IT TAKES A WHILE TO park my shark of a car in the garage of Billy Gold’s office building Downtown. I haven’t warned him of my arrival in case he detects the anger in my voice. I have been duped – I need to get to the bottom of this without losing my cool. If that’s possible. Once I’ve got an answer from him, I’ll call my sweet sister-in-law to find out what the fuck she’s playing at. On second thoughts, no. I won’t give her the satisfaction. I don’t want her knowing that she’s getting to me.
I’ll call Max.
I take the elevator up to the seventh floor. I was not prepared for this. I look very casual in just a pair of jeans, T-shirt and Converse sneakers. I’m not even wearing make-up; I wanted to dress down for Valentina, to try and keep her advances at bay.
I needn’t be worried, though. The receptionist and everyone at his office is very laid-back, LA style, although a little put out that I don’t have an appointment. I’m in luck. Billy is here, just finishing up a long distance call, they tell me. The setting is not as grand as I had imagined and a little dated, with big old couches and a wooden and glass coffee table piled with out of date magazines. They offer me a drink, and I glug down a glass of water – the heat I feel inside needs to be quenched. I sit there flicking through an old Vanity Fair. I hear a door open and I look up.
Billy waddles towards me – his smile beaming as if he’s delighted to see me. He ushers me ahead of him into his office, pulling the door closed behind him. The bookshelves are lined with movies and there’s an Academy Award in prime position. There are family photos in gold frames on his large desk, and at one end of the room, a basketball net. I can just imagine him making million dollar deals while simultaneously scoring a goal.
“Siddown, Arielle. Did they offer you a beverage?” He eases himself into his large leather swivel chair, panting with the effort.
“Yes, thank you, Mr. Gold.”
“Hey, sweetheart, what’s with the Mr. Gold? You look pissed.”
“Well, yes, I’ve had quite a shock and I’d like you to explain yourself and the situation. Perhaps there’s been a typo on a letter I saw. I’m hoping that I’m completely wrong, hoping this has all been a mistake. However, if I am not wrong I think your prerogative to call me ‘sweetheart’ will be null and void.”
His eyes look shifty – he twiddles his fat, caught-in-the cookie-jar hands.
I pin my eyes on him like darts. “Please can you explain why Jenny Beaumont is one of the producers?”
“Okay Arielle, firstly, she is only technically a producer. She is not involved in any decision making at all. Not a bit. That’s just you and me. It’s just money, that’s all. She’s fronting the money – she’s a silent partner, so to speak.”
“So to speak? So to lie, more like.”
“Hey, Arielle, nothing has changed between you and me! Jenny Beaumont is not calling the shots here.”
“Oh no? So if this is her money, not yours, she is kind of like your boss, wouldn’t you say?”
“It’s not like that.”
“What is it like then, Mr. Gold?”
“You are the director of your company, Finders Keepers Enterprises but you are not the owner, am I right?”
My blood is boiling. What has Finders Keepers Enterprises got to do with Jenny Beaumont? I try to remain calm. “Jenny Beaumont has nothing whatsoever to do with Finders Keepers Enterprises, Mr. Gold. It is owned by my fiancé.”
“And I signed the deal with him.”
“Co-signed by me.”
He grunts. “Nowhere in our contract did it stipulate that I could not bring in money from my side from whatever source I chose.”
“That’s not true. You signed a deal saying that no backers would be involved in politically incorrect dealings—”
“Jenny Beaumont is not laundering dirty money, Arielle. Hey, she’s your sister-in-law, what’s the big deal? She told me you two were close.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Billy. If we were so close, you wouldn’t be red in the face from embarrassment right now. You would’ve been straight with me.”
“What was the point of telling you? Money is money. The point is, the movie is going to get made – we have the money. You will make a lot from this – you still get your cut just the same – your percentage. Nothing has changed, Arielle, sweetheart.
“My trust in you – that’s what’s changed.”
“Okay, okay, I admit it. I screwed up – I should have let you know sooner. But she only just came on board a while ago. I’ve been having a rough patch, and Jenny came along at the perfect moment. She’s bailing out my ass. I had an unexpected loss on a project recently – as far as I’m concerned, Jenny’s doing us all a big favor. Your fiancé isn’t upset about this, so why should you be?”
