“Me too.”
“But hey, Noah still gets a sibling because Nick and Aubrey are having a baby.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal. I’m effectively the most defective mother on the planet. Can’t conceive and can’t adopt.
The doorbell rings and Noah is running through the house to answer it before Bianca and I can even move.
“Nick!”
“Noah!”
They exchange high-fives, and Noah offers me one as he flies by me, heading up the stairs. I’m getting the impression that Nick has asked Noah to spend the night, and while I should balk, right now he knows I’m not going to.
Their enthusiasm makes me want to hurl. I know he means well, but his happy attitude is not welcomed in my house right now. We make eye contact when he closes the door. His mega-watt smile drops when he sees Bianca. I know what he’s thinking, and he has every right to.
“Bianca, this is Nick. Nick, Bianca. I don’t think you guys have officially met.”
Bianca steps forward and holds out her hand. Nick does the same. The handshake is quick and very cordial.
“My grandson speaks very highly of you, and I must say that I’m very appreciative that you stepped up when my husband and I didn’t. Thank you.”
I think both my mouth and Nicks are matching as they hang open in shock.
“It was my pleasure. Noah’s a great kid.”
Noah the Great is bounding down the stairs, sounding like a herd of elephants. He kisses me on the cheek and plants one on Bianca too, much to her surprise.
“Where are you going?” I ask with a fake attitude.
“Nick asked me to spend the night. It’s cool, right?”
I nod. Even though I want to sleep with Noah in my arms tonight, he’d be better off with Nick and Aubrey.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Nick tells Noah, who dashes out the door without even a second glance.
“Aubrey and I would like to take him for a few days, give you a chance to go see Liam.”
I shake my head. “I won’t miss his game.”
“You won’t have to. There’s been some field damage, so the game is pushed back a week.”
“You should go, Josie,” Bianca pipes up. I scowl at her, letting her know it’s not okay to be on Team Nick right now.
“Aubrey will even fill in at the café.”
“I can’t. I already told Jenna she could have some time off.”
Nick comes over and stands in front of me. He cups my cheeks, just like he used to do when we dated. “Josie, it pains me to say this, but you need to go see Liam. You need to grieve with him and not bottle it up. I know you, and sadly he’s the same way. Talk to him.”
He kisses me on the forehead and tells Bianca it was nice to meet her. As soon as the door shuts, she’s sitting on the step below me. She’s been here for hours and she doesn’t have a hair out of place or one wrinkle in her clothes.
“When Sterling refused to let me leave, I stopped communicating. I wasn’t a good example for my son and know that he struggled with how to express himself. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Go to California and be with him.”
The thought of being in his arms as early as tomorrow is very appealing, but the thought of showing up with bad news isn’t. We just had a major fight, and as much as I want to be with him, seeing him there isn’t my idea of a good time. I’ll have to compete with everyone for his attention and that would be a first for me. I’m not sure I could handle it.
“I’ll think about it.”
Bianca stands and straightens out her skirt. “Thank you for tonight, Josie. It really means a lot to me, and I know I don’t deserve your hospitality.”
“Bianca?” I say her name, just as she reaches the door. “Does he hit you?”
“No,” she shakes her head, but her eyes are looking down at the ground.
“Did he use to?”
She takes her hand off the doorknob and clasps her hands in front her, much like she was earlier today. When she doesn’t answer, I prod again. “Did he ever hit Liam?” I want to say that Liam would’ve told me, but I can see him keeping this locked inside.
“No, Sterling is a lot of things, but physically abusive isn’t one of them. He’s mean, condescending and some will call him a bully.”
“Do you love him?”
She shakes her head no. “I haven’t since before Liam was born.”
“So, why stay? Why not reach out to your to mom and ask her for help? Don’t you think she would’ve helped you?” I stand and go to her. Her eyes glisten with fresh tears.
“My mother died when Liam was about three years old.”
I take a step back and shake my head.
“What?” she asks.
“Your mother died sometime after Liam moved to California. She’s the reason he went.”
Bianca covers her mouth and lets her tears fall. When I go to her, she puts her hand up, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I must go.”
Before I can ask her to stay, she’s out the door and down my driveway, ignoring my calls to her.
“Son of a bitch,” I say as I slam my door. I need a stiff drink... or ten. I also need to tell Liam how screwed up his father is - maybe he’ll know why Sterling would lie about Betty being dead.
I want to throw my phone across the room, but that would undoubtedly break it, resulting in me having to go out and buy a new one. I can’t even imagine what the headline would be “Liam Page Secures a Secret Phone For His Mistress” or something equally as asinine. Instead, I throw it onto my bed, cover it with a pillow and beat the ever-loving shit out of it.
One would think that I’d feel better, but I don’t. The agony in her voice is the only sound I can hear in the room. When Josie asked if I loved her – her being Layla - it tore my heart out. I should’ve never paused when she mentioned the pictures, but I couldn’t find the words to tell her that it’s all a lie. The only thing I could think of was “it’s not how it looks” and, in my eyes, that makes me look as guilty as fuck. Everything about that conversation went wrong. I knew something was up with all the missed calls and her disjointed voicemail. I should’ve answered the phone differently, but after the bullshit from the media junket, my mind was fried.
