A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  Pride coursed through me, but Nikki looked as though she could snap at any moment. I needed to protect my baby and Julie.

  “We’ll see about that. Now I need to talk to Brett about this paternity test, so if you could excuse us.” She yanked on my arm. “Now, Brett!”

  Julie walked away.

  I was fuming! “What the hell, Nikki?”

  She spun around to face me as she leaned on a stool and rubbed her stomach. “Do not talk that way in front of our daughter.”

  I ran my tongue over my teeth and tried to soften my tone. “What do you need?”

  She stared at me. “I don’t want you talking to her.”

  The chick had lost her mind. “If you’re referring to Julie, you can forget it. You don’t dictate who I’m friends with.”

  “Do you want this test done?” She twisted her head to the side. Her lips contorted in an almost demonic way.

  That’s it. I was done playing Mr. Nice Guy with her. “Here’s the deal, Nikki: either you get the test done, or I’ll take you to court and get an order for you to comply.” I had no clue if I could do that, but I assumed she didn’t know either. If it wasn’t an article in Cosmo, she probably didn’t know about it.

  Her face turned all shades of red. “You can’t do that.”

  There was a quiver in her voice while mine remained steady. “Try me.”

  “You know what? Go ahead and be with your friends. Soon enough we’ll know the truth.” She straightened up and stepped forward. “Once our baby is born, she’s off-limits. My husband will not hang around with his ex.” She looked at her friends who had walked up behind her. “Come on, ladies, let’s get out of here.” With that, she walked away, and her entourage followed.

  Husband? What? I went upstairs to the VIP area while I tried to forget what she’d just said.

  “You okay, man?” Alex’s features were clouded over with anxiety.

  The waitress put a fresh whiskey neat in front of me. I nodded and took a sip. “No, I’m not okay.”

  Aubrey placed her hand on Alex’s. She was as concerned as he was. “What happened when you were talking to Nikki?”

  I glanced at Julie, who was looking at Aubrey. “She wanted me to stay away from Julie.”

  “What?” Julie’s head snapped toward me.

  I took another sip of the amber liquid. I loved the burn going down my throat, and I needed to feel it right now. “Don’t worry about it. I told her that wasn’t going to happen. Can we not talk about her? Seriously, there has to be something happier we can discuss. I just wanted to be honest about what she said.” I looked at Julie. “I’m sorry she’s such a bitch, but she’s jealous.”

  Julie let out a breath. “She has nothing to be jealous of.”

  I drained my drink. Julie was right that Nikki shouldn’t be jealous. I wasn’t in a relationship with Julie; we were just friends.

  I raised my glass, and the others followed suit. “To my godchild.”

  “Our godchild.” Julie smiled at me.

  Without taking my eyes off her, I said, “Our godchild.”

  Everyone clinked glasses, and for a brief moment, it was almost like old times. Almost.

  When Luca and I pulled up to JFK, he handed me a picture of himself and Jennifer Anniston’s wax figure, which made me laugh. He brought such fun and lightness to my life. I would miss him.

  “Thank you for everything, bella. You’re a wonderful, strong woman. I can see in your eyes that there is still sadness, but not as much as there was in Italia. Yes?”

  “I’m not as sad as I was before. They say time heals all wounds, but I’m not there yet. I just don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t want to harbor ill feelings. It’s exhausting, and worst of all, it isn’t me.”

  A car horn blared, and a man yelled at me to drop off and move on. We both exited the car while still being screamed at by the impatient driver. I popped my trunk, and Luca grabbed his bags.

  He set them down and embraced me. “You call me if you need anything, and I don’t mean with only business matters.” He kissed my cheeks. “Try to remember, no rosa è senza spine.”

  I snickered. “I have no idea what you said.”

  His deep brown eyes looked into mine. “‘No rose is without a thorn.’ Remember that. Ciao, Julie.”

  “Ciao, Luca.”

  No rose is without a thorn. How true that was.