I feel as if I’ve just been hit over the head with a baseball bat. Max already knows about this?? I need to get information so I can’t let Billy know that this is such a shock. “What were Max’s words to you exactly? And at what point did you discuss this?”
“Just after he landed back in New York. The other day, I guess.”
“I see.”
“He told me it was best if he discussed it with you first. That’s why I didn’t mention it to you, Arielle. You know, I didn’t want to get out my big wooden spoon and stir about someone else’s family affairs.”
I notice my fists are scrunched into balls as my nails are digging into my hands. I say between my teeth, “You and I are business partners – we are meant to tell each other about anything that could affect this movie. This is not some freaking family affair! I resent that you just said that!”
“Calm down, Arielle.”
“No, I won’t calm down! I could sue you for breach of contract. I won’t, because I don’t want to waste my time and energy, but this is the last time you will be doing business with Finders Keepers Enterprises. I will finish this movie because I’m a professional. The show will go on. But I do not want to have one single meeting with Jenny Beaumont. Is that clear? I do not want to hear her name, nor see her at the premiere. If I so much get an inkling of her rootling about my business, I will get my lawyers on to you. You are a powerful man, Mr. Gold, but my fiancé is even more powerful and richer than you are.”
His eyes look down ashamedly.
“By the way,” I spit out, “I don’t want Jenny knowing that we’ve had this conversation. I don’t want you running off tittle-tattling to her about what a bitch I’ve been.”
“You can count on it, I won’t say a word.”
“What you did was wrong. It wasn’t unethical. It was sneaky and dishonest.”
He smiles at me weakly. “Welcome to Hollywood, Arielle.”
I TAKE THE FLAMBOYANT powder blue Cadillac back to the car hire and swap it for a BMW. I don’t want to advertise my whereabouts to the whole of LA. I go to the hotel and check out and call the airline to cancel my flight to New York.
I will not be returning home tomorrow. I’m not sure what I should do now – I need to come up with a plan. Sitting in my new rental car in a parking lot near Santa Monica Pier, I call Max. Over the phone is hardly the best way to manage problems in a relationship, but I have had enough. I cannot live my life with mistrust. I cannot have this as-good-as incestuous relationship between him and his freaky sister barging in on me with every breath I take. He knew about Jenny producing Fighting the Wind and he didn’t call to let me know! I’ll give him a chance to explain himself, but if he doesn’t come up with an airtight answer, then that’s it.
It’s her or me.
He cannot have us both. He will have to choose. Now. Not tomorrow, not ‘when the time is right but – N.O.W.
I need to have this resolved or nothing will ever change. This is the most painful thing I have ever done in my life but I have no choice. If I don’t stand firm now, this Jenny nonsense will never end.
Shaking, I press in his number. His plane will have landed by now.
“Hello?” he says. Just hearing his deep, melodic voice has me tre
mbling all the more. I am so in love with this man. But I am so furious with him too.
Without saying ‘hi’ I screech out, “Why didn’t you tell me, Max?”
“Nice to hear your voice, babe. What’s up?”
“What’s up is that I have just come out of a meeting with Billy Gold. Nice to be working on a movie where I am the last person to find something out! And I say, find something out, as in, not be enlightened by people around me whom I am meant to trust, one of those people being my fiancé,” I cry out, my voice rising as I splutter out that last word.
“Calm down, Arielle. I was going to tell you when the time was right.”
“If you use this ‘time-is-right’ crap on me anymore I’ll–”
“I was going to call you right now, in fact. It totally slipped my mind, darling. I just didn’t think it was that important because the source of where the money was coming from was not going to affect you in any way personally.”
“What is wrong with you? This is meant to be a Finders Keepers Enterprises project. That is the whole point! Finders Keepers Enterprises is not part of Finders Keepers. This is not supposed to have anything to do with your sister at all!”
