He’d picked up the scarf well aware she’d probably safe word, so he’d been in a perfect state to deal with it calmly. A safe word ended a scene; without that, they had a dynamic that didn’t sit well with her telling him what to do. But by making her use her safe word and then walking out, he’d turned a tiff into something final.
Nice going, Diego. Way to lose your cool.
Emma wasn’t his normal kind of woman. The realization hit him as he opened the door to the dungeon. He often played with women he knew he could never fully love. It was safe to keep it purely physical, knowing that the other had something about them that completely ruled them out as a potential life partner. The things that made them less than fully attractive to him were not necessarily deficiencies, they just weren’t his thing. Above all, women who were insistently polyamorous, who didn’t want to settle down with just one man, were the safest of all—although at least once that had turned out not to be the case. He didn’t think Emma was poly, exactly. She might be playing the field at the moment, but he suspected she liked her relationships and her friendships few and deep. It was a common introvert trait.
And I’ve just learned to fake wanting it otherwise.
Mierda.
James found Constance and Aidan, and the three of them left the dungeon together. Diego hung back. He normally enjoyed scanning a big play area like the one at bondage ranch and looking at the eye candy. Pretty dommes in skin-tight leather; lovely submissive girls in next to nothing. One pleasingly curvy girl wore nothing but a series of chains around her body. Ginger was naked but for some green ropes around her freckled body, tying her to one of the crosses. A feast for the eyes, if only he gave a damn. He kept walking until he was outside.
He’d been afraid Emma would leave Bondage Ranch, not just because he’d miss her, but because she had things to discover about herself, and he wanted to help her. It was possible that by tipping her suitcase upside down, he’d overplayed his hand and lost his opportunity. Possibly he’d chased her away. But she’d been about to run—from him and from herself. It hurt him that she thought he might be a thief. He had to figure out what to do about it.
On the swings, a couple were fucking, using the natural motion of the swing to accentuate each thrust. To the right, he recognized Valerie from her oft-exposed body and hennaed hair. She was naked in the stocks. A tall, gangly man was swishing a flogger on her ass, and her breasts were hanging pendulously from her body. Diego didn’t think much of the man’s technique. With that light a flogger, he’d need to put some serious oomph into it to make an impression on a heavy player like Valerie. Whatever. He shrugged and walked on. “Um,” said Valerie.
The sound made him look back. He hadn’t been able to see her face before really, but from the path, he could. As their gazes met, she rolled her eyes and mimed a yawn. Okay, she’s bored. How is that my problem?
Then he thought of Emma, all alone, and decided maybe he could kill two birds with one stone. The problem was that no matter how much Valerie wanted to be rescued from a scene that was boring her, it was still inappropriate for him to interfere. But there might be a way.
He walked to where Valerie’s top could see him and Valerie couldn’t, suppressing a chuckle at the fact that the impatient girl probably found that frustrating. The man bent down and felt between Valerie’s legs. He straightened, clearly disappointed. Diego caught the man’s eye.
Want help? he mouthed. He pointed to himself with both hands and then to Val’s dom. The man nodded, and Diego stepped forward and mounted the wooden platform the stocks were on. “Diego,” he said, offering his hand.
“Cal,” said the man, shaking it. He had a good, firm grasp.
“May I?” After Cal let go of the handshake, Diego kept his hand out. Cal put the flogger in his grasp. It was a deerskin flogger, the leather too light to provide much sting, and with too few tails to pack much of a wallop either. The only thing right about it was the handle, which was solid and wide. Part of the answer was for the top to get a better tool. Diego grasped it with both hands. Normally, he would have made sure the man’s submissive didn’t object to his involvement, but Valerie knew he was there.
He moved to the side and, holding the flogger like a baseball bat, he swung it across Valerie’s ass. She oomphed. He smiled at Cal and reached over and stroked Valerie’s shoulder, then reared back and gave her a couple more blows, these on her back, the flogger wielded overhand like a sword. A flogger that light was a top-killer: it would wear out the swinger before it made much of an impact on the sub, but at least with a heavier blow Cal could make Val feel it.
