A hard thump at her office door jolted her out of her fantasy. Her eyes flicked open, staring at the ceiling. If she ignored them, would they go away?
Again, a hammering came at the door.
“Come in,” she called, wondering what all the commotion was about. She didn’t need any hassle at the moment to puncture her good mood—she was flying high on love. The door burst open and Dan fairly shot through it, his face fuming.
Angel sat up in a panic. What on earth could have upset him? Larry! Larry must have got to him. But how had he got in the building? There was no way he could have got past reception without someone alerting her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I suppose you thought that was bloody clever?”
“Dan, I don’t understand. What was?”
“Setting me up with a sixty-five-year-old woman, and having to wank myself in front of her,” he said, his face red with fury.
So that was the problem? Her heart bounded. At least he didn’t know about her involvement with Stacie’s departure. She could handle this. “Dan, just calm down,” she said, standing up to face him.
“What is it? So I screwed up with Stacie. Is this your way of telling me I’m back to the mingers?”
“No, that isn’t the case,” she answered. She hadn’t expected him to be mad about being put with Margot. It was part of his job after all. “I honestly never even thought that. Please sit down Dan, and we can talk without the shouting.”
“You are pathetic.”
“That’s enough,” she said, pulling her authority face out. “Sit down Dan, and stop yelling at me. Remember, you do still work here.”
“You are one sick bitch,” he said, spitting the words through his teeth.
Angel reared back at the words, spoken with such venom. No matter what her feelings were for him, she couldn’t let him speak to her like that, either as an employee or a potential boyfriend. “Dan, that’s completely unacceptable. Now, sit down, this isn’t helping.” He took a step back, staring hard at her. “Honestly, there was no hidden meaning behind me assigning you to that job tonight—”
“You expect me to believe that shit?” he interrupted, with a cold stare.
“Yes. I do,” she answered, matching his glare with one of her own. “Sophie said a customer wanted to watch a young man stimulate himself, and I told her to try you. I thought it would be an easy way for you to earn some cash for Christmas. I didn’t know who it was, nor did I think you would have a problem with it,” she said, sending up a quick prayer to whomever to forgive her for the tiny lie.
“Well, can I suggest you get the flipping information before ringing me in the future?”
“Dan, I really don’t understand why you are so offended. I didn’t think this job would be such a problem for you.”
“That seems to be a common theme with you, not thinking!”
“What is that meant to mean?” she asked, gritting her teeth, trying to keep tight control of her temper.
“Last weekend with Stacie, telling me to have another man fuck her.”
“I made a mistake and I apologized for that.”
“You are totally unbelievable.”
“Dan, I’m not sure what you want from me, and your tone is starting to cause me some concern.” She hoped she wasn't going to have to discipline him.
“You hated Stacie as soon as she entered the building,” he said in a low dangerous tone, taking a step forward, invading her space.
Angel felt a spike of fear. His reaction to this Margot job was totally over the top. He wasn't angry at her for assigning Margot to him, he was angry with her for Stacie leaving. He blamed her. Everything was going wrong.
“Don’t you dare try to deny it. Everyone knows.”
“I wouldn’t say I hated her. Hate’s a strong word, Dan.”
“God, Angel, you are such a liar,” he said, his voice full of scorn and disgust. Angel felt her heart breaking into pieces. Did Dan hate her that much? She couldn’t bear to think that this wasn’t salvageable. “It’s funny how all the time I was getting the ugly girls, then suddenly I get Stacie, a stunning, sexy attractive woman, beautiful in every way. And how long does she last? Two bloody weekends before she’s gone. And then, guess what—the mingers are back,” he yelled, the sarcasm so thick it hurt Angel’s teeth.
“Just because someone is not attractive does not mean they aren’t worthy of sexual pleasure…” Angel began, trotting out the well-used line.
“Bollocks! You didn’t want me to find anyone else attractive. But you slipped up with Stacie, didn’t you! And as soon as you realized your mistake, you…you tried to sabotage her.” He said this last in tones of wonder, as if he were just now figuring it out. Angel took a step back, her guts churning.
“I admit I was jealous of her. Happy now?” Angel said, swallowing hard.
“No, far bloody from it, you evil bitch.”
“That’s not fair, Dan.”
“Oh really? Put yourself in my shoes. When you thought another man should be brought in, I hated you. I thought Stacie would be gone after that, but she came back. She came back to me. And then—bugger me—after you take her off for a guided fucking tour of the place, she finds herself in Larry’s grip. Coincidence?” he spat.
“Assumption! Nothing more. And if we’re hurling accusations, let me bloody well put one to you, you broke the club’s rules,” she snapped back.
“Excuse me? I haven’t broken any rules,” Dan pulled back, his expression changing from anger to puzzlement.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. You’re not making sense, what the hell are you on about?” he said, but the puzzled look was overlaid by a guilty tinge. Angel smiled, feeling finally she had control over the conversation.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Dan.”
“I never said you were.”
