A Heart's Forgiveness

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A Heart's Forgiveness Page 23

by Joanne Schwehm

“I followed you home from the club the other night. I got a notice from your lawyer stating that you want Julie to adopt our daughter, and the answer is no.” Nikki perused our home. “Nice digs you got here. Did you say ‘where we lived’ as in you live with her? She’s here with my daughter?”

  “We’re engaged. Julie is a wonderful mother, and Maddie means the world to her.”

  “I can’t believe you named her that after I told you I didn’t like that name.” She stretched out her arm and looked at her nails. “I’ll change it when we go to court.”

  “Okay, Nikki, what is this really about?” Any patience I had dissipated, and I just wanted her out of here.

  Her face softened. She looked at my mother, who walked back in the room. “I’ll tell you, but I don’t want her here.” She turned up her nose at my mom, who looked as if she would lose it at any moment.

  “Mom, can you please make sure Julie is okay?”

  She nodded but addressed Nikki. “If you look around, you’ll see there isn’t a better place for that little girl. She’s loved and well taken care of.” My mom kissed my cheek and left.

  “Do you want to sit down?” I swung my arm out toward the couch.

  Nikki moved to the sofa and placed her purse on her lap.

  I sat in the chair next to her. “Okay, you have me, so what do you want to say?”

  Her lips curved into a smile. “See, that’s what I want.”

  My brows furrowed. “You lost me.”

  “You. I want you. I can tell you’re a wonderful father, just like I knew you’d be, and I want to be a part of your life with our daughter. We could be so great, Brett. I’ve given you enough time, and I think you owe it to me to at least try to be a family.” She reached for me, making me recoil like a snake.

  “Nothing has changed except for the fact that you walked away from your little girl when she was barely two days old. Julie and Maddie are my family. I’m sorry, but you aren’t taking my daughter.”

  Nikki stood and headed toward where Julie had taken Maddie.

  I jumped up and blocked her from going any farther. Exactly like that day at the hospital, my nerves spiked, and my adrenaline rushed through my veins. My nightmares had become a reality, and I was panicked. “No, you’re not going to do this. You can’t do this.”

  She pushed herself around me and busted into the nursery. Julie was holding Maddie and swaying back and forth. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and my heart crumbled. Her eyes pleaded with me for a sign, a signal, something indicating what I wanted her to do. I didn’t have any answers. I felt as if time were suspended and everything and everyone moved in slow motion.

  Nikki turned to me. “Let me at least hold her, just for a minute. Then I’ll leave, and you can talk to my lawyer in the morning.”

  This wasn’t happening. I shook my head as I felt pressure build in my eyes. I closed them, willing them to stay dry. I took a deep breath and took Maddie from Julie. “Daddy’s right here, honey.”

  I tentatively handed Maddie to Nikki, but not before I hugged her and kissed her cheek. My hands shook as I placed her in Nikki’s hands. I stood close in case Nikki dropped her.

  Nikki cradled her and looked completely awkward. Maddie didn’t like being held like that unless she was going to have a bottle, but Nikki didn’t know that. How could she? Maddie started fussing, and my instinct was to reach for her. Nikki’s nose scrunched up, and she scowled at Maddie. As soon as Nikki saw my eyes on her, she forced a smile.

  “I think she knows who I am.” Nikki looked mockingly at Julie. “You can leave now.”

  I grabbed Julie’s hand. “No, she’s staying right here.”

  My heart ached more than it ever had. I was frightened beyond all measure. I didn’t know what to do. The last thing I wanted was for Nikki to hold me being here against Brett.

  “It’s okay, Brett. I’ll go join our guests, and you can talk to Nikki.” I glanced at the woman who was the bane of my existence. A shit-eating grin stretched across her Botoxed face.

  “No, it isn’t okay. Please stay.” He leaned in and whispered, “I need you.”

  That was all I had to hear. I nodded and took my place at his side. Maddie began to fuss, and I went against everything I knew and left her in Nikki’s arms. The tension on Brett’s face and the tightness in his muscles told me he felt the same way.

