My mind is overflowing with emotion right now and I don't speak right away.
"Dexter! Do you hear me? You need to watch out for her. You said you were going to protect her, correct?"
I come out of my stupor, "Yeah, I'll take care of her."
"Good. I'm sure we'll talk soon," she tells me.
I go to say goodbye, but she has already hung up. This night just brought insane to a whole other level. Now, I'm really in for a long night.
I go into the bathroom to get ready for bed, not that I'll be sleeping. I get ready anyway and then settle into a chair that sits against the wall I share with Lanie to sit vigil.
My head bobs, alerting me that I’m almost asleep, but not quite. Rubbing a hand over my face, I sit up taller, searching for the clock. Lanie stopped pacing a couple of hours ago. It’s probably time to check on her.
There is no way to do this without feeling like a complete ass. Trust me. I’ve tried to think of any scenario where I’m not some creeper watching her sleep; I found none. Now, I’m standing in the hall, ready to peek around her door like a peeping tom.
Julia said I have to do this. Yeah, I’ll just blame it on Julia if Lanie wakes and freaks the fuck out. Pep talk complete, I take the final step into Lanie’s doorway.
At first look, I’d think she was sleeping, but there is something about her face. It’s contorted in pain. I take a step closer and my stomach wretches. Tears stream down her face. Slowly, she is rocking side to side, reliving the most devastating moment of her life.
“Lanie.” I cry out desperately, “It’s me, Dex. You’re having a nightmare; you have to wake up. You’re at my house, and you’re safe, but you have to wake up.”
I get no reaction, so I take a step closer. Her pain is so visceral I’m having a hard time not breaking down myself. Knowing Julia said not to touch her, I raise my voice. “Lanie. Lanie, it’s me, Dex. Wake up for me, Lanie, Wake up right now. You’re safe.”
Sucking in the air like it might be her last breath, Lanie jolts up in bed. Her eyes are unfocused, I’m out of my element. Julia didn’t say what to do now.
“Lanie?” I question quietly.
She turns her head, but I don’t think she is seeing me.
“Lanie, it’s me, Dex. You had a bad dream. You’re in my house, you’re safe.”
Her eyes are wild, but slowly coming into focus when she bursts into tears. “I’m safe. I’m here, not at Zachary’s. He can’t get me here.” She repeats, gasping for air over and over again while cradling her midsection.
I don’t think I have ever witnessed something so gut-wrenching. “Lanie,” I say again, cautiously. “I’m going to walk towards you now. I’m going to sit next to you on the bed. If you don’t want me to just say no, and I won’t move.”
She doesn’t respond, so I walk ever so slowly to her and sit on the bed where she flings herself into my arms. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Dex. I’m so, so sorry. Did I break something or-or wake up the kids?”
Putting my hand on her head and patting her hair down, I try to comfort her. “Shh, Lanie. Shh. You didn’t do anything.”
On a hiccup, she says, “H-how, did you know?”
I give her a sad smile. “I told you my trip to Vermont was enlightening.”
She cries harder. “Oh my God, you must think I’m crazy. I swear, though, it usually only happens when the lights go out, and when you were in London, I slept with a flashlight on,” Lanie tries to hide her face, “I’m so embarrassed.”
Grabbing her chin, I lift her face to me, “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Lanie. I’m glad I can be here for you. I want to be here for you. Julia told me how to wake you up, but she didn’t tell me how to comfort you now.”
“That witch! Whose side is she on anyway?” Lanie says through her tears.
“Lanie, I’d say that the entire family is on your side, always. She was worried about you, sweetheart.” The endearment slips off my tongue and feels so right. Lanie blushes, but I don’t back down. “Tell me, sweetheart, what usually happens now that you’re awake?”
She tries to pull away, but I keep her locked firmly in my arms. Turning her face from me is as much as I’m willing to give right now.
“I-it’s stupid, really. Julia normally climbs into bed with me. We’ve done it since we were little. She used to say body heat keeps the monsters away. B-but I will be fine, honestly, Dex. You can go back to your room, I’ll be fine.”
