting my body into motion. I stood, pushing back my chair with a loud scraping sound against the floor, and fled before anyone could speak. I was out the front door and half-way down the sidewalk to my car when I heard Annie's voice behind me.
"Jensen, stop!" she cried out angrily. I ignored her, but she caught up with me as I paused to open the car door. She grabbed my upper left arm, and I spun to face her.
"What?!" I growled between clenched teeth. Our eyes met, and I saw a tinge of fear appear in hers for just a moment.
"Where are you going?" she demanded. "Your mother is in there crying. You need to go apologize to her!"
"I have to go," I said, forcing myself to lower my voice. She just stared back at me for a moment like I was a stranger to her.
"Jensen, what is going on with you?" she asked, her voice softening into a whisper.
"I...I just can't be here right now," I whispered back, pleading with my eyes for her to understand, for her to let this go. She said nothing as I opened the car door further and got into the Camaro. I pulled the door closed and looked up into her face again. Confusion and worry filled her eyes, but she held her tongue. I took my opportunity and started the engine. I broke our eye contact to back out of the driveway and then sped away without looking back.
I drove north until I had left the suburbs behind. The back-country roads lent themselves well to my aimless driving. The rage finally left me, and a deep dark hole of guilt and shame followed in its wake. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to look at my mother again after my outburst today. The rage inside me had just taken over and the fear I had seen in Quentin's and Olivia's eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life. I wondered if Annie would ever let me see them again. Would any of them ever forgive me? I certainly didn't deserve it. They'd probably be better off if I just stayed away from them.
I found myself turning onto a familiar two-lane highway going west, and I slammed down hard on the accelerator. The Camaro's engine came alive in a throaty roar, and I shifted seamlessly from gear to gear as the torque pushed me deeper into the black leather seat back. The adrenaline that surged through my body was a welcome balm as the needle on the speedometer crept higher and higher. The surrounding fields and trees became a blur, and suddenly it felt like I wasn't the only person in the car anymore. I could hear my brother's voice.
"Dude, you better slow down!" he told me that night, but I hadn't listened. I had just laughed at him and pressed the '70 Chevelle's gas pedal down harder. It was the first time he had let me drive his car in years, and I wasn't going to waste my opportunity. My grin widened with every gear shift, and my brother returned my grin with a shake of his head. "Don't you think you've had enough speeding tickets?"
I was opening my mouth to reply just as a deer stepped out in front of the headlights. A cold shock of fear filled me as I slammed my foot down on the brake pedal and turned the wheel to avoid a collision. The back wheels lost traction on some loose gravel, and the back end started drifting to the left. I wrenched the steering wheel left and over corrected. The rear of the car twisted hard back to the right, and the vehicle was almost completely perpendicular to the road, just as we reached a sharp right hand curve. My hands clenched desperately onto the steering wheel as I saw a barbed-wire fence and a stand of trees coming at us just as the Chevelle's right side tires slipped off the shoulder.
The reflection of flashing red and blue lights in the rear-view mirror pulled me back to reality. Cursing aloud, I took my foot off the gas. As the car slowed down, I eased it onto the side of the road, and then came to a stop. The grip I had on the wheel tightened until my knuckles turned white while I watched the state trooper exit his patrol car in the rear-view mirror. Feeling panic rising, I sucked in a few quick breaths trying to calm down as he approached the driver's side window. I didn't want the guy to think I was on something by acting like I was losing it. He tapped the glass, and I released the wheel to crank the window down.
"Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?" he asked politely. It made me hopeful that I wasn't dealing with an asshole. He was tall and rather plain looking, but as he removed his sunglasses, I saw the shrewd eyes of someone who noticed everything and missed nothing. I decided polite honesty would probably be my only chance of getting out of this.
"No, Sir." I made direct eye contact. "I really don't know."
"Well, I clocked you at eighty-seven." Shit, this was not good. I did not want a reckless driving ticket. With my driving record, I could get my license suspended. "License and registration please." I reached over and got the paperwork out of the glove box. I handed it to the officer and got my license out of my wallet to give to him as well. "Thank you, Sir. I'll be right back." I stared unseeing at my car's dash while I waited for what was to come.