Angel stared into his eyes, her smile fading. She might have control of this conversation, she might have one over on Dan, but if she was right, if it was true, then it meant saying out loud something she had only thought. And she might not like the answer.
Angel swallowed, trying to force down the lump that had risen in her throat. They stared at each other in silence, thoughts busy behind both pairs of eyes. She wondered what his were.
She had to say it. She knew she had to say it, had to reach inside and force the words out of her mouth. “Did…did you love her?” she whispered.
Dan’s expression changed to one of despair. He turned away from her, taking a few steps across the room before stopping.
At that moment, Angel knew. She knew the answer, but still needed to hear it from his mouth.
“Well,” she asked again, forcing the single word through the pain that threatened to cripple her. Would he admit it, or deny it. She knew it to be the truth—she’d seen it in his eyes.
He turned and stared hard in her eyes. “What do you want me to say exactly?” he replied, in a low tone.
“I just want the truth. Did you love her?”
“Yes, I loved her, more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life,” he replied softly.
There it was—Angel’s heart exploded. She felt a knife being penetrated into her guts, twisting, stopping her from breathing or allowing the blood to pump around her fragile body. Her knees turned to noodles and she sank down onto the sofa, staring at the carpet.
“So all those times I asked you, you were lying to me?”
“Yes.” His voice was quiet and she could tell from the way the sofa dipped he had sat down next to her.
“Does she know?”
“No, she has no idea. I did think about telling her, but I thought about the contract and how you would probably have another go at her and chuck her out. I just couldn’t do that to her. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” His voice broke and Angel looked across at him, through the rainbow tears that almost blinded her. A single tear broke free from his brimming eyes and trickled down his stubbly cheek.
Angel had to stop herself from reaching over to wipe it away.
She tried to speak, but her voice got stuck in her blocked-up throat. She cleared her throat and tried again. “What is the situation with her now?”
“I put my number in her phone, but I didn’t tell her,” he replied.
Angel barely heard. Every muscle in her body ached. Her chest felt tight, her head was spinning in all directions. She felt as if she were about to vomit. What on earth was she to do? It would only be a matter of time until Stacie found his number.
“Right…okay…I see,” she mumbled, not knowing what to say, just trying to fill the silence. “And…when she discovers it?” she said, praying she never did.
“I have no idea,” he said. There was a pause. “You look gutted.”
Angel raised her head, managing to look at him somehow. “I’m fine. Just trying to get my head around everything,” she said. Should she tell him the way she felt? Would it make a difference? “When did it happen?”
“When you brought her to me the first night,” he said, looking down to the floor.
Angel looked at him, horrified. “Oh right, so I really did screw up then?”
“I guess so. All I can say is, it was meant to be, and that I am thankful to you,” he said in a calm voice.
“You really love her?” she asked, watching him shying away.
He nodded.
“You’re not just feeling sympathy for the woman for everything she’s been through?”
He lifted his head, clearly surprised at her question. “No, absolutely not. I fell in love with her pretty much as soon as she entered the room.”
“All that nasty talk about how she’s a good earner.”
Dan gave her a half-smile. “Was a decoy, to keep you off the scent. I fell in love with her, Angel. I know what you’re trying to do…trying to make me think I just felt sorry for her, for the life she had with her husband.”
“I felt sorry for her too.”
“I didn’t just feel sorry for her—I did everything in my power to keep her close to me, to protect her, show her love, and excitement. Stacie Clifford was more than a client, and on Sunday night…I paid,” he said.
Angel stared at him in astonishment. “What?”
“I cancelled my Sunday client. I wanted her to stay with me…so I gave her the money to book me. I had to make love to her. I’d wanted to make love to her from the beginning, but I restrained myself. I had to remain professional and follow the plan. The hardest part was keeping my hands off her at the beginning. God, she dazzled me,” he added with a smile so radiant it could have outshone the full moon.
Angel couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I knew there was something going on. Did she know any of this?”
“No…nothing,” he said, looking anguished.
“But when you suggested paying for yourself…surely that must have been an indication to her.”
“Well, you would think so.”
“So…you made love?” Angel said, forcing the painful words out.
“Yes, I made love to her and I enjoyed every second. I just need her to find my phone number,” he said, his tone one of hope. Angel stared at the floor, not sure what to say. So, he was in love with her. But there was no guarantee she was in love with him.
“But you were still having sex with me,” she told said with a frown, trying to make sense of the last couple of weeks.
“Angel, I had to, to keep you sweet and make you think nothing was going on. I could hardly tell you the truth—you would’ve got rid of her immediately; terminating her contract and then that would have been that. I couldn’t risk that. I couldn’t risk losing her.”
“So is there anything left for me?” she asked, not looking at him, but needing to know.
“I don’t understand. Any what left for you?”
“Any feelings. Do you have any feelings for me?” she asked, hating herself for asking the question, hating the weakness that put her in the power of this man.