I peer down at myself, dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt, I can feel her start to shake again. Julia is no doubt going to have my balls for this, but there is no way I can leave her alone and frightened. Sleeping with the lights on is not a habit of mine, so I kiss her head gently and move to stand. Before I can walk away, she is clutching my hand in her cold, shaking one.
“Hey, Lanie. Look at me,” I plead.
She sniffles but doesn’t raise her head.
I crouch down on my hind legs in front of her, pulling both her hands into mine. “I’m not going to leave you. I just have to grab something. I’ll be right back.”
Lanie’s eyes finally find mine. The same bright blue, but tonight they are haunted. Hollow. Terrified. I feel her pain like it is my own and it is devastating. Giving her one last squeeze of my hands, I enter her bathroom. As I had promised, I bought out the drug store so I know she has a bright pink sleep mask in here somewhere. It only takes a moment to locate it since almost everything is still in the bag. Stubborn woman, I think to myself.
With the item in hand, I walk to the opposite side of the bed. Lanie has scooted herself up to rest against the headboard and is watching me like a hawk. Without preamble, I make my way to the bed, making my intentions known.
“Dex. Y-you really don’t have to do this. I promise I’ll be fine, I’ll just read a little,” she tries.
Without even looking, I know she is lying. “Lanie, it is the middle of the night. You, sweetheart, have just had one hell of a nightmare. What kind of an asshole do you think I am? I am going to lay right here with you so you can sleep, nothing else.”
She seems lost in thought but doesn’t argue. Instead, she slides down into the bed and turns on her side. Just before I pull the sleep mask into place, I reach over, grab her around her middle and tug her back into my front.
The gasp she exhales is my new favorite sound. I lean over, kiss the back of her head and whisper, “Sleep, sweetheart, you’re safe.” Within minutes, she has relaxed, but I can tell she isn’t sleeping.
“Lanie? Can I ask you something?” I ask hesitantly.
“I-I guess that depends on what it is,” she answers honestly.
Hating I need to know this, I ask, “You had this nightmare because of my trip to Vermont, right?”
Lanie sighs. “It wasn’t necessarily the trip. I felt blindsided. It was something I couldn’t control. I haven’t had very good luck with things I don’t have complete control over the last few months.”
I swallow thickly, not entirely sure I want the answer to my next question, “Did you have one after Anna hit you?”
“No. I don’t think so,” she answers immediately. “I slept with Tate. Body heat keeps the monsters away, remember?”
“Okay.” I pause, thinking about my trip to Vermont and all that has happened since. “You know, we are all on the same side. The McDowell’s, the kids and I, we are all on your side, just let me be here for you. You told me you were recovering, we can talk about that another time, because I do want to be there for you in everything.” I pause, “Lanie…I’m sorry you had a nightmare because of my little stunt. I didn’t do it to go behind your back or to have you lose faith in me. I guess I just wanted to talk to the people you love the most. I wanted their perspective, their advice. I really like you, Lanie. I’m going to spend every day letting you know it.”
On a sob, Lanie speaks. “Don’t fall in love with me, Dex. I’m too broken, I’ll never be what you need.”
“Baby, I’m going to treat you so nice,
you’re never gonna wanna let me go.” I get the reaction I was hoping for.
“Did you just give me a line from Pretty Woman?” Lanie asks, not able to control her giggle.
“You get to be Mary Poppins, I’m Edward,” I say cockily.
“Maria, remember? I’m more Maria, and you do realize it was Vivian that said that line, not Edward?” She schools me.
“Lanie, it’s called creative liberties.” I leave her alone in her thoughts for a few minutes.
“Lanie? Do you know the difference between Mary Poppins and Maria?” She stays silent. “Maria is the one who stayed. Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
Lanie
Chapter 20
I wake slowly, a distinct difference from my usual morning routine. Not startling awake is something I could get used to. Gradually, as my body catches up to my brain, I realize I have a sense of calm that I’m not sure I have ever had before. I’m also all kinds of hot. My eyes open as if pulled by a slingshot as I realize why I’m so warm.
