His words caused me to pause and slowly lower my finger. I was left speechless. My chest rose and fell as I stared at Jaylin, a tear rolled down my face. I’d felt the same way about that night, and if I had to do it all over again, I would. As I opened my mouth to speak, Jaylin placed two fingers over my lips.
“Never doubt the happiness I want for you, and you already know why I will never be able to give you what you deserve. Maybe Mario can make some adjustments and do it, and what I do know is, like most men with money and power, he has a happy dick that is difficult to control when you have women coming at you from every angle. He got some anger issues, too, and in no way am I’m standing here defending him. Forgiving him will be for you to decide, and for the last time, if you divorce him, our agreement will be enforced.”
Jaylin opened the door to his car, got inside and drove off. I stood there thinking about all that he’d said. I wondered what in the hell I was going to do about my husband, and possibly, about his baby on the way. Call it karma—hell, yes, it was.
NOKEA
I wouldn’t wish the ill feeling I had inside on my worst enemy. Death this close was hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about my father, and as my mother and I started going through his things at their house, it was so painful. I tried my best to stay strong for her, but I was unable to do it. One minute she was up, then down. I was up, then down. We both were down together, and in the moment, all we’d had was each other. I didn’t want her to stay in St. Louis by herself, so I begged her to relocate to Florida with me. She said she would give it some thought, and after staying with her for nearly two weeks, I had to return home.
The first thing I did was go spend time with the kids. Jaylin was out of town. I was glad about that because we were getting too close again. I didn’t want memories from our past to interfere with my future, so I asked him to leave St. Louis and give me some space. He wasn’t happy about it, but it was the only way for me to put Travis at ease. Previously, he’d been so supportive, but every time he turned around, Jaylin and me where somewhere talking, reminiscing or hugging. Of course it bothered Travis, and to be fair to him, I had to do what was necessary to save my relationship. I felt Travis slipping away from me. His actions were clear as day, especially on the day he’d left St. Louis. He kept apologizing to LJ for raising his voice, and he also apologized to me. But while at the airport, he seemed distant. My mind was all over the place. I was in a daze, thinking about my father. Travis implied that I must’ve been thinking about Jaylin, but in that moment, I hadn’t been. Surely I’d thought about that dream, but a dream was just a dream. I couldn’t do anything about it, and every now and then, Travis jabbed me with a comment about Jaylin. Ever since Travis saw Jaylin and me in the guestroom that day, he hadn’t been right since. I kept smelling alcohol on his breath—the way he acted alarmed me. He told me that years ago he’d had a drinking problem. I certainly didn’t want him to travel down that road again, so I tried to explain that Jaylin was only trying to help. It seemed like more than that to Travis. He was livid that night, and he stormed out of the room with something eerie in his eyes. I didn’t bother to go after him, but I called his cell phone to apologize. That apology led to another one, right after the funeral. He’d told me about his confrontation with Jaylin; I simply couldn’t take much more. It was one big mess that was happening at the wrong time.
I left Jaylin’s house around midnight. The kids and I had a great time, Nanny B included. She always said the right things to me. Her comforting words about the loss of my father made me feel better. More than anything, I was glad to be home. I wanted to clean up before the kids came over later, and in addition to cleaning up, I had so much to do businesswise. I also had to reschedule my doctor’s appointment. I still hadn’t said much to anyone about the baby, not even my mother. The timing didn’t seem right; she was already dealing with so much. I didn’t want her to worry about me. She worried about every little thing, but I hoped that with a little faith and prayer, we both would bounce back soon.
During my time in St. Louis, Jazz called every day to keep me informed about my business. I was glad to have her as well, and I looked forward to returning to the shop in a few more days.
Thirty minutes had passed; my condo was cleaner than it was when I arrived. Before going to bed, I poured a glass of milk, drinking it while leaning against the counter. My thoughts turned to the last time I’d seen my father. That was when I was in the kitchen, baking cookies with the kids. He snatched up one of the cookies, tasted it and rubbed his belly. Looked me right in the eyes and said, “Don’t tell your Mama, but you are the best when it comes to making cookies.” I laughed, thanked him and told him I loved him. He kissed my cheek, telling me he loved me too. That was his final goodbye. I guess closure couldn’t get much better than that.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. It was almost one o’clock in the morning, so I wasn’t sure who it could be. I laid the glass on the counter, but it fell and crashed to the floor. I didn’t have time to pick up the glass—I was interested in knowing who was at the door. I looked through the peephole, seeing that it was Travis. I hadn’t called to tell him I was back yet, and I’d planned on calling him before noon. I opened the door, feeling hyped about seeing him.
“Hi, honey,” I said, widening the door so he could come in. “Are you off work?”
“Yes, finally,” he replied. He sluggishly strolled in with his scrubs on and face cleanly shaven. Alcohol was on his breath, but he attempted to tone it down with mints.
“You look tired. Maybe you should’ve gone home to get some rest, instead of driving over here tonight.”
Travis grabbed me in his arms and moved back to sit on the arm of the couch. “I came here because I wanted to see you. That’s okay, isn’t it?”