  “Come here, sweetie.” Brett took Maddie, who reached for him. He took in a deep breath as though he needed to breathe in her sweet baby scent.

  My heart broke as Brett held on to his daughter as though she would vanish.

  “Let’s go, Nikki. Julie, please bring Maddie to the kitchen.”

  I didn’t want to leave them, but when I walked into the kitchen, I was thankful I wasn’t alone. Brett’s mother was pacing the tiled floor.

  “Will you hold her?” My voice trembled as I offered her Maddie.

  “Honey, he loves you and this little girl. That tramp won’t get away with this. We have great attorneys. Just be there for him.” She swayed with Maddie in her arms.

  I felt my throat tense as I tried not to burst into sobs. I nodded at Madeline and went to be by Brett’s side, but not before I glanced into the dining room and saw our family and friends sitting at the table. I caught Aubrey’s sympathetic and worried eyes, and I almost lost it again. My shaky legs carried me into the living room where I took my place next to my fiancé.

  “Brett, this can either be difficult or simple.” Nikki shot me a dirty look, and when I wiped a stray tear away, she noticed my ring. “Nice rock.”

  I quickly pulled my hand behind my back. It was instinctive but ridiculous since she’d already seen it.

  “We’re engaged, Nikki. Can’t you see that we’re giving Maddie a good home? She’s happy. Isn’t that what’s important?” Brett said.

  Nikki scoffed. “But she isn’t with both of her parents.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Her real parents. So it’s going to go like this.” She stepped forward, and her eyes darted between us but focused on Brett. “Either it’s you, me, and our daughter, or it’s her and I. I don’t want Julie to be a part of my daughter’s life. It’s your decision, Brett. No judge in their right mind would keep me from her. So if you think you’re going to fight me and win, guess again.”

  My heart dropped, and I was sure my lungs stopped working. I felt my entire body shutting down. I let go of Brett’s hand, and he grasped it again.

  “You want a fight? Go ahead and bring it. You don’t think a judge will rule in my favor?” He stood so close to her she flinched and pulled her head back, but her eyes never strayed from his. “You’re the one who left and has been doing God knows what for the past few months. You missed everything: the first time she rolled over, laughed, ate cereal… every fucking thing! Christ, Nikki, you didn’t even know her name! So you want to take me to court? Be my guest! Now get the hell out of my house!” Brett’s voice echoed through our home, and his face scrunched up in disgust.

  “Five million.”

  “Excuse me?” Brett’s eyes went wide, and I may have blacked out for a moment.

  “Give me five million dollars, and she’s yours. I’ll sign the adoption papers, and you two can be on your way to your happily ever after, but I’m not coming out of this empty-handed.” She stepped forward. “Do you know what I went through to get you, Brett? I’m not leaving with only stretchmarks and extra weight. You want your daughter? You have two choices: leave Julie and be with me, or pay me five million dollars.” Her face was so serene it was creepy.

  His face hardened. “What makes you think I have that kind of money?”

  “Look at this place.” She threw her hands out. “This has to be at least one million, and you own part of the club. If your little girl and your fiancée mean so much to you, then you’ll figure it out. Or you move her out and me in. But I can guarantee you there is no way in hell Julie will get to reap all the rewards of being a Chambers while I get left out in the cold. Don’t forget whose bod
y you created that baby with. It was me you wanted. It was my name you called out, my body you gave multiple orgasms, my mouth you kissed. Not hers. Don’t you remember how good it was when I wrapped my lips around you? How you moaned my name? You wanted me, and it felt so good.” Her eyes flicked to me. “I’m sure you can understand what I’m saying, Julie. His hands, his fingers, and that tongue…” She licked her lips. “The best I’ve ever had.”

  Brett’s face turned beet red as he let out a hearty chuckle that held no amusement at all. “You’re completely delusional. None of that happened. Your lies won’t break us, and I won’t stand here and let you fill Julie’s head with fabrications. Do you understand me?”

  Nikki barely flinched, and her sneer didn’t falter.