“It’s just money, Arielle. Nothing more. I’ve already spoken to her about it. She swears she won’t get involved in the creative side. Billy Gold is in financial straits.”
“You know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all a big fabrication – an excuse for Jenny to wheedle her way into my business. Because one minute Billy Gold is one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood and suddenly he’s in a quagmire and Jenny just happens to bail him out at the perfect moment – sounds very fishy to me.”
“Arielle, you’re reading way too much into this. He was in a bad way and, yes, maybe Jenny saw a good business opportunity and she snapped it up. She’s getting a chunk of his company in exchange. In the long term, it could be a great deal for her.”
“Well bully for her! But it is not a great deal for me! Or, I might add, for our future marriage. Or should I say, to be more precise, our ex-future marriage!” I am stumbling now, spurting nonsense but I mean every word of my jumbled phrases, however higgledy-piggledy they come out.
There is silence. Has he hung up on me?
“Max?”
I can hear his breathing. “You don’t mean that, baby. We’re going ahead with this wedding and nothing’s going to stop me. Jenny’s separate from all this. You have got to stop obsessing about her and just ignore her.”
“Me obsessing about her? I think you’ll find it’s the other way round, Max. You know what? That’s it. I thought maybe we had a chance to sort this problem out, but I see that you are not budging – stubborn as ever. You are so fucking wrapped up and wrapped around your older sister’s devious little finger that you might as well be fucking her for all I care. You two can carry on and live happily ever after because I’m out. OUT! Do you hear me? Our relationship is over! I love you, but I do not love her, and I do not want her burrowing her way into our marriage. You said you were working on ways of extricating yourself from her with Finders Keepers and in your personal life. Like a fool I believed you. I trusted you. But it was all bullshit!”
“Arielle, please, darling stop. I know she had good reason to do what she did. She—”
“Max, you can make excuses till the cows come home. I am not going to listen anymore. If the day ever, ever comes when you and she are one hundred percent separated businesswise, then give me a call. Meanwhile, we are over. I am not returning to New York. I’ll finish Fighting the Wind from a distance by email and long distance calls. Once I have started a project I don’t think it’s professional to abandon ship. However, after that...well I don’t know yet...I’ll need to work that through but—”
“I’m coming to Los Angeles tonight to get you. This is crazy. We’re getting married. We’ll get married in Vegas tomorrow and we can do the white wedding, too, if you want. I’m not standing for this, Arielle. I give you my word I’ll dissolve my part of Finders Keepers. I’ll make it go public or Jenny can buy me out, but it will take time, I can’t do something like that overnight. We can draw up a contract with lawyers if you don’t believe me.”
“Oh, like the Finders Keepers Enterprises contract we drew up? Fat lot of good that did! Jenny found a little loophole to slip her way in like the sly snake she is!”
“You’re not listening to reason, Arielle, so I’m coming to get you. I’m calling on my other cell right now and cancelling my meeting here in Montreal. I’m turning around as we speak. I’ll hire a jet and come right now to LA. We’ll go to Vegas and—”
“You’re not listening to me, are you? You deal with your sister and Finders Keepers first and when you can prove to me that it is finished, signed, sealed and delivered, then give me a call. Until then, adieu, Max.” And I add with a tone of spite in my voice, “Besides, the last thing I want is to have a relationship with a penis right now.”
His voice is incredulous, tight with anger. “Excuse me? Is that what I am to you? A penis?”
“Men are pigs. All of you. Deep down inside all you do is rule your lives by your dicks! You rape women. You even rape babies to ‘cure’ yourselves of AIDS which, hello, you got from fucking prostitutes in the first place – underage, abused prostitutes who should be in school or playing with dolls—”
“What has that got to do with me? What the hell are you talking about?”
“The rape ratio in South Africa? One in four men there have committed rape!”
“Arielle—”
“Even priests! Even priests can’t keep it in their pants, or under their robes. Men are sticking their dicks everywhere – they have been since time immemorial – they don’t care who they hurt both physically and mentally – children, disabled people – as long as they get themselves and their stinking dicks off!”
He replies softly to my accusations, “My darling, where’s all this coming from? What is going on?”