  When I got back to my apartment, I tried to make sense of everything that had transpired since I’d met Brett.

  I’d instantly lusted after him.

  He quickly became one of my closest friends.

  I fell in love with him.

  He broke my heart.

  I let him.

  I poured myself a glass of wine and fixed myself a nice hot bath. Once I’d immersed myself in lavender-scented bubbles, I began to relax. My eyes fluttered closed, and all of my thoughts, as usual, went to him… always him… only him.

  We’d told each other we’d stay friends, and deep down, I’d known being his friend would be inevitable. It was time to search into the deepest part of my soul and figure out how to get past my hurt and come to terms with how his life, how our lives, were.

  Mistakes. We all made them; it was how we corrected them that mattered. To live a life of what-ifs would be completely draining and pointless. When I thought about it, that was all we’d done. What if Brett hadn’t said anything to Aubrey? What if she hadn’t said something to me? What if I had never gone to see him? What if I hadn’t tried to make him jealous? What if Brett hadn’t slept with Nikki? And the big one—what if Nikki hadn’t gotten pregnant?

  I scooped up a mound of the lavender-scented suds and watched each tiny iridescent bubble vanish, like my reasons why I shouldn’t fully accept how things were now and be by Brett’s side. The water was cooling down, so I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in a towel. In my bedroom, I put on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie, grabbed my phone, and lay down in bed.

  My phone chimed with a text from Aubrey, confirming that I was bringing dessert to her house the next day. After I said I was, I scrolled through my pictures. A few months ago, that would have been self-torture. I looked at a picture of Brett eating a chili dog from my favorite street vendor, one of me sitting on a park bench in Central Park and holding a flower Brett had given me, pictures of the four of us at Alex and Aubrey’s wedding.

  The last one I looked at was a candid of Brett laughing as he chatted with a club patron. His smile reached his sparkling eyes, creating the cutest laugh lines. That was what I missed the most, and although I didn’t know if I could bring his smile back to that full mega-watt force, I wouldn’t be the one to lower the dimmer switch. That was when I made the decision to text him.

  Me: Hi. You there?

  I knew he was working, so I didn’t know how quickly he’d respond, but his text was almost instantaneous.

  Brett: Yes. Are you okay?

  Me: Yes, why do you ask?

  Brett: Because you’re texting me. I thought there was a problem.

  My chest tightened. How awful our situation had become when even sending a text was an oddity.

  Me: I was thinking about you. Are you busy?

  A few minutes passed. I made myself comfortable under my down comforter while I waited for a reply.

  Brett: Sorry. I had to get Mike to cover for me. I’m all yours now.

  I paused. All mine now. I didn’t know how much time passed, but he must have noticed my hesitation.

  Brett: I mean I’m not busy.

  Me: You’re still going tomorrow, right?

  Brett: To Alex’s? Yes. Is that okay? If you’re uncomfortable, I won’t go.

  I looked at the screen and pressed the call button next to his name.

  “Hi, Jules.” His voice was deep and a tad unsteady.

  I needed to lighten this up and try to relax him. “Hi. So about tomorrow…”

  He stopped me before I could say anything. “Really, if it’s going to ru
in your fun, then I don’t need to go.”

  “Of course you won’t ruin my fun. I’m bringing dessert, so I needed to know how much to bring.” I squeezed my eyes closed and chastised myself saying something so utterly ridiculous. “That was a lie. I’m sorry.”

  He chuckled. “Have you been drinking?”

  I laughed. “No, but I’m thinking I could use a Chambers martini right about now.” I fiddled with the lace eyelet trim on my sheets. “This shouldn’t be this hard.”

  “Just be honest, Julie. Why did you call?”

  Here goes. I let out a breath and said a silent prayer that I could articulate what I needed to say. “I was thinking about us tonight when I was taking a bath.”

  He made a noise that rumbled through the receiver. “What have I told you about getting wet without me?” A laugh escaped him, which made me smile.

  At the memory of when we’d first started getting to know each other, tears trickled down my cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, that totally slipped out.”

