My Kind of Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  As soon as the equipment is put away, I tell the guys that I need to speak with them. They both give me the “we don’t want to talk business” look. I don’t really blame them. Right now, business is at a standstill but we’re going to fix that one way or the other. Being in LA is an opportunity that we need to seize, grab the bull by the horns so to speak.

  “Let’s get dinner.” I suggest. Food is always a great way to break the ice. Dropping the bomb that Moreno came to my place won’t go over smoothly. Harrison and JD agree, and I follow them out the back door. The car service we’re using is waiting and as soon as the driver sees us come out, he puts his magazine down to open our door.

  “It’s nice to see back in the magazines, Mr. Page. The camera sure does love you.”

  I pause, resting my hand on top of the door. “What are you talking about?”

  “You and Ms. Richards are on the front of every magazine and website out there.”

  My blood turns cold as I take in his words. This is not good. I had forgotten about the paparazzi being outside the club when I let her in yesterday.

  “Mate, your headline is the shit,” JD says as he holds his phone out for me.

  On his screen is a picture of Layla and me. It’s fuzzy and meant to give off that stealth look and I can see why. Without the image being crisp, you can’t see us hugging. Instead, you see me trying to kiss her and it looks as though my hands may be in inappropriate places. As if the picture wasn’t bad enough, the headline reads: “Former lovers reunite as Page steps out on his wife” in bold letters going across the screen, really driving the point home. The only consolation out of this is that Josie doesn’t look at this shit, but I still have to tell her. I can’t hide this from her.

  The former lovers part gives me pause. No one, aside from Harrison, Sam, Layla and her ex knew that we had slept together so I’m curious where the photographer picked up his information. It’s definitely not common knowledge.

  Harrison pulls me into the car, still clutching JD’s phone. He takes it back, clearing the screen and leaving me with my own thoughts as the car takes off. Nothing is going right with this trip. First Josie goes radio silent, then Moreno shows up and now this photo. The next bomb to drop will be the book…

  “Motherfucker,” I blurt out, earning stares from both Harrison and JD.

  “Care to share?” Harrison asks. The answer should be no, but he’s my best friend, and he knows I’ll tell him everything.

  I shake my head and ask myself how I could be so stupid. I should’ve pressed Josie harder on the phone about why she wouldn’t call me. I’ve been gone on tour before and we talked all the time. She’s never blown me off like that.

  “JD, can you look and see when that book about me is coming out?”

  He nods and starts moving around on his phone. I could look, but he knows his way about the web much easier. I swear it’s an age thing.

  “Looks like it was three days ago, mate.”

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I growl as I pound my fist into the door of the car. Everyone else is silent as I throw my temper tantrum. “The headline… whoever wrote the article read the book. No one knew about Layla and me, at least anyone that would tell. And the other day, Josie wouldn’t talk to me, I have a feeling she’s read the book.”

  “She wouldn’t,” Harrison says and I want to agree with him, but the way things were left I’m not so sure. Josie didn’t want me to come out here and if she saw the book in the store, she’d buy it. Hell, if our roles were reversed, I’d buy it and read it in the car. My past is just that, my past. If I wanted people to know shit about me, I’d write my own fucking book.

  All too soon we’re in front of the hotel. I follow JD out of the car with Harrison behind me. There are a few paparazzi standing on the street and the minute they see us, their cameras are raised. Normally, I wouldn’t mind, but not today. I keep my head down as I walk into the hotel which will now be my sanctuary. That and the bar next door. No media are allowed in either place and that makes it perfect for me.

  Harrison and I follow JD into the restaurant. He uses his British charm to snag us a private table away from unsuspecting eyes and prying ears. Technically, we should take this to one of our rooms, but we’re hungry and want to spread out.

  The waitress quickly takes our food and drink orders, shutting the door behind her.

  “Aside from this book shit, what’s up?” Harrison doesn’t waste any time cutting to the chase.

