“I wanted my hair to look cool like Dad’s,” he admits shyly, and I notice his hair is gelled in all the wrong places.
I try not to laugh again. “Can I help you? I think we just need to comb out a few places and you’ll be all set,” I tell him, trying to pat down the piece standing straight up at the back of his head. “All set, buddy. Daddy will be here in five minutes. Let's start packing the girls up in the car so we can leave the second he gets here.”
“I’m so happy you’re coming, Lanes, I made something special I can’t wait to show you,” he beams.
I crouch down to his eye level. “I can’t wait to see it, Tate. Do you know how proud I am of you? You have come so far these last few months, I hope you’re proud of yourself too. You’ve done all the work, your dad and I just supported you. This is your night, Tate. We are all going to celebrate you, little man.”
He smiles, loving being called a little man.
Shortly after we load up the girls and all the supplies they require for two hours outside the house, Dexter pulls into the driveway. We try really hard not to show affection in front of the kids, but the longer this thing between us goes on, the harder it becomes.
Dexter: Day 86, Tate’s school show, then fire pit under the stars.
Lanie: Dex, are you seriously still sending these text messages to our friends every day?
Dexter: Fuck!
Lanie: (Laughing tears emoji)
Walking into Waverley-Cay Elementary feels so much different today than it did a few months ago. I no longer feel the need to keep my wits about me, peering around every corner for Tate’s bully. Even though Jake is still in the school, they have made every effort to keep them on opposite sides of the building. According to Tate, he has only seen him once, and Jake never looked in his direction. Hopefully, the little shit learned his lesson.
We all gather in the gymnasium, where the principal will give a short speech. When he is done, we will be free to explore the school and Tate can show off all his work before ending in the courtyard for food and games.
“Alright, Tate, you ready to show us this big project you’ve been working on?” Dex asks.
“Yes, Dad, it's outside my classroom, come on.”
We are walking through the halls when we hear the tell-tale sound that can only mean one thing.
“Gross, Dad, did she really just poop like that here in my school?” By the expression on Dexter’s face, I would say yes. Harper is known for her repulsive diarrhea. I have an iron stomach, and the girl has even made me gag a few times.
“Good grief,” Dex says, rolling his eyes. “Give me the diaper bag, I’ll change her and meet you guys in Tate’s classroom.”
Laughing, I hand it over. “Okay, Tate, just you, me, and Sara for now, let's go.” I take his hand and let him lead the way. Pointing out various artwork displayed on the walls.
Tate stops, looking nervous.
“What’s up, bud? Is this what you want to show us?” I ask him. I glance around, then notice the artwork in front of us are all family portraits made by Tate’s classmates. “These are amazing, Tate, where’s yours?”
He walks me down the hall a few steps and nods with his head. Looking in the direction he pointed, I gasp. I don’t get a chance to respond because we are interrupted.
“Well, who do we have here? The little mute is talking now, I see?” The voice is low and menacing.
I turn slowly, placing Tate behind me and wrapping a protective arm around Sara, who is strapped to my front. At first, I see Jake and my open hand balls into a fist. When I look up, I realize it must have been his father who spoke. There is no one else in this hallway. How can that be?
“I suggest you move along and check out some of your son’s artwork, there is nothing here for you to see,” I say, hating that my confidence sounds shaky, even to my own ears.
The man takes a step toward me. “I have to disagree, Ms. Heart. Because of you, my son has a blemish on his record. That is going to reflect very poorly on my upcoming campaign,” he seethes.
“I have nothing to do with that, Senator,” I say the word like a curse. “Had your son not been bullying Tate, none of this would have happened.”
“Poor Tate, his mother left him, and what is this? Is that you in his portrait?” He tries to look around me, directing his next words to Tate. “Do you think your little nanny is going to love you when even your own mother leaves?” The man spits.
“Yeah, dummy, she isn’t your mom.” Jake chimes in.
“That is enough. Walk away, right now,” I command, louder this time.
