by Dakota Lee
Enough people will understand what that means and put the word out that Jordanna is off limits. Next, I send a text to my friends to meet me at the cafe. I know Bella’s gonna have some shit to say about my post.
They’re already in the booth when I show up, because I took my sweet ass time getting here. I grab my coffee and a donut before sitting, and when I slide into my seat they’ve gotten some of their usual bickering out of the way, so we can get right down to business. “Thanks for showing up on such short notice.”
Bella’s on the attack. “I’m assuming this emergency board meeting has something to do with that vague ass message you posted on your feed.”
“It’s not vague.” Hal says, ever the one to point out the obvious. “He’s letting us guys, and I guess certain girls, know Jordanna’s off limits.”
“I know what the hell it means.” She snaps before turning back to address me. “What I don’t understand is why you posted it. Who that bitch messes with is no longer you concern.”
This is the question I expected from her. That’s why I was late. I was in my room, coming up with a handful of responses I could give to certain questions they might ask.
“Who everyone on campus messes with is my concern, and I can’t have anyone consorting with Jordanna. She’s still a problem, right?” Their silence lets me know they agree. “So it’s settled, we make sure there’s nowhere she feels welcome, or wanted. Otherwise, what was last semester all about?”
“I second that,” Tabitha chimes in.
Frankie’s body shakes with the intensity of his nod. “Logan’s right. Why did he work so hard last semester to take her down, if we’re just gonna let her be happy now? Seems like a waste of effort and a perfectly good bet.”
Hal gets on board because his best buddy and rival Frankie is. Bella, as always, needs to exact a pound of flesh before she’s satisfied. As much as I used to want to fuck her when we were freshman, I’m glad I never did. She’s got to be a miserable lay.
“Fine. But this time when we take little miss perfect down, she stays down.” Once again, I’m struck with just how much hate she has for someone she’s just met.
I choose my words carefully. “Why does she threaten you so much?”
She realizes we’re watching her and dons her mask of indifference, decorated with a splash of cold-hearted bitch. “She threatened all of us when she ratted out her step-dad.”
“So it’s about money. There’s nothing more to it than that?”
I know some families in Kingsley Hollow were affected. We were fine, but that’s because my dad’s financial advisors tell him the worst thing he can do is get in on the investments his friends recommend. They say it’s almost always a huge hedge fund that might fall under the SEC’s radar. Big risk, big reward, applies to everything except our money. For dad, financial risks need to be smart and sustainable. Hence buying shares in companies with a long lifespan, as opposed to the hottest stock trends.
“Bella, I thought your family didn’t get caught up in the fallout.” Tabitha says without looking up from her phone.
“We didn’t.” Bella answers cooly. “But I can still sympathize and want payback for my friends who did.”
That’s a lie. She doesn’t have an altruistic bone in her body. Hal’s phone ringing pulls my attention away from questioning her further.
Five
Jordanna
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t America’s Next Top Porn Star.” Someone shouts when I walk past the lounge in my dorm.
I was enjoying the reprieve from the stupid comments and was getting used to being invisible. Yesterday, the taunts started again, with a new spin. Apparently the only reason I’m back in school is because I fucked Dean Allen and threatened to blackmail him, if he didn’t renew my scholarship.
How the students decided I took the leap from being the last remaining virgin to a fatal attraction is one I’ll never understand. Not only that, but the few people who were willing to talk to me last week, have disappeared. Well, they’re still in class, but the words have dried up. I give you one guess why.
Yup. Him. Last semester I was getting all sorts of attention. This semester his plan is to place me in isolation. I’m fine with that, as long as it’s on my own terms. I step through the doors into the chilly air and slip into the cab, ignoring the taunts and sneers.
* * *
“Tell me about your week.” Pepper says, stirring a sugar cube into her coffee.
I’ve been coming to see her every week since that first visit. Sometimes she asks questions about my family, sometimes she tells me stories about her own. I’m not entirely sure why she’s taken such an interest in me, and whenever I ask, she says I intrigue her and that I remind her a lot of someone she used to know.
“Let’s see. I aced my math quiz and managed not to make a fool of myself during my five-minute monologue in speech class.”
“Academic achievements are great. But I want to know how things are going socially.”
“They’re not. The name calling has started again and that damn app is full of rumors and photoshopped pictures of me. If this thing catches on like they’re saying, no one will ever want to interview me for a job.”
“I wasn’t aware you were looking for work. Isn’t the stipend enough?”
“It’s very generous, yes, but I should be starting an internship. I should’ve had one over the break, but after what happened… I need the hours.”
She sips her coffee, studying me over the brim of the cup. “Don’t worry about that.”
“About getting a job? I have to, it’s sort of the goal.”
“The goal is to get the job. The worrying is a choice. You’ll have plenty of opportunities when you graduate. Trust me.”
“Just based on my grades? I doubt it. I need the recommendations from the staff, and the experience.”
“You think those brats you go to school with all have experience? They don’t. What they do have is the ability to make people think they know what they’re doing. They command authority and draw people in, and walk and talk with an air of importance like they belong in whatever space they occupy. That and their daddy’s names are what get them hired.”