  “Moreno came by earlier. He wants us back and is making a strong case. We have to ask ourselves where we want the band to go. Are we happy staying in Beaumont and doing a gig here or there? Or do we want stadiums and the shit we had before?”

  Our waitress returns and makes quick work of leaving our drinks. I down mine before she has a chance to leave and set the empty back on her tray. “Another one, please,” I ask, receiving a nod.

  Harrison leans back in his chair and plays with his glass. “The kids have lives in Beaumont.”

  “I know.”

  “But we have a place here.” He shrugs. “They like the beach house, but it’s not a place to raise a family of five.”

  “I’d have to talk to the missus, but Little One is small enough that she won’t know the difference.”

  “I don’t know if I could take the girls away from Mason.” Harrison drives it home with that statement. It’s been a month or so since I’ve visited his gravesite. Sometimes it’s too hard to go there, and then when I do end up going, Mr. Powell is there and I have to wait for him to leave. I always feel better after talking to Mason and wish I had reached out to him years ago.

  Taking a deep breath, I lean forward and face my band mates. My best friends. My family. “I’m going to be honest and tell you I’m spilt. The musician in me wants this, maybe not with Moreno, but with another successful manager. Gary’s great, but he’s not cutting it. The other side of me knows Josie will not go for this and asking her will mean the end of us... and I refuse to go down that path. I left her once for music, I won’t do it again.”

  I let the words sink in. I can see it on their faces; they know I’ll choose her over the band. Harrison and JD can decide to sign with Moreno or shop for someone new. I left her once for music. I won’t do it again.

  I may have just sealed my fate as a musician. If that’s the case, so be it. I’ll teach music at the school and watch my kids play sports. Come to think of it, right now retirement has a nice ring to it.

  “We are down two and Noah’s up to bat. We have runners on second and third,” I tell Liam. He’s been on and off the phone with me during the game, which I know has to be boring for him. But our team is trying to get to the district finals and we need to win. If Noah had been pitching today, I would be biting my nails off.

  “How many outs?” He asks. I can hear a guitar in the background and I know he’s interrupting their rehearsal to be on the phone with me.

  “One.” If Noah gets out, we have one more at bat to try and tie this game.

  “What’s the count?”

  “Two and two. Stupid calls,” I mutter because behind me is the home plate umpire’s wife and the last thing I want is for her to say something to her husband and him to find a way to hurt Noah’s game.

  The pitch is delivered and I can tell Noah’s going to swing; it must look good to him. The loud clink from the bat connecting with the ball has me on my feet. My heart is racing as the ball flies through the air and the centerfielder back peddles, which is a mistake. Even I know you’re supposed to turn and run. His glove is extended, missing the ball by about a mile.

  “Run!” I stand and start screaming at the top of my lungs and because my son knows what he’s doing, he’s currently rounding second base while none of the outfielders have even picked up the ball. Nick is on third base wind milling his arm so Noah knows to continue. The other parents are standing, yelling for Noah to run faster. If he scores, we’re in the lead.

  The ball is thrown toward hom
e. Nick is yelling. Noah drops his leg and slides into home just as the ball lands in the catcher’s glove. I look at the umpire and wait for his call.

  “Safe,” he yells as his arms go wide.

  “What’s going…?”

  “Oh god, baby, I’m sorry for yelling. Noah just hit a home-run. We’re up by one,” I’m so excited that I can barely keep still, even as I sit down my legs are shaking. I’m given a few pats on the back by other parents as well.

  “Woohoo,” Liam yells and repeats what I just told him to the guys. “That’s my boy.”

  The next batter strikes out, ending our inning. “Liam, Noah’s going in to finish the game. Oh, sweet mama, I don’t know if I can take this.”

  “He’ll be fine. Nick knows what he’s doing. He wants Noah to close out the game.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. Its just, you’re not here and I need something to squeeze.”

  Liam laughs. “Thanks, Jojo. I’m glad you only need me next to you so you have something to dig your nails into.”

  “Har har. Okay, batter up.”