I pecked his lips and placed my arms on his shoulders. “That’s perfectly fine, but it worries me when you drink and drive. You have been drinking, haven’t you?”
With a glassy film over his eyes, and with a very strong breath, he couldn’t deny it. “One. I only had one drink. That’s it.”
“Well, why don’t you take a shower and get some rest with me? I was getting ready to get in bed. I need to get a few hours in before the kids get here.”
“A shower sounds great. Would you like to join me?”
“Not tonight. I’m so exhausted. All I want to do right now is give my bed a big hug.”
We headed down the hallway to my bedroom. Travis removed two towels from the linen closet to take a shower. I changed into my cotton pajama top that barely reached my knees. After saying my prayers, I got in bed and turned on the TV, just in case Travis wanted to watch something when he got out of the shower. Within minutes, I felt myself fading fast. I was in a deep sleep when I felt the mattress wave around and Travis get in bed behind me. His dick poked at me from the back, and as he started to massage my left breast, I used my elbow to nudge him back.
“Not tonight,” I repeated in a groggy tone. “I’m tired, okay? I just want to get some sleep.”
Travis ignored me. He continued to handle my breast aggressively, and his lips nibbled on my earlobe. “Come on, Nokea. It’s been a while. I’m horny as hell. Don’t you feel how hard it is?”
I felt it for sure, but I wasn’t in the mood tonight. It was rare that I ever declined Travis’ offer to make love, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.
“I do feel it and it feels good. But I’m tired, sweetheart. Just let me get some rest, okay?”
Travis awakened me with his next comment. “I bet if I was Jaylin, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
His words pissed me off, so I hissed back. “You’re not Jaylin, and you can take that how you wish. Besides, this doesn’t have anything to do with him. I wish you would stop bringing him up. It’s becoming very annoying.”
Travis grunted and released my breast. He backed away from me, lying on his back with his arm resting across his forehead. I faced him to sort of take bac
k what I’d said. But before I could say anything, he turned his head to look at me.
“Just ten or fifteen minutes,” he pleaded. “I just want to feel you, if you don’t mind.”
When I was tired, staying up for ten or fifteen more minutes seemed like a long time. But, I surrendered. I lay on my back; Travis lay on top of me. He lifted my pajama top over my head, and within seconds, my breasts were being squeezed in his hands. He massaged them together, licking my nipples one by one. My legs were wide, I could feel his steel expanding between my slit. He reached down to direct his muscle inside of me, and as he proceeded to move, I was bone dry. I couldn’t get into the mood, he could tell right away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you just going to lay there?”
“Travis, I told you I was tired. I don’t have much energy tonight, but if you want to do this, fine.”
He released my breasts, and while holding himself up over me, he took swift thrusts inside of me, hoping I would bring forth more juice. Unfortunately, his movements became painful. I squeezed my eyes and pushed back on his hips to slow down his pace.
“Take it easy,” I groaned softly while searching into his eyes that revealed disappointment.
I lifted my head to give him a comforting kiss. As our tongues tangled, Travis kept grinding away. My insides moistened a little, but not enough to excite him or me. He pulled out fast, lowering himself to taste me. My legs were pressed against my chest as his tongue traveled deep within. His slow licks moistened me more, but when he inserted his muscle again, my dryness returned.
“Damn,” he shouted and punched air out of the pillow. “What is wrong with you tonight?”
I was so caught off guard that I quickly backed away from him. I reached for the lamp to turn on the light.
“What’s wrong with me?” I said, frustrated. “No, what’s wrong with you?”
Just then, my cell phone rang. It was on the nightstand. Travis reached for it before I did.
“Hello,” he said then paused. He dropped the phone on the bed next to me. “To answer your question, that’s what’s wrong with me. Why is he calling here?”
I picked up the phone, putting it up to my ear. “Hello.”
“Tell that muthafucka I’m calling because I can,” Jaylin said. “Nanny B said you left not too long ago. I know it’s late, but I just got back. I wanted to check on you and make sure you’re doing okay.”
“Just okay, Jaylin, but stop worrying about me so much. I do appreciate your concern, but please do as I asked you to do while we were in St. Louis. Give me some space, okay?”
“I’ve given you plenty of space, Nokea. I don’t know why you think that my concern for you has anything to do with invading your space. If you—”
Travis snatched the phone from my hand, turning it off. “Talk to him on your time, not mine. He is starting to piss me off, and to be honest, Nokea, so are you.”
“Apparently so, especially if you feel as if you have to punch pillows and speak to me this way. Why don’t you just go home? I’ll call you tomorrow, after I get me some rest and you sober up.”
“Ohhhh, so now you want me to leave. Jaylin must have told you he was coming over, huh? And by the way . . . I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Are you sure that baby is mine, not his?”
I’d heard enough for one day. I hurried out of bed and reached for my pajama top to cover up. “Goodbye, Travis. I guess that alcohol is doing quite a number on you tonight, because you’re in the mood to argue. I’m not.”
I marched to my bedroom door and stood in the doorway with my arms crossed. Travis remained on the bed.
“Answer me,” he said. “Is it his baby or mine?”
“I’m not going to answer your ridiculous question. You know darn well whose baby it is. All you’re trying to do is upset me because you’re upset.”