“My dad’s name won’t mean shit to anyone but me and Summer, and if you’re talking about Penn Waldorf, I’m hoping to bury any association we ever had with him.”
A shadow passes across her face. “Everything okay, Mrs. Dane?”
“Yes. Fine. I was just remembering there’re some things I need pulled from storage.”
The conversation changes to my journal and what new things I’ve observed this week. When we’ve finished our breakfast, the chess board comes out. We play two games, which I lose. At the end of our visit, I promise to come by again next week.
My phone chimes non-stop with new alerts about the big back to campus bash. I haven’t received an official tag to attend, not that I’m expecting to, but I’m surprised Kassidy hasn’t mentioned it.
I’m standing against the wall scrolling through my phone, looking for a picture I took last week that I want to send to Tiff, Marina and Robbie. It’s almost a postcard worthy snap of the sun reflecting off the trees, as a perfectly arcing rainbow hangs overhead after a storm. The colors were so crisp and bright; I imagined I could ride it from here to a pot of gold, and use that money to pay for the students at this school to get a personality that’s not shaped around doing everything the beautiful people say.
Logan screwing me over may have been the only thing that kept me from succumbing to the hive mind. I guess for that; I owe him a thanks. Not that I’m giving it to him. He can kiss my entire ass before I do that.
A wayward image of him kissing me and darting his tongue between my ass cheeks runs streaking like a football fan through my mind. I close my eyes, fighting the shiver of desire tap dancing across my spine. When I open them again, Logan’s standing a few feet away, looking at me. Those incredible moss colored eyes slide over me, and I feel like he’s touching me.
Undressing me.
I hold his gaze, letting him know I’ve survived his betrayal. His latest fling shows up, pulling on his arm and I continue to watch, knowing he’ll be walking away any second now. Except, he doesn’t. He walks towards me. My mind tells me to run. To not let him get anywhere near me, but my feet stay rooted in place. Our gazes lock together and an unseen thread stretches across the distance, pulling us towards each other, like a magnet.
The door to the classroom opens and students step into the hall between us, breaking the spell. I take advantage of the melee and slip into the room. I’m already in my seat by the time he gets through the door with Amber glued to his side.
My body’s buzzing and my neck feels hot. I hate him, so why is he affecting me like this? When I look up I see he’s glaring at me, and it’s like being doused with ice water. There. Problem fixed.
Doors slam, and the boisterous voices of yelling undergrads fill the halls. It’s Saturday night at the dorms, but things will quiet down once everyone leaves for the party. I’ve talked myself in and out of this decision all week. That staring contest in the hallway with Logan unnerved me. But I can’t let him have that kind of power over me. All effective researchers observe their subjects in their natural habitats. The BP’s habitats are parties and country clubs. I have access to the former, and I’m working on a way to get an invite to the latter.
“Tell me you’re not reading.” I say, pulling the book from Kassidy’s hands.
“Okay, I’m not reading. I’m knitting a sweater.”
“Well, put that on hold too, because we’re going out.”
“Oh yeah, where to at this time of night? The library and cafe are closed.”
“The party.”
My announcement catches her off guard. She’s looking at me like I’ve just consumed a whole pan of weed brownies and I’m hallucinating ghost face coming after me. “You want to go to the welcome back party?”
“I heard some students talking about it, and it sounds like it could be fun.”
“Yeah, only it’s hosted by the very people you made me promise to keep you away from this semester. As your friend and roommate, I’m honoring my oath.”
She’s right. Over the break I made her promise, pinky promise and double swear to keep me away from these types of parties. Now I need her to undo that and be my backup.
“You’re wonderful for that. But, this time it’s my suggestion, so whatever happens is all on me.”
She squints, giving me a serious once over. Kassidy hasn’t been out since the semester started; choosing to sit home with me in solidarity, but I know it’s gotta be killing her.
The welcome back party is supposed to be a small get together. Small meaning they’ve only sent invites to a couple hundred of the hottest students and let word of mouth spread to everyone else. At some point they won’t let anyone else in.
“Jordy, this is invite only and we both know you’re not on the list.” She shakes her head. “Who did you say told you about it?”
“Chaz from my game theory class.” That’s true, but I leave out the part about receiving an anonymous tag to attend on my Prospectus profile on Wednesday. If I tell her, she’ll think it’s a setup and definitely refuse to go. I’m not saying it’s not a setup. Knowing these people, it probably is. Even without the invite, I was planning to show up at the party, but there’s strength in numbers and all that. If I’m going to learn anything about my enemies, I have to stop hiding from them.
“Are you sure? I don’t know what kind of new games they’ve come up with for this semester, but I do know they won’t be good. And if they zero in on you… well, they have a lot of shit to choose from.” She says, reminding me that the bullying can get worse. So much worse.
I hate that they have this power over my life. I need to take it back. “I’m sure. Now will you please get dressed.”