  His apology made my heart clench.

  “Jules?” My name sounded as though I were a wish.

  “I needed to let you know I’m glad you’re going tomorrow.”

  “Well, that makes me extremely happy.” He paused, and I heard muffled chatter. “Hey, I need to get back to work. But thank you for calling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Brett?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I need you to know that I don’t blame you for all of it. It wasn’t all your fault. It takes two to get together and two to break apart.”

  “Yeah, but I started it.”

  “Okay, I’ll agree with that.” I tried to laugh, but it sounded like a broken sniffle.

  He laughed. “See, we’re agreeing on things already. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  We disconnected our call, but before I turned off the phone, I changed my screensaver back to the picture of me and my friends. One day at a time.

  The next morning, I woke up a bit more rejuvenated. I looked forward to spending time at Aubrey’s. I opted to wear my sexy black string bikini and a pink sundress. I slid on a cute pair of flat sandals and headed out.

  It was a beautiful sunny day, which meant traffic to Aubrey’s would be a bitch, but it would be totally worth it. I stopped at a bakery to pick up a key lime pie, which happened to be Brett’s favorite. As I drove, I cranked up my radio and belted out tunes.

  I pulled into their driveway, and Brett must have just arrived as well. He was standing at the front door, looking great in a pair of black board shorts and a pale green T-shirt that hugged his strong arms and V-shaped back.

  He turned and walked toward me. “Hi.”

  “Hey, there.” I grabbed the pie out of my car and closed the door.

  He glanced at the pink box tied with white string. “What do you have there?”

  “Key lime pie that needs to get in the refrigerator before we have key lime gazpacho.”

  “Hmm… that happens to be my favorite dessert.” His grin was wide, and the sparkle in his eyes made me smile.

  It would be a good day. Finally.

  The sun beat down on me as I sat on Alex’s patio. He was at the grill while Aubrey was inside making side dishes with Julie. Alex grabbed us both a beer and sat next to me.

  “So when are you getting the paternity test done?” Alex took a swig of the pale ale.

  “Tomorrow. All I can hope for is quick results, but it may take a week or two.” I sipped my brew.

  “How are you feeling about it?”

  Alex’s question surprised me. “What do you mean? How do I feel about having the test done or that I’ll finally have the answer?”

  “What I mean is, have you thought about what your next move will be? Don’t get me wrong, I know you don’t want Nikki to be the mother of your child, but are you prepared if that is the outcome? You’ve been dealing with this for months.” He shook his head. “I know our situations are completely different, so I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, especially if she damaged the condom.”

  “I don’t know. When I heard the baby’s heartbeat and found out it was a girl, I immediately wanted to protect her. So if she’s not mine, I don’t know if I’ll be relieved. I think I’ll still worry about her, especially given who her mother is.” Alex opened his mouth, but I cut him off. “Before you say anything, the only thing Nikki wants out of this is me—you know that as much as I do. It was revolting how disappointed she was when we found out she was having a girl. That woman is missing brain cells, and part of me hopes that little girl is mine so I can guard her from a life without love—no matter how she was conceived.” When I heard chatter, I set down my bottle, stood, and looked toward the door.

  Aubrey was standing there with Julie. Alex and I looked at each other, and I wondered how much they’d heard. The heat in the air tripled around me, and I began to sweat.

  Alex got up and took the bowl out of his wife’s hands. “Let me help you with that, sweetheart.”

  Julie walked over to the table and placed a platter of fruit on it before she shrugged out of her pink sundress. Her black bikini made my mouth water and my heart skip a beat. She didn’t even notice. I watched her lower herself onto a floating chaise in the pool.

  “She’s such a bitch with that body of hers.” Aubrey laughed as she rubbed her belly as she sat at the table next to Alex. “If she wasn’t my closest friend, I’d cuss her out.”

  “I think you’re stunning.” Alex kissed his wife.