“Angel, I don’t understand. There has never been anything between us. You are my boss. I come to you, shag you and leave, and that’s the way you’ve always wanted it.”
There was a very long silence. Angel felt nauseous with anguish, her throat swollen from despair. He felt nothing for her. He never had.
“Angel?”
She ignored him, despising the weak tears that dripped down her face and the moisture that made her sniff deeply, betraying her feelings.
“Angel, look at me.”
She glanced over at him, meeting chocolate eyes full of understanding and, incredibly, compassion. She immediately looked back down, hiding her face with her curtain of hair. Don’t be kind, not now. Don’t be nice. Be horrible. Shout at me, call me names, mock me, make me hate you. But he did none of those things, reaching over and lifting her chin with his finger while rivers of hot salty water ran down her cheeks.
“Was it more for you? Did you develop feelings for me?”
As if he had to ask. She sniffed, pulling her face away and looking back at the carpet again. Beside her, the sofa creaked and a few seconds later a tissue appeared in her field of view. She took it gratefully and blew her nose wetly then mopped her eyes.
The sofa did not dip again. He had not sat down. She could feel him standing before her. She couldn’t bear to look up and see the expression on his face. Instead, she just sat there, staring at the carpet, knowing that he would never want her, never love her—the future she had dreamed about was gone—screwed up like the damp tissue she clutched.
“Angel, I’m sorry,” came his voice from up above her head. “I can’t continue working here at Desires. I am handing in my notice.”
“No,” she screamed, jumping to her feet. He was already making his way to the door. She ran around him to block his exit.
He tried to get around her to open the door. Angel backed up against it, holding it closed, “Please don’t go! You can’t do this to me.”
“Do what to you?” His voice was gentle and sympathetic. “Angel, you’re my boss. This is a job. I am handing in my notice, which I am fully entitled to do.” He reached for the door handle again. Angel grabbed his hand, holding it, bringing it to her face and kissing it, wanting, needing to feel his skin on hers. “Angel, please let me go.”
“No, I don’t want you to go,” she told him, tears streaming down her face, unable to imagine her life without him being part of it.
“You don’t have a choice,” he said, pulling his hand out of her grip and once more going for the door. They tussled, fighting for the handle. “What the hell is the matter with you? Can’t you handle the fact that I love someone?”
“No, I can’t handle that. I could never handle that. I love you. I love you so much Dan. I would give up everything for you. I am so sorry…” She dropped to the floor, sitting back up against the door and covering her face. “I am so sorry… I am sorry.” She couldn’t bear for him to see her in this state. She felt humiliated enough without breaking down like some stupid little schoolgirl with a crush.
Angel saw Dan’s feet moving backward away from her. She felt him coming down to her level, taking hold of her arms and helping her back to her feet. “Come on,” he said in a calm voice. “It’s frightening to see you in this state.”
“I am so sorry,” she repeated. He took her into his arms and they cuddled. Angel closed her eyes and snuggled into his chest, taking deep breaths, smelling his unique scent. She felt her body relax as she heard his heartbeat in her ears and felt his arms once more around her, soothing her, his cheek resting on her hair. Her knees weakened, and she wanted desperately to take him to her bed and make love, but her tears flowed, soaking into his shirt. She knew it was too late for that, now. She had lost him to Stacie and it was all her own fault.
A thought trickled into her mind. He didn’t yet know whether Stacie loved him. He loved her, there was no doubt about that, but she might not feel the same. And even if she did have feelings for
him, she might not be able to deal with the fact that he had slept with women for money. Or, come to that, the fact that he had been sleeping with Angel the whole time he’d been with Stacie. He might yet be heart-broken. And if he knew there was love to be had here, from her, then he may still come back to her.
They stood for a few minutes longer, him holding her tight as she calmed down.
“I love you, Dan,” she said into his chest. “I would do anything for you. I am so sorry for everything. You’re right, I have been a bitch. I never realized how jealous I could really get.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, pulling back to look at her. Angel pulled him close again. “Angel, what do you mean?” he said again, taking her shoulders and putting her away from him, putting distance between them.
Angel stared into his eyes, feeling her guts turning. Her body felt cold where he had been. The thought of telling the whole truth flashed through her mind. She instantly dismissed it. If he knew she had set Stacie up with Larry, there would never be anything for them.
But then, she pondered, he suspected it anyway—he had said as much earlier. If they did have a relationship, it would be better to start it on a foundation of truth. Added to that, she would always be terrified of Larry exposing her.
But he would hate her, argued the scared side of her.
Perhaps not, argued the other. It might just show him how much she loved him, the level she would go to in order to try to save their relationship.
“Angel? What is it you’re not telling me?”
She backed away from his suddenly cold eyes. “When I saw Stacie, I instantly realized how beautiful she was and then…” she faltered, “I guess, I just got out of control. I knew when I saw her I made a mistake in giving her to you.”
“What do you mean you got out of control, Angel,” he asked. “What did you do?”
Touching Angel's Desires Page 30