My body goes stiff as I take stock of everything around me. I silently groan as last night's events come back to me. I am going to disown Julia as soon as I can sneak out of Dexter’s strong embrace.
Trying not to move too much, I look down and realize he has one hand wrapped securely around my boob. Just freaking great. His other arm, I notice, is tucked under my pillow. He must have genuinely not moved a muscle last night.
Slowly, I try to wiggle out of his embrace but stop abruptly when I feel his cock, long, hard, and thick standing at full attention against my ass. His arm around me tightens its hold, and I hear him breathe me in. Slowly, he releases my breast to rest his hand on my ribcage.
“Morning.” He says, his voice gruff with sleep. “You can’t keep moving on me like that. I’m trying to be a gentleman, but your tight little ass rubbing against me is making it really hard.”
“I can tell.” I snort, so ladylike, Lanie, geez. “I should get moving, Tate is going to be up soon. We have a breakfast routine now, so I know he will be waiting for me.
“Soon,” He leans up on his forearm, rolling me onto my back. “I’m not going to lie, I’ve dreamt about waking up with you like this. Does that scare you?”
I press a hand to his chest and push slightly. I’m not ready for these conversations. “Dex, please. I-I was honest with you. I’m a mess. I promise you this kind of damage is not what you want.”
“We’ll see, Lanie. I’m going to show you that you’re wrong every day. I’m going to ask you out every chance I get, and when you are ready, you’ll say yes,” he informs me.
I roll my eyes, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care. “Thank you for last night. I know it’s probably a shock to see me like that.” I glance down, ashamed. “I never wanted you to witness it.”
Dexter leans down and kisses my forehead. “I want to see and know everything about you, Lanie.” Before I can respond, he climbs over me to get out of bed. “I’m going to need a long shower, a long, cold shower. I’ll meet you guys in the kitchen.” He gives me a lopsided grin, making him appear more like a late twenty’s man trying to make it through life than the million-dollar business mogul I’ve come to know.
Taking the pillow he used last night, I place it over my face and groan loudly. “Maria is the one who stayed,” he had said. If he understood the degree of damage done to my soul, he would never ask me to stay.
“Lanie! Today is the day, right? We are meeting Connor for pizza, parks, and play, right, Lanie? Can we go now? Is it time?” Tate asks impatiently. It is almost shocking that this is the same kid who barely spoke only a few short weeks ago.
“Woah, slow down, buddy. Yes, today is the day! I know you’re excited, but you do have half a day of school today. Jamie and I will pick you up and we will have the entire afternoon of pizza, parks, and play,” I tell him, laughing at his excitement.
“Awe, man,” he drags out. “That is hours and hours and hours from now.” Tate whines.
I’ve never seen him this excited or this animated. Judging by the expression Dexter is wearing walking down the hallway, it’s been a long time for him too.
“What’s up, Tate? I haven’t heard you so excited for a long time. You guys have something fun planned today?” Dex asks him.
“Lanie is picking me up from the early-release day and taking me for pizza, park, and play with Connor. Jamie is coming too,” Tate explains in one long breath.
“Jamie, huh?” I hear Dex grumble, “Just great.” He tries to sound a bit more cheerful for Tate’s benefit. “You guys will have fun.”
“Dexter,” I scold. “I know we haven't talked about it with…everything that’s been going on, but Jamie is a very nice man. He has become a great friend. He is also terrific with Tate, so take it easy, huh?”
Looking properly chastised, Dex goes about getting his coffee.
Tate and I finish up breakfast, music back to full volume. Dexter watches on with his signature crooked grin while the kids and I all dance to the beat. Some country singer is crooning about the girl that got away.
“I’m working from my home office today, so I’ll take care of dinner. What time will you be home?” Dex asks me.
“You’re taking care of dinner? Can you cook?” I know I sound skeptical, but seriously? I’ve never seen him in the kitchen doing anything you could consider cooking.