  Brett’s body was rigid, and the muscles in his corded arms flexed as his hands balled into fists. “The only thing that happened was we fucked. Your memory is as skewed as your mind. Do you want to know what I remember? I remember feeling sick after I left your apartment. I didn’t even kiss you. I used your body. It was unadulterated fucking since the love of my life had just walked away. The only good thing that came out of my lapse in judgment was Maddie.” His back expanded, and his face reddened. “I despise you.”

  I slumped over at his words. He had wanted her that night, and they’d created a beautiful child. There was no denying that fact. Maddie was her daughter, not mine. Nikki’s descriptions made me feel as though I had been there, and horrible images flooded my brain with no way to erase them. I couldn’t look at Brett. I wasn’t sure what to do. I was consumed by jealousy, and I was sure my heart was bleeding as my chest constricted like a vise. I hoped I could survive it.

  “Nikki, you need to leave.” I wasn’t sure when Alex had walked in, but he started to usher her out.

  She stopped and looked at me. “If you honestly love them, you’ll do the right thing and let them go. Fighting me would be pointless. My lawyer said I could tie this up in court for years. She’ll be in middle school before this is resolved. Is that what you want, Julie? Do you want to be responsible for my daughter losing years of a being happy with her parents? Would you be able to sleep at night knowing that because of you, she comes from a broken home?”

  “Get out of my house!” Brett yelled.

  All I could do was close my eyes and pray I was having a nightmare.

  “Let’s go.” Alex opened the door, escorted her through it, and quickly closed it.

  Once I heard the click of the deadbolt, I crumbled. Brett pulled me to his chest, and all I could think was that I should leave. Then Aubrey was by my side, and I left Brett’s arms to weep in hers.

  “Shhh, it’ll be okay. We’ll do whatever we can.”

  Aubrey’s words would generally have soothed me, but I had a feeling nothing could make me feel better. Nikki had made valid points, not to mention painted quite a picture for me.

  “You can’t let her get to you.” Aubrey leaned back and placed her hands on my shoulders. “There’s no way anything she said was true. Brett loves you and only you. She would say anything to get to you. Don’t let her.”

  Brett enveloped me in a strong hug. “I’m so sorry she spewed all those lies, but you have to know that’s what they were. I didn’t make love to her. You’re the only one I’ve ever made love to. Please believe me. I can’t lose you—not again.”

  “You can’t pay her off—that’s illegal. The easiest solution is for me to leave. You can’t lose your daughter. I’d rather you lost me.”

  “I’m not going to lose you either, Julie. We’ll fight her.” His strong arms tightened around me.

  I knew he loved me, and deep down, I knew Nikki was lying, but her words still hurt.

  Brett took my hand. “Let’s go have dessert with our family and try to salvage our holiday. I’m not going to let her ruin this day for us.”

  He was right, and I would do whatever I needed to put a smile on my face, and that’s exactly what I did. “You’re right. Let’s go I could use some pie right now.”

  His face lit up and his eyes darkened. “Me too.” The playful undertone to his voice and the glint in his eye made the heat rise in my cheeks.

  We spent the next hour enjoying the comfort of family and friends, which was exactly what Brett needed—we all did.

  By the time everyone left, I was completely drained. Maddie was asleep, and I was exhausted and worried beyond measure. I peeled off my clothes, tossed on a T-shirt, and climbed into bed. Brett got in wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a worried expression. I needed to do something to help him. It would break me, but my broken heart was worth Brett keeping his daughter.

  I turned so I was on my side with my hands under my face. “I hate to say this, but Nikki’s argument had merit.”

  The muscle in Brett’s jaw ticked. He rolled over to look at me. “I’m not me without you.” His body tensed, but his voice softened. “You’re my heart.”

  My body stayed still as images, words, and feelings whirled around in my brain. I knew I couldn’t let her vile words destroy what we’d rebuilt. I’d forgiven him a long time ago, but forgetting was so much more difficult. I was sure that had been her plan when she arrived—to paint a scene that would be engraved in my memory. Mission accomplished.

  “We’re engaged, and you’ve been a part of Maddie’s life, and she hasn’t.” Brett trailed his knuckles down my cheek and rested his palm on my neck before he pulled me close to him.