Losing my cool with my wife isn’t something I’m proud of. Fighting over the phone isn’t either, and it’s definitely not something I like to do. But finding out my wife believes those shitty ass magazines before even speaking to me is fucking painful. Time and time again, I’ve shown her where it says I was in one place, when in fact I was with either her or Noah. For her to assume that I’d kiss another woman tells me that something is wrong in our marriage, I just don’t know what. But we need to figure it out and fix it because I need her to support my career, just as I’ve supported hers. I can’t do this without her.
I told her before we hung up that I’d call her after Noah is asleep so she and I can have some adult time. I miss my wife and, frankly, my hand isn’t cutting it anymore. Cold showers and lotions are becoming my enemy. I need her to recharge me, to fuel me.
The whiskey taunts me, teasing me. There are too many habits here for me to fall back into and drinking heavily is one of them. The last time I intentionally set out to get drunk was the night before I left to go back to Beaumont. I was lonely and desperate, spending the majority of my nights in a stupor so I wouldn’t have to remember in the morning. That all changed when I hopped on my motorcycle and checked in at the seedy motel just outside of town.
I pour two fingers of whiskey into a tumbler and bring it to my lips. My hard liquor of choice swirls in the glass, waiting to be tasted. One sip won’t hurt. It’ll soothe my anger and pain. It’ll help me fall asleep, and maybe I’ll dream something happy about my life, instead of the recurring nightmare that I’ve been having.
It’s not a nightmare though, at least not when it starts out. I move the chair to face the window and sit down, setting my glass of whiskey on my knee. I close my eyes and it only takes a coupl
e of minutes before the scene replays all over again.
“I can’t be with you anymore, Josephine.”
The slap burns my skin as I hold my hand in place of where hers had just been. When I look at her, I see rage. Never in the years that I’ve known her, have I seen her like this. And I swear she’s just grown five inches and is towering over me.
“Get your spoiled ass in my room now, Liam Westbury, before I cause a scene.”
I do as she says, jumping when she slams the door behind me. Her room is decorated with pictures of her and me, Mason and Katelyn and the four of us together. It looks like Kodak took a crap in here, and it makes me jealous that I’m not a part of her life here.
Josie wraps her arms around me, kissing the spot she slapped. “I’m sorry, baby; it’s just that I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant
Pregnant
“Beaumont’s Golden Boy named manager at Stop ‘N Shop.”
I startle awake, spilling the whiskey down the side of my pants. I remember the night I went to her dorm to ends things, but the dream I keep having doesn’t end like that. She tells me she’s pregnant and my life fast forwards to working in a grocery store to support my family. I would’ve dropped out of college and married her on the spot. I would’ve never been able to provide for her the way she needed me to.
I meant to get her pregnant; although she doesn’t know it and I don’t think I can ever tell her. It was my intention, the night I left campus and drove all night to get to her, yet I didn’t know it was until I felt myself on edge and I made the decision not to pullout. I wanted her pregnant. I needed the excuse to move back to Beaumont and be with my friends.
One weak moment is all it takes and the rest of the whiskey is down my throat. There wasn’t much left, at least that’s what I’m telling myself as I finish off the glass. The burn feels good and instantly starts to numb my self-inflicted pain. My pity party has a reservation for one, and I’ve already arrived.
Pouring another two fingers, I don’t waste any time letting the potent liquor coat the back of my throat. I’ve missed this flavor and I can tell it’s missed me. I pour another, and another, until the bottle provided by the hotel is barely inches from the bottom. The more I drink, the louder her voice is.
“Do you love her?”
“Do you love her?”
“Do you love her?”
“NO!” I roar as I throw the glass against the wall. The bottle of whiskey follows it quickly, shattering into tiny shards of glass as the rest of the booze makes its mark on the otherwise dull wall. I bend over at my waist and start to heave, barely making it to garbage can. It’s been so long since I’ve puked up liquor and it’s a good reminder as to why I shouldn’t drink excessively.
After a long, hot shower, I’m in bed with my laptop, waiting for Josie to connect so we can chat. When she finally does, I’m graced with my beautiful wife, her hair loose on her shoulders and wearing one of my t-shirts.
“Hey, I’ve been looking for that,” I tell her before she can say hi. I know she kept the shirt, but teasing her about it is fun and I like to see her smile.
She grins, pulling the collar up to her nose. “It doesn’t smell like you anymore.”
I adjust myself to a more comfortable position in bed, putting my arms behind my head. My chest is on full display for her, so I’m hoping she can see her name.
“Do you see my tattoo?”
“Yes.”
“What’s it say?” I ask her.
“Jojo.”
“And who is Jojo?”
“Me,” she says.
“Hmm… does Jojo love me?”
She nods. “More than words.”
“I love you, Jojo. I know I’m not home to show you, but I need you to trust me and believe me when I tell you there isn’t another woman in this world that can compete with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Fuck, baby,” I say as I sit up. “What can I do to prove it? I told everyone at the press junket that I love you and they’ll still twist my words. They need the drama to sell their story. We don’t need that shit in our lives; we have too much going for us.”