* * *
An hour later we arrive at the location the pin drop navigated us to. It’s always a bit of a scavenger hunt trying to find these parties when they’re off campus. Sometimes I think they keep us guessing because the organizer doesn’t have a set venue until the last minute. Or maybe they’re overly cautious, and afraid someone will notify the police or parents ahead of time and spoil the fun. Ethical and morality infractions are plentiful with all the underage drinking, and pill popping going on.
I wonder how their parents deal with knowing their kids need to go to rehab right after graduation. Or do they let the problem linger until it causes a scandal? I roll my eyes at myself. What scandal? I was involved in one and nothing happened. To them. Me, I’m likely blacklisted from every gallery in NY, but hey, at least I get to continue my education for free.
Kassidy clings to my side, still uncomfortable with my decision to show up here tonight, and truthfully I’m grateful for her support and protection. My heart is doing a mambo in my chest and my palms are sweaty. Despite the bravado I spoke with, I have a lot of reservations about coming here, too.
Kass leaves me by the fireplace and goes off to grab us drinks. Not that I plan to drink anything, but I need to put something in my hands so I don’t wring them back and forth or gnaw on my nails. I’m in a room full of people, and just like on campus, I’m utterly alone and completely ignored. I’m about to admit this was a bad idea when a guy approaches me, a tentative smile on his face.
“Dixon, right?”
“That’s right. We have Interpersonal Communications together and we had English Lit, last semester.”
“I remember. How’s it going?” I point to the crowd. “Or more importantly, are you having a good time?”
“I was actually about to split. This isn’t really my scene, but…”
“You figured everyone else would be here, so what do you have to lose?”
“Exactly. I promised my folks I’d make more of an effort to fit in socially with the offspring of my dad’s golf buddies.”
“So why are you standing against the wall?”
“Being here, is maximum effort.”
I chuckle, because I can relate to how he feels. “I was thinking about leaving too, but maybe we could stay and hang out together?”
He smiles, and this time his whole face gets involved, including his pale blue, sparkly eyes. Dixon’s cute. Like super cute. And he’s talking to me. I dial back on some of my enthusiasm. Why is he talking to me?
“Uh, oh. Jordanna, where’d you go?”
“Sorry, I… um. What made you decide to come over here and talk to me?”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, I thought Logan gave the order for everyone to ignore me.”
“He probably did, but I’m not listening to it. I think the decision about who we want to spend time with should be our own. Besides, I’m not on the inside like other people, and I have a hard enough time making friends. Why intentionally rule out people who might be interested in spending time with me?”
I relax, feeling better about him approaching me. “Fair point.”
“Now, my turn. Why are you talking to me?”
“Because Kassidy, and maybe Noel Hansen, are the only people on campus who still want to interact with me. It’s like you said, why alienate people if I don’t have to.”
We walk the floors, peeking in on the action and talking about social dynamics, friendships, and movies. At some point we wind up sitting in a corner away from everyone else. It’s after one in the morning, when Kassidy finds me and tells me it’s time to call it a night. I wave a hurried goodbye to Dixon as she practically drags me from the party.
Six
Logan
She showed up at the party, acting like I don’t exist. Who the hell even sent her an invite and why would she accept it? Back to school parties are for reengaging with people from the previous semester, or finding someone new to hook up with in the current semester. She damn sure wasn’t engaging with me, holed up in a corner with Dixon Manetti. Fucking flaunting that shit in my face. I couldn’t confront
her at the party because I was too busy putting out another fire.
Today, she’s ditched Kassidy to sit next to Dixon, the kid who had glasses big enough to cover his whole face when we were taking fencing lessons. They look pretty chummy too. I hope she doesn’t think a friendship with someone tame will save her, because it won’t.
I sit in my usual spot watching Jordanna and Dixon lean close as they whisper about whatever nerd shit he thinks is clever. Class drags on and I leave a few minutes early to slip around to the other side of the hallway.
She’s so caught up in her conversation, she doesn’t notice me standing in front of her when she exits the room. As soon as she does, she reverses direction. That pisses me off too. Usually, I let her run away, because it’s better for both of us, but that shit she pulled at the party has pushed me to my limit. I grab her arm, pushing her back inside the classroom.
She struggles, trying to pull her arm from my grip. That only makes me lock on tighter. I hate that she doesn’t want me touching her, but not as much as I hate what I’m about to do. As soon as we’re inside the room, I let her go, only to have her try to run out the door. I shove her against the wall with enough force to make her teeth rattle.
I’ll deal with Dixon’s disrespect later, but right now, the person in front of me will feel all my wrath.
“You must want me to knee you in the balls again.”
“Try it, and I guarantee you won’t like what I do to you in return.”
Her hair’s piled high on the top of her head in a bun, tendrils swirling along the tops of her ears. It’s how she wears it when she’s painting, but the strands are missing their usual paint specs. She doesn’t smell like a paint can either. The scent of her shampoo and moisturizer clings to her hair and skin as if she showered right before coming here. Did she do it to impress him? Just thinking about it pisses me off, and because I’m no longer pretending to be a good guy to win her over, she’s about to find out just how dangerous pissing me off can be.