What the hell had just happened to me? It was as if I had a nightmare, but while I was still awake. I had felt like I had been there all over again. Was I going insane? What would have happened if the cop hadn't pulled me over? Icy terror filled me at the thought.
"Here you go, Mr. Hayes." I startled at the sound of the trooper's voice and looked up to see he was handing me back my paperwork. "I'm just giving you a warning this time. I don't know what you were doing out here today, but I would hate for your family to lose someone again." Sympathy filled his eyes along with a grim expression on his face. I stared at him in confusion and absently reached up to take my papers back.
Then with a jolt of recognition I realized I knew this officer. He had been there that night, seen the horror that I had gone through. He knew what I had done to my brother. I remembered him leaning over my gurney and telling me what I had already known, but the words hadn't hurt any less. "I'm sorry, but your brother didn't make it."
He acknowledged my moment of recognition with a single nod. I thanked him, and he walked back to his patrol car without another word. I watched him get into his vehicle, pull a u-turn, and drive away through my side mirror. The breath I didn't realize I had been holding came rushing out of my lungs. I wiped a hand over my eyes that were stinging with the tears I wouldn't allow to fall.
When I finally looked up at the road ahead my hand paused half way to the shifter. I saw this stretch of the road a thousand times in my nightmares. This was the place where my world had been irrevocably shattered in one night. Just ahead the road curved sharply to the right, past a stand of trees, and a shiny new barbed-wire fence.
I was halfway back to my condo when I thought to check the time. Fuck, it was 1:50 PM, and I was going to be late for my date with Sydney. I forgot about it amid all the turmoil of the day. I hope she didn't think I was standing her up and leave before I could get there. I turned at the first intersection I saw and headed back across town toward the cafe. I fixed my mind on thoughts of Sydney and a blessed calm filled my turmoil stricken head. The relief was almost euphoric, and my mind felt like it was mine again. I didn't want to know what would happen to my mind if I missed seeing her again today.
I drove faster, not caring that I risked getting pulled over again. Fortunately, all my reckless driving got me was a few angry honks and one guy giving me the finger, who I was more than happy to respond to with a one fingered salute of my own. It was only a couple of minutes past two when I saw the coffee shop appear up ahead, and I breathed a sigh of relief. A few moments later, I was pulling into the parking lot. I parked in the first open spot and jumped out of the car. I was half way to the front door of the shop when I heard a man's voice, raised in anger, coming from around the side of the building. Then an angry woman's voice stopped me in my tracks. I knew that voice; it was Sydney's.
I had turned and headed in that direction before even giving it a thought. As I came around the corner, I could see Sydney facing a tall dark-haired man. Her eyes were dark with anger as she looked at him and her cheeks were flushed pink. Whoever this asshole was; he had upset Sydney, and an irrational overprotective rage filled me. My hands clenched unconsciously into fists, and I approac
hed them still unseen, eager for a fight.
CHAPTER THREE
Sydney
When Jensen had walked out, Yvonne had practically shoved me out the door after him. "No one let's a fine ass like that walk away," she had told me, and after watching that fine ass walking across the parking lot, I had to agree with her. When I had returned to the shop, Jill and Yvonne had grilled me like a murder suspect. I told them as much detail as I was comfortable with, and they seemed satisfied with that, but that certainly didn't keep them from harassing me about it. I spent the next few hours distracted with thoughts of Jensen, amid the friendly teasing of my co-workers.
I couldn't stop thinking about Jensen and how my name had sounded on his lips. The deep timbre of his voice as he said, Sydney, look at me, had done things to me no man ever had before. I had no idea mere words could make me feel so wanton and needy. Those words kept repeating over and over in my head. I got the shivers each time. And that kiss. I could still feel the soft caress of his hand on my cheek, and my lips continued to burn with the promise of that gentle kiss. A little before two I went to the back room to get my purse and jacket, so I could leave. I found Rob sitting at his desk squinting at the computer screen.