“No, honestly, I’m trying to find out the fucking truth. So, again. Is it his baby or mine?”
I was so disgusted with him that I rolled my eyes and made my way toward the front door. I wanted him out of here, now.
“Put your clothes on Travis and leave. I refuse to do this with you tonight.”
I yelled loud enough for him to hear me. Minutes later, he appeared in the hallway with his pants on and shirt thrown over his shoulder. He took slow, menacing steps forward, and the second he reached the door, he grabbed my arm, using his overpowering strength to shove me away from the door. I stumbled, but managed to keep my balance as I staggered toward the couch in the living room. I swung around fast to charge at him, but was met with his shaky finger pointed at my face.
“The wrong move will cause me to knock you out cold on this floor. Answer my question, Nokea. His or mine? You’re refusing to answer because you know whose baby it is. That’s why you haven’t shared the good news with anyone.”
My breathing halted as I stared into Travis’ cold eyes. I wanted to yell at him for acting like this, but I witnessed him slowly but surely becoming unhinged.
“It’s your baby for sure.” I responded calmly. “I haven’t had sex with Jaylin in years. I don’t know where all of this is coming from, but can you do me a favor and please go home?”
Travis lowered his finger, but rage was still visible in his eyes. He stepped forward, moving so close to me that I had to step back.
“Years my ass!” Specks of his spit sprayed my face as he yelled. “You’ve been fucking him, and how dare you disrespect me like you did while we were in St. Louis. You’re not going to put this baby on me, fuck that! The last thing I’m going to do is take care of another man’s baby!”
I remained calm, but deep in my mind, all I kept thinking was this was it for us. It was The End for sure. I didn’t even know if I should speak again, but as Travis made his way to the door, I felt relieved. I followed behind him so I could lock the door, after he left. But as soon as he made it to the door, he stopped and swung around.
“Why are you following me?” he asked.
“I just want to lock the door.”
His gaze was terrifying. There was pure hatred in his eyes. I saw it up close, and right as we were at the door, he leaned forward, smashing his forehead against mine. The head-butt was so hard that it knocked me against the wall behind me. My brain felt rattled and painful throbs made my head feel as if it was expanding. My vision became blurred, but I could see him lift his fist and drive it directly into my midsection. Spit flew from my mouth; I grabbed my stomach, doubled over and dropped to my knees. I seriously thought I was dreaming, especially when I saw another fist appear in front of my face. That blow sent me to the floor where I positioned myself in a cradled position, trying to shield my face from his multiple hard blows that kept on coming to the back of my head, at my stomach, on my legs . . . wherever he could strike me, he did.
“See, look what you made me do!” He paused to yell at me. “I tried to be nice to you, woman, but you just had to take me there, didn’t you? All I asked was whose baby it was. You had to lie, and this is what I do to bitches who lie to me!”
Travis delivered another punch to the back of my head, causing my mouth to smack the hardwood floor. I instantly tasted blood, and at that point, I realized that I either had to fight back or die. As he started to rant again, I slowly got on my knees. My whole body felt battered, pain was shooting from everywhere. With my right eye nearly closed, and blood raining from my chin, down to my neck, I stood in disbelief. Travis stood in front of me. He grabbed my cheeks, forcing me to look at him.
“Tell that bastard I said Happy Belated Birthday. He made me do this to you, and if you’re mad at anybody, it damn well better be him.”
He released my cheeks, and right as he stepped back to pull his shirt over his head, I reached for a glass vase that was on a table next to me. I lifted it over my head, growling as I pitched it as close to Travis’ face as I could. With my arms being so weak, the vase landed on his chest, bouncing off of it as if he was the Incredible Hulk. The smirk on his f
ace said it all.
“I know you can do better than that, can’t you?”
He grabbed me by the hair, and that was when I made another attempt to hurt him. I managed to scurry away from his grip, and as I reached for everything within my sight: glass plates from the table, a cordless phone, a flower pot, a soda bottle . . . I threw it all at him. Nothing stopped him from charging at me, with the exception of one of LJ’s golf clubs that I batted Travis’ face with. The strike caused him to stagger this time, and as he bent over, I struck his back time and time again.
“You fucking bastard!” I yelled as tears poured down my face. My body trembled all over. In the moment, I couldn’t feel much pain because I was numb. “Why did you do this, Traaavis! Whyyyyy?”
I was crushed and severely unstable. My hands shook so bad that I couldn’t even hold a grip on the golf club anymore when Travis tried to snatch it from me. He tossed it on the couch and reached for my hair again. This time, his grip was super tight as he dragged me down the hallway, pulling me toward the bedroom. I kicked at his legs, causing them to buckle. Scratched at his hands, making them bleed and his flesh to appear. I fought hard, and when I attempted to punch his dick, he grabbed my arms, crossing them tightly over my chest. Gasping for air, I lay on my back in a daze. His knee was pressed into my stomach, delivering so much pain that it felt like I was dying a slow death. Sweat beads were all over his body. He breathed heavily, and since I kept trying to maneuver myself from underneath him, he spit in my face. I spit back, causing him to lash out with a backhand across my face.
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