The senator gets right in my face. “You do not call the shots around here, Ms. Heart. Understand this; it would be a real shame should Zachary be set free now, wouldn’t it? Do you know who has the power to make that happen? Me, that’s who. Before you start making demands, you had better have a handle on who has the real authority around here.”
I feel all the color drain from my face. He knows he has me spooked. Then I feel a shaking little hand grab hold of my shirt. Tate. I need to focus on Tate. Turning my back to the asshole, I lower myself to the ground.
“Tate? Did you draw me in your family picture?” I ask him, desperate to gain control of my emotions and his.
He looks from me to the retreating forms at my back.
“Look at me, Tate, just at me. Did you draw me in your family?” I try again now that Jake and his dad are out of sight.
He nods his head and rushes me. Holding him into my side, he cries.
“Lanie? Tate?” I hear Dexter’s voice, but I can’t move. Tate and I are both in shock. I can’t speak. “What the hell happened here?”
I stare up at him, but no words come.
“I drew Lanie in our family. Jake and his dad said…they said she isn’t my mom.” Tate chokes up a bit. “Daddy, who is Zachary? Why did Jake’s dad say he could get free?”
“What?” Dexter yells, breaking me out of my trance.
“Please, Dex, Don’t. Not here. Tate, is there anything else you want to see? Do you want to go out to the courtyard for cotton candy?” I ask him.
“No. Can we just go, Lanie?” My heart breaks for this little boy who had been so excited about something so simple. How can adults be so cruel?
“Yeah, we can go, buddy,” I tell him. “Do you want to grab some dinner somewhere? Anything you want, just name it.”
“Lanie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dex asks, his voice low and angry.
“No, Dex. Please, this is Tate’s night. Let’s just make the best of it and make something special for him, okay? We can work out all the-the details later?”
Sighing, Dex nods. “Come on, Tate, what do you feel like for dinner? We can go anywhere you want.”
“China Moon,” Tate says cheerily. To have the attention span of a six-year-old, if only it were that easy for me.
China Moon is exactly what it sounds like. A little hole in the wall restaurant that has the best Chinese food in all of Waverley-Cay. The car ride here was silent, except for the happy babbles of the girls. Once we are inside, Tate is immediately drawn into the Koi Pond they have running through the entire restaurant. Jumping up and down, Tate begs for quarters to feed the fish. After the night we have had, I’ll give him a hundred quarters if it makes him happy.
“What do you want tonight, Tate?” Dex asks, still watching us closely and unhappy with this detour.
“Sesame chicken and pancakes,” Tate grins, dripping wonton soup down the front of him.
“I’m with Tate, some fried rice and egg-rolls too, please.” I’m trying so hard to turn this night around. I want it for Tate, I want it for all of us. Focusing on Tate and his needs is the only thing holding me together right now. I’d be willing to bet by the look on Dexter’s face that he knows that too.
Cheerful, be cheerful, be happy, for Tate, I repeat in my head.
Dex
Chapter 29
The ride home from China Moon is silent. My eyes dar
t every few seconds from the road to Lanie beside me, then to the backseat where Tate is. It is killing me that I don’t fully understand what happened at that school tonight. I’m more than a little pissed that Lanie made the decision to let it go without even filling me in. I know she did it to salvage the night for Tate, but I know her now. I know whatever happened in that hallway has her scared.
Please don’t let this be what has her running.
I pull into the garage, shutting the door behind us. I grab Harper while Lanie gets Sara from the car seats. Tate isn’t as talkative as when we first arrived at the school, but he is bouncing back much better than I expected him to. A hell of a lot better than Lanie seems to be doing.
“Tate, why don’t you go get washed up for bed? I’m going to put the girls to bed, then I’ll come to tuck you in. Say goodnight to Lanie, we’ll let her get ready for bed now too.” I don’t actually know if this is what she will want, but since she is hardly talking, I figure it's what she needs.