Stalking me slowly, watching the whisk I’m holding, he stops just inches in front of me. He reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind my ear and whispers, “I have lots of talents, Lanie. Today is day one of making you never wanna let me go.” He winks and walks away.
In the process of dropping Tate off at school, Sara and Harper fell asleep in their car seats. This might put a damper on Tate’s big plans, I think out loud.
Deciding to drive to the market on the opposite side of town, I hope that might be enough of a nap that they will cooperate with our big afternoon. I’ll use this time to catch up with Jules. I press the fancy button on the car Dex insists I drive and say, “Call Jules.”
She picks up on the second ring. “Ahh, hi, Lanes. How’s your day going?” Julia asks in a phony innocent voice.
“Cut the baloney, Jules. I know you told Dex to babysit me last night,” I whisper yell so I don’t wake the girls.
“It wasn’t like that, Lanie. You know I was just worried about you. Plus, I told him to check on you, not cop-a-feel by sleeping with you,” she groans.
I suck in a breath so exaggerated you’d think it came from a Saturday morning cartoon, and I start to growl.
“Oh, fuck,” Julia says.
“Yeah, I’d say that, Jules,” I lecture. “What the heck? You already talked to him this morning? Do I need to remind you that you are MY friend? Why are you pushing this? Why are you helping him?” My emotions are unraveling quickly.
“It is not like that, not exactly,” she admits. “I only texted him to make sure you were okay. I didn’t want you to think I was hovering.”
“You realize how messed up that is, right?” I stammer, running out of steam.
“Yes. I also decided I’m not going to apologize.” She says so matter-of-factly I don’t answer. “You gave me the push I needed a year and a half ago. It may not have ended the way we would have liked, but it did give me a kick in the ass. I also got the best thing that has ever happened to me out of it. I wouldn’t trade Charlie for anything in the world.”
I grumble as she talks right over me.
“So, consider this your proverbial kick. The whole town is rooting for Dex. You might as well give him a chance, or you won’t be able to show your face back here for some time. Miss Rosa has a betting pool going, but I’m not allowed to place a bet. Miss Rosa claims I have insider information. Can you believe that, Lanes? Total bullshit.”
“Julia,” I groan again. “Last night, he asked me if I knew the difference between Mary Poppins and Maria from the Sound of Music.”
“What? That’s random,” she cau
tions.
“Jules,” So smart and yet misses social cues left and right. “It's because he called me Mary Poppins on my first visit here, remember?”
“Oh yeah! And you told him you were more of a Maria,” she laughs. “Well, don’t leave me hanging. What’s the difference?”
“Maria stays,” I tell her.
Julia is silent. “Hello? Jules? Did I lose you?”
“I-I-I’m here,” she sniffles.
“Are you crying?” I ask in shock.
“He’s worth the risk, Lanie. Please, at least think about giving this man a chance,” Jules begs.
“I’m not sure if I can,” I choke out. “I have to go. I have to get some stuff from the market. I’ll call you later. Luvs.”
“Luvs, Lanie, bye.”
Banging my head on the steering wheel, I let the tears flow. I look like a crazy lady, I’m sure, but I feel so out of control.
Give him a chance. “Can I do that?” I ask aloud.
I’m answered by noisy gurgling sounds from the backseat. I’m not sure if it was my head banging or my one-person conversation that woke them, but both girls are awake now. Might as well get our shopping out of the way.
Dex
Chapter 21
Julia: Soooo, it turns out I’m not a great wing-man. Sorry.
Dexter: WTF, Julia? What now?
Julia: She knows that I know that you slept in her bed last night. She’s kinda pissed you spoke to me before she did.
I can’t deal with this girl. I press the call button.
“Well, hello, Mr. Cross,” Julia answers like she didn’t just throw me under the bus. Again.
“Don’t, Julia. What kind of cockblocking did you do this time?” I bark.
She scoffs, “I hardly cockblocked, you douche-canoe. I told her to give you a chance, but you may want to rethink your method of asking for help. Not sure she appreciates the little camaraderie we’ve got going on.”
Cross My Heart: A Waverley-Cay Novel Page 14