“Don’t be afraid of hitting hard with this. Just be careful to avoid the kidneys.” He put his hand on Val’s lower back, just in case Cal’s anatomy was rusty. “And talk to me later about getting some better equipment. And touch your sub. It doesn’t have to be all about flogging. Does it, Valerie?” He stroked her back. He wasn’t going to presume to touch her in any intimate area, but clearly she’d given Cal permission.
“No, Sir.”
“Mind if I give Valerie a pointer too?” he asked Cal.
“I think she’s pretty experienced, but sure, go ahead.”
He leaned over the stocks, so he could whisper in her ear. He’d been mildly deceptive, but he rationalized that it was all in a good cause. “Check in on Emma when you’re done, would you?”
Valerie looked at him, her eyes wide, and then nodded. Goodness knows what Valerie thought might have happened with her friend. Normally, Diego could take care of the women he played with all by himself. In any case, he had faith that Valerie would see her soon, partly because he doubted that Cal could hold her attention for very long.
He handed the flogger back to Cal.
“Thanks, man,” Cal said, taking it back and moving into position.
Diego nodded. He’d probably destroyed Valerie’s attention with his whispered words. On the other hand, Cal could use the pointers he offered, and Valerie and Cal weren’t destined to be a couple, anyway. He wasn’t sure who if anyone would pair up with Valerie long-term, but whoever it was would be a bit larger than life. He knew he wasn’t thinking entirely straight, but he thought he’d done more good than harm.
He headed off into the woods. He needed to get his head clear. He needed to figure out why Emma got to him so much that he did stupid things. I need a plan.
Chapter Five
Emma sighed as she explained what had happened to Valerie.
“So, the question is, do you want to shag him again or not?” asked Valerie, ever direct.
Emma frowned and patted the bed. Valerie was standing, and Emma was sitting on the bed, and she didn’t want to look up anymore. Valerie sat down next to her.
“Well?” Valerie asked.
“It’s not that simple. Sure, he’s hot. Sure, he’d be fun to roll around with.”
“Then it is that simple. Just tell him that.”
“I can’t.”
“I can do it for you.” Valerie pushed off on the bed like she was going to get up.
“No!”
“Well then, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. We can go fishing together. I need a date too. Mine fell through. Or rather, I played with him this afternoon and found him a little bit wanting, so I threw him back in the sea and told him we could try again when he’s worked on his skills.”
There were times that Valerie seemed like a space alien to Emma. Why not just work on them together, if Valerie wanted a repeat engagement eventually? Surely a relationship was worth some investment.
That was the problem, of course, and why it wasn’t so simple for Emma. For Valerie, sex was just sex. For Emma, all her hormones started going, and she thought in terms of relationship on the first date, usually rejecting the prospect because he wouldn’t make a good father. Here at Bondage Ranch, with everyone playing around, she’d been able to put it out of her mind. But Diego was such a devoted father he was actually staying with his daughter. He at least appea
red to pass the fitness test there.
What the hell am I thinking? I’m doing it again.
“What the hell are you thinking?” asked Valerie, never horribly comfortable with silence.
Emma didn’t want the hard time that baring all her thoughts would get her, but she told a partial truth. “I want more from a man than just a good fuck, Val.”
Valerie’s brow creased. Emma thought she’d struck a nerve, and then that look was replaced with a dopey smile. But that grin is a mask. And I saw behind it for a moment.
“So if you don’t want to go work things out with Diego…” began Valerie.
“I don’t know how to. And I’m not sure I want to. I’m kinda pissed at him, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“You know he sent me to talk to you, right?”
Emma blinked. “He did?” Her heart beat a little faster. She had been sure she’d be forgotten as soon as he found another willing sub, and she hadn’t expected that to take very long at all.