“Okay, Dad,” he says, running into Lanie’s arms for a hug. “Goodnight, Lanie. Love you.”
“I love you too, little man. Goodnight.” Lanie says with a breathy voice. She follows Tate up the stairs.
Putting the girls to bed is a hell of a lot easier these days, thanks to Lanie. She has them on a schedule that works so perfectly that now, I just lay them in their cribs and they fall asleep within minutes.
I’m walking down the hall towards Tate’s room when I hear Lanie speaking. She must be in Tate’s room, so I come to a stop just outside. I don’t intend to eavesdrop very long, just enough so I can be sure they are both okay. Then I’ll come back to say my goodnights.
“Can I sit with you for a minute?” I hear Lanie ask.
The squeak of Tate’s bedframe tells me he has said yes.
“Do you remember how I went back to see your teacher before we left tonight?”
Again, he must respond because she continues. “Well, I went back to ask her if I could take this with me.”
“You don’t like it, Lanie?” Tate asks, worriedly. “You don’t have to be my mom, I just want you to be my family.” I can hear the tears in Tate’s words.
“Oh, no, Tate, you don’t understand. I asked if I could take it because, if it’s alright with you, I want to hang it in my room. You see, I never really had a family like this. I love seeing how you drew me. I look so happy standing here holding your hand. I want you to know that I don’t have to be your mom to love you. You have such a big piece of my heart that no matter where we are, you will always be a part of my family.”
“You mean it, Lanie?” Happiness is evident in his little voice.
“I do,” she says. “Have I ever told you about my mom?”
“You have a mom?” Tate asks, and I almost laugh, giving away my location.
“I do have a mom, but she wasn’t like any of the moms I knew. My mom had some problems, and she was mean to me a lot,” I can hear Lanie filtering her sadness.
“W-what do you mean?” Tate stammers.
“It took me a lot of years, and a lot of help from Mimi, remember Mimi? Julia’s mom?” Lanie asks him.
“Yeah, she said she is going to bake me lots of cookies,” he giggles.
Lanie laughs. “You bet she will, she makes the best cookies ever too. Anyway, Mimi helped me understand that I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my mom. You see, my mom was mad all the time. She thought everything bad that happened to her was my fault, but I was just a kid. She was an adult, she was supposed to protect me, not blame me.”
“What did your mom say to you?” Tate asks just above a whisper.
“Let’s see,” Lanie pauses, “one time, she told me I ruined her life because she had to buy me underwear.”
“How can you ruin someone’s life by needing underwear?” Tate laughs.
“My mom told me because she had to buy me underwear, she didn’t have enough money to go out with her friends. Not going out with her friends ruined her life, that day anyway. A lot of times, she would say that just me being born destroyed her life. She liked to tell me all the time that I ruined everything. That’s really hard for a kid to hear or understand. I felt terrible about myself for a really long time.”
“That sounds like it would be hard.” The sadness in Tate’s voice causes a lump in my throat.
“It was, Tate. Especially since none of it was true. What she didn’t know is that I was a gift. A gift not everyone gets to have. She wasn’t a very good mother.”
“Did she die?” Tate asks, sounding unsure if he should feel sad or not.
“No, she is still alive, but I had to make a decision not to let her lousy behavior influence my life or the way I felt about myself. Her nasty words were her issue, not mine. It has taken me years to learn that. She walked away from me as soon as she could, and I ended up with Mimi and Pawpaw. As an adult, I decided that I was better off without her in my life.
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is, sometimes, the best families aren’t the ones who share the same blood. Sometimes the best families are the ones who choose to stand by you, the ones who choose to love and care for you. The ones who choose you, always. I want you to know, Tate, even though I am not your mom, I will always choose you. Even if I’m not living here someday, it will always be my choice to love you. Do you understand that?” Lanie asks him gently.
I know Tate is crying even before he speaks, his sniffles have been filling the air for the last five minutes. “I do, Lanie. I love you too.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything until you are ready, Tate. I just wanted you to know if anything happened with you and your mom, I can promise you it wasn’t your fault,” Lanie tells him kindly.