  Liam stops talking and knows I’ll give him Noah’s pitch count. It’s easier if he doesn’t ask me questions so I can focus and be nervous for our son who looks cool as a cucumber out on the mound. Our catcher, Junior Appleton, looks to Nick for the call and gives Noah the signal before setting up the location he wants the ball.

  “Swing and miss.”

  “Ball… shitty call.”

  “Be nice, Josie.”

  “I am,” I mumble into the phone. I can’t help it if the umpire is blind. “Hit, thrown out at first.”

  “How does he look?”

  “Perfect. God, Liam, he reminds me so much of you, just younger. He’s just standing there waiting for the next batter. Even Junior looks good. Pitch is on the way. Strike!”

  “He’s got this.”

  “Strike. I’m so nervous.”

  “He’s doing fine, Josie. Where’s Aubrey, why aren’t you sitting with her?”

  “Strike out. Um, I don’t know.”

  “Katelyn?”

  “She’s here, but refuses to sit with me right now.”

  Liam laughs, but I don’t find it funny at all. My best friend should accept me no matter how crazy I get during my son’s sporting events.

  “Two outs, Liam. He has one more and we’re on to districts.”

  “I’ll be sure to be back for those games.”

  “He’ll like that. I know he misses you.” Noah doesn’t say much about Liam being gone. It’s been a week and our lives have been pretty normal. I think it’s easier knowing Liam’s just a plane ride away, not that he can’t hop on a plane when he’s on tour but it’s different. If I call him now and ask him to come home, he will. He doesn’t have any scheduled obligations in LA right now.

  “Ball.”

  “Strike.”

  “Foul ball.”

  “One and two with two outs. I think I’m going to have a panic attack.”

  “Don’t worry; Katelyn is on her way over.”

  I look up and sure enough she and Peyton are walking toward me.

  “I had Harrison text her, asking her to fill in for me.”

  “You do love me,” I say as Katelyn and Peyton sit down. Katelyn wraps her arm in mine and gives me a side hug. I know why she doesn’t sit with me; I’m bat shit crazy and Nick often has to tell me to zip it. I can’t help it. That’s my boy out there.

  “I love you more than words, Jojo.”

  Before I can respond, I’m standing and screaming in his ear again. Everyone is rushing Noah on the mound with Junior being the first one there. The kids are jumping up and down, cheering loudly.

  “We won!”

  “I figured, baby. Tell Noah I’m proud of him and I’ll call him later. I love you.”

  “Love you too, bye.” I hang up and make my way to the field. Peyton is hot on my heels as we walk out to congratulate Noah and the rest of the boys. I’m not the only parent out here; Candy Appleton and her current beau of the month, plus some others are also on the field.

  Candy offers me a smug smile and a stupid finger wave. I mentally flip her off. I’ll never get over finding her and Liam sitting next to each other, smoking, at her party. Of course, every chance she gets, she twists the knife a little deeper on how she spent graduation with him while I was too busy with my family.

  Noah runs to Nick first and I try not to let that bother me, but it does a little. I’m his mom. He should be looking for me first. Nick picks him up and swings him around. I know he’s proud of Noah. They both worked so hard to get here.

  I’m lost in thought when Noah starts yelling my name. “Mom, did you see my home-run?”

  “I did!”

  He stalls and looks at the stands. “I wish Dad saw it.”

  “Well, he heard it. He’s been on the phone with me for most of the game. I was giving him the play-by-play.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Yeah, it is.” Sadly, it’s the best he’s going to get right now, but Liam did say he’d be home for Districts and that’s more important.

  “Hey Peyton, do you want to come over and shoot hoops or something?”

  I watch the exchange between them and the way Noah looks at her. He’s so patient and caring. I know they’re going to grow up and will likely part ways the older he gets, but seeing him with her now shows me how much he’s like Liam.