"You left your glasses at home again didn't you?" I scolded him.
"Yeah, and I'm getting a raging headache from it too." He looked up to smile at me. "You heading out?"
"Yeah, I've got a hot date waiting for me." I waggled my eyebrows at him. He snorted in amusement.
"Where's Clay taking you?"
"Well," I answered tentatively. "He's not taking me anywhere. We broke up."
"What?" He pulled his head back in confusion and leaned back in his desk chair. "I thought you were meeting him after work today."
"Why would you think that?" Now I was confused.
"He called earlier to find out when you were off work today." I stared at him in astonishment. His confusion was suddenly replaced with concern. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. I had no idea."
"It's not your fault." I sighed with resignation. "It's not like you knew or anything."
"Do you need me to walk you out?" He stood.
"No," I said. "I can handle it." If I got out there fast enough maybe I could get rid of Clay before Jensen showed up. I didn't want to deal with that uncomfortable situation.
"Are you sure, Syd?" He pressed his lips into a thin line, the concern in his eyes increasing.
"I dumped him once," I said reassuringly. "I can do it again." I grabbed my stuff out of my locker and hurried out the side door that opened into the employee parking area. If Jensen came in the front door maybe I could get Clay out of here unseen.
Sure enough, Clay McCallister was across the lot leaning against the driver's side of my old black Honda Civic, waiting for me. The bastard had the gall to smile when he saw me walking toward him with one of his expressive eyebrows arching above pale blue eyes, his short dark hair a tumble of loose curls framing his face. He wore an open dark-blue button up shirt over a white T-shirt and jeans. The sleeves were rolled up to his forearms in a way I used to find sexy, but now I just found annoying. He stepped away from my car and casually strolled toward me until we met halfway across the parking lot. I glared up at him as he came to a stop a few feet in front of me. I waited for an explanation.
"Surprise!" he announced with his hands stretched out to both sides of his body. The cocky smile on his face widened. He seemed to think I was happy to see him here.
"What are you doing here, Clay?" I replied in exasperation.
"I came to see you."
"Great, you've seen me. Now go away." I crossed my arms across my chest as his smile faltered at my words.
"I'm not going anywhere until you let me talk to you."
"I don't see what there is to talk about. I thought I made that clear when I broke up with you." Now I was getting angry. Did he honestly think he could explain his way out of this? I was suspicious when he had recently started becoming more and more unavailable when I tried to make plans to see him. He had been evasive when I had questioned him about it and for a while his charm and reasonable explanations had convinced me that I was being irrationally jealous. However, on Friday night when I was at his apartment, and he had been in the shower; the chirp of an incoming notification on his phone had been an irresistible opportunity.
"Come on, Syd." He smiled again. "You know you don't really want to break up with me." He reached out to touch me, and I stepped out of his reach. How did I ever not see his charm for the manipulation it really was? The thought made me sick to my stomach. I was a fool.
"We're done, Clay." I spoke in a clipped angry tone. "I'm not going to let you manipulate me into believing that booty call app on your phone was just a joke, or that I could ever trust you again." His smile suddenly slipped from his face and was replaced by anger of his own.
"I never said this was exclusive!" His voice rose with his anger. He was right; he never had, but he had done an excellent job convincing me that I meant something to him. It had all been a lie. "It's not my fault that you were dumb enough to think that, you stupid bitch!"
"Fuck you, Clay!" I yelled back at him. I could feel my face flushing with rage. This man who I thought I had something with was turning into someone whom I didn't even recognize anymore with just a few hateful words. His eyes darkened with rage at my harsh words, his face morphing into something ugly and frightening. I unconsciously took a step back and stumbled into a wall of muscle.
"Is everything okay, Sydney?" Jensen's deep angry voice spoke behind me. I had been so focused on my conversation with Clay that I hadn't noticed him approaching. His warm gentle hand wrapped around my upper arm to steady me. I turned to look at him and the fury blazing in his green eyes was breathtaking. I was glad it was directed at Clay and not me.