I’m weeping now, yowling. I sound like a braying donkey as I suck in air between sobs, my head resting on the steering wheel, my body shaking. I manage to get out, “I can’t talk about this anymore. Call Emma, she’ll... tell you... what...h...happened... to...m.... me.”
I hang up. I can’t even think straight. Here I am sitting in my parked rental car with nowhere to go. I can’t return to New York right now – I’ve sublet my apartment. I need a break from Max. Okay, I know, I’m being dramatic, even childish. I’m not making sense. But it is the only way of getting it through his head. I do not want Jenny in my life! Why can’t he get that? The one thing I hung onto was my autonomy, my work. And even that she is trying to snatch away from me.
My cell goes. It’s him. It keeps ringing. I let my blood simmer a little, dry my eyes, take a deep breath and pick up.
His voice is steady. “I’ve cancelled my meeting. I’m on my way.”
“Don’t do that because I won’t be here when you arrive.”
I can hear the clipping sound of his purposeful footsteps. He’s talking in motion, his long legs striding towards his goal, which happens to be me right now. “Stay where you are, Arielle. You’re being absurd.”
“I need some time to think all this through. I don’t want to see you for a while, Max.”
He sighs. The anguish in his voice is palpable. “What happened to you? It’s about those nightmares, isn’t it? What happened, baby? Please tell me. Please trust me.”
I close my eyes and draw my knees up to my chest, and sink into the seat of the car. “When I was at university...” I break my sentence.
“Go on, darling. I’m here for you. I love you,” he cajoles. “Please, share your pain with me. Your pain is my pain. I can help. I can help you through this.”
“No, you can’t. You’re a guy. I’m disgusted by men right now.”
“I understand. I swear I do. I know that men can be vile. You don’t think I know that after my father? But we aren’t all bad, Arielle. We can be
kind and caring. What happened, my angel? Please,” he begs gently.
“I was... gang raped,” and I add quickly, “but I asked for it. I wore a micro-mini skirt. I went back to their room willingly – I thought it would be fun, me with two guys. I invited it to happen, Max. But it turned into something else. Something sick and gross.”
I can hear the echoey announcements at Montreal airport and Max’s quiet breathing. I knew it. The idea of me behaving like a slut is too much for him, even if it happened long before I met him.
“Who did this to you?”
“You think I remember? I blanked out. I blocked it out. All this shit has been resurfacing in dreams. I can’t even prove it happened. I was zonked out – drunk. Emma thinks they may have spiked my tequila. Who knows? I behaved like a slut and I got raped.”
His voice is edgy: “You did not,” and he says between gritted teeth, “behave like a slut.”
“Thank you,” I reply quietly.
“We’ll get through this together. We don’t have to make love, baby. I won’t touch you, I promise. Not until you’re ready.”
“Please don’t come, Max. I’m serious about what I said. Deal with Jenny and Finders Keepers first. I need some time alone. I’ll call you in...like...a week or something. Bye.”
I switch off my cell and take a deep breath. If any of this is to work between us, I want Jenny out of our lives. Poor Max, he’s being understanding...but still. He is part of the male species, and for now I don’t want a penis near me bringing back visions of needle and walnut-dicks. I need some time to myself.
I get out of the car and start strolling towards Santa Monica Pier. The sun’s setting, the sky swirling in moody blues, streaked with orange, making shimmering reflections on the ocean. To the north, the view of the Malibu mountains is spectacular. I walk briskly until I arrive at the pier. A trapeze school, The Trapeze School New York, is offering classes to anyone daring enough. Their logo reads, Forget fear. Worry about the addiction. Hmm....addiction. That is how I felt about Max – completely addicted to him. But now that the sexual craving has waned on my part – at least for now – how will that affect our relationship? Before, when there was a problem we worked it out through sex. The infatuation and carnal desire we held for one another was so all-consuming, so powerful, it overrode everything. Will that need and desire return? The compulsion to have him inside me? Fucking me at every opportunity? Right now I need space, freedom. I can’t bear the idea of being smothered, my body invaded – even by him.
My Dark Knight Page 12