  The late afternoon shines through the windows of Whimsicality adding sparkle to the flowers that are on display. Standing across the street, it’s easy to see the patrons move in and out of both the florist on one side of the shop and the café on the other. As I watch them, I realize that my dreams are coming true, even with the minor detour for construction; I’m living a life that couldn’t be any better. Except for Liam being away - but even if he were playing football, he’d be gone a lot. I think I was destined to have a traveling husband. At least we’re not always moving, or he’s not always being sent from team to team. Having his office in our house is the perfect set-up.

  “Hello, Josie.”

  I turn at the sound of my name and find Bianca standing behind me. Everything about her seems off. She’s dressed in a 1950’s skirt suit with matching hat, white gloves and is clutching her purse with both hands in front of her stomach. If I didn’t know better I’d say she’s hiding a scandalous pregnancy, but we all know that’s not the case.

  She tries to smile, but it’s forced and looks almost painful. “Do you think we could sit for a minute and talk?” Bianca walks toward one of the open benches in the park and sits down. Looking at her, I can’t help wondering if she’s even the person Sterling married anymore, or if her robotic ways were all his doing to create the perfect wife and family. From the outside that’s what he had and was almost able to pull it off until Liam ditched out on Sterling’s idea of life and bailed.

  I sit down next to her but keep a safe distance. Everyone knows how the Westburys feel about me, they’ve not kept it a secret, and the last thing I need right now is town gossip. She can stay on her end and I’ll stay on mine.

  “You had a very lovely shower.” She speaks without looking at me or taking her hands off her purse. If I didn’t know better, I’d think today was Sunday by the way she’s dressed.

  “Thanks.”

  “It’s too bad that Liam wasn’t there.”

  “He’s working. Besides baby showers aren’t really for guys. If he had been here for it, I’m sure he, Harrison and Jimmy would’ve been doing band stuff.”

  “I shouldn’t have come. I upset you on your day.”

  I let out a sigh and think about the answers I could give. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have. But my mom invited you and you came. What’s done is done.”

  Bianca stares straight ahead, showing no emotion, just holding her purse like it carries her life inside.

  “I’m not a very good person.”

  I scoff without intending to. She drops her head and continues t
o speak. “Sterling had this fantasy for Liam as soon as he started carrying on about football. He molded him into a copy of himself, but what he thought was a better version. What he didn’t bank on was Liam having a heart and following it, whether it was you or his music career.

  “I had a dream once, too, but then I met Sterling. I was destined for stardom. My mother was a beautiful actress and my father a well renowned musician. We lived an amazing life and even after they divorced, my father was still in love with my mother. I started acting at a young age. As soon as I hit my teens, the movie roles started coming in fast and furious. I had my whole world in the palm of my hand until I met Sterling.

  “He was this strapping young man who was visiting Los Angeles one summer, working for his uncle who was the President of the bank that we used. He was older, out of college and well on his way to owning his own branch. His uncle convinced my mother that his nephew would make a great escort to a birthday party I had to attend. My mother thought it wouldn’t hurt to give the boys around town a little run for their money.

  “And boy did he ever. Sterling romanced me with the best of them. Operas, parties, trips on his uncle’s yacht. He was good looking and all my friends had eyes for him. Plus, he was rich. When the summer ended, we parted ways. But I was pregnant and my parents were livid.”

  I cover my mouth to hold in a gasp, but Bianca doesn’t stop talking.

  “I was barely sixteen and pregnant. In my era, you didn’t have unwed or single mothers. Pregnancies and children were hidden away. And in Hollywood they just didn’t happen. My father was so angry he withdrew all of our money from that bank and went to a competitor. Back then, it was a status thing for banks to hold celebrities money and my father did the worst thing he could to the bank.

  “Sterling, of course, wanted me to move with him to New York. He was starting a job there and would be able to provide for me and the baby. Still, being underage, my parents were adamant that I did not speak to him.

  “I was given two options: Have an abortion or go to a home for unwed mothers and give my child up for adoption. I wanted neither, but I also didn’t want to have a child or live in New York. I wanted to make movies and win Oscars. I wanted everything to just go away.