“Okay, Lanie. Can I tell you a secret?” Tate whispers.
“Of course, bud, you can always tell me anything,” she says, sounding unsure of what he will say next.
“You’re going to be a great mom someday,” Tate says genuinely.
The sob that escapes Lanie is one I know she couldn’t control. I know she will not be able to stay in there much longer after Tate’s secret, so I quickly but quietly make my way down to my office. I’m going to need backup.
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: I need help.
Before I even hit send, Trevor comes walking into my house. “Just relax, Dex. It’s going to be fine.”
He must see the confusion on my face because he grimaces.
“Shit. Julia told me. She doesn’t think Lanie is spooked by the senator. Having something to focus on has been good for her. You and Tate are good for her. She just wanted me to let you know to give her some space for a couple of hours, but not all night. Lanie will need you tonight,” he says in a whoosh.
“How often are you and Julia talking?” I ask, curious.
“We aren’t really talking, just texting,” Trevor says, looking uncomfortable.
“How often?” I repeat.
“A few times a day probably. She’s a really cool girl,” he says, starting to fidget.
I smile. “You two are very similar, I picked up on that the first five minutes I met her. Are you talking or facetiming?”
“No. Come on, man,” he says defensively. “I just said she was a cool girl. She is fun to talk to because she isn’t like all the others, but you know my situation. I cannot be involved with anyone without putting them in harm's way. She also doesn’t want to do anything other than text, she has her own reasons. We are just friends.”
Holding my hands up in surrender, I tell him, “Alright, but I think you need to figure this stuff out with your dad soon. You can’t live in your bubble forever.”
“I know. Listen, you all set here now?” he asks.
“Yeah, thanks for stopping by, I’m going to go tuck Tate in, then check on Lanie.” After giving me a hug, Trevor walks out the door and I turn for the stairs.
While tucking Tate in, he told me all about the Senator and Jake. I’m so pissed off, but unsure of
what to do next. The fucking senator knew too much about Lanie, and about Anna, I need to find out the connection. After setting a reminder on my phone to call Ryan in the morning, I knock on Lanie’s door.
“Come in,” she says, sounding exhausted.
I walk into her room, looking around, still ashamed I haven’t done anything to personalize this space for her. It’s because you keep hoping she will move into your room permanently, asshole, my damn conscious whispers in my ear.
“Hi, sweetheart. You look tired.”
Laying back on her pillows, she agrees with me, “I am, it’s been a long day.”
“I heard,” I inform her. “Tate told me everything. I wanted you to know that I heard some of your conversation with him earlier. Thank you for being there for him like that. You might be the only one who understands him right now.” I sit next to her on the bed.
“Maybe,” she shrugs. “Did I hear someone downstairs?”
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Trevor stopped by. Apparently, he and Julia have been texting a lot. She told him what happened tonight and sent him over here to check on us.”
Now Lanie is laughing too. “What? How long have they been talking?” She asks, sounding surprised.
“Not talking, he was pretty specific about that. It sounds like they set ground rules. They are strictly friends, which, in their world, means no phone calls, no video calls, just texts.” I say, laughing.
“Julia does like to set parameters for everything in her life,” she tells me.
“Trevor too. They are so similar I often wonder if they would be the best match in the world or if they would kill each other before their first date even started.” I look over and notice Lanie is almost asleep. I lean over her, “Sweetheart, come to bed with me? Let me hold you tonight.”
“Mm-hmm,” is all I get from her. Reaching around her back, I pick her up off the bed and carry her to my room. I’m expecting a nightmare tonight, I want her close by when it hits.
Waking up with Lanie in my arms the next morning, I realize she slept through the night. She stayed and she didn’t have a nightmare. I wonder if she realizes this too when she flutters her eyes open suddenly, looking surprised.
Cross My Heart: A Waverley-Cay Novel Page 20