  “I can’t believe this is happening.” A sigh escaped me. “I don’t think you’re giving her enough credit. Look at what she did to get pregnant.” I rested my head on his chest, and his fingers played with my hair.

  “Let’s talk to the lawyer tomorrow and see what she says. I loved you and only you. This is all my fault, and you’ve taken the brunt of it. I’m not going to lose you or Maddie—do you hear me? I’ll go to the end of the earth and back to make this right.” He kissed the top of my head.

  “I love you, Brett.”

  “I love you more than you’ll ever know, and I’ll never stop.”

  I couldn’t sleep. Nikki’s voice, along with Brett’s, rang through my head. I knew he thought he could win in court, but what if he couldn’t? What if he lost his little girl because of me? No, that wouldn’t happen. I looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. I knew Maddie was asleep, but if I was going to go through with this, I needed to do it now. I slid out of bed carefully, not wanting to wake Brett. His face so handsome and peaceful, his lashes resting against his cheeks, that it solidified my resolve—I was doing the right thing no matter how painful it was.

  After I dressed, I made my way into Maddie’s room. My eyes filled with tears waiting to spill over. Her little lips were suckling her hand. I watched her chest go up and down with each gentle breath she took.

  I whispered, “Hey, little girl.”

  She moved a bit, and even though I knew she’d fuss a little, I picked her up and sat with her on the rocker in her room. Thankfully, she didn’t fully wake.

  “I love you, Maddie.” My voice hitched, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I studied every inch of her: the way her long dark eyelashes rested against her tiny cheekbones, her chubby fingers, the legs that would carry her through life, lips shaped like petals in the prettiest pink hue, and perfectly round ears. I prayed she would hear everything I said to her.

  Is Julie talking? My arm slid over to her side of the bed. I could have sworn I heard her voice. I thought that after our hellacious night, she might be having a bad dream, but she wasn’t there. Then I heard her again.

  “I know you don’t know what’s happening right now, and thankfully you won’t remember.”

  I looked to where her voice was coming from. The green light on the baby monitor was lit as I listened to her. Hearing Julie with Maddie warmed me from the inside out.

  “Your daddy loves you very much. I know you feel that.” Her voice hitched.

  I sat up in bed and continued to listen while holding the
monitor.

  “I love you both so much. There’s nothing that could make me happier than being your mommy, but I’m not your mommy, not really.” A sob escaped her, and my chest ached.

  “Your daddy is going to need you to be strong for him. I want you to live a life full of laughter and love as hard as he does. Someday a little boy will catch your attention, and you’ll fall in love like I did with your daddy. My hope is you’ll always be happy, smart, and loving. Don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t do something because you’re a girl. They only say that because they don’t have the confidence in themselves to do it, but I know you do. Be sweet and kind to others, and do your best not to fall into the mean girls’ clique. There will be times when life may seem difficult, but you have your daddy’s resolve. You’ll be a fighter. Always know I will never stop loving you. A day will never pass without you being in my thoughts, but I need to go away for a while.”

  Julie’s cry rang through the speaker. What did she say? She’s leaving? No fucking way! I jumped out of bed and tossed the monitor on it before I ran to Maddie’s room. My heart was in my throat. I stood in the doorway with my eyes trained on my two girls.

  Julie was rocking and holding a sleeping Maddie. “You have a wonderful family who will love you and teach you things. You may think you don’t need their advice, but listen to them because they want the best for you. I know you won’t remember me or anything I’m saying to you right now, but I really wanted to be your mommy.” Her voice hitched as she caressed Maddie’s head with her cheek. “I’ll always love your daddy, and you are so lucky he’s yours. He’ll protect you, comfort you, and be your compass when you’re lost. I’m sure he’ll be overprotective, but that’s his job, and one day you’ll understand that. I love you, sweet angel.” She kissed Maddie’s cheek and laid her down in the crib.

  Julie’s hand covered her mouth as her body shook with sobs. As she turned to leave, her eyes caught mine, which were leaking hot tears. She stared at me and didn’t move.

  “No.” I frantically shook my head. “No, Julie.”

 

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