“Yeah.”
“Did he say he wanted to see me again?”
“Well, no. I think he wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Well then.” Being considerate was not the same as desiring her. That Diego was a gentleman didn’t surprise her, but it did make her feel a little guilty about tossing him from her room so abruptly.
“Okay, so do you want to go home? You can show him just who is boss by heading home. I can get a ride home with someone. I’m not worried about that.”
Emma shook her head. The one thing worse than staying would be running. Diego would know. Diego would think less of her. She didn’t know why that was so very important to her, but it was.
“So, let me top you tonight.”
She stared at Valerie. “What?”
Valerie reached to take her hand. “You heard me. I’m free. You’re free. There’s no sense in us moping here. This might be the last time you come here if you don’t have a good time. The last chance to let your wild side free. I know you’re not attracted to me that way, Emma. I do know we’re just friends and nothing but. I won’t do anything sexual with you.” Valerie looked so serious, but then she winked. “Unless you ask nicely, of course.”
“I won’t be asking.”
“I know that.” Valerie’s face betrayed neither desire nor regret.
She knew her friend liked both men and women—equal-opportunity hormones, as Valerie liked to say. It seemed a little awkward. But for all Valerie’s tendency to strut about on life’s stage, Emma also knew that Valerie had ethics and would respect her limits. She trusted Valerie. She had felt that trust for Diego. She couldn’t say he’d done any one thing to break that trust but the whole set of things made her uncertain.
She didn’t want to go back into the bustle of Bondage Ranch without some kind of clarity. With Diego, she’d been able to let loose and have some fun. She didn’t need someone to tell her what to do. She didn’t need a top. Not in ordinary life. But here, well, she needed someone in order to feel like she belonged. Standing alone in the dungeon had been extremely uncomfortable. With the cloud from the jewel theft hanging over her, it would be worse.
What Valerie offered was a practical deal. A marriage of convenience. How many times had gay people ended up in such arrangements in order to pass in a hostile world? It amused Emma that she and Valerie would be doing the reverse.
“You’re smiling. Is that a yes?”
Emma took a deep breath. Valerie was right. It was now or never. She didn’t want to go home with more regrets than she already had. “It’s a yes. But why do you want to do it? You’d get someone else easily enough.”
“I have my reasons.” Valerie reached out and stroked Emma’s face with unexpected tenderness. For a moment Emma thought Valerie was coming on to her, but the hand was quickly pulled away. “And I love you as a friend. I reserve the right to enlist the aid of someone or multiple someones because I know that I don’t do it for you myself. Do you understand?”
“Um—”
“Agree, or we don’t have a deal.”
“No sex.”
“Unless you ask for it, no sex of any kind,” Valerie agreed.
Wasn’t it Valerie who told her that it was important to negotiate limits ahead of time and not let the sub change their mind within a scene, because she could get carried away? “I won’t be asking.”
“That’s fine. I won’t be trying to make you ask either. Within those limits, we’re going to make Diego very, very jealous and see just exactly what he’s missing.”
“I don’t need to make him jealous, Valerie. I just want to make him proud of me.” Emma bit her lip. That was more than she intended to say. She wanted to be over him already. Or with him. And she wasn’t either. And I sure am lousy about faking it.
To Emma’s surprise, Valerie didn’t razz her about it. Instead, she just grinned. “Oh, and we’re also going to make him very, very hard.”
That seemed more likely, actually. Guys liked to see girls with girls, didn’t they? She didn’t think Diego would get jealous. But he would probably move on to someone else if he saw her with Valerie. And then he’d never play tricks on her like with the mirror, wouldn’t dump her suitcase, wouldn’t try to tie her up with a scarf—ever again.
That’s what I want, right?
The thought made her stomach tighten painfully. But she didn’t think any of that would happen again anyway. She’d used a safe word in front of an audience. She’d embarrassed him. He wouldn’t want to play with her again.