  “On that note, I think I’ll go cool off with Julie.” I didn’t know why I bothered saying anything. Neither of them were paying attention to me.

  I took off my T-shirt as I walked toward the pool. Julie was floating on the raft with her eyes closed. My lips curled before I did a cannonball off the diving board. Julie screamed and fell into the water. She sputtered as she wiped back her long hair. She splashed me, which made me laugh harder. Of course, I retaliated.

  “I can’t believe you did that, you big jerk!” She smiled. “I’m soaked!”

  “You’re in a pool. What did you think would happen?”

  She went to splash me again, but I caught her around the waist and brought her up against me. I smoothed back a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. I cupped her neck and felt her quickening pulse. Unable to resist her, I pulled her face closer to mine. Every pore in my body needed her, craved her. When she didn’t back away, I brought my lips to hers. Our lips didn’t move as we breathed each other’s air, felt each other’s skin. When a sigh escaped her, my left hand pressed on the small of her back, drawing her closer to me.

  She parted her lips, and we were once again Brett and Julie. The couple who were once in love, the man and woman who needed each other. My hands went under her perfect ass. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and the growing erection in my board shorts pressed against her. Nothing else mattered as time stood still around us. Our tongues danced as my hand moved from her neck to tangle in her wet hair.

  Our kiss broke, and we stared at each other. Other than the birds chirping, we were surrounded by complete and absolute silence. Alex and Aubrey were on the patio and out of earshot. A warm breeze made the water ripple around us.

  “Brett…” she whispered, and her eyes softened.

  All I could do was hold her. I brought her head to the crook of my neck. She rested her cheek on my shoulder.

  “Julie, I’ve missed you so much. Can we please start over? All I want to do is be with you.”

  Her chest rose with every breath she took. I felt a hitch every now and again and said a silent prayer she wasn’t crying. I didn’t want to let go, but I needed to make sure she was okay, so I loosened my grip on her, making her legs unwrap.

  She stood and looked me straight in the eye. “I’ve missed you too, but…”

  “No! Please, don’t say it. Believe in us and my love for you.” I placed my hands on her shoulders. “You’re my soul. I need you. If you’re not rea
dy, we’ll take it slow, one day at a time, and I’ll prove to you that I’m worthy of your love. I won’t rest until you trust me with your heart again. I’ll cherish it and never take it for granted.” I never broke eye contact with the love of my life.

  Her tongue swept over her lips as though she were trying to taste us again. I’d have been happy to remind her, but she didn’t need that. All she needed was space.

  “One day at a time?” She shyly smiled. “No more heated kisses or dunks in a pool?” Her eyes narrowed, creating the cutest crease above her nose.

  “Yeah, one day at a time. But as for the pool thing…” I laughed, and she swatted my arm. “Sorry, Jules, no promises there.”

  We dried off and made our way to the patio to reunite with our friends. The table was set, and the steaks Alex had grilled were waiting for us along with the dishes Julie and Aubrey had prepared.

  “Did you two have a good swim?” Aubrey beamed and winked.

  I couldn’t help but smile. My cheeks had even begun to sting, and it wasn’t from the sun.

  “Wow, you’re looking good, Mr. Chambers,” Aubrey said.

  “Hey, I’m right here, Mrs. Logan.” Alex leaned over and planted a possessive kiss on his wife.

  “Yes, honey, but I always tell you that you’re the sexiest man alive.” She rubbed his arm. “Julie, don’t you agree? Doesn’t Brett look great?”

  Julie turned the same shade as her dress. Her brows shot up, and she glanced at me. “Yeah, I suppose he looks okay.” Julie sat down and put salad on her plate.

  Alex clapped my back and laughed. “Boy, you have her eating out of the palm of your hand already. Good to see you haven’t lost your touch.”

  “Why don’t you worry about your grilling skills? Let’s hope this steak is as good as it looks.” Aubrey giggled, knowing full well that Alex prided himself in being the “grill guru.”

  We all sat around, enjoying our meal and each other’s company.