"Who the fuck is this asshole?!" I looked back to find Clay fixing his eyes on Jensen.
"Stop yelling at her." Jensen spoke in a low deadly tone that Clay seemed oblivious to, but I recognized immediately. Clay looked at me again.
"You're pissed at me?! While you're whoring around with this asshole?!" Without a thought, and before Jensen could do anything himself, my hand flew up to slap Clay in the face with enough force to snap his head sharply to the side. He turned his head back to me with fury in his eyes. "You, bitch!" he growled and rushed toward me. I shrunk away from his attack, but Jensen stepped between us decisively and raised his right fist to deliver a punishing blow to Clay's face.
The powerful strike sent Clay tumbling backward onto the asphalt. When Clay was finally able to raise himself slowly onto his hands and knees, I could see blood dripping from his nose onto the ground. He turned his head to look at us with hate burning in his eyes. He got back onto his feet and started toward Jensen to continue the fight. Jensen shoved me behind his back to get me out of the way just as Rob rushed in between them. Clay paused when he saw Rob standing there.
"You need to get the fuck out of here before I call the cops!" Rob threatened as he pointed at Clay.
"Go ahead!" Clay answered and glared at Jensen as the blood from his nose ran down his chin to drip onto his shirt. "That shit-head fucking hit me!"
"Yes, he did," Rob said. "But I saw everything and if he hadn't hit you, I would have. Get the fuck out of here. Now!"
Clay stared at Jensen for another moment before walking away. He looked at me one more time. "This isn't over Sydney," he said with a quiet threat.
"Yes, it is," Jensen said sternly as he stepped into Clay's line of sight. The two men shared one more stare until Clay averted his eyes first and walked away. We waited, watching in silence, until Clay had gotten into his old white Jeep Wrangler and driven out onto the street.
Jensen immediately turned to me and placed his hands on the sides of my face. Those startlingly intense green eyes studying my face from top to bottom with such care that I sighed and leaned my cheek into his touch.
"Are you alright?" he asked me in a whisper. His thumb rubbe
d gently across my lower lip. I nodded my head as our eyes met, and I forgot about everything that had just happened for a moment. There were only Jensen's eyes, the warmth of his hands on my face, and the tingling on my lips in the wake of his caress.
Rob cleared his throat. Jensen took his hands away from my face, breaking the spell. I felt bereft without Jensen touching me. My reaction to Jensen was troubling. What was he doing to me? It took me a moment to realize Rob and Jensen were even talking.
"I'm glad you were here," Rob was telling Jensen. "I wouldn't have gotten to Sydney in time."
"I wish I had been here on time to pick her up," Jensen replied. "Maybe I could have saved us from this whole thing." He paused and stuck his hand out to Rob. "I'm Jensen by the way."
"Rob, I'm Syd's boss." Rob took the offered hand and shook it. "I could hear the shouting inside and came out to see what was going on."
"I'm glad you did," Jensen said with gratitude, but I had a feeling that Jensen was never in any trouble from Clay. In fact, from the way Jensen's eyes had looked when he confronted Clay, I suspected he had been looking forward to a fight. Another troubling thought I should chew on, but I let it go when Rob turned his attention to me.
"Well, I'm going to get back to work. Are you alright now?" He glanced over at Jensen and back to me. I realized he was asking me if it was okay to leave me alone with him. I nodded gratefully with a smile of understanding.
"Yeah, Rob, I'm fine." He returned my smile, nodded once to Jensen, and went back into the building. I was now alone with Jensen and the prospect both thrilled and terrified me.
I turned facing Jensen when the door Rob had disappeared through clicked shut. My eyes drifted down his body from his broad chest and shoulders that tapered to a trim waist, then to his muscular legs. I noticed him admiring me as well. Then he smiled at me, and any thought of what I might have said dried up before reaching my mouth. I just smiled back like an idiot until he smirked, took mercy on me, and spoke first. I swear he got a perverse pleasure out of how he affected me.
Let Me Love You: Beautifully Broken Book 1 Page 4