“I just worry that I’m not enough. I’m not into that scene and sometimes I feel like you need someone who is.”
“You are more than enough, Jojo. I don’t know what I can do to show you that. You’re the one I want, day in and day out, for the rest of my life. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else.”
“Please stop.” She’s laughing so hard, she’s disappeared from the screen. I know it’s cheesy to recite lyrics, especially ones that I haven’t written, but getting her to laugh was my goal.
“Liam,” she says in a sweet, quiet voice after she’s calmed down. “When you came back I never thought we’d be where we are right now. Please have patience with me. I’m scared and feel like I don’t belong in your world right now.”
“I don’t need anyone but you. But if you want to put on a short mini-skirt and some fuck me heels, I’ll happily prove that fact to you by bending you over the couch and making you scream my name.”
“Oh God.”
“Yeah, you can say his, too.” I pause and study the woman that I love, the person I would quit this life for if she asked me to. “Baby, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Show me your boobies. I really miss seeing them.”
Josie rolls her eyes, but takes my shirt off anyway. My eyes bug out slightly because they look larger than the last time I saw them.
“Jojo, did you get a boob job while I’ve been gone?”
“What? No,” she scoffs at me, rolling her eyes. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I know your boobs very well and unless we’re in super high-def, they look bigger.”
“Be nice, Liam or I’m shutting you off.”
I fall back and place my hand over my heart, causing her to laugh. I take advantage of her high spirits and ask her to touch her boobs. She rolls her eyes, but does it anyway. And when I ask her to get kinky with me, she happily puts herself on display for me, reminding me of everything that I’m missing.
When I get to Metro the next day, Harrison is on stage, playing for Layla and her former guitar player. This moment brings back memories, both good and bad, of the first time I ever stepped foot into this place. Once again, Layla owns the stage. It’s like she’s hasn’t even taken a break from performing by the way she’s moving to her music.
JD joins me as I lean against the bar. Before yesterday, I hadn’t shared much about my past with him and figured that after the spectacle I made at the interviews, he’d be full of questions. He hasn’t said or asked anything, and right now I’m very grateful.
“She’s good, Mate.”
“She can definitely perform,” I say, nodding in agreement.
“Everything alright, Liam?” JD asks as he studies me carefully.
JD and I are close, but not as close as Harrison and I. I look at JD now and see how much he has grown up over the past couple of years. I guess getting married, getting shot and having a kid - all within the matter of months - will do that to a person.
“I’m okay, JD.” I tell him, sincerely.
He nods, and bounces on his feet for a few minutes. “I know about Layla.”
“Not much to know,” I say, wishing I could change the subject. “I was young, heartbroken and high. I think you’ve been there a few times?”
“Yeah, no kidding. I just hope I don’t bump into any of them when the missus is around, if you catch my drift.”
“That, I do.”
I don’t know what the hell I’d do if Josie and Layla crossed paths, or if Josie were to ever find out any of the details of the hook-up. It’s a fight that we don’t need to have, ever.
As soon as the set is done, Layla jumps off stage and walks over to me. I hand her one of the bottles of water sitting on the bar, even going as far as to be a gentleman and open it for her.
&nbs
p; “Thanks,” she says, out of breath. “Shit, performing takes a lot of out of you. I think I need a year to get ready.”
I look at my watch and laugh. “I think you have about twenty-eight hours before the first show starts.”
“Right,” she says before finishing the water. “So listen, Trixie was hinting about wanting to add some more sets, so I bit the bullet and offered to do some duets with you.”
If I had anything in my mouth, I’d be choking right now. I look at JD, who doesn’t look happy, and then back to Layla.
“What?”
She shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. I mean it’s only my marriage on the line here, not hers.
“Trixie wanted to keep you on stage longer; she says you’re the bigger draw, so I said we’d do some duets. You know, spice it up a little.”
“Shit,” JD says, taking the words right out of my mouth. I’m guessing Jenna has told him about Josie’s freak-out and he knows what’s coming next.
“I don’t know if I can do that, Layla.”
She steps closer and places her hand on my chest. “I remember you and me moving very well against each other back in the day. All you have to do is remember that night.” She turns and walks away, but doesn’t get far. “Oh, and Trixie wants your shirt off when you’re on stage.”
I pick up a stool and cock it back, preparing to throw it but Harrison steps in my path, while JD takes it from my hands.
“Tell her no,” Harrison says.
“I tried.”
He shakes his head. “What is it with you and these chicks? How come they never listen to you?”
“Because they all want is his dick,” JD throws it out there as if it’s a common occurrence – me being propositioned.
“JD, seriously? Sex sells, you know that. Trixie is playing off them damn photos.” I throw my hands up in frustration. I don’t mind doing duets, but not with Layla and not after the fight with Josie.
“Do you think its Trixie or Moreno making the call?” Harrison asks.
JD and I say “Moreno” at the same time and Harrison agrees with us.
“So, are you gonna take your shirt off then?” JD asks, and I shake my head.
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