Valerie got up suddenly. “I’ll be back to get you in an hour. Don’t forget to eat something. There’s some snacks in the kitchen. I have to talk to some people. Arrange things. You’re going to have the time of your life.” Valerie paused at the door, but before Emma could ask more questions, Valerie said, “This is going to be great. Trust me.” She winked.
“But I just—” She didn’t bother to complete her sentence because Valerie was out the door.
She pushed herself off the bed and headed to the door, but when she opened it and looked down the hall, Valerie was nowhere to be seen. Emma supposed she should eat more—a tart alone was not going to get her through the day. She headed away from the dungeon, toward the Allisons’ living room and kitchen, hoping not to run into too many people, especially people who’d heard about where Constance’s jewels had been found. Dylan, resplendent in a gold-and-purple velvet frock coat, looking every bit the eighteenth-century dandy, was holding court in the living room. He glanced her way but then returned to his conversation with a couple she didn’t know. She slipped through the kitchen and almost literally ran into Alex.
To her surprise, Alex gave her a hug. And then just as quickly released her. “Sorry, that was nonconsensual,” Alex said. “We’ve been worried about you.”
Oh, great. Everyone is talking about me. “Nothing to worry about,” said Emma. “But thank you anyway.” She moved past Alex to the kitchen table, where an impressive array of half sandwiches was laid out.
“The ham and cheese is the best,” said Alex. “Unless you don’t like ham. Or cheese. Hmm.”
Emma looked at Alex, curious. She hadn’t gotten the impression Alex was given to babbling. Small talk always made her feel uneasy, because she was never clear how to respond. She figured if she waited, Alex would say whatever it was she really wanted to say.
“So how are things between you and Diego?”
Ugh. She didn’t want to talk about him. “We had some fun. Now we’re done. He’s a little too pushy for me.”
“Doms are supposed to be a bit pushy. It’s no fun if you have to tell them to tell you what to do.”
“Well, maybe I’m not really very submissive then.” Although Alex was right. She didn’t want to tell Diego what to do or how to do it. He seemed to have some pretty good ideas. Tipping over her suitcase had just startled her, that was all. Picking up the scarf afterward had been arrogant, but it had also turned her on a little. She responded to hi
m out of reflex, a lifetime of training telling her not to let men walk all over her. But she did want the energy Diego brought to her life.
“People have said that about me,” said Alex. “They think that submission means weakness, or that I’ll just give in all the time. They think that because I’m strong, because I can order people around, that I’m not a ‘true’ submissive. But I’m just not their submissive. The way Dylan and I have our relationship structured may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But it works for us. And I really believe that when I kneel and serve him, what I feel is as deep as anything any 24/7 full-time slave experiences. Different, but still powerful.”
“Maybe Diego is just not the right man for me.” Plenty of fish in the sea, wasn’t that what Valerie said? “It’s one thing to be topped, but I don’t like feeling like I have no power at all.”
“And Diego doesn’t let you have any power?”
She flashed back. No, that wasn’t quite true, because he’d asked her permission, reminded her she had a safe word, and tried to read her all along the way. Every scene was for her benefit at least as much as his, but when he’d dumped her suitcase, well, that hadn’t been negotiated at all. He’d stepped past being a sexy top and started trying to run her life.
The reason she felt like she had no power was precisely because the scenes were all about her. He had a huge affect on her, and she wasn’t sure she had any emotional impact on him at all.
Alex didn’t wait for an answer. “Sometimes all two people can manage is one super-hot scene, and then in private it’s different. Or the magic can’t strike twice. I guess I was thinking, after watching you guys play that once—well, twice—that you might have something special going on. I want to apologize for coming over and interrupting that second scene. I thought I should. But what I wanted to do after watching you two was go get Dylan to do the same thing to me that Diego was doing to you.”
Bondage Ranch 5: